Nights in the Fast Lane: A Contemporary Romantic Comedy

by Grace Risata

  “If you weren’t the best friend of the guy I was sleeping with, I would tell you exactly what I think,” I muttered.

  “What was that? I’m all ears, sweetheart. Lay it on me.”

  “Can you two have your domestic disturbance in the other room?” Ant whined. “Some of us are still sleeping over here.”

  “I just came out to see if anyone wants breakfast. Dane said you guys are going to a car thing and you would probably be gone all day.”

  “Are you going to make us waffles and pancakes and send us off with a great start so we can have a super-fun day?” Spider said with a heavy dose of fake enthusiasm.

  “Quit being a pouting bastard, you fucker. She was trying to be polite,” Dane said as he came out of the bedroom.

  Spider gave Dane the finger. “I don’t care what she was TRYING to be. Maybe I don’t need Mary Poppins and her dog waking me up so fucking early. How about that? Or is that not polite enough for you, Dane?”

  “We’re leaving. NOW. Get your shit and let’s go. Anyone who’s not in Ant’s car in the next twelve seconds is going to have my foot up their ass,” Dane replied. Whoa. I had never seen him like THAT before.

  Spider gently nudged Kitty off his lap, got up, and walked out without so much as a look in my direction. Dane charged off after him.

  “Isn’t this just going to be a lovely day for me? Caught in the middle of whatever bug is up their asses,” Ant said, with a trace of amusement.

  “Do they act like that a lot? I mean is this a common thing with them?” I asked him.

  “I’ve worked with Dane for three years and I’ve never seen them go at it before. Spider stops by the garage all the time. Those two are like brothers. Dane is usually very easy-going and Spider acts like he’d stab anyone who dared to mess with his buddy. I have no idea what’s between them now,” Ant admitted.

  “Interesting. Good luck today, Ant.”

  “Thanks, Izzy. I’m gonna need it!”

  --------------------------------------------------------------------------

  After the guys left, I had breakfast and cleaned the house. I had nervous energy to burn. Between trying to analyze what was wrong with Dane and half expecting the cops to knock on my door and arrest me for vandalism, I had a full morning.

  I gave in to the nagging voice in my head around two in the afternoon and called Winter. She was at work, but currently in-between customers. I told her the story of how Dane and Spider were at each other’s throats and nothing seemed normal anymore.

  “I know,” Winter agreed. “Nothing IS normal anymore. Monica was absolutely insane last night. I have no idea why she waited so long to tell us what was going on. Add in her disheveled appearance and her new affinity for violence…who IS she anymore? Dane and his bro are arguing like they have it out for each other. At least you and I haven’t changed.”

  “You HAVE changed. What was up with you and Spider last night? You went all shy girl on him and then freaked when he was disrespectful to me. Do you like him or not?” I asked.

  “That’s a hard question to answer. I’m on the fence right now. I could go either way. He’s hotter than hell. My panties were soaked by the end of the night. I’m not gonna lie. I fell asleep picturing all the things he would probably do to me. Let me just say that they were all very pleasant and he was quite creative. Anyway, I don’t like how he treated you OR Dane. He was throwing around evil glares like he was in a mean stare-off contest. He obviously can’t stand you, but the question is why?”

  “Yeah. I noticed that. What do you think the answer is?”

  “It’s pretty obvious, Izzy. He’s jealous of you.”

  “What? That makes no sense.”

  “It makes absolutely perfect sense. Spider is cool. Spider is in a band. Dane is the less popular friend. Dane idolizes Spider. Dane probably goes along with whatever Spider says. Now Dane has a new friend that he’s spending time with. A new friend that Spider knows nothing about. A new friend who’s horning in on Spider’s territory. A new friend who’s having hot sex with Dane at every available opportunity. Spider can’t compete with that and he knows it. Game over. You win.”

  I let that sink in for a second. “But if Spider is really Dane’s friend, wouldn’t he want him to be happy? It’s not a competition. Someone can have a friend and a girlfriend at the same time!”

  “Are you Dane’s friend, too?” Winter asked.

