The Girl I Didn't Kill For (Jessie & Nick Book 2)

by Annabelle Costa

  Actually, it was her dream long before that. But what does he know? He doesn’t know Jessie like I do.

  “Glad to help,” I say.

  His smile becomes more genuine. “She’s been going around our apartment all week, singing ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart.’ You know that song?”

  “I think I know it,” I mumble. I can’t keep up this façade much longer. I glance at the pile of paperwork on my desk. “Is that all, Mr. Parsons?”

  “Uh, yeah.” He squeezes his fists together anxiously. “Well, one other thing. You think… maybe if you see Jess, don’t mention I was here. She’d be, you know, embarrassed.”

  “Of course,” I say.

  I’m pissed off he’s asking me to lie to her, but at the same time, I get it. If I were him, I wouldn’t want her to know what he tried to do either.

  Chapter 15

  Nick

  Jessie’s first show is on a Monday night at midnight. It’s a terrible time slot—Cleopatra’s is usually practically empty at this time. But that makes it a great time slot for her first performance. She doesn’t need a full house to get her nervous. If it works out well, I can make Alex give her a better slot.

  I show up half an hour early because I wouldn’t miss this for anything. The first thing I do when I come in is scour the tables for Seth Parsons. I assumed he’d be at his fiancée’s first performance but I don’t see him anywhere. I’m pissed off on her behalf, but I’m also glad he’s not here in my club. Who needs the guy?

  When I confirm Seth isn’t already here, I go back to the entrance to talk to the bouncer. The bouncer today is Wilson—six feet four inches, two-hundred-fifty pounds of muscle. Terrifying as shit. Nobody gets past Wilson.

  “Listen,” I say to Wilson, craning my neck to look up at this face. He’d be taller than me even if I could stand, but since I can’t, he towers over me. “If a guy named Seth Parsons shows up, don’t let him in.”

  Wilson nods, without asking further questions. Any bouncer at Cleopatra’s knows how to follow orders from the boss. And now I don’t have to worry about Seth showing up. That asshole missed his chance.

  One of the waitresses tells me Jessie is backstage, so I figure I’ll go see her and wish her luck. Only trouble is there are four steps to get to the backstage area. I wouldn’t have made it that way, but I didn’t build this place. Four steps, especially without a railing, isn’t something I can do easily. One or two maybe, but not four.

  It frustrates the hell out of me. This is my club. There shouldn’t be a place in it I can’t get to. I fucking hate stairs.

  Luckily, our host Duke is at the front and looks like he doesn’t have much to do. I wheel up to him while he’s pacing the room. “Duke,” I say, “I need you to help me with some stairs.”

  His eyes light up. “Sure, Nick. Just tell me what you want me to do.”

  Duke’s eager to please. He wants Alex’s job, and he knows I’m the one who would give it to him. Maybe someday, but not now. Alex is too good at what he does, and Duke hasn’t proven himself yet. Too green.

  We get to the stairs, and I back up against them. I pull out the handles that fold down on either side of my chair. “Just tip me back and pull the chair up,” I explain.

  Duke looks nervous, which doesn’t make me happy. This isn’t rocket science. All he has to do is pull a wheelchair up four steps. I cross myself instinctively—it’s a holdover from my childhood.

  He gets behind me, and of course, tips me back too much and too fast. I grab my legs to keep them in place, and patiently allow Duke to bump me up the four steps. When we get to the top and he lets me down so fast that I feel like I’m about to bounce out of the chair, I feel a rush of relief. We made it.

  “Thanks,” I say. And since Duke is looking at me expectantly, I add, “Good job.”

  I find Jessie in the smaller dressing room—a small room with three vanity mirrors, stacks of beauty supplies, a leather sofa, and lots of chairs. She’s sitting at one of the mirrors, but she isn’t doing anything to herself. She’s not fixing up her makeup or her hair—she’s just sitting there, staring at herself. Come to think of it, she’s not wearing makeup at all and her golden hair is loose and disheveled. But she’s wearing a blue dress that shows off every curve she’s got.

