Bad Yeti

by Carrie Harris

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Text copyright © 2012 by Carrie Harris

  Cover design by Heather Daugherty.

  Photographs copyright © 2012 by Shutterstock

  All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Delacorte Press, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

  Delacorte Press is a registered trademark and the colophon is a trademark of Random House, Inc.

  randomhouse.com/teens

  eISBN: 978-0-449-81772-8

  Design by Heather Daugherty

  A Delacorte Press eBook Edition

  v3.1_r1

  Also by Carrie Harris

  Bad Taste in Boys

  Bad Hair Day

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Other Books by This Author

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  About the Author

  CHAPTER 1

  If I’d known that girls go crazy over zombie slayers, I would have gone medieval on some undead a long time ago.

  Sure, I’m the smallest guy in the freshman class, smaller even than Kai Tipton, and his mom is a bona fide little person. And maybe I’m addicted to computer games, like Dragons of Roargan Kross, and yes, the jocks sometimes duct-tape me to toilets for fun. But once I’d kicked some zombie butt?

  The ladies loved me.

  Of course, going to homecoming with the Kiki Carlyle, our homecoming queen, hadn’t hurt either. And Kiki was definitely on my mind this morning. I slapped some gel on my hands and ran them through my do. I looked a whole inch taller. Now I’d come all the way up to Kiki’s shoulder.

  “You’re going to miss the bus, dorkwad.” Kate—my sister—stuck her head into the bathroom, ruining the nice Kiki-related daydreams I’d been entertaining, and ruffled my hair. I shrank about a quarter inch.

  “Die, lich spawn!” I yelled, throwing the bottle of gel in her general direction.

  She took off, and I tore down the stairs in hot pursuit. I would have caught her too, if I hadn’t turned the corner and nearly bulldozed Kiki herself. If Kate had wanted to motivate me, she should have known that the presence of a goddess in the house would have worked. I skidded to a stop and almost swallowed my tongue as I took in the view.

  The girl of my dreams stood in our entryway. Her blond hair was pulled into a ponytail, exposing a slender neck. That neck killed me. I’d spent a whole night staring at it while we danced at homecoming. But her looks weren’t the best thing about her. What got me the most was that she smiled every time she saw me. Always had.

  This time, she laughed outright. I grinned back. Kate kept on going toward the kitchen, cackling madly like she’d won something. Maybe she’d won the battle, but no way would she take the war.

  I knew a lot about battle tactics from playing Roargan Kross.

  “Kiki!” I grinned up at her. “What’s the girl of my dreams doing in my house this fine morning?”

  She blushed a little. “I thought you and Kate might like a ride. It’s better than the bus, right?”

  “Thanks!” My voice squeaked, but I pretended not to notice, and so did she. “I’ll be sixteen next month, so maybe then I’ll drive you around.”

  She might have been out of my league, but she didn’t scoff. She totally liked me; I could sense it.

  “Maybe.” She jingled her keys, smiling. “So listen. I wanted to ask you something.”

  “Anything.” I meant it too. At that moment, or any moment, really, I would have died for her.

  “My cousin is going to be stuck here while her parents are in Fresno. I’d hang with her, but I’m going to be at the cheer tournament all weekend, and she’s not really into that stuff. But she’s really into Roargan Kross. Do you think she could come to your LARP?”

  I swear the woman couldn’t have been more perfect. Most of the popular crowd wouldn’t have bothered to learn about live action role-playing, let alone use the acronym in conversation. But Kiki had actually gone to a LARP just to see what it was like. A bunch of geeks pretending to be warriors and wizards didn’t bother her at all. Like I said, perfect.

  Gaming was one of my favorite activities, and the upcoming weekend of epic epicness would be the best LARP in the history of the universe. Dragons of Roargan Kross had started out as an MMO—it was only the most popular multiplayer video game on the market—and when they’d developed a live action system, I’d practically fainted from excitement. There’s nothing cooler than dressing up like your favorite character and acting out the fight scenes just like you would online.

