Erin touched his knee again. God, he loved that. It was such a sweet, innocent gesture. “I didn’t know you almost died.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t the first time I’d OD’d on H, but I’d never been that close to death.” He forced himself to look her in the eyes again. “But I didn’t mean to get all depressing. Let’s talk about something else.”
A small smile formed on Erin’s mouth. She looked almost shy. “Don’t feel bad, Riley. It’s okay to talk about stuff like that.”
“Yeah, but it’s in the past, and I want it to stay there.” He was proud of himself for not ranting and raving about Marla. He’d kept it at the surface level. The bitch had burned him. Fine. Let’s move on.
“I know, Riley, but our past shapes our present.”
He took in a deep breath and let her words wash over him. It was a simple sentiment and yet so profound. “Well, yeah…you’re right there.” Absolutely she was. He wouldn’t be so jaded and guarded if it hadn’t been for Marla. And yet, somehow, he and Erin had moved past that barrier. They were in new territory, a place Riley probably hadn’t been since right after high school. It was kind of scary but exhilarating and liberating.
And after he’d processed her words, he said, “Okay, then. Tell me how your past has shaped your present.”
Erin grinned. Riley figured she probably didn’t like having her own words used against her. Who did? But, like always, she was a good sport. “Well, like you, I’ve had some shitty relationships, but also like you, I don’t want to talk about them. Let’s just say the last two guys I dated made me decide celibacy wasn’t such a bad idea.”
Riley took a deep breath as her words hit him. He figured he was reading way too much into it, so he wanted to keep it light. “Guess I got lucky you changed your mind.”
She still had a smile on her face and she grabbed the bowl still sitting on the bed and moved it to the nightstand. Then she grabbed Riley’s hand with both her smaller ones. She didn’t look him in the eyes, instead focusing her gaze on his hand. “It’s kind of sad that two shitty guys would make me give up on the notion of…” She fluttered her eyes. He knew she was stopping herself from saying the dreaded l word. He wasn’t going to press the issue, but just her saying it let him know she was thinking it. So was she thinking love about Riley or just in general? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, because if it was just in the general sense, well…that would hurt. He’d be happy that he’d brought her back to believing in something beautiful but with the way he was feeling, it would be a damn shame if she wasn’t feeling the same way he’d been.
* * *
It was nice waking up with Erin in his arms. They’d made love again last night and it was slow and sensual. His goal had been making her feel what he was feeling: something deep, unexpected, and all wrapped up in some kind of warm emotional cocoon. In spite of the crazy week they’d had, he felt like they’d come to some sort of understanding.
The morning was ultimately a blur, because Riley almost felt as though he were an impartial observer looking in, hovering over them in the clouds. Or maybe it was a defense mechanism. Maybe he wasn’t feeling elated and in love; instead, maybe he was feeling like the rug could be pulled out from underneath him at any time and he had to guard himself. Whatever the case, he registered that she rolled over and snuggled up against his chest, just underneath his chin, and traced the outline of one of the tattoos on his arm while they talked about the day. When they got up, she made a pot of coffee and jumped in the shower where he joined her and persuaded her to have just a little fun before running off to work. And he left when she did, kissing her in a passionate embrace before walking out her apartment door to their cars. As he backed his car out, he thought he saw the curtain in the window of apartment A-3 pull open.
God…just a week ago, he’d been waking up and enjoying one of his mother’s expert breakfasts. And where the hell was all that shit with his parents going? He didn’t know that he wanted to have it out with them, but he knew he’d have to. His dad had Fridays off from work, so why not now? So Riley, resolve intact, went to his hotel and changed clothes, then ate a gigantic breakfast and drank more coffee from the local Denny’s, and finally headed over to his parents’ house.
On the drive there, he kept hoping against hope that some cooling off time had allowed his parents some perspective. For his part, Riley had cooled off too and could admit a couple of things. First off, the jealousy of his brother was perhaps unwarranted. He’d heard all his life that the oldest kid gets more attention. It didn’t mean that child was loved more. He was just a new thing and new things got the attention. By the time Riley arrived on the scene, babies were old hat. He didn’t do anything special that his brother hadn’t already done, and he certainly couldn’t have done it more spectacularly.
Fuck…Riley realized something about himself just then that he’d never known before, but it made perfect sense. The jealousy he felt had fueled his rebellious nature. Since he’d never be able to do anything better than Brian, why try? Why not instead do the opposite? Piss off the parents. Make them nervous. Make them angry. At least those emotions belonged exclusively to him, not Brian.
Man, that was fucked up. But it was what it was. And that’s not all Riley came to realize. He knew he loved his parents, but he’d always resented the fact that his dad seemed to ride his ass constantly, even as an adult. Well, he thought he could understand too why his father was concerned about his reputation. Reputation was everything to them and Riley had tarnished his parents’. Maybe he could apologize for being a shithead, but he wasn’t going to apologize for who he was. He was going to continue making music because that was what he loved doing. If they wanted to disown him for it, so be it.
