Linda is shocked. Why would someone choose to be alone for eternity? Even if the person you are forced to be with is barely palatable. Linda would love to have someone to talk to or even scream at as opposed to being lonely all the time. She has murdered her husband and still she misses him every day.
“Mr. Tice. Are you sure? This may just be a lull in a very long, obviously fulfilling relationship,” she starts.
“No! I am absolutely sure. You find a way to get her the fuck out of my life!” Mr. Tice is now angry.
This poor man in front of her has no idea what he is wishing for. Fortunately, her response is prepared.
“Well, we’ve got all the necessary information and one of our partners will be in contact as soon as they have has a chance to review your case. Thank you for coming in.” She stands and leads him to the door.
Thinking of Hank now makes her shift in her shoes and blink back tears. Everyone she loves is probably in Heaven all together. Happy and celebrating lives well lived. She alone must face the consequences of her wretched life.
After he’s gone she turns and comes face to face with Suzy. She seems a bit shocked as Linda takes the Manila folder and files it away.
Linda tries to be casual. “You weren’t here. Someone had to lose that guy. And did you hear why he was here? He wanted a divorce...” but she realized she was talking to herself. Suzy had turned and was chatting to herself, or so it would seem. Either that or an invisible client had just walked in. Suzy can really be very immature. She just can’t stand anyone else having any responsibility. If she had her way…Linda feels a bit lightheaded. All of the sudden she feels like she is going to faint. Her peripheral vision starts to close in and there is a ringing in her ears. She grabs a desk to steady herself and hears her own voice speaking as if from far away.
“I think I need to get some air.”
Suzy turns and looks at her with disdain. “Just go home,” she says sharply.
So Linda goes home.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Poor Joe. He looks like reheated shit these days. Construction work is not agreeing with him. On the other hand, I do think he might be warming up to me. At least he hasn’t tried to ditch me for a day or two. We have also managed to get past the small talk and we are well into the playful banter stage of our relationship. Of course, most of the playful banter is at my expense, but why should he be any different than anyone else, right? Nonetheless, I feel like he is much more comfortable with me since we had that little heart to heart. I’m still keeping a lot of information close to the vest, and he, with his mad reporter skills, knows this. Most of it is regarding Deedy. But it is easy for me to do, because I know what is in store for him.
Today we walk to the construction site in a comfortable silence. I certainly know why I don’t feel like talking, but I am wondering why he’s so introspective this morning.
“Penny for your thoughts,” I say.
But Joe just gives me a sad smile. “Not even worth that much,” he responds. Then he says, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” I say with caution. Of course he can ask me any question. I’m just not sure that I am willing to answer every single one.
“What exactly do you do all day, while I’m at work?”
I look at him with a wide smile. “I’m off repairing elevators and stuff.”
“And I am supposed to believe that even if that were true, there would be that many broken elevators? Or that even if they were broken, that the owners would want them to be fixed?”
I just laugh. “I never said it was a difficult job.”
“Really, Louise, I wanted to talk about…you know.”
“Do I?”
“Yes, Deedy. I know you work for him.”
I have yet to confirm or deny that, and I am not about to now. “Do you wish I wasn’t here, Joe?”
“No. I’m getting used to you.” Joe smiles at me again.
“Then stop questioning why I am here,” I say, casually brushing this line of questioning aside. “And instead tell me about construction.”
“I’d rather not.” He laughs. “Can you at least tell me something you have planned for the day? It might give me something to think about other than the fact that I’m sweating like a beer can at a summer picnic already.”
“That tie can’t help matters any. I get the whole suit thing, and the dress shoes really are a nice touch. But why did you wear the jacket and tie?”
“Everything is connected. There is no way to take part of it off. It looks like a three piece suit, but in reality it is a one piece suit.” Joe just looks helpless.
“It really is kinda brilliant, in a completely sadistic way,” I say, touching the fabric.
“So? What’s on your schedule for today?” he says.
“Today I’m searching for someone. Lugner. I want to try to figure out what he’s up to.”
“Hey, I meant to ask you. Is he an attorney?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I answer, looking at him hopefully.
“Well, my construction site is across from a law office. And Lugner is one of the names on the shingle. Davis, Morgan, and Lugner. Now, there could be a ton of Lugners down here, obviously. But it seems like a good place to start,” Joe says.
“Cool! I start there first.” This is exciting. I am bound to find him before he finds me again. If he wants to play mind games, then he’s met his match. No one plays mind games better than a woman who managed to stay jobless for the entire forty-five years she was alive.
Joe’s interrogation brings up the lingering question in my own mind too. What if Lugner does work for Deedy and is supposed to be keeping an eye out for me? A compelling thought that makes me want to find Lugner even more than before.
After dropping Joe off at his site I first go in search of coffee. Yes, I am spoiled by my Heaven zip code and cannot imagine drinking a cup of coffee from my old stomping grounds, but I really need a caffeine boost. I stop by a small coffee shop and order a cup of their house blend. Their house blend is a cross between used motor oil and melted eyeliner pencil. I manage to choke most of it down as I sit and let Hell walk by me for a while. I figure a law office won’t be hopping until mid-morning.
