We Shouldn't and Yet...

by Stephanie Witter

  While I was eating Aideen’s pussy and putting my dick balls deep inside her, my son was getting drunk because of his fight with her. I was fucking his girl and loving the hell out of it while he was torturing himself about the fight they had.

  I don’t know what I hate the most; the fact I fucked Aideen, or the fact that I would do it again in a heartbeat if I could.

  Yeah, I’m father of the year.

  ***

  AIDEEN

  Showered and back on the couch, I’m trying to watch a re-run of Gilmore Girls, but I can’t focus. Jensen left almost two hours ago and I’m still stuck in my bed with him in a way. Everywhere in my body I feel what happened between us and I ache in places I’ve never ached before. He’s made me feel things I’ve never felt before.

  Maybe I should feel guilty for sleeping with my best friend’s father, for forgetting Yann already, but a part of me can’t fully process guilt. I was able to forget everything for a little while and I’m thankful for it even though I now mostly feel like crap. Being selfish for once felt good in a way I never knew it could.

  And yet, I can’t help the few tears falling down my face every few minutes or the knots tying my stomach. When I was with Jensen I felt a connection with him like nothing I’ve ever known and now I’m afraid it’s gone. This, this, I regret.

  AIDEEN

  It’s been days since I’ve last seen Hal or Jensen. I’m not surprised that Jensen has been MIA after our last talk and the way he reacted after we had sex, but I’m more subdued when it comes to Hal. But if I’m honest with myself, Jensen is never far from my mind either. I just pretend to myself I don’t really care.

  Hal and I, we’ve never had a fight since we met a year or so ago. Even when we have a disagreement we just drop it and move on. But this time around, he reacted violently, rocking the boat without apology and I don’t know what to make of it. I know he hates it when I don’t talk about where I’m standing with the whole Yann affair, but I can’t. I just can’t.

  I grip the mouse of the computer tighter. I glance around the office of the resort and sigh when I don’t see my boss, Evelyn. She’s a strong woman, always plastering a professional smile on her face, even when there are no clients. Apparently, we’re all supposed to keep a smile, sending welcoming and soothing vibes to all. That’s something I’m still working on.

  “Aideen, do you have the detailed estimate for the rooms on the second floor?’’ Evelyn’s voice precedes her, her kitten heels punctuating her words in an already familiar fashion.

  I swirl on my rolling chair and immediately locate the paper I printed half an hour ago. “Here.’’ I extend it and she grabs it with her perfectly manicured hands.

  Her blue eyes run over the document, an annoyed pout on her lips made up with nude lipstick.

  “They’re kidding, I hope. Last time they asked for fifteen percent less and it was the same job.’’

  I shrug. “I know, I checked when I got the email. I think you should contact other companies. I can compile a list if you’d like.’’

  Evelyn sighs and leans on my desk, the estimate now hanging alongside her body at the end of her limp arm. She looks exhausted. I can only empathize. It’s Friday and between training me during this first week, running the resort as smoothly as usual and dealing with the renovations her parents asked for—they’re the owners but put their only daughter in charge—things have been pretty much hectic.

  Her perpetual professional smile drops and for the first time I see the real Evelyn. At barely thirty she looks like the girl-next-door kind of woman with her light brown hair and her soft honey colored eyes. She’s very focused on her work, but it’s obvious it’s also eating at her. I picked up on this on my second day.

  “That’s the issue, we’ve been using this company for years. My parents won’t ever accept if we consult others.’’

  “You’re the manager.’’

  She chuckles and tightens her already tight ponytail. “I’m also their daughter. Family can be difficult.’’

  I nod, only too aware of this fact. Not a day goes by without a phone call from my mother that ends up with at least a hint of her asking me to come back. It seems like nothing, but it’s hard. I have too many bad memories over there and they’re tainting my good ones. Also, I’m far too spent and I don’t feel like helping or supporting anyone. Not now anyway. I first need to sort out my own mess, starting with my evasive best friend.

