A Flicker of Light

by Kagan, Roberta

  “Are you a doctor?”

  “No, before all of this, I shod horses. I’m a blacksmith. Now, I am a doctor, a nurse, a fighter, and whatever else I need to be.” He laughed and ruffled Aaron’s hair. “You will be fine. And by the way, before your arrest what did you do? Perhaps we can use you here.”

  “Me? I was studying to be a doctor.”

  Chapter 46

  Berlin

  T

  he forceps proved unsuccessful. Dr. Fiedler could not protect the baby’s neck and therefore decided he must forgo the forceps delivery. Now, he considered the only choice left to him: a cesarean section.

  The smell of smoke grew stronger. Outside the window the sky had turned black. Petra and Erna coughed as the fumes drifted through the infirmary. Crashing explosions continued. Then the lights went out, leaving them all in darkness.

  Chapter 47

  B

  ack in the waiting room, Siegland’s heart raced in panic. She smelled the smoky air and saw the fire burning in the distance. Now, surrounded by only blackness and shadows, she sat alone, wringing her hands. The clock stopped ticking, but her heart thundered on.

  Chapter 48

  The Forest Outside Munich

  “A

  aron Gold, welcome. I am Lillian. You can call me Lil. I am also a Jew. I’ve been with this group for the past four years. It’s a fine group of people. They saved my life.” Aaron smiled at her and tried to sit up, but he was too weak.

  “Here let me help you.” She had rolled a pile of rags into a bundle to make a pillow and placed it behind his head. “I have some food for you. You must be hungry.”

  The injury, pain and loss of blood had made Aaron forget his hunger. However, the fullness in his bladder made him need to go outside.

  “I have to go out.”

  “I have a pan for you.”

  “No, I prefer to go outside.” With all his strength he tried to pull himself up, but fell back. Karl, observing his plight, extended his massive hand. Aaron accepted the big man’s assistance and rose from the bed. A sharp, throbbing pain shot through his leg as he limped outside.

  For the first time, he saw his surroundings. He had been inside a log cabin. Walking as far away as his injury would allow, he relieved himself. Then, with a great effort, he made his way back to the house.

  “Well, you are a first. Most people I’ve seen in your state are happy to use the pot,” Karl laughed, a loud and roaring belly laugh. “You have a sense of pride, and I think, from what I can see, you have a good character.”

  Lil gave Aaron a thick hunk of bread and a block of cheese. His mouth embraced the flavor as he took the first bite. He realized if he ate too quickly he would vomit, so he forced himself to set a steady pace.

  “Where did you get this food? I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Aaron said.

  “We steal. We hunt. We fish. We forage. We survive.” She smiled at him and winked, “Eat, enjoy; build up your strength. The war is not over yet. You might still need it.”

  Karl walked across the room to drink a hearty gulp of water from the canteen on the other side. “I have heard that the end is near. From what I have gathered, the Allies have entered Berlin and will be coming through Germany. I wonder what they will think of the Germans when they see the concentration camps,” Karl said.

  Aaron found Karl’s size astounding. “You spent time in a concentration camp?” Aaron asked. Karl had to be at least six feet, four inches tall, with a large frame and rippling muscles.

  “Not as a prisoner, but as a thief. I broke in to help others escape. I once killed a Nazi guard with my bare hands.”

  Looking at him, Aaron found that claim to be plausible. “How did you avoid the camps?”

  “I lived in Poland all of my early life. When I was twenty-two, my family and I were arrested. I wanted to fight, but my father pleaded with me. He said that if we just cooperated it would all be over soon. I didn’t agree, but I showed him respect and did as he asked. They sent us to the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw, a nasty place, crowded with people, and filled with filth and disease. Still, it wasn’t so terrible yet. Our family stayed together. Then my mother got sick. We couldn’t get her any help. Within a month she died, leaving my father a broken man,” Karl said as he shrugged his shoulders.