  “Of course I am.”

  “Spider’s threatened by that. It’s obvious when any amount of time is spent with you and Dane…that you two care about each other and you’re very comfortable together. I’m going to gag at even having to say this, but you two do make a cute couple.”

  “Whatever, Suzy Sunshine. Did you get all angry and evil when I started going out with Dane? No. You’re the same you that you’ve always been.”

  “That’s because I like Dane. I see how he treats you. He’s good to you. He didn’t let Roxy the skank get the best of you in the bar. He totally blew Libby out of the water. He also didn’t let Spider get away with how he talked to you. Dane is a great guy. Trent on the other hand…not so much. That’s why we never liked Trent. For some reason Spider thinks you’re bad for Dane. We just need to change his mind,” Winter explained.

  “When did you get so smart?” I asked.

  “I’ve always been a super-genius. It’s just been lying dormant waiting to come out.”

  “I’m pretty sure this isn’t the first time your brilliance has shown itself.””

  “I know. How about if we all go out tonight and rip shit up? We’ll make Monica come with us and hopefully she’ll shower and put fresh clothes on. I don’t want her alone tonight anyway. She needs to be around people. We can torment Spider until he blows up and admits why he hates you. If he should just happen to notice how incredibly attractive I am and decides he needs to throw his hot body my way…even better.”

  “I was waiting for that part to get added on!” I said.

  “Would you mind? I mean I know you got off on the wrong foot with Spider. Would you be pissed if I hooked up with him?” Winter asked.

  “Nope, not at all. Just be careful and don’t get hurt. I don’t know a single thing about him. He could be a murderer for all I know. It’s all at your own risk.” I gave up a long time ago trying to lecture Winter about who she messed around with. She was a grown woman. I just had to let her make her own choices and hope they were good ones.

  “Dane wouldn’t be friends with a murderer. This isn’t my first time at the dating game. You know that. I can handle myself just fine. It’s Spider you should be worried about,” she cautioned, sounding a LOT like the old Winter who wasn’t intimidated by any man.

  “Rock on. So what’s the plan for tonight? Where and when? Are you calling Monica or should I?”

  “How about tonight at eight? Meet at Random Chaos. I’ll call Monica.”

  I wanted to let Dane know about our plans so he could clear it with the guys and there would be no surprises when they got back to my house. I sent him a text.

  “Hope you’re having fun. Want to go out tonight with the guys, Monica, and Winter? Random Chaos has live music on Saturdays. Does eight o’clock work for you?”

  His reply did not sound happy at all. Not in the slightest bit.

  “As long as alcohol is involved, I’m there. It’s been a long day.”

  I sighed and went to take a look in my closet to decide what to wear. I was fairly certain I had no “make-your-boyfriend-drool-and-make-his-best-friend-realize-you-aren’t-evil” outfits. I’m betting they didn’t sell anything like that at Thrifty Mart either.

  ------------------------------------------------------

  I expected the guys to get home around six. I figured we’d all grab dinner somewhere. After seven o’clock came and went, I just caved in and ate a grilled cheese and some microwave French fries. I really wanted to text Dane and see what time they would be home
, but I didn’t let myself. I despised clingy girls that had to check in with their man every twelve seconds to see what he was doing, and I didn’t want to become one of them. I also didn’t want to give Spider any more ammunition in his attempt to bring me down.

  The guys finally rolled up at seven-thirty. Spider went right to the spare bathroom to shower and Dane blew past me to the other bathroom, with not a word.

  I looked at Ant and said, “Well? How bad was it today?”

  He slowly shook his head and said, “I don’t suppose you have a third bathroom? I could use a shower too. I’m in a hurry to get the hell out of here and go somewhere with beer.”

  That’s what Dane texted, too! Evidently alcohol was the cure for what ails everyone today.

  “Would you care to elaborate on that?” I asked him. I needed information and he was really the only one I could get it from.

  “No, I would not. I like you, Izzy. I really do. Which is why I’m not getting involved in any of this, okay? Please don’t ask me any more questions about today. I don’t like drama.”