  Evelyn checks her watch and straightens up, her fake smile back in place. “You’ve done enough. You should go. It’s Friday after all, I’m sure you have plans.’’

  I shut down my computer and watch Evelyn go to her own desk. We share this small room and while I’d been surprised at first to be sharing my office space with my boss, I’d quickly discovered it wasn’t a bad situation. And Evelyn is easy to work with. She’s also always walking around the resort to check if everything is fine and to greet clients so it’s not like she’s always there.

  “I need to locate my best friend first.’’ I catch myself before saying more. She’s my boss, I shouldn’t be talking to her in such a friendly way. She’s pretty friendly with all her employees, something she’s been taught by her family, but she’s not a friend, she’s still my boss. Even now that the resort is such a huge complex, bigger than I even thought at first, she’s still trying to keep that family company vibe her parents went for.

  “Ouch. You had a fight?’’

  I gather my things and shoulder my purse. Standing up, I cringe when I feel how my legs are numb from sitting behind my desk all day. “Nothing that can’t be sorted out. Hopefully.’’ I look around my work space to ensure I hadn’t forgotten anything. “Do you need me earlier on Monday? I remember that there’s a group checking in early.’’

  She shakes her head. “No, we should be fine. But keep your phone handy in case another mess happens and we need all the help available. Have a nice weekend.’’ She waves at me without looking up and I walk away, not sure if she’s heard my parting words. From the rumor mills around the resort, she stays until late at night and it’s been going on for the last four months since her fiancé broke up with her to go off with my predecessor, the assistant manager. I don’t know what to believe, but she sure is a workaholic and I know very well how work can be the perfect escape when one needs to think of anything but their private life.

  I wave and nod at the other employees on my way out and stop dead in my tracks when I see Hal leaning against my car. A real smile stretches my mouth and I hurry up to him, sudden relief washing away most of the exhaustion from my first week at work.

  “Hal?’’

  Wordlessly, he opens his arms and I walk into them, locking him in a bear hug. He feels very different from Jensen, but where his father is a real thrill to my very core, Hal is always the comfort I’m seeking. My best friend is back.

  “I’m sorry. I fucked up.’’

  I squeeze him tighter, my chin over his shoulder. “We all have our bad days and…and I know I should do more.’’

  He pushes me back softly, his hands firm on my shoulders. “It’s not that. I’m afraid that you’re still hung up on Yann. I don’t want to see you hurt.’’

  “I’m not hung up on him. It’s something else entirely and I don’t know how to let these emotions go. At some point I’ll get there.’’ I tug once on his dark blue suit jacket. “I’m glad we’re talking again. It’s been pretty lonely.’’

  He smiles at me, but there’s sadness in his eyes. These last couple of months, something has been off sometimes when we’re talking. He’s…I don’t know, far off at times and that’s not like him. I’ve never paid attention to it before our fight the other day that got me thinking.

  “Follow me back to the house. I’ve invited a few friends over. Most are colleagues and people I’ve met going out with Jensen. What do you say?’’

  Going back to Jensen’s house and probably see him? Just picturing him there is making me feel hot and bother
ed. If he’s with another woman, that Cassie for example, I don’t know how it’d make me feel and I hate that. I shouldn’t be feeling anything now that he’s out of my system. But is he?

  I frown and shake my head, a small smile still stitched to my mouth, but I’m not feeling it anymore. “We need to talk about this, Hal.’’

  “There’s nothing to talk about. We made up, we’re good.’’

  “No, we’re not good if we don’t talk about what happened. Do you really want to fight again? Because I can assure you that not talking will let things fester and next time we’re not going to have such an easy fight.’’

  “Aideen…’’ he sighs, his mouth now downturned.

  “I’m serious. You went off without any warning and I…’’ I sigh with defeat. “I need to understand.’’

  He looks away, his mouth set in a harsh line. There’s something he’s not telling me, and I hate it. “What do you want me to say, huh?’’