He bought a bouquet of flowers as a peace offering of sorts and kept reminding himself to be respectful. When he got to his parents’ house, he rang the doorbell and then let himself in. “It’s me, Riley,” he shouted as he closed the door behind him.
He could smell the remnants of sausage and maple syrup in the air as he approached the kitchen. Oh, coffee too. He could go another cup but he wanted to feel out the room first. His dad was already looking up from the newspaper. When Riley walked into the room, he said, “Well, well, well…look what the cat dragged in.”
Riley bit his tongue. Let his dad get in a dig or two. Riley knew he probably had it coming. Fine. And he also knew that he probably should tuck his tail between his legs and apologize. He took a deep breath and asked, “Can the three of us talk?”
His father cleared his throat. “I believe we were trying to do that the other night when you stormed out of here.”
Jesus…the guy just couldn’t stop, could he? Riley had to do this, though…he had to stick with it. “I needed to clear my head.”
“For days?”
“Yes, for days.” He pulled out a chair and his mother walked over from the stove where she’d been standing, silent and trying not to call attention to herself. “Anyway, I guess the first thing I should do is apologize.” But not, likely, for something his father wanted him to. “I had marijuana in your house without your permission, and I’m sorry. No matter what my own personal feelings are about it, I need to respect your rules and your house, and I apologize for that. I won’t do it again.” Riley wouldn’t mention that he’d probably never spend the night there again either, but that was beside the point.
His father’s eyes rarely gave away anything, but Riley actually thought he saw a bit of a twinkle in them. Was he accepting Riley’s apology or instead loading both barrels, preparing to let Riley have it on an epic level?
His dad looked over at his mother and nodded. “We accept your apology, son. Thank you. But our bigger issue, as you’ll recall, was that you were dating that English teacher.”
“Erin Lancaster,” his mother offered.
“You don’t plan to continue seeing her, do you, son?”
“I don’t really know what my plans for the future are, dad, but I know I care
about Erin very much.” Riley already knew after his conversation with his mother earlier in the week that she wouldn’t understand why or how his feelings had become so intense. But he didn’t care. They needed to know he wasn’t going to back down from this one.
But what he’d said was all it took for his mother to join the conversation. “You hardly know her, Riley. How can you care about her ‘very much’? That doesn’t make sense.”
“We have a lot in common.”
His dad jumped back in. “Really? Were you able to talk about schools you both attended? Discuss what you both enjoy about Shakespearean sonnets? I’d guess the only thing you two have in common is that her students are your biggest fans.”
Riley felt himself slipping into defensive mode and he felt like he was fifteen again, but he also felt powerless to stop it. “That’s not true. Erin’s a fan too.”
His father looked across the table at Marjorie. “That girl’s not much older than the kids she’s teaching, is she?”
Riley said, “She’s twenty-five.”
His father’s voice was low when he said, “Not even tenured.”
Riley felt his brow furrow but he said nothing. Something wasn’t right here, and now he felt almost like he’d walked into a trap. He knew that whatever his parents said next was not going to be pretty…in fact, it was bound to be the ugliest thing he’d heard since coming back to Winchester.
Chapter Thirty-seven
ERIN SMILED AS her second-period students left her classroom. Her third period was her planning time, but the principal had called her earlier that morning and asked if she could meet him for part of that time. She spent a couple of minutes organizing the stacks of papers she wanted to grade at her earliest convenience while she waited for the crowds of kids in the halls to thin as they made their way to their next classes.
So she walked down the hall to the front office. She had to pass through three different sections of the school to get there, but she made it just as the bell rang for the next period to begin. She smiled at the receptionist as she walked through the area to the principal’s office.
She tapped on his door just to give him a heads up that she was there. His door was open but he was reading a file on his desk, and he seemed to be pretty absorbed in it.
Mr. Becker looked up. Erin had a hard time calling him by his first name John because, until she’d worked at a school, she’d perceived all authority figures as deserving of her respect (and the moniker Mister often projected that respect). As an adult, she realized that wasn’t always true, but Becker was one of the good guys. He was firm in his policies but at the same time nurturing of those who needed his help. Still…the only other times she’d had to come to his office when it had nothing to do with her evaluations were because of unpleasant situations, and she assumed today was no different.
That explained the acidic feeling in her gut.
“Come on in, Erin,” Becker said. “Please close the door behind you.”
Oh, shit. Well, that couldn’t be good. She inhaled a deep breath but tried not to make her nervousness obvious. She swallowed while closing the door, then walked across the room and sat in one of the chairs across from his desk. Mentally, she tried to prepare. Every time he’d called her into his office, there was some problem with a student. But it wasn’t just normal teenage problems. It was always something more. One student in particular that she felt like she’d failed was a young woman with some sort of psychological problems. At first, Erin had just thought the girl wanted attention, but it turned out she was genuinely suicidal. The girl survived but was still in a hospital under psychiatric observation. Erin had beaten herself up over that girl. Maybe if she’d recognized that the girl had been struggling on that kind of level, she could have done more. When Becker had called Erin into his office that time, it was to let Erin know what had happened with the girl. Apparently, the girl’s journal had mentioned Erin more than once and in an unhealthy way. So she not only knew what had happened with the girl, but she also had to be on the lookout once the girl was released.