  And now the LARP club was sponsoring a weekend event at the Boy Scout camp outside of town. A whole weekend of waving swords around and flirting with girls in elf ears. The only way it could be better was if Kiki was wearing the elf ears, but I’d take what I could get. She’d eventually realize we were meant to be. I just knew it.

  “Of course your cousin can come!” I said. “Girls attend free because we’re all horndogs.” She laughed, and I did too, even though it wasn’t exactly a joke. “But she’ll either have to drive or deal with the humiliation of being dropped off by my dad.”

  “Oh, I don’t want to inconvenience you. I can drop her off on my way to the cheer tournament. I signed up for the LARP club mailing list, so I’ve got the address.”

  I couldn’t help it. I dropped to one knee and clapped a fist to my chest. “Marry me.”

  She giggled, then extended a hand and pulled me to my feet. “I’m too young to get married. Ask me again in about ten years.”

  “I’ll set up an email reminder.”

  Kiki threw her head back and laughed, full out this time. I wanted to kiss her so bad right then, but I restrained myself. Good thing too, because suddenly Kate came hustling down the hallway toward us. Her braid whacked me in the face as she shrugged on her coat.

  “You guys ready to go?” she asked. “I don’t want to be late.”

  I didn’t answer, just shouldered my backpack and opened the door for Kiki.

  “My hero,” she said, and my knees went weak.

  #

  The next few days dragged, but finally I found myself dressed in full Dragons of Roargan Kross gear—dark orange tunic with the Nightdark Clan crest on the sleeves, green hosen, pointed ears spirit-gummed to the sides of my head, and a leather bandolier wrapped around my torso—walking down the path that led to Kiawaukee Boy Scout camp.

  The camp wasn’t particularly huge. There was a main lodge with a cafeteria, ten or so cabins, a couple of bathhouses with running water, a campsite, and a pond. About a bajillion acres of local wildlife preserve dwarfed the camp. A few paths snaked through the preserve, but at least once a year, some idiot left the designated path and got lost. The camp would have been the perfect place for a real-life adventure if only I’d known how to do half the things my character did.

  I dropped my gear off on an empty bunk at the White Arrow cabin and headed toward the clearing where we’d be playing. The sun was shining, and I didn’t even need a jacket over my tunic. We’d had a warm spell over the past couple of days, which was lucky timing on our part. At last year’s LARP, we’d had to wear winter coats.

  When I reached the path to Nightdark Camp, the sentry intercepted me before I’d taken more than two steps. I didn’t panic when a shadowy figure swung out of a tree on
a rope we’d strung up out of sight, a sword held at the ready. And when I say “sword,” I mean PVC pipe wrapped in foam and secured with duct tape. But it was so much more than that.

  The sentry on duty was a goblin fighter-thief named Goldnar. He wasn’t very smart IRL, and putting on a costume didn’t help.

  “Password,” he barked, his beaked latex nose quivering. He didn’t even seem to have noticed that he was accosting the lord of Nightdark Clan, but that didn’t surprise me. You’d think I would have chosen a more capable sentry, but I’d picked him on purpose. Our enemies would be so busy scoffing at him that they wouldn’t notice the archers I’d stationed in the trees.

  “Death to noobs,” I whispered, using the elaborate hand signals that would identify me as a member of Nightdark Clan. You know, just in case our mortal enemies, the Clan of Apples, had learned how to clone people in the last couple of weeks.

  “Oh.” Goldnar looked at me finally and dropped into a hasty bow. “I didn’t recognize you, sir. Right this way.” He bowed again and gestured for me to follow him down the path into the camp. I stayed close on his heels, scanning the trees for my sniper nests. I couldn’t see them, but I knew they were there, and I felt a surge of pride. If the Apples came looking for trouble, they’d get some.

