Survivor Stories

by J P Barnaby

  They reached orgasm together. Well, he hit it first, really, by inches—clenching around Aaron’s cock as his body tightened during that infinite moment of free fall. Everything exploded into shards of color, and before he could catch his breath, Aaron shuddered above him and the warmth of his body spread into Spencer.

  As they lay together in the afterglow, Spencer’s head back on Aaron’s sweat-lined chest, Spencer felt like he could breathe again. Even if just for a moment.

  Then Aaron sat up abruptly, dumping Spencer to the side. He nodded to the door and signed “Sophie” as he rolled to the edge of the bed and got up.

  Back to reality.

  Chapter 14

  SPENCER WATCHED Allen’s lips straining to move as they carried the dresser from his and Aaron’s bedroom down the last flight of stairs. They manhandled it down the walk leading from the apartment toward a midsize moving truck.

  “What.?”

  “I said it was really fucking heavy.” Allen wiped sweat from his brow and leaned against the truck. “Thank God you don’t have a lot of stuff.”

  “Most of the stuff belongs to Sophie,” Aaron said as he came up the walk toward them, signing for Spencer.

  “Yeah, they do accumulate a lot of shit,” Allen said with a nod.

  “At. Least. Her. Stuff. Is. Light..”

  “True dat.” Allen pushed off from his perch on the truck. “What do we have left?”

  “That was the last of the furniture. I think it’s just those boxes in the middle of the living room,” Aaron said.

  “You mean that giant stack that’s taller than Spencer?”

  “That would be the one.”

  Allen sighed. “Let’s do it.”

  Covered in a layer of sweat and grime, they trudged back up the walk and then the stairs in single file. The same layer of sweat and grime they’d had moving in to the apartment three years before. Only then they’d also been covered in a layer of fear. This time the fear felt more like joy.

  “That stack of boxes got taller while we were downstairs.” Allen moaned and stretched as he complained. “We should take the biggest ones first so we can fit the smaller ones in if we run out of room in the truck.”

  “Works for me,” Aaron said and started moving boxes around. He appeared to be dropping them into piles by size, though his determination of size seemed to be rather suspect. He’d just started on the last stack when the bottom dropped out of the box he was moving.

  Spencer didn’t even need to see Aaron’s lips to know what expletive just came out of his mouth. The box he carried had exploded on impact, and red file folders and their paper innards were strewn about the floor. Dozens of steno pads also sought their freedom and scattered across the threadbare carpet.

  “Are these yours?” Aaron signed to him, and Spencer shook his head. He picked up the box that had so easily given up its contents and checked the outside.

  “They. Belonged. To. Nell.,” Spencer said, recognizing the shipping labels. “We. Shipped. The. Stuff. From. Her. Desk. In. Case. There. Were. Any. Papers. We. Needed..”

  “Jane’s name is all over these folders. The notebooks too,” Allen said, picking through the shards of Nell’s files.

  Aaron picked up the nearest notebook and flipped through it. Allen did the same with one of the folders. Spencer just watched, unable to decide if going through Nell’s stuff constituted a violation of her privacy. It was really his stuff now.

  “Take a look at this,” Aaron said, holding out the notebook.

  December 5, 2014

  Jane is continuing to pull out small pieces of her own hair. I can’t understand why. She says it helps her think. I told her maybe we needed to see a therapist, that I would go with her, but she refused. I think we need to do something, especially if I am pregnant. I missed my period last week.

  “She pulled out her own hair?” Allen asked, confusion marring his features.

  “What. Else. Does. It. Say.?” Spencer grabbed another notebook from the floor and flipped it open to the first page.

  March 17, 2015

  She’s self-medicating. I found more bottles in the kitchen trash. Her behavior is becoming more erratic. She didn’t come home last weekend at all. I don’t know where she stayed or what she’d been doing, but I’m afraid. She’s not the same person.

  “She. Never. Told. Me. Anything. About. This..”

  “Do you know when she and Jane broke up? Or why?” Aaron asked and then flipped through the papers from one of the folders.

  “No.. All. She. Said. Was. That. It. Did. Not. Work. Out..” Spencer turned the book to another page. The contents described a deteriorating mental state.