  “So my sister and I decided that we must stick together and make a go of it on our own. We took care of my father, but he no longer cared what happened. I guess you could say he gave up. Every day at the train station, the Nazis offered bread and jam to anyone who would willingly board the train to Auschwitz. We heard rumors about the camp, but most refused to believe what was said. Let’s face it, Aaron - the annihilation of an entire race is an astounding feat. We just couldn’t fathom it,” Karl continued.

  “I tried to trade on the black market to secure extra food. Our rations could hardly be called sufficient. Those who were successful at trading in the market climbed the roofs at night and left the ghetto through tiny openings in the barbed wire. Then, once outside, they bargained with the Poles for supplies. The next day they brought the goods back and sold them. Within an hour of their return, everything would be bought up.

  “My size made it impossible to maneuver through the small spaces, but my sister had always been small for her age, so she decided to try. I did what I could to forbid her, but she would not listen to me. She got out all right, but on her way back a guard shot her, and she bled to death in the street. After that, my father stopped speaking altogether. But instead of joining him in his depression, I became angry. They had taken my family, our home, and everything we had.

  “Several weeks earlier, a man had been arrested and brought to the ghetto. He arranged a secret meeting. I attended to hear what he had to say. It was there he told us that we must unite and fight back. His speech touched me deeply, but it wasn’t until I’d lost my sister that I decided I had nothing left to lose. So I joined the resistance.

  “We made deals with the Polish resistance. Through them, we acquired guns. In case of a raid, we knew that we must conceal our artillery, so we tore out the insides of dressers and used them as storage units. Then we placed these chests in various apartments belonging to members of our group, scattering them throughout the ghetto. That way, if the Nazis found one, we still had the others. After we found the Poles who were willing to sell us the guns, we began to plan our attack. With only a handful of broken, starving, but very angry Jews, we planned our uprising for April 19th, 1943, the day before Hitler’s birthday. We wanted to give him a present he’d never forget.

  “I returned that evening to the flat my father and I shared with a family of six to find him gone. I rushed out into the street, looking for anyone with information. No one knew anything. But there was an old lady who lived down the block. She always knew everyone’s business. We called her a yenta. You know what that means, Aaron? It means nosy lady.

  “Anyway, I knocked on the door of the room she shared with three other elderly women. They shared a twelve-by-twelve room and slept on the floor. I often wondered how their old bones could tolerate the conditions. You see, few of the elderly survived the ghetto. If by chance they did, when they arrived at the camps they met their deaths within an hour. The Germans consider them to be useless. They only allowed the strong and healthy to live because they could work. I know for a fact that as the trainloads of people arrived at the camps, a guard stood at the gate ushering them to the left or right. One side would go to the barracks, the other to be gassed in the showers and then burned in the crematorium.

  Ah, well anyway, the yenta knew what had happened. She’d seen my father as he gobbled the bread and jam that he traded for his life. Then she watched as they pushed him into a cattle car loaded down with people on its way to Auschwitz. I never saw him again.”

  “So, did you have an uprising?” Aaron asked.

  “Oy, did we fight. We placed the guns in different flats all down the main street, each with a single shooter. That way we figure
d we’d be able to confuse the Nazis. We’d make them think we had a large number of fighters.

  “It took only one person, man or woman, even a child, to operate a post. Our entire arsenal consisted of only two heavy machine guns, four light machine guns, some rifles, and a limited amount of ammunition. The Germans had lots more, of course. But we managed to hold them off for almost a month.

  “You should have seen their faces when the shooting began. Up until that time, Jews had never fought back. They hardly expected us to drop them like flies in the middle of the street. The Nazis ran for cover and then called in troops to fight just a handful of angry, ravenous Jews. We fought until our ammunition ran out. Then those of us still alive escaped out into the forest. By the time we finished, almost all of my friends lay dead. But so did a lot of fucking Nazis.”

  “That’s quite a story,” Aaron said to Karl.