  I quickly adjust my tie, making sure the knot Chrissy fixed for me earlier is still intact. I brush lint off my pants. I adjust my legs, making sure both my feet are pointed straight ahead. I look as good as I could manage, whatever it’s worth.

  “Hey, Jessie,” I say.

  She startles and turns to look at me, her blue eyes widening. “Nick… what are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you sing,” I say. “You think I’d miss that?”

  She smiles wryly. “Seth couldn’t even be here. He has an early case tomorrow.”

  Moron.

  Jessie looks down at her hands in her lap. I see her swipe at her eyes, and the next thing I know, there are tears running down her cheeks. Shit. I never know what to do when girls cry. I grab a tissue from the vanity table and hand it to her.

  “You okay?” I ask, which is a dumb question because obviously she’s not okay. What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Nick.” She shakes her head at her lap. Her eyes are starting to swell up and her nose is turning pink. She looks adorable, but it’s not so good for onstage. She should pull herself together. “I can’t do this.”

  “Why the hell not?”

  “I mean…” She wipes her nose with the tissue. “I shouldn’t do this. I appreciate you’re trying to help me, but I’m not right for this club. I never was. I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny with big tits, and I’m not even young enough anymore. I feel like a fool going up on that stage. You didn’t have to do me a favor by getting me a job here.”

  I lean back in my chair and look at her. “You know, Jessie, if anyone else but you questioned my judgement, I’d fire their ass.”

  She looks up sharply at me.

  “I said you were right for this club,” I say, “and I wouldn’t have put you up here if I didn’t really think so. If you don’t want to sing tonight, I’m not gonna make you. But I think you’re gonna be great.”

  “Alex Mitchell didn’t think so.”

  I narrow my eyes. “Was Alex giving you a hard time?”

  “No,” Jessie says quickly. “He wasn’t. At all.” She pauses, studying my face. “If I told you he was, would you…?”

  “He’d be gone.”

  A tiny smile emerges on Jessie’s lips. “Do you stand up for Natalie this way?”

  She doesn’t know I broke up with Natalie.

  “No,” I reply honestly. “Just you.”

  We’re just staring at each other now. The dressing room is real quiet, so I can almost hear my heart pounding in my chest. Jessie leans forward—it’s almost imperceptible, but I see it. She’s giving me an in—she wants this. So I lean forward and kiss her.

  It’s been so goddamn long since I kissed Jessie Schultz. Too long. But her lips feel familiar—like the ones I’ve been searching for every time I kissed a girl for the last thirteen years. I never want to kiss anyone else—nobody can possibly come close to this. Nobody else can get me worked up the way Jessie does. If she feels for me half of what I feel for her, she needs to dump her fiancé right now.

  When we part for breath, she’s shaking and there’s a nervous smile on her face. But then her eyes suddenly widen and she pulls away from me. Something made her not want to kiss me anymore.

  Something that’s making her inch away from me like she’s scared for her life.

  Chapter 16

  Nick

  I look down to see what Jessie’s staring at. To figure out why she suddenly looks terrified.

  Shit.

  It’s my gun holster strapped to my chest. It became visible when I leaned forward and my jacket fell open.

  Yeah, I got a gun.

  It’s not like I’m the kind of guy who walks around all the ti
me with a piece strapped to my chest. I don’t. After the situation with Eddie, Pop insisted I know how to use a weapon. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I saw the wisdom. You don’t want to be in a situation where the other guy’s got a gun and you don’t, Pop said. He and Tony took me to a firing range to show me how to use the gun. Pop was a decent shot, but it disturbed me how comfortable my brother was with his piece.

  After a few times at the firing range, I felt comfortable enough if I ever got in a situation where I had to use it. Every year or so, Tony takes me back there to stay in practice. If I ever gotta use that gun, I know what to do. And like Pop, I’m a decent shot.