  “Fair enough. I’ve been in the middle between Monica and Winter when they’ve had a disagreement and wanted me to play referee. It’s no fun at all,” I said.

  Ant looked extremely relieved that I wasn’t going to pry any more.

  “You look nice, Izzy. And I’m not just saying that to change the subject.”

  I smiled. It was nice that SOMEONE noticed my outfit. I did my hair and put on extra makeup, but I felt that it was my clothing that truly shined. I wore body-hugging white jeans, black stiletto heels, and a black shirt. This was not just ANY black shirt, mind you. It had a see-through lace panel in the middle and another one on top covering my shoulders. I found it at the bottom of a bargain bin when I was bored one day and in a shopping mood. I rarely ever get in shopping moods, unless I decide I hate everything in my closet and need fresh merchandise. Okay. Maybe that was more often than I’d like to admit. Anyway, I was hot.

  “Thanks for noticing, Ant. I appreciate it. I’m sure you ‘big city’ guys are used to gorgeous women. I’m just trying to do my best so Dane will stay interested.”

  “Trust me, Izzy. Dane is not at all bored with you. In fact, I’d say he’s quite the opposite.”

  “Really?” I asked. Maybe Ant would spill some juicy info after all.

  “Sorry, I can’t say more. Guy code.” Damn it!

  I told Ant more about the bar we were going to and about life in small town Oak Valley while we waited for the guys to hurry their asses up in the bathroom.

  “I was born in Chicago and have lived there all my life. I have two brothers and four sisters, so there was never a dull moment at my house,” Ant explained.

  “That must have been so much fun. I don’t have any siblings and it got lonely.”

  “We got into our fair share of trouble. There was this one time…it has to be one of my favorite memories, which is bizarre because it was really violent. I was standing in our kitchen with my older brother, my younger brother, and one of our sisters. My older brother decided he was going to be a knife thrower and join the circus. He was probably nine and I was eight. My younger brother was five and my sister was six. We’re all really close in age. So my older brother picks up a paring knife out of the drawer and he tells my younger brother to go stand by the refrigerator. My little brother looked up to us and he usually did whatever we said. So he stood by the fridge. My little sister was the only smart one of the lot of us. She warned us that we were a bunch of morons and someone was going to get hurt. Of course we didn’t listen to her. She was the girl and we were boys and we knew more than her. My older brother was convinced he could throw the knife and it would miss my brother and bounce off the fridge, but he said it was going to come REALLY close to hitting him and that’s what the trick was. You had to come close but not really hit the person. Of course he threw the knife and it stuck in my brother’s leg. My little brother started wailing at the top of his lungs. My older brother grabbed my sister so she couldn’t run to go get our mom. I just stood there in shock because I couldn’t believe my big brother just did that to my little brother. I was sure someone was going to die, but I didn’t know who. I was half sure it would be my little brother when he bled to death and half sure it would be my big brother when my mom found out. My big brother begged us NOT to tell our mom. My sister pointed out the fact that we couldn’t just hide a knife wound from our parents. It was quite the scene.”

  I was laughing my head off trying to visualize four little kids coming up with a strategy to hide a flesh wound from their parents. Maybe I was glad I didn’t have siblings. I might not have survived.

  “Well what happened next? Don’t leave me hanging here!”

  “What do you THINK happened? My older brother tried to blame me and my sister but it was pretty much three against one and the truth came out. My brother was grounded for SO long. My little brother never did look at my older brother with quite as much adoration after that incident. I have so many stories. I miss those days.”

  Dane walked into the kitchen to find Ant and I laughing about his dangerous childhood. He started to ask what was so funny, but stopped once he got a look at my outfit.

  “Damn,” he said, eyes appraising me from head to toe as if he were seeing me for the first time. “Izzy, you look amazing.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself,” I admitted. That was an understatement. His hair was gelled to messy perfection and just the right amount of stubble had taken up residence on his beautiful face. A white short-sleeved shirt showcased his biceps and drew attention to the artwork that ran down his arms. Dark blue jeans and black boots completed his look. I would have to say he gave off a different kind of vibe tonight, but not a pleasant one. Normally I got the impression that he was cool and laid-back, but right now he seemed on edge. Jittery, even. He couldn’t stand still and he kept pacing back and forth.