  “It is. I know. After that I met up with this group. The original leader was a Gypsy. He and I became instant friends. Sadly, they shot and killed him when the SS raided our camp. Every time I kill another Nazi, I avenge his death, the deaths of my family, and the deaths of so many others.”

  Aaron stood speechless. The notion of Jews fighting back appealed to him. He’d seen them broken and subservient at Dachau and wondered what would have happened if they had fought back in the beginning, before they allowed themselves to be taken from their homes.

  For a moment he thought of Dr. Blumgarten. The doctor knew even when it first began that things would become ugly, so he’d devised his plan to leave Germany. A good plan, but perhaps it would have been better to organize and fight. He wondered what had become of the doctor and his wife, the only family he’d ever really known, until he’d met Petra and Siegland. Maybe they had found a better life in America. He hoped so. And what of Greta - selfish, young, spoiled Greta? He smiled wryly. How deeply she had hurt him at the time. Now he realized that if she not broken his heart, he would never have found Petra. Then too, what would become of Petra, Siegland, and Klaus after the Allies marched in? He hoped citizens would be spared and only Nazis would be held accountable. The thought of Petra in danger sent a powerful jolt of strength through his injured body. He would have to recover quickly and get back to the farm to do whatever he could to protect her.

  Lil spoke, interrupting his thoughts, “Here, drink some water.” She handed him a flask. He gulped the liquid. “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m a little weak, with some pain, but much better.” His smile struck something inside her, causing her to feel things she had never felt before. She noticed that he had dimples and the whitest teeth. Since Aaron’s arrival, she thought about things that she had pushed to the back of her mind.

  Lil had never had a lover, and she wondered how it would feel to lay in his strong arms. She longed to hear him call her pretty; no man ever had. For such a long time she’d ignored her natural needs as a woman. Now they had surfaced at night and plagued her dreams. She knew it best not to care too much for anyone or anything.

  Since her father had pushed her out of a small hole in the bottom of a cattle car as they were traveling to Auschwitz, she had not allowed herself the luxury of thinking about love. At the time she’d just turned thirteen, but she was still small enough to fit through the opening. Everyone in the train was crammed together, standing at attention for lack of room. The children had howled, their faces wet with tears, and their mouths and noses red and covered in mucus. Several days had passed as they rode on that dark overcrowded train. They had been without food or water. The stagnant air had reeked of urine, feces, and vomit. The floors were soaked with it. An infant who laid in its mother’s arms had stopped shrieking the night before. Lil had known the baby was dead. But its young mother had continued to hold it, refusing to let go. The temperature had continued to rise as the sun beat down on the wooden cattle car, and everyone had been covered in perspiration.

  When her father had spotted the light coming through the broken wood of the floorboard, he’d devised a plan. Although he had known the danger involved, he’d willingly taken the risk to give his one child a chance at survival. Lil remembered how he’d placed his hands on her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.

  “Listen to me, Lilly, my precious child, you are going on a very important adventure.” His hands had shaken as he’d held her. She’d seen that tears threatened to fall from his eyes. “You will go through the bottom of the train the next time we stop. Lay as flat on the tracks as you can while the train goes over you. You must not move. You must stay very flat. Do not lift your head or look around. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Papa, but I am afraid. What about you? What about Mama?” Lil had answered.

  “We will find you later.” A tear had dripped down his cheek. “When the train is gone, get up and run as fast as you can until you reach the forest. Then keep running. Get as far away as possible. Do not look behind you. Go as fast as you can. Once you get far away, try to find a farmhouse. Look for a woman. Do not ever tell her or anyone else that you are a Jew. Just say that you are an orphan; your parents are gone, killed in accident with a horse and cart. You are alone. Tell her that you cannot remember where you are from, but you have been wandering for a long time. I will pray for you.”

  “But Papa, how will you and Mama find me? I am afraid I will never see you again.”

  “You must not think such things. You must do as I tell you.” He handed her the bread and jam they had given him and her mother when they’d boarded the train. “Here, eat this. For now it will fill you up.”