Once I am done, I go back to Joe’s site, cross the street and find myself standing in front of a law office. I look at the sign and close my eyes. Can it really be this easy? Please let it be this easy. I stare at the name on the shingle. An archangel posing as an attorney in Hell? Guess it’s no different that posing as a receptionist. Or God himself owning a temp agency.
I swing open the door and come face to face with a foul looking woman who turns from her desk to glare at me.
“Hi. I’m looking for Mr.…” I say, avoiding her glare.
She registers surprise. “Do you have an appointment?”
“No. We met recently, and I just wanted to follow up with him. Is he here?” Why won’t she just tell me if he’s around? Damn, I hate gate keepers.
She steps closer to me and looks me up and down. “Are you here to sign a contract?”
What kind of contract would I possibly be signing after just meeting him? “No, we have not discussed any particulars,” I say, giving away no information but still relaying a sense of urgency.
“Oh. Well then, I must be confusing you with someone else,” she says, still not smiling.
“Can I see him?” I am pretty sure I’ve asked that several times.
“No, he is not here.” And that’s that. Now she’s done with me.
But I’m not done with her. “Are you expecting him back today? Would it be better for me to wait or to make an appointment to come back?” That’s my polite way of saying I’m not going anywhere, bitch.
“Not if he’s not expecting you. He’s not here. He’s almost never here.” Then she turns away from me and looks to her side as if she cannot stand to look at me any longer. And then she says, quite rudely, “Just go home!”
“Fine! You don’t have
to get shitty about it,” I say, then I turn to leave.
Suddenly out of the corner of my eye I see a pink flash, and get overwhelmed by a familiar feeling. Out of my peripheral vision I see her. Linda is here! When I turn to see her, she disappears. I run outside. Did she come out here? I look up and down the street but there is no trace. Did I just imagine her? I don’t think so. This feeling is so strong, unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. And if I were going to imagine Linda, I highly doubt that I would imagine her in a pink track suit. Obviously she was dressed by her Hell closet! This was real. She was here.
But now she is nowhere to be seen. I even shout out her name outside, but of course there is no answer. I sink down on the curb and feel the tears start. I am so grateful to have seen her, but I also feel my soul ache that she is here.
I stand up with a renewed sense of purpose. Who cares about a mystery angel? I really don’t care right at this moment if Joe feels warm fuzzy thoughts about me either. All I can think or care about right now is Linda. Finding her again, reaching her. I start almost running down a side street, searching for a sign of pink. When I do not see her I go faster, not slower. Then I turn another corner and run smack dab into…
Lugner.
Are you fucking kidding me? “Whoa!” I say as I look up and recognize him immediately. “Watch where you’re going, Lugner!”
“I apologize, but what a happy accident this is.” He seems genuinely shocked that I’m in front of him.
“Accident? So, you don’t know that I was just in your office? By the way, kudos on the customer service. That woman you have in the front is not ever going to make it onto anyone’s Christmas card list.”
“Ah. That would be Suzy. You were in my office?” he asks curiously.
“Yes, I figured I would just appear like you usually do so you’d have an idea of how incredibly creepy that actually is,” I say. “But I guess it didn’t work, because all I got was the pleasure of Suzy, and you still managed to scare the pants off of me.”
“I am sorry. For both scaring you and subjecting you to Suzy. I must say I’m a bit impressed. No one ever comes looking for me. That is why I have such refined stalking skills,” he says teasingly.
“It’s not funny. The last thing I needed today was another scare,” I say, holding onto my chest, feeling my imaginary heart beat out a rumba rhythm.
“Seeing Linda scared you? I would have thought you would have gotten some pleasure out of that experience,” he says casually.
“How…what…were you?” I can’t even finish a thought. My head is spinning now. How could he have possibly known? It wasn’t like I was thinking about Linda or anything.
“Well, Louise, I obviously know who is in my employ. And if you were in my office, then obviously you saw her,” he says.
“But I wasn’t sure that I had.” “Yes, Deedy’s magic is still holding. For now,” he says, mischievously.
“Do you think she saw me?” I ask hopefully.
“No, I’d say she probably felt a little dizzy and went home early,” he concluded. “However, I think I can be of assistance to you, Louise, if you like.”
“Help me do what?” I say.
“Help you do what you came to do. Come to my office in the morning. I can explain everything to you.”
“Okay. Tomorrow, after I drop Joe off,” I say, and we wave and go our separate ways.
I could actually be seeing Linda as soon as tomorrow! But instead of feeling elated, I start to feel uneasy. What does he mean he can help? And what was the stuff about Deedy’s magic? Why do I find Lugner both thrilling and disturbing? Ugh.
