Diana: Her True Story - In Her Own Words: 25th Anniversary Edition

by Andrew Morton

  Peter, a 53-year-old former council worker, recalled: ‘She was trying to keep our spirits up. For somebody who didn’t know anything about us she was a real professional at handling people and making quick decisions about them. Diana did a great job to keep Neil calm. By the time we left he was chatting to Diana as though he had known her all his life and gave her a kiss on the cheek as we walked down the steps.’

  His sentiments were endorsed by his stepson, Neil, who said: ‘She was a very caring, understanding person, somebody you can rely on. She understood about death and grief.’

  As Neil and Peter were making the funeral arrangements they were surprised and touched to receive a letter, sent on 4 September 1990, from the Princess on Kensington Palace writing paper. (shown here).

  It was another watershed event for a woman who had for so long believed herself worthless, with little to offer the world other than her sense of style. Her life in the royal family had been directly responsible for creating this confusion. As James Gilbey said: ‘When she went to Pakistan last year she was amazed that five million people turned out just to see her. Diana has this extraordinary battle going on in her mind. “How can all these people want to see me?” and then I get home in the evening and lead this mouse-like existence. Nobody says: “Well done.” She has this incredible dichotomy in her mind. She has this adulation out there and this extraordinary vacant life at home. There is nobody and nothing there in the sense that nobody is saying nice things to her – apart of course from the children. She feels she is in an alien world.’

  Little things meant so much to Diana. She didn’t seek praise, but at public engagements if people thanked her for helping, it turned a routine duty into a very special moment. In the early years she never believed the plaudits she received but later she became much more comfortable accepting a kind word and a friendly gesture. It made her day if she felt that her presence made a difference. She discussed with church leaders, including the Archbishop of Canterbury and several leading bishops, the blossoming of this deep-seated need within herself to help the sick and dying. ‘Anywhere I see suffering, that is where I want to be, doing what I can,’ she said. Visits to specialist hospitals such as Stoke Mandeville or the Great Ormond Street Hospital for Sick Children were not a chore but deeply satisfying. As America’s then First Lady, Barbara Bush, discovered when she joined the Princess on a visit to an Aids ward of the Middlesex Hospital in July 1991 there was nothing maudlin about Diana’s attitude towards the sick. When a bed-bound patient burst into tears as the Princess was chatting to him, Diana spontaneously put her arms around him and gave him an enormous hug. It was a touching moment which affected the First Lady and others who were present. While she spoke later of the need to give Aids sufferers a cuddle, for Diana this moment was a personal achievement. As she held him to her, she was her own self rather than conforming to her role as a princess.

  While her involvement with Aids counselling initially met with some hostility, which was regularly translated into anonymous hate mail, it was part of her desire to help the forgotten victims in society. Her work with leprosy, drug addiction, the homeless and sexually abused children brought her in contact with problems and issues to which there are no easy solutions. As her friend Angela Serota said: ‘She took on Aids because she saw this group of people for whom nothing was being done to help. It is a mistake to think that she is only interested in Aids and the Aids question. She cares about sickness and illness.’

  Diana embraced the personal and social issues generated by Aids with candour and compassion. As her brother, Charles, said: ‘It’s been good for her to champion a really difficult cause. Anybody can do your run-of-the-mill charity work but you have to be genuinely caring and able to give a lot of yourself to take on something that other people wouldn’t dream of touching.’ He saw those qualities at first hand when he asked an American friend, who was dying of Aids, to be one of the godfathers at the christening of his daughter Kitty. The flight from New York left him fatigued and he was understandably nervous to be in the royal presence. ‘Diana realized straightaway what was wrong,’ recalled Charles, ‘and went to him and started talking in a really Christian way. She wanted to know that he was all right and getting through the day. Her concern meant an enormous amount to him.’