  I keep a gun in my home, in my car, and also one in my office. You never know when you might need it—not that I’ve needed it yet. I don’t usually carry though, even though I got a concealed weapon permit. I only brought it today because I was in a heated meeting a couple of days ago where some things got said that made me nervous. So I figured better safe than sorry—just until things calmed down.

  I wish I’d taken it off before coming to see Jessie.

  “You carry a gun?” she gasps.

  “Not usually,” I mumble, adjusting my position in my chair, which makes my goddamn jacket fall open again. “Just… sometimes.”

  Jessie looks absolutely horrified. I forget that a lot of people don’t get close to guns in the course of their daily lives. It’s not like this is Texas.

  “Look,” I say, “it’s not that big a deal.”

  “Why do you have it?”

  “Protection.”

  “From what?”

  “From…” I shrug helplessly. “You know. Bad guys.”

  “Like that guy I saw coming out of your office the other night?” Her voice has become shrill—almost hysterical. This isn’t good. “Nick, what do you do?”

  “You know what I do, Jessie,” I say. “I own and manage properties.”

  It’s not a lie. I do those things. It’s most of what I do. So I got connections. So the hell what?

  Jessie shakes her head. “Stop lying to me. I saw those articles about you.”

  I get this sinking feeling in my gut. I know what she’s talking about. Those asshole reporters started making all these allegations that I was mixed up in this murder case last year. But I had nothing to do with it. I never iced anyone. I never ordered anyone dead. That’s not what I do.

  At the time, I wasn’t bothered seeing my name in the papers. Pop went crazy over it, saying I oughta sue the papers, but I figured anything that made me sound like a tough guy wasn’t a bad thing. I wanted people to know I meant business, even if I can’t walk. It’s all about getting respect.

  And now those goddamn articles are wrecking my life.

  “It’s all lies,” I say. “You know how the media is. They want to sensationalize everything.”

  She keeps shaking her head, still looking down at my piece. I try to button my jacket, but it’s too late.

  “C’mon, Jessie,” I say. “I’m not a criminal. I swear to you.”

  “Are you in the mob?”

  “No!”

  “You’re lying.”

  I run a shaky hand through my hair. “What the hell do you want from me? You want to see my taxes?”

  “No,” she says. “I don’t.”

  She doesn’t believe me. I can see it written all over her face. She thinks I’m a fucking mob boss. A criminal. There’s nothing I can say to convince her otherwise.

  “I think,” she says quietly, “that this was a mistake.”

  Shit. “Jessie…”

  She stands up, although her legs are so shaky that she falls back into the seat. Christ, why did I bring a gun here? My whole life could have been different.

  “Look,” I say, “go out there and sing. We’ll talk about this more later.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” she says.

  It’s like a sock in the gut. “Jessie…”

  “I’ve got a fiancé,” she reminds me, although I guarantee she wasn’t thinking about him when her lips were on mine. “This just… I shouldn’t have done this. Seth… he loves me.”

  “Well, where is he?” I point out.

  “He loves me,” she says again. And I know she’s right. He wouldn’t have busted into my office the other day if he didn’t. But who the hell cares? He’ll never love her half as much as I do. “And I love him. And you… I don’t even know you anymore.”

  I shouldn’t have pushed her away all those years ago. If I’d given her more credit thirteen years ago, she’d be mine now. I wouldn’t be sitting here, wanting to punch a wall.

  But I made the mistake and it’s done. Can’t change it now. All I can do is try my best to get back in her good graces by trying to be a good guy. I’ve got to get to know her again and prove to her that I’m not a gangster—that I’m an upstanding citizen who’s worth dumping her fiancé for. It’s not something I’m going to do today, but someday. Before she marries that loser. I’ve got some time.

  “It’s okay, Jessie,” I mutter. “I get it.”

  I blew it for now. May as well tell Wilson to let Seth in if he bothers to show up.

  “Do you still want me to sing?” she asks in a tiny voice.

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” I shake my head. “Jessie, I’m gonna go now, but you better get out there.”

  She smiles crookedly. “If I don’t do it, are you going to break my kneecaps?”