I just don’t feel much like talking anymore tonight. And with seeing Linda for just a split second, I’m not sure about seeing Hank. So I decide to skip any visiting and go straight back to my apartment. Tomorrow is a new day. And it may be one of the most important days I have had here so far.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Joe is working hard, sweating terribly, and hates this stupid suit. John, the foreman on this construction site also demands that he wear a tool belt. The suit looks even more ridiculous with his tool belt strapped over it. He is missing a ton of tools, just one more reason he hates the belt. So he is forced to run around and beg or borrow tools all the time.
He has been stuck working outdoors since he started. Today, he starts outside and right after lunch he is sent inside. He is glad for the change of scenery. Until he sees what kind of scene it really is in there.
Joe finds himself working with Abe and Charlie. Abe is a very large, very mean man who pretty much keeps to himself. Charlie is more like a prison guard. Not exactly friendly, but seems a little more fair. At one point John comes in and hands Joe a shelf.
“Put this up over the toilet in the bathroom,” he barks at Joe.
“I’ll need a hammer and a level,” Joe says, looking down at his useless tool belt.
“Why would you need a level?” John seems confused.
“Right. Sorry, I must have been delirious for a minute. But a hammer? That seems pretty necessary.” Joe realizes there is no need to make a shelf level because that would make it functional. Joe cannot even recall a single shelf in his apartment, let alone one that you could actually set things on.
“Borrow a hammer from Abe or Charlie,” John says.
Joe sighs and goes back inside, trying to steel himself to ask either one of those two for a favor. However, once he gets into the kitchen area he sees a hammer sitting on the table. He just picks it up and carries it to the bathroom where he starts on the shelf. After about an hour, it is all done. He stands back to admire his handiwork when he hears shouting downstairs. The guys must be arguing again, for the hundredth time this week. But when he hears a crash and glass breaking, he runs back through the house to where the boys are now engaged in what seems to be a fistfight.
“I gave it to you! Give it back!” Charlie yells at Abe.
“I don’t have it! You must have taken it back!” Abe is towering over Charlie, but that doesn’t stop Charlie from still lunging at Abe. Abe picks up a stray board off the floor and plants it hard on the side of Charlie’s head. Charlie returns the favor by grabbing a chair and breaking it over Abe’s head.
“What the fuck is happening here!” John says as he rushes in and stands between the two of them.
“Charlie has lost his ever loving mind!” Abe says.
“He’s a thief, and he’s got my hammer!” Charlie growls
“A hammer? All of this is over a hammer?” John asks. “You two would kill each other, if that were possible, over a damn hammer? I should can both of you, right here. Let me make this very clear. Are you both listening?” He waits for Abe and Charlie both to confirm. “When I find that hammer I may just use it to brain you both. But I will definitely fire whoever has it. Comprende?”
“Nice knowing you,” Abe says to Charlie.
“Have fun asking for change in front of the diner,” Charlie responds.
“That won’t be necessary,” Joe says.
John turns around and sees Joe approaching. “This isn’t about you, Joe. Go back to work.”
Joe reaches into his tool belt and takes out the hammer. “I found it. Sitting on the kitchen table. I used it to hang that shelf. It was me. Please don’t brain these two, and I will be waiting out in your trailer for my pink slip.” He sets the hammer on a side table, smiles at Abe and Charlie, then walks out.
Out in John’s foreman’s trailer, Joe sits calmly while John is slamming things around like a child having a tantrum. Joe doesn’t seem to understand the issue.
“What exactly is the problem? You said, whoever has the hammer goes,” Joe says.
“Yeah, but I didn’t mean it. I mean, really. If we fired everyone who stole something at a construction site there wouldn’t be anyone left,” John says.
“Okay. So again, what is the problem? Just yell at me and send me back on the job.”
“Yeah, can’t do that either.” John
seems torn.
“Why?” Joe is partly confused, partly just tired of this and wants it to end.
“Joe, I think I still have to fire you. But not because you took the hammer. Because you gave it back.” John looks at him with sad eyes. “Here ya go, Joe. Sorry.” And hands Joe his slip.
Terminated for Trustworthiness.
Joe is actually fine. It seems like this is supposed to be what happens with temp jobs from Deedy. You lose them, you go tell Deedy, and everything is honky dory. The only disconcerting thing about losing a job is that it unlocks another memory of his life. Joe is very comforted by the fact that his memory is like Swiss cheese from his days of being alive. Getting all these new flashes from the past is not the comfort that Deedy may think it is. It actually makes him kind of angry sometimes. Because most of those memories show Joe that his life overall was pretty decent.
At Deedy’s office Gabby is waiting with ice cold root beer and a smile. Deedy looks at his pink slip and is almost celebratory about it.
“Terminated for Trustworthiness. Can’t wait to hear about that. Come in, please.” Joe sits in his usual chair across from Deedy’s desk and tells him all about the war that was waged over a stupid hammer.
“Abe and Charlie seem like the kind of guys who like to use their fists to blow off steam,” Deedy says finally. “You probably did them a favor, giving them a reason to beat the stuffing out of each other.”
Remembering Hell Page 10