  “Why would she keep this stuff?” Allen asked. “If she and Jane broke up, why keep it?”

  “I. Do. Not. Know..”

  “Jesus.” Aaron sat down on the floor, the papers still clenched in his hands.

  “What?” Allen asked, taking the papers from his brother’s hands.

  “Oh.”

  “What.?” Spencer asked, irritated that they didn’t just fucking say whatever it was.

  Aaron looked up at him and said something Spencer missed. He didn’t really get the gist of it until Allen held the papers out to him. They were hospital intake papers for Jane Davies. For attempted suicide. Spencer looked at the date and saw it was just before the day Sophie was born.

  “I don’t understand,” Allen said.

  “Let’s get this shit packed up and into the truck. We can go through these papers and notebooks at the house.”

  “I. Want. To. Know.—”

  “I know, Spencer. I want to know too. That’s a lot of reading, and we need to get this done. We can sit and read those tonight. I’ll ask my mom to take Sophie.” Aaron ran a hand up and down his arm. It soothed him, but everything raced through his head right then, too close to the surface.

  Jane had tried to kill herself. Why?

  It took the better part of the afternoon to load the boxes into the truck. Spencer made sure to put the notebooks and papers into Aaron’s car. He didn’t want to lose track of it. At that moment he didn’t even want it out of his sight, so he appreciated the fact that Allen would be driving the truck. Aaron would ride with him to help navigate. Spencer crawled behind the wheel, and it took everything he had not to reach in the back for one of the notebooks. Instead he put both hands on the wheel and followed the truck.

  “THERE ISN’T anything in that truck that can’t wait for tomorrow,” Aaron said. “Let’s order out for pizza, grab a few beers, and look through Nell’s stuff.”

  “I’ll get beer and pick up the pizza. Why don’t you guys pull it out and get it organized. It will probably make more sense in order,” Allen offered. “Still pepperoni?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine for both of us,” Aaron said.

  Spencer opened up the box and started emptying the contents onto the card table Michelle had left for them next to the air mattresses and sleeping bags where they’d camp out before unloading the truck. He started with the notebooks, checking the dates and putting them in order. Aaron did the same with all the papers from their little red file folders. They’d already started reading by the time Allen returned.

  A notebook in one hand and a slice of pepperoni in the other, Spencer settled back to read.

  “Listen to this,” Aaron said. “Ms. Davies exhibits the symptoms of bipolar one disorder with self-harming tendencies.”

  “In this journal, Nell said she broke up with Jane because she thought Jane would be a danger to the baby, to Sophie. It broke her heart to do it,” Spencer signed to Aaron, who translated for his brother.

  “This one says that Jane wouldn’t take the medication the doctors gave her. She said she didn’t like the way it made her feel.” Allen flipped to the next page. “Then just more stories about Jane’s erratic behavior.”

  “I hate that Nell went through this alone. I hate it more that she did not tell me about it,” Spencer said, and even he felt th
e sadness in his fingers.

  “Nell felt she was doing what was best for Sophie by breaking up with Jane. Jane has a mental instability that she hasn’t disclosed. We need to get this stuff to your lawyer, Aaron.” Allen started gathering everything up and putting it back into the box, carefully, as if it were something precious.

  Aaron didn’t say anything, but Spencer agreed with Allen. This was exactly what they needed to stop Jane from trying to get custody. Maybe if they could meet with Jane’s lawyer, they could avoid a hearing altogether.

  Aaron’s look of confusion turned into a frown.

  “What. Is. It.?” Spencer asked, sliding closer to him.

  “You plan to use her psychological problems against her to keep custody of Sophie,” Aaron said, not a question but more just seeking confirmation.

  “If. We. Have. To.,” Spencer said, not touching Aaron but simply watching him.

  “What makes me any better to care for Sophie? I have deep psychological problems. If you bring this up in a hearing, they could bring mine up too. Then, not only do I have to sit in another fucking courtroom, I have to defend my sanity… again.”

  “Let’s. Go. See. Mr. Reznick. Tomorrow. And. See. What. He. Thinks.,” Spencer reasoned, but the defiance and hurt in Aaron’s face bothered him. It bothered him more when Aaron stood up and walked into the kitchen.