  She’s making a joke about it. That’s a good sign.

  “I’ll give you a pass this time,” I tell her. “But next time you try to back out on me…”

  She gives a strangled laugh. “You, uh… you don’t really break anyone’s kneecaps. Do you?”

  “Come on, Jessie,” I say. “Of course not.”

  I mean it. Nobody really breaks kneecaps. Fingers are a lot cleaner.

  Jessie

  My lips are still tingling after Nick leaves the dressing area. I haven’t felt this way in… well, in thirteen years.

  At this point, I may have to face the fact that nobody will ever make me feel the way Nick Moretti does. Nobody else can make my whole body feel like it’s on fire or something clichéd along those lines. He’s the only man who has that power over me. And that’s probably why I’ve stayed with Seth all these years instead of looking around for someone else—because I knew nobody else could ever compare to him.

  But when I saw that gun, I felt sick.

  Up until that moment, it was all just stupid rumors. That gun was very real though. Who goes around Manhattan with a concealed handgun? Who?

  A crime boss—that’s who.

  I don’t know Nick Moretti at all anymore. I know the boy he used to be. But the man he’s become is entirely different. Sometimes when I look at Nick, I still see a shadow of the boy who used to walk me home every day. But other times, I see something scary and unfamiliar in those dark, sexy eyes.

  Nick has done terrible things. I’m certain of it now. He’s committed crimes that could get him locked away for life, although I’m sure he has good lawyers so that will never happen.

  I can’t kiss a criminal. My brain is screaming to stay far away, even though my heart will always been drawn to him. My heart and what’s between my legs.

  I stare at myself in the mirror for a good several minutes, trying to make sense of everything that just happened. I love Seth. But I can’t deny the fact that I kissed another man. Maybe staying with Seth all these years was a mistake. Maybe I should have been out there looking for another man I’d want as badly as I want Nick. Am I lying to him by pretending to love him as much as I did Nick?

  And I can’t deny that Seth and my relationship has cooled off over the years. Whatever passion we used to have has faded. After all, he didn’t even bother to come tonight to see my debut.

  I’m so confused…

  “Jess?”

  I hear a familiar voice echoing across the dressing room. I look up and my heart leaps into my throat.


  Oh my God. It’s Seth.

  “What are you doing here?” I stand up, wiping off the residuals of my tears from my face. “I thought you had an early case!”

  “Are you kidding me?” he says. “You think I’d miss your debut?” He grins crookedly. “I wanted to surprise you.”

  And then I see that he’s holding out a single red rose. The petals are slightly wilted, but it’s still beautiful. I take it and hold it to my nose. I love the smell of rose petals. It’s one of my favorite smells. That and whatever aftershave Nick was wearing tonight.

  “I almost wasn’t able to get in!” Seth tells me. “I told that bouncer at the front that I was your fiancé and the place isn’t even that crowded, but he still gave me a hard time.”

  “Oh?” I raise my eyebrows. “How’d you push your way in?”

  “I slipped the bouncer a fifty,” he says. I look at him in surprise, and he adds, “I’m kidding. Your boss Nick Moretti saw me by the entrance and told the bouncer to let me come in.”

  “Oh,” I murmur.

  He leans in and kisses me gently on the lips. “Good luck, Jess. I know you’re going to be fantastic.”

  I feel a rush of affection and throw my arms around Seth’s shoulders. He laughs and hugs me back. He may not make me feel tingly the way Nick does, but he’s warm and familiar and comfortable.

  Maybe we don’t have as much passion as I would have with Nick. But Seth is a good man. I love him and he loves me. And that counts for a lot.

  “Good luck, Jess.” He kisses my nose. “Break a leg out there.”

  Five minutes later, when I step onto the stage to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” I can make out Seth sitting at a table right in the front, waving eagerly at me. As for Nick, I can’t see him at all. But I know he’s out there. Somewhere.

  Chapter 17: 2010

  Jessie

  I’m about to go onstage at Cleopatra’s in five minutes and I’m not even nervous.