  “For a start, what’s on your mind right now.’’

  He runs a hand along his smooth and perfectly shaved cheek, and it’s like seeing a smoother, clean cut shadow of Jensen. It’s almost eerie because they don’t look that similar, but they do share some mannerisms. And it makes my insides twist.

  “You don’t want to talk about Yann and what you’re feeling when you think about him, so give me the same leeway and let me keep some of my mystery. After all, mysteries are what girls dig in men, aren’t they?’’

  “You’re into clichés now?’’ I laugh and punch his chest playfully, easing back into the easy going relationship we’ve always shared. For now. “I’d rather go back home and relax.’’

  “Oh come on!’’ He opens his arms wide as if to emphasize his indignation. He’s better now if he’s back to his exuberant ways. “It’s Friday night, Aideen. And you have to tell me how this first week went. Even my father asked how’ve you been.’’

  “He did?’’ I ask before thinking. I’m weak in the knees suddenly, my breathing a tiny bit faster. The most shocking reaction comes from my body. My nipples push against my bra and my skin pebbles, just in a matter of seconds. Just by hearing the mention of Jensen.

  Hal watches me as if I’ve grown another head. At least that means he has no clue whatsoever of what went down with his own father and me. Good, that’s actually really good.

  “Yes, of course. He knows you’re on your own here and you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to see that we’ve been avoiding each other. I live with the man, you know.’’ He tilts my face up and back to him, a finger under my chin. “You have to meet new people, make new friends. Have a drink with us and then you’re good to go back to your place and be boring.’’

  I push his hand away. “I’ll have you know that I’m currently reading a steamy book that’s anything but boring. In fact, they’re having sex every few chapters.’’ I arch an eyebrow at him and outright laugh when he starts blushing.

  He chuckles at himself. “Keep that before bed, sex kitten. Now, if you don’t bring your sexy butt to the house I’m going to bring them all to your place.’’

  “Alright, alright.’’ I fake being annoyed and climb in my car, ready to follow him back to Jensen’s. I’m not ready to face him, but I guess this is as good a time as any. It’s not like I have much time to psych myself before facing my first and only one-nighter, the father of my best friend and my still very vivid and current fantasy man. And I’d be lying if I said that I’m not a bit curious to see Jensen again even if anxiety is predominant.

  In a matter of seconds my palms are clammy and I’m ready to drive at breakneck speed in the other direction, but I don’t. I’m bound to cross his path at some point, it’s best to have people playing the role of buffer. At least, that’s what I tell myself in reassurance.

  ***

  JENSEN

  “I saw Cassie at the bar, last night,’’ Q says offhandedly, but I know where he’s going with this. I know him too well to get surprised and I’m still too sober not to predict where this is going.

  I lean back against the kitchen counter, a glass of whiskey in one hand and my best friend next to me while we stand here looking at the young men and women sitting on the couch and armchairs. My son left half an hour ago to get Aideen and I’m pretty sure he’s going to make her come back to the house, even if she doesn’t want to. He’s stubborn like that.

  “The answer is yes, Q.’’

  “I didn’t ask anything.’’

  I take a generous sip of whiskey and barely feel the burn of the liquid. “I know you and your nosy ways. And your wife is as into other people’s business as you are. By the way, where is she?’’

  “She’s at her parents’ for the weekend, I told you two days ago, but you were already barely coherent at that point. I’m not surprised you forgot.’’ He takes a sip of his microbrew beer, something he’s pissy about if he doesn’t have. “And you don’t know what I was about to ask.’’

  “Wanna bet?’’ I tense up when I hear car doors outside. I run a hand in my unkept beard and lock my jaw. “You wanted to ask if I really ended my fucking arrangement with Cassie and the answer is yes.’’