  “I am a father, Spencer. You do what you need to do in order to keep that little girl. As a father, you fight like hell for her. You get me?” Allen put one hand on Spencer’s arm.

  Spencer nodded and looked toward the kitchen with a quiet sigh.

  Chapter 15

  “I THINK it would be more productive to discuss this development with Ms. Davies and her attorney rather than dragging it out as a surprise in court. We may be able to resolve this without slinging mud in front of a judge.” Mr. Reznick continued to take notes on his legal pad. It hadn’t taken long for him and his associates to read through the material they’d found. Once they’d organized it, tagged it, categorized it, and squeezed out every bit of information they could, Mr. Reznick had called them for a meeting.

  “We both agree that’s the better option,” Aaron said and squeezed Spencer’s hand. Spencer had been quiet since their revelations over pizza and beer a couple of weekends before. He’d talked to Aaron some but not a lot as he processed that there were things about Nell he didn’t know. He also needed to work through what they’d seen in the documents from the box—Pandora’s box, as they’d taken to calling it.

  “We should provide them with copies of the pertinent information we have. It would be counterproductive to ambush them.”

  “We don’t want to ambush anyone. We just want to put an end to it.” Aaron signed as he spoke so Spencer could be part of the conversation.

  “I’ll set up a meeting for tomorrow while they are in town for the prelims.”

  “We will be there,” Aaron assured him.

  “Do you think this will be the end of it?” Spencer asked as they walked out of Mr. Reznick’s office. Aaron hated the exhaustion and fear in his expression. They were finally moved in with some recognizable order, and Aaron wanted them to be able to continue on with their lives. He wanted Sophie to be safe.

  “Maybe. I’ve been thinking, though. In the journals, Nell talked about giving Jane supervised visitation if she stayed on her meds. What would you think of that?” Aaron hesitated after the question. He didn’t want to upset Spencer, but that seemed to be Nell’s wish. Aaron had read all the journals, trying to get some understanding about Nell’s state of mind and Jane’s illness. He found Nell’s love for Jane on nearly every page. It tore Nell up to have to cut her from their lives, but she’d needed to keep Sophie safe. With the hallucinations and the mania, she just couldn’t trust Jane with her little girl.

  “My dad says that Jane can manage her condition, but it will never get better. If she goes off her meds, she could be dangerous to Sophie. I just… I do not know what to do,” Spencer admitted. “What if we let Jane have visitation and then she goes off the handle? It wouldn’t be fair to Sophie just to pull the woman out of her life.”

  “I did not think of it that way.”

  “I think we should talk to my dad.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  IT TOOK a long time for Spencer to get up and moving the next morning. Aaron understood. He didn’t want to face the day, face Jane, face their battle any more than Spencer did. But the meeting could end it. With the lawsuit dropped, they could get on with their lives. They could find that preschool for Sophie that they’d been putting off.

  The drive to Mr. Reznick’s office seemed to take no time at all, and before Aaron knew it, they were sitting in a conference room surrounded by plants and chairs and pretense. The legal assistant, whose name Aaron didn’t get, offered them a variety of beverages, but Aaron didn’t want to drink right then. He wanted to leave.

  He checked the time on his phone again. Jane and her lawyer were already ten minutes late. He had a horrible feeling in his gut that they wouldn’t show at all. Maybe they had something to ambush Spencer with, though Aaron couldn’t think of what that could be.

  Ten minutes turned into fifteen, and Mr. Reznick watched the time just as carefully. Of course he did. He got paid by the hour.

  “Is. This. Like. College.? Wait. Fifteen. Minutes. For. The. Teacher. To. Show. Up.?” Spencer asked, his voice calm but sad.

  “If they’re not here in—”

  He was interrupted by the blonde legal assistant who had offered them coffee.

  “Your ten o’clock appointment is here,” she said, as if she were announcing that their pizza had arrived. No one in the building seemed to have a sense of urgency about anything. A little girl’s future sat in the balance, their future as a family. Didn’t anyone give a shit about that?

  “Please, show them in,” Mr. Reznick said with an annoying calmness Aaron coveted.