  It was her concern and commitment to a friend which in 1991 involved her in what was perhaps the most emotional period of her life up to that point. For five months she secretly helped to care for Adrian Ward-Jackson who had discovered that he was suffering from Aids. It was a time of laughter, joy and much sorrow as Adrian, a prominent figure in the world of art, ballet and opera, gradually succumbed to his illness. A man of great charisma and energy, Adrian initially found it difficult to come to terms with his fate when in the mid-1980s he was diagnosed as HIV positive. His work as deputy chairman of the Aids Crisis Trust, where he first met the Princess, had made him fully aware of the reality of the condition. Finally he broke the news in 1987 to his great friend Angela Serota, a dancer with the Royal Ballet until a leg injury cut short her career and now prominent in promoting dance and ballet. For much of the time, Angela, a woman of serenity and calm practicality, nursed Adrian, always with the support of her two teenage daughters.

  He was well enough to receive a CBE at Buckingham Palace in March 1991 for his work in the arts – he was a governor of the Royal Ballet, chairman of the Contemporary Arts Society and a director of the Theatre Museum Association – and it was at a celebratory lunch held at the Tate Gallery that Angela first met the Princess. In April 1991 Adrian’s condition deteriorated and he was confined to his Mayfair apartment where Angela was in almost constant attendance. It was from that time that Diana made regular visits, once even bringing her children, Princes William and Harry. From that time Angela and the Princess began to forge a supportive bond as they cared for their friend. Angela recalled: ‘I thought she was utterly beautiful in a very profound way. She has an inner spirit which shines forth though there was also a sense of pervasive unhappiness about her. I remember loving the way she never wanted me to be formal.’

  When Diana brought the boys to see her friends, a reflection of her firmly held belief that her role as mother was to bring them up in a way that equipped them for every aspect of life and death, Angela saw in William a boy much older and more sensitive than his years. She recalled: ‘He had a mature view of illness, a perspective which showed awareness of love and commitment.’

  At first Angela kept in the background, leaving Diana alone in Adrian’s room where they chatted about mutual friends and other aspects of life. Often Diana brought Angela, whom she called ‘Dame A’, a gift of flowers or similar token. Angela recalled: ‘Adrian loved to hear about her day-to-day work and he loved, too, the social side of life. She made him laugh but there was always the perfect degree of understanding, care and solicitude. This is the point about her, she is not just a decorative figurehead who floats around on a cloud of perfume.’ The mood in Mount Street was invariably joyous, that sense of happiness that understands about pain. As Angela said: ‘I don’t see death as sad or depressing. It was a great journey he was going on. The Princess was very much in tune with that spirit. She also loved coming for herself, it was an intense experience. At the same time Adrian was revitalized by the healing quality of her presence.’ Angela read from a number of works by St Francis of Assisi, Kahlil Gibran and the Bible as well as giving Adrian frequent aromatherapy treatments. A telephone call from Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who also sent a medallion via Indian friends, gave great pleasure. At his funeral Diana was passed a letter from Mother Teresa saying how much she was looking forward to meeting her when she visited India. Unfortunately Mother Teresa was ill at that time so the Princess made a special journey to Rome where she was recuperating. None the less that affectionate note meant a great deal to the Princess at the time.

  When Diana was unable to visit, she telephoned the apartment to check on her friend’s condition. On her 30th birthday she wor
e a gold bracelet which Adrian had given to her as a sign of their affection and solidarity. Nevertheless, Diana’s quiet and long-standing commitment to be with Adrian when he died almost foundered. In August his condition worsened and doctors advised that he should be transferred to a private room at St Mary’s Hospital, Paddington, where he could be treated more effectively. However, Diana had to leave London for a holiday cruise in the Mediterranean with her family on board a yacht owned by the Greek millionaire John Latsis. Provisional plans were made to fly her from the boat by helicopter to a private plane so that she could be with her friend at the end. Before she left London, Diana visited Adrian in his home. ‘I’ll hang on for you,’ he told her. With those words emblazoned on her heart, she flew to Italy, ticking off the hours until she could return.