  When we stepped out into the clearing, I couldn’t keep from bouncing. It was so cool to see the camp laid out. The canvas lean-to representing the armory stood in the middle. A big open flap in the roof served as a watchtower. Flags on either side of the doorway flapped in the steady breeze, and the black crow painted on them seemed to take flight. A row of tents along one edge of the camp represented our “homes,” although we weren’t allowed to sleep there because the chaperones were worried about “inappropriate intergender events.” (Rightfully so, because I hadn’t been kidding about the horndog thing.) The clanmeet, where we’d all gather to socialize and plan our assault on the enemy, was designated by a cluster of picnic tables marked off with stakes and string to represent the walls. A ring of stones delineated the central fire pit, where a nice-sized blaze crackled and spit ash into the air.

  It was the exact layout of our online domain. I dreamt about this place sometimes. Heck, I spent so much time there, waking and sleeping, that I could have closed my eyes and automatically walked to any location in the camp without even peeking.

  The clearing backed up against a small rock face, where my clanlord’s tent was located. It was just a big green tarp held up by a few poles, and it slanted slightly to one side no matter how many times I’d tried to fix it, but it was all mine. The rest of the gamers had to share tents, some of which were bought at the local sporting goods store. At least mine was semiauthentic.

  I was one of the first of our clan to arrive. An adult supervisor was organizing the food and spared me a nod between counting packets of ramen. Calamity and Europa smiled and waved at me from over near the cook tent. Calamity was a barbarian, and she looked really good in fur and braids. She could role-play a frenzy better than anybody I’d ever met; her eyes actually rolled back into her head. And Europa was the best healer in the whole region, not to mention a good hand with a staff. Her robes made me want to snuggle up against them and purr, but I’d noticed that girls tended to take that kind of thing and blow it all out of proportion even if you just meant to be friendly.

  “Ladies,” I said. I threw myself into a sweeping bow, and the girls giggled. At school, I was just another freshman geek, easy fodder for slamming into lockers or tripping in the cafeteria. But here I morphed into something bigger than Jonah Grable. Here, I was Sir Talatien Maguirier, Nightdark Clanlord. And I was a hero.

  Europa blew me a kiss, and I wanted to go over and see if I could charm her and Calamity into a game of chance, with real kisses for prizes, but there would be plenty of time for that later. Part of the reason Sir Talatien was so successful, both on the battlefield and with the ladies, was because he never did anything halfway and never, ever shirked his duties. He was a man of honor, and I had to uphold that.

  So I reluctantly but firmly turned my back on the girls and surveyed the camp. This weekend’s game would be a struggle for power between our clan and the Clan of Apples. The Apples were more than a little weird. At the last LARP, they’d captured Goldnar and made him lick a frog. They’d actually brought one expressly for that purpose.

  My job as the Nightdark Clan leader would be to anticipate their attacks and coordinate some of our own. We’d win bragging rights for the rest of the year with the prank I had planned. The Apples would never live it down.

  I strolled toward my tent to check on the supplies and plans stored in my chest, double encoded in case they fell into enemy hands. But just as I reached to flip open the tent flap, Goldnar’s nasal voice pierced the air again.

  “I present Lady Amethyst, emissary of the Court of Lost Sighs!” he said. “I don’t know her, but she’s hot.”

  I didn’t recognize the name, so I figured it must be Kiki’s cousin. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Kiki had emailed me a few details—her cousin was sixteen, lived in Cleveland, and was apparently a total Roargan Kross addict. I couldn’t make it add up. On one hand, she shared some of Kiki’s DNA. On the other, she was a gamer geek. Kate and I had speculated at length over which one would turn out to be the dominant characteristic. Kate said geek; I said goddess.

  We’d both been wrong, because this girl was the best of both worlds. She had red hair, violet eyes, and a pair of honest-to-god wings emerging from the back of her cloak. The feathers were dark purple, and I really wanted to pet them. Or her. I would have been happy with either.

  Before I could make my mouth work again, she scowled at Goldnar. “I am Lady Amethyst, emissary of the Court of Lost Sighs, and I demand an apology for thy insult!” Her violet eyes flashed, and her wings rustled. I caught glimpses of a killer figure under the loose contours of her cloak and I almost forgot to breathe. That happens to me a lot.