Over time, though, Erin worried less about it. If the girl got the help she really needed, Erin wouldn’t need to be afraid for herself. Now, though, she wondered what the hell was going on. There was only one more month left of the school year. Why couldn’t things just slowly, safely get there?
So Erin couldn’t help the nervous impatience she felt as she sat in the chair across from Becker. She asked, “What’s going on?”
Becker took a deep breath. Apparently, this wasn’t easy for him either. He said, “Erin, I really hate to even do this, but I’ve called you in at the behest of the board.”
Erin was speechless. Her mouth went dry and she couldn’t grab onto any words so that she could ask a coherent question. So, instead, she just sat still in the chair, hoping like she didn’t appear as confused as she felt.
“It’s been brought to their attention that you’ve been…seeing the rock star who paid for you at the auction.” Erin felt even more confused, but she nodded her head. Becker shook his head, and Erin could tell this really was difficult for him to talk about. “I’m sorry. I think this is a dreadful invasion of your privacy, Erin, but the board has forced me to talk to you about it. Apparently, they don’t have an issue if you’re dating this rock star, but your actions have been alleged to be…”—he shuffled the papers on his desk, looking for something—“lascivious and wanton.”
Erin found her voice. “What?”
He cleared his throat. Erin could tell he was embarrassed. He lifted the paper up off the desk at an angle and read off of it. “There’s something here about an incident at the Sedgwick Hotel and…some other things.”
Erin felt her cheeks grow hot. Had someone been spying on her? She found her composure, though. No sense killing the messenger. “Mr. Becker…John, I fail to see what this has to do with my performance as a teacher. How dare someone invade my private life.”
Becker managed to make eye contact with her again. “I agree with you, Erin, but you forget that we live in a small, tight community where neighbors watch neighbors. And the board isn’t entirely wrong. You stepped into the role of substitute cheer coach, and the girls you oversee will look up to you. If you promote a promiscuous lifestyle, they will believe it’s okay.”
She felt herself growing angry, angrier than she’d been in a long time, and she was afraid of what was going to come out of her mouth. It didn’t matter, though, because anything she had to say would be truth. “Riley Schultz and I wouldn’t have even met each other if you hadn’t asked me to step into the coach’s role. Don’t you see how stupid this is?”
“Erin, I don’t entirely disagree with you, but my hands are tied. Honestly, I’m sure a lot of this whole thing has to do with the fact that his mother is on the board, and Marjorie Schultz has always been concerned about appearances. I also realize, Erin, that your contract says nothing about your personal life and that there is nothing about this that’s fair or right, but I also want to remind you that Colorado is an at-will state.” Erin knew what that meant. That meant they could let her go for no good reason and she couldn’t say shit. “You do have a contract, but it expires at the end of this school year. The board could choose to not renew, and they wouldn’t have to give any kind of reason. There’s nothing you could do about it.”
Erin felt the truth sink in. If she wanted to continue teaching here, she’d have to do what they wanted. The anger inside her grew, but she didn’t see what she could do. She felt helpless as well. She loved this job and she thought her students loved her, but they were going to throw all that away just because she’d been swept up in some kind of whirlwind romance? What made her most furious, though, was the fact that had she not been kind enough to help out, she never would have been at that auction, would never have met Riley in the first place. “So what are you saying, Mr. Becker?” She couldn’t bring herself to call him by his first name right now. She was feeling like a little kid who was being
punished for something someone else had done.
“The board has asked me to communicate to you that they’d like you to break off your relationship with Mr. Schultz. If you do that, they will turn a blind eye to what has already occurred and will gladly extend another three-year contract.”
She took a deep breath. “And if I don’t?”
Becker shook his head. “If you don’t, then your contract will expire.” His eyes looked pained as he straightened up the papers in front of him again. “They would like your answer by Monday.” Erin blinked but held her tongue. “Erin…I frankly think this is a crock too, but they won’t listen to me. Marjorie Schultz is a powerful woman and her fellow board members listen to her. It doesn’t hurt that she has friends in high places—lawyers and politicians here in town—and they can advise her on how to do these kind of things and get away with it. So, who knows? She might have the board cowed too. I don’t know. But I do just want to say this…make your decision carefully. Is teaching the most important thing to you? If it is, then maybe you need to tell your friend goodbye this weekend. But if he has become the love of your life? Well, there are plenty of teaching jobs out there, and a teacher as good as you are would get a stellar recommendation from her principal.” Becker’s mouth turned up in a slow smile. “I just want you to give that some thought over the weekend. I don’t want an answer from you until Monday.”
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