  “But Papa, I ate mine already. This is yours and Mama’s. You are hungry too.”

  “No, we are fine. We saved this for you for later. Neither of us are hungry, right Mama?”

  “No, little bird, we are not hungry. Eat, my child.”

  So she’d done as they asked. An hour later the train had stopped to take on water. The driver and the guards had taken their meal break. The time had come and fear had gripped her. She’d sobbed and wrapped her arms around her father’s waist.

  “Papa, please don’t send me away. I can’t go. I am afraid. I want to go with you and Mama. Please, Papa, please.” She’d felt bile ride up her throat and then into her mouth, and she’d vomited.

  “Lilly, darling, we love you. We know what is best for you. Now kiss your mother before it is too late and the train starts to go forward again.”

  “Mama, please don’t make me do it, Mama, please!” Tears had covered her mother’s face as she’d held Lil so tightly that she’d feared her back would break. Then her mother had kissed her.

  “Go now. Hurry!”

  “Mama…”

  “Go.” Her mother had turned away as her father pushed her through the hole. She had lain flat against the cold metal tracks, sucking her breath in to make herself smaller. The rumbling of the train sent had her heart racing. She had lain on her stomach so she could not see anything but the ground. As soon as the last car sped off, she’d jumped up and run, just as her father had instructed her, and never looked behind her. That was the last time she had seen her parents. From that day on, she’d vowed never to love anyone again. Now that she knew the meaning of loss, she never wanted to feel that much pain again. Love, she had decided, made one weak. If she did not love anyone, she would never have to feel that pain again.

  She never found a farmhouse. Instead, a young Gypsy girl had found her. She’d held Lil at gunpoint, demanding to know why she had come into the forest. Lil had told her the story that her father had given her, but Florika had not believed her.

  “You’re a Jew aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” she’d hung her head and felt ashamed for lying, “but my father told me not to tell anyone.”

  “That was probably a good idea, considering the way things are going. Well, not to worry, you are safe with me. Are you hungry?”

  “Yes, I’ve been wandering for a long time without food or water. My father told me to find a farmhouse with a
lady, but I can’t. I don’t know where to go.”

  Florika had laughed, “Come on. You come with me. I will bring you to my family.”

  Florika had been only fourteen, but she could hunt and fish like a man. She’d lived with her Kampania, an extended family of Gypsies, who had hidden from Nazi persecution by traveling through the woods and rural areas. Lil had found peace there with the Gypsies, at least for a while.

  Constantly moving was the Gypsies’ only defense against the Nazis. They knew mobility made them more difficult to find. At night, Lil had slept on soft eiderdown under the stars. She’d eaten hedgehog and wild greens. In the winter, the caravan would find a safe hideaway and wait for better weather to travel again. When cold weather came, everyone had slept inside their wagons.

  Two years later during the winter some of the men left on a hunting trip. Lil had found a private place off in the forest to take care of her womanly business. She had begun to menstruate only two months earlier. Florika had shown her how to catch the flow with torn rags. Lil had been busy cleaning the blood from her inner thighs, so she had not heard or seen the Nazis as they had approached the camp. Then, before she’d realized what was happening, the entire Kampania of wagons had gone up in flames.

  People had run out of their wagons, but as they had, the Nazis had shot them. When Lil had seen Florika dash outside, her clothing and hair had been ablaze. A single shot had taken her life, and she’d fallen as the fire consumed her. Horror and grief had washed over Lil at the loss of her friend. From behind her, she’d heard a familiar voice. She’d recognized the deep baritone voice of the Shero Rom, the head of the Gypsy Kampania.

  “Hurry, come this way.” He’d taken her to an area where the other survivors had gathered. This cluster had eventually grown into the group of Partisans she now lived with. As time passed, others had come along and joined with them, all strong in their desire to put an end to the Third Reich. They’d become her friends and her family, but she swore to herself that she did not love them.