Death March (Euphoria Online Book 1)

by Phil Tucker

  I tried to puzzle it out. Funny how I’d never even thought to ask this question. Nobody I knew had. We’d all been too excited about the idea of Euphoria to ask why.

  A small, vertical line had appeared between Lotharia