  The front door opens with Hal and on his heels is the woman I keep dreaming about, jerking off to everyday, the woman I can’t stop thinking about, Aideen. She’s more gorgeous than in my memory. Her hair is swept up in a high ponytail swishing at her every step. She’s not wearing much makeup, only some on her eyes to make them more vibrant than usual. Her clothes, a simple suit with a skirt hugs her figure to perfection, making me hard in a heartbeat. She scans the room and when she spots me, I’m at full mast, ready to fuck her, claim her as mine again. And the best is when I see her step falter, her breathing staggering and her mouth parting. Then, I know she’s still affected by me and I feel like a fucking king.

  “I guess I don’t need to ask you why you discarded your easy lay. Do you know what you’re doing, fucker?’’

  “I’m not doing anything.’’ I gulp the rest of my whiskey and pour myself another, ready to toss it back too. I need something to calm down, but it’s useless. I already know alcohol doesn’t soften my dick when she’s around, it only makes me more reckless than usual.

  “The fuck you’re not. That look on both your faces? It’s obvious there’s something and it’s going to catch up to you, J.’’

  I look Q in the eye and nod. “I know, but I can’t fucking stop that train wreck.’’

  “And Hal?’’

  I shake my head and glance back at her. She’s sitting on the arm of the chair while Hal is in it, his arm slung studiously nonchalantly behind her. He keeps her in his view while helping her get acquainted with his small group of friends. But she’s still staring at me and it’s a direct shot to my balls.

  I toss back my glass. “He’s going to hate me.’’

  “J, is it even worth it? She’s just a girl. You can have any woman you want and without any of the complication.’’

  “She’s…Q, it’s not something I can control. I control nothing when I’m around her and I’m obsessed. Is it worth the consequences with Hal? I don’t know and the worse is that I don’t care right now. I just want her even if it’s a really bad idea.’’

  “You shagged her?’’ he hisses out the words in disbelief.

  I nod and glance back at her, but this time she’s engrossed with one of the guys, talking and laughing softly. A fire ignites inside me. I’ve never felt that shit, but I know what it is; jealousy. My knuckles turn white around the tumbler. “And she tossed me out right after.’’

  Q’s laughter brings my attention back to him. I know I’m scowling something fierce, but I don’t care. There’s only him to find my situation funny. After all, he’s not the one out in the cold with blue balls. He’s got a nice pregnant wife at home and sex whenever he wants.

  “I think I can see why you’re into that girl.’’

  “What, her looks didn’t clue you in already?’’

 
He shrugs and polishes off his fancy beer. “I’ve never seen you with a bad looking girl. This is nothing new. Now, a woman who tosses your ass out after sex… Maybe that’s why you’re so into this girl; because she treats you differently than your usual women.’’

  “Hey, Jensen!’’ Hal calls out, his voice booming in the small lower level of the house. “Are you two finished gossiping in the kitchen like old ladies?’’

  ***

  AIDEEN

  I try and ignore Jensen and his best friend as much as possible when they walk through the room toward us with their drinks in hand. I keep my attention to the man on the couch in front of me. His name is Wesley and he’s quite good looking with his chocolate skin, his deep black eyes and bright smile. Also, he’s well-built, but Hal told me that Wesley used to play football in college and he graduated only three years ago. Now, he’s back here to teach at the high school and coach the football team.

  “Hal told us that you used to play tennis.’’

  I nod and push back the memories I have linked to that sport. Yann and I used to play together. I think it’s the only time when he was able to push away everything else and just be and have fun with me, until it wasn’t enough anymore. “I stopped playing a few years ago. In middle school I even dreamed of becoming the next Wimbledon champion.’’ I snort at myself and pull my hair out of the tight ponytail. I almost groan out loud when my scalp is finally free from the torture. I run a hand through it and quickly risk a glance at Jensen.

  His eyes are already on me, burning, intense. Dark. Lustful. I quickly turn back to Wesley.

  “Just like me when I dreamed of winning the Super Bowl.’’ His smile temporarily catches me off guard and the tension in my body eases some. “Want another beer?’’