  A man in a perfect black suit with a red-striped power tie entered first. His well-put-together appearance spoke of money, subtly but clearly. A severe part split his hair into a recognizable corporate cut. Not a partner, no, but trying to make it there. It surprised him how much he remembered of his father’s tutelage during those summers he interned at the firm.

  It took only a moment for Jane to follow her upwardly mobile lawyer into the room. Her face, haggard and drawn, seemed to have aged ten years since Aaron had last seen her at their old apartment. Her expertly tailored suit hung loose on her already thin frame. Defeat clung to her like cologne.

  “Thank you for coming,” Mr. Reznick said, starting the clock and entering the field of play. “Please, sit. Would you like something to drink?”

  “No,” Jane said quietly, taking the seat farthest from Aaron and Spencer. Her lawyer took the chair next to her.

  “You’ve reviewed the documents we’ve sent over, Mr. Perry?”

  “I have, and I’ve discussed them with my client. You could have killed us in court with them. I assume you have something else in mind?” Mr. Perry opened a leather portfolio embossed with what Aaron assumed were his initials. A Mont Blanc pen came next and he poised himself to take notes.

  “Mr. Thomas doesn’t want to make this ugly. He has compassion for Ms. Davies and her condition,” Mr. Reznick said, interrupted only by a quiet sound of disgust from Jane. “Spencer has great respect for his aunt, and his aunt cared for Ms. Davies.”

  “Stop. Please.,” Spencer interrupted, holding his hands up. “Just. Stop.. Jane., Nell. Loved. You.. It. Broke. Her. Heart. To. Have. To. Do. What. She. Did.. Do. You. Love. Sophie.?”

  “With all my heart,” she said, her eyes heavy with unshed tears.

  “I. Believe. You.. So.. I. Talked. To. My. Dad. About. You.. He. Said. That. Your. Disorder. Will. Never. Go. Away., But. With. Medication., You. Can. Be. Okay.. Is. That. True.?” Spencer held a hand up to Mr. Reznick when he tried to interrupt. Then he dropped his hand on top of Aaron’s and squeezed.
/>   “Yes.”

  “How. Long. Have. You. Been. Taking. Your. Meds.?”

  “I’ve been consistently taking them for two years. I saw what happened when I didn’t. I ended up in a psych ward, inches from death. I’d rather deal with the meds than do that again.” As she spoke, she wrung her hands in front of her on the smooth granite table.

  “Nell. Wanted. To. Start. Letting. You. Visit. With. Sophie.. It. Was. In. Her. Journal. Just. Before. She. Died..”

  Jane’s head came up then, and she looked at Spencer, her expression half hope, half fear. Life had given Jane the world and then taken it back. It was evident she thought it would happen again.

  “Supervised.,” Spencer clarified. “She. Had. Some. Valid. Concerns., Though.. Things. She. Needed. To. Work. Out. First..”

  “I’m steady on my meds. I know she worried—” The desperation in Jane’s voice hurt Aaron to hear. He knew Spencer couldn’t hear the tone, but her expression laid everything bare.

  “It. Was. Not. Just. That.. She. Did. Not. Want. To. Confuse. Sophie. By. Introducing. You. As. Her. Mother..” Spencer spoke slowly, and Jane’s face turned slightly green.

  “But I am her mother.”

  “I. Know. That.. She. Will. In. Time.. But. For. Right. Now., You. Have. To. Be. A. Friend.. If. You. Slip. With. Your. Meds. Or. Develop. Other. Issues., She. Does. Not. Need. To. Lose. Another. Mother..”

  Jane sat quiet for a long time. Aaron could see the arguments and counterarguments playing across her face. He wondered what it was like to actually lose control over such an analytic mind.

  “I can understand that.” The words came out stiff, cardboard cutouts of language. “I don’t want her to hurt either. What about when she’s older?”

  “When. She. Is. Old. Enough. To. Understand., She. Can. Know. Everything.. Who. You. Were. To. Nell., Who. You. Are. To. Her., Why. It. Has. To. Be. Like. This..” Spencer danced carefully around what Jane would tell Sophie about her condition. Of course Sophie needed to know, but that could come in time.