  Spider walked into the room and it seemed to make Dane even more agitated.

  “Are we leaving or what? The sooner we get there, the sooner we get back here, and then I can go home tomorrow,” Spider said. For someone who was complaining about going out, he sure seemed ready to rock. Spider wore a dark gray dress shirt with almost half the buttons undone. With a good portion of his chest hanging out, several more tattoos were on full display. I didn’t get close enough to see what they were, nor did I care to. His cocky attitude was pissing me off and I had a feeling that if I got too close, I’d end up punching him in the face. Ok, I never really would have done that, but it was a nice fantasy. Normal girls probably fantasized about ripping off his clothes to get him naked, and here I was trying to decide where I’d punch him for maximum damage. Yeah, I was a bit of an odd duck.

  “Let’s go,” Ant said. “I don’t need to shower. You two were the ones who got all worked up today. I just want to get to the alcohol as quickly as possible. Do I look presentable, Izzy?”

  Ant could have been wearing a plastic bag for a shirt and he still would have been fine. The man wore ass-hugging black jeans, a purple shirt, and black combat boots.

  “Don’t worry, dude. You’ll have girls lined up to buy YOU drinks, tonight. Trust me on that. Oak Valley doesn’t get guys of this caliber here EVER, let alone three at once.”

  Ant gave me a sinful grin and we headed out the door.

  I was not surprised to see that Monica and Winter were already at the bar. We were running late since Dane and Spider had to shower and get ready. I WAS surprised to see what my friends were wearing and who they were with. I did a double-take as I looked around their table.

  Winter was rocking a barely-there strapless red bandage dress that left absolutely nothing to the imagination. Her sky-high silver pumps put my black heels to shame. She had no less than three men clustered around her, watching her every move.

  Monica was not quite as flashy as Winter. It looked like her clothes were at war with each other. The black flats and blac
k stretch pants were respectable, yet completely contrasted the gray oversized sweatshirt that read, “All men are idiots.” I’m guessing she wasn’t going to be getting tons of action tonight. Her hair was combed and it looked like she had a touch of lip gloss, so maybe she was coming around after all.

  The reason for my double-take involved the lady who had just walked up to their table. It was none other than Stacey from Winter’s salon. The same Stacey who wanted to have a threesome with me and Dane. Awesome. I heard her introducing herself to Monica as we joined their group.

  “It’s so nice to meet you in person. Winter and Izzy were talking about you last week when we were doing a charity project at the salon. How are you doing?” Stacey asked with genuine concern.

  “Who are you, again?” Monica asked, looking confused and a bit annoyed that someone was bothering her. I stepped in to make introductions before the new and improved speak-whatever’s-on-your-mind Monica could cause a scene.

  “Hey, Monica. This is Stacey. She works with Winter. She knows a little about your…ah…situation…because we told her that you were acting a bit odd lately.”

  “Thanks for putting my business on the front page of the paper. Does she know about Geneva, AKA, the back door queen?”

  “No, because we saw her last week and we didn’t know all the gory details at that time,” I explained. I had no idea what would come out of her mouth next. I really should have been prepared.

  Monica turned to Stacey and said, “Well let me get you caught up to speed, Stacey. I wouldn’t want you to be an episode behind on the soap opera of my life. Trent, my soon to be ex-husband, was cheating on me with his older boss. All the signs were there. I went to surprise him at his office a few days ago to see if my suspicions were correct. I was treated to the lovely sight of him ramming his cock up his boss’s ass like he was plunging a toilet. I guess her ass and a toilet are both full of shit, huh? Damn. That was a good one. So there you have it, Stacey. That’s how I’m doing. Today is the first time I took a shower in about three days and you’re all lucky I’m wearing clean underwear. I’m doing whatever the fuck I want from now on and if you don’t like anything that comes out of my mouth, you can piss off.”