  “Oh,” said Goldnar. He was so stunned that he didn’t even move as she took his sword and shoved it in his face.

  “You should apologize,” she demanded. I wasn’t sure whether her accent was real or not. It sounded vaguely Scottish. And it was really sexy.

  Goldnar blinked slowly, his eyes flicking up and down as he finally registered what he was seeing—one pissed-off girl with wings. And then he did the only thing that could save him: He dropped to one knee in the hard-packed dirt at her feet and said, “Forgive me, milady. I feared your loveliness was just a nefarious disguise concocted by the evil Clan of Apples.”

  She looked down at him sternly, then patted his head, the way you would a favorite dog. “I’ll let it pass this time. Now, where is your clanlord? I desire words with him.”

  “Here, milady,” I said, raising a hand in greeting as I approached. On the inside, I was still drooling, but that wasn’t Tal’s style. Technically, we weren’t getting into character until noon, but it wouldn’t hurt to make a good first impression. “You are dismissed, Goldnar.”

  Goldnar backed away reluctantly as I kissed Lady Amethyst’s hand. “Nightdark Clan is honored by your presence and sends its regards to the regent of Lost Sighs.” Of course I had no idea who that was, because Roargan Kross had literally hundreds of kingdoms, but it seemed like the polite thing to say. It worked too, because her lips twitched into a smile and she sidled up next to me.

  “Anywhere we can talk OOC?” she murmured.

  “Of course!” I said a little louder than I’d intended, but the fact that this girl wanted to see me out of character was more than my system could handle. She might not actually want to talk, and I’d have to turn her down because I didn’t believe in casual sex, no matter how much I might want to. Besides, it wouldn’t do to toy with Kiki’s cousin. Not at all.

  It wasn’t likely, but she might make a pass at me. LARP hookups happened all the time. Calamity had come on to me at the last LARP, and things were still a little awkward between us. Especially after my incident
with Europa and that game of Spin the Drinking Horn. No matter how hard I tried, it seemed like I was always leading them on. I honestly didn’t mean to. It just kind of happened.

  “Right this way,” I added in a more normal tone of voice, gesturing toward my tent. “We can speak freely inside.”

  “Thank you,” she said, keeping pace with me across the grounds. The tip of her wing brushed my shoulders, and it smelled of spice and citrus. I would have paid good money to rub my face in it.

  “Those wings must have cost a fortune,” I blurted out. “Can I touch them?”

  “Actually, I made them myself,” she said. “I play a half-wyvern necromancer, and it took me a long time to duplicate my avatar just right.”

  “Necromancers are so cool. I turned into a zombie about a month ago, you know.” She blinked at me, and I added, “It’s okay. My sister cured me.”

  “Well, if I need any zombie tips, I know who to talk to.”

  I stepped up to the tent and rolled open the flap for her. When you look like a twelve-year-old, you need every bit of chivalry you can scrape up.

  “This way, milady.”

  She took a step into the tent. Then another. Just as I was following her inside, I heard a faint howling noise coming from high overhead. I looked up toward the top of the rock face that bordered the back of the camp. It was only about three or four stories tall, but lances of sunlight had broken through the trees and made it tough to see anything without shades. I had some in my pack, but no way was I putting them on. I wasn’t some anachronistic noob.

  A white blur streaked the air, falling at high velocity toward my command center.

  “Amethyst!” I yelled, running into the tent. She turned an inquisitive gaze in my direction, but there wasn’t time to explain. I wrapped an arm around her waist, pulled her up against me, and threw us both outside.

  That’s when a monster fell out of the sky.

  CHAPTER 2

  In the moment of silence following the collision, I froze. Sitting in the middle of my collapsed tent, surrounded by my shattered belongings, was an honest-to-god yeti. It had to be almost seven feet tall, with hands the size of dinner plates. Matted white fur covered its body and almost completely obscured its eyes, but they fixed on me anyway. They looked like black marbles behind the shaggy gray of the yeti’s bangs.