  At the end of the holiday she went straight from the airport to St Mary’s Hospital. Angela recalled: ‘Suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Diana. I flung my arms around her and took her into the room to see Adrian. She was still dressed in a T-shirt and sporting a sun tan. It was wonderful for Adrian to see her like that.’

  She eventually went home to Kensington Palace but returned the following day with all kinds of goodies. Her chef Mervyn Wycherley had packed a large picnic hamper for Angela while Prince William walked into the room almost dwarfed by his present of a large jasmine plant from the Highgrove greenhouses. Diana’s decision to bring William was carefully calculated. By then Adrian was off all medication and very much at peace with himself. ‘Diana would not have brought her son if Adrian’s appearance had been upsetting,’ said Angela. On his way home, William asked his mother: ‘If Adrian starts to die when I’m at school will you tell me so that I can be there?’

  Once more royal duty called and this time Diana had to join the Queen and the rest of the family during their annual retreat at Balmoral. She left on the strict understanding that she was to be called the moment Adrian's condition deteriorated, having previously worked out that it would take her seven hours to drive to London from Scotland.

  On Monday, 19 August he started to fade. Canon Roger Greenacre had already administered last communion but, in the evening, nurses were so alarmed by Adrian’s condition that they woke Angela from a catnap and told her that she had better telephone Diana. The last scheduled evening flight to London had departed so Diana tried to hire a private plane. There were none available. Instead she decided to drive the 600 miles from Balmoral to London with her detective. After driving through the night, the Princess arrived at the hospital at 4am. She maintained a vigil for hours, holding Adrian’s hand and stroking his brow.

  A similar watch was maintained throughout Tuesday and Wednesday. ‘We shared everything,’ recalled Angela. ‘In the end it was a very long march.’ Little wonder then that by Wednesday morning Diana felt drained. She was in the corridor snatching a catnap when in a room four doors away the alarm bells sounded. A mother who had just had a cardiac operation had a further, fatal seizure. Unfortunately the woman’s children and family were in the room at the time. As doctors and nurses dashed around with electronic equipment Diana spent her time comforting the distraught relatives. For them it was the grief of disbelief. One moment their mother was talking, the next she was dead. Diana spent much time with them before they left the hospital. As they said goodbye the eldest son told her: ‘God has taken our mother but has put an angel in her place.’

  By Thursday the news had leaked out and a group of photographers waited for her outside the hospital. ‘People thought Diana only came in at the end,’ said Angela. ‘Of course it wasn’t like that at all, we shared it all.’ In the early hours of Thursday, 23 August the end came. When Adrian died, Angela went next door to telephone Diana. Before she could speak Diana said: ‘I’m on my way.’ Shortly after she arrived they said the Lord’s Prayer together and then Diana left her friends to be alone for one last time. ‘I don’t know of anybody else who would have thought of me first,’ said Angela. Then the protective side of Diana took over. She made up a bed for her friend, tucked her in and kissed her goodnight.

  As her friend slept, Diana realised that it would be best for Angela to be with her family on holiday in France. She packed her suitcase for her and telephoned her husband in Montpellier to tell him that Angela was flying out as soon as she awoke. Then Diana walked upstairs to see the baby ward, the same unit where her own sons were born. She felt that it was important to see life as well as death, to try and balance her profound sense of loss with a feeling of rebirth. In those few months Diana had learned much about herself, reflecting the new start she had made in life.

  It was all the more satisfying because for once she had not bowed to the royal family’s pressure. She knew that she had left Balmoral without first seeking permission from the Queen and during the following days it was insisted that she return promptly. The family felt that a token visit would have sufficed and seemed uneasy about her display of loyalty and devotion which clearly went far beyond the traditional call of duty. Her husband had never shown much regard for her interests and he was less than sympathetic concerning the amount of time she spent caring for her friend. They failed to appreciate that she had made a commitment to Adrian Ward-Jackson, a commitment she was determined to keep. It mattered not whether he was dying of Aids, cancer or some other disease; she had given her word to be with him at the end. She was not about to breach his trust. At that critical time she felt that her loyalty to her friends mattered as much as her duty towards the royal family. As she recalled to Angela: ‘You both need me. It’s a strange feeling being wanted for myself. Why me?’

  While the Princess was Angela’s guardian angel at Adrian’s funeral, holding her hand throughout the service, it was at his memorial service that her friend really needed Diana's shoulder to cry on. It didn’t happen. They tried hard to sit together for the service but Buckingham Palace courtiers would not allow it. As the service at St Paul’s Church in Knightsbridge was a formal occasion, the royal family had to sit in pews on the right, the family and friends of the deceased on the left. In grief, as with so much in Diana’s life, the heavy hand of royal protocol prevented the Princess from fulfilling this very private moment in the way she would have wished. During the service Diana’s grief was apparent as she mourned the man whose road to death had given her such faith in herself.

  The Princess no longer felt that she had to disguise her true feelings from the world. She could be herself rather than hide behind a mask. Those months nurturing Adrian had reordered her priorities in life. As she wrote to Angela shortly afterwards: ‘I reached a depth inside which I never imagined was possible. My outlook on life has changed its course and become more positive and balanced.’

  7

  ‘I Don’t Rattle Their Cages’

  In June 1991 the Princess of Wales was enjoying lunch with a friend at San Lorenzo when her conversation was interrupted by her bodyguard. He broke the news that her eldest son, Prince William, had been involved in an accident at his private boarding school. Details were sketchy but it was clear that the Prince had suffered a severe blow to his head while he and a fellow pupil were playing with a golf club in the grounds of Ludgrove School in Berkshire. As she hurried from the restaurant, Prince Charles was driving from Highgrove to the Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading where William was taken for tests.

  While Prince William had a CT scan to assess the damage to his head, doctors at the Royal Berkshire advised his parents that it would be sensible to transfer him to the Great Ormond Street Hospital for Sick Children in central London. As the convoy sped along the M4 motorway, Diana travelled with her son in the ambulance while Prince Charles followed behind in his Aston Martin sports car. While William, who was ‘chirpy and chatty’ during the journey, was prepared for surgery, neurosurgeon Richard Hayward, the Queen’s physician Dr Anthony Dawson, and several other doctors surrounded his parents to explain the position. In numerous conversations they were told that he had suffered a depressed fracture of the skull
and required an immediate operation under general anaesthetic. They made it clear that there were potentially serious risks, albeit relatively small, both in the operation itself and in the possibility that the Prince could have suffered damage to the brain during the initial accident.

  Satisfied in his mind that his son was in safe hands, Prince Charles left the hospital to go to a performance of Puccini’s Tosca at Covent Garden where he was host to a party of a dozen European Union officials including the Environmental Commissioner who had flown in from Brussels. Meanwhile Prince William, holding his mother’s hand, was wheeled into surgery for the 75-minute operation. Diana waited anxiously in a nearby room until Richard Hayward walked in to tell her that her son was fine. It was, she said later, one of the longest hours of her life. As she sat with William in his private room, his father boarded the royal train for an overnight journey to North Yorkshire where he was due to attend an environmental study.

  Diana held her son’s hand and watched as nurses, who came in every 20 minutes, tested his blood pressure and reflexes and shone a light in his eyes. As had been explained to William’s parents, a rapid rise in blood pressure, which can prove fatal, is the most feared side-effect of an operation on a head injury. Hence the regular checks. These were suspended at about 3am when the fire alarm shattered the night-time silence.

  The following morning Diana, tired and overwrought, was deeply concerned about newspaper reports which discussed the chances of William suffering from epilepsy. That was just one of a number of worries. As she discussed the issue with a friend, she observed: ‘You have to support your children in the bad as well as the good times.’ She was not alone in that conclusion. As Prince Charles wandered over the Yorkshire Dales on his green mission, a phalanx of psychologists, royal watchers and indignant mothers condemned the Prince for his behaviour. ‘What kind of dad are you?’ asked the headline in the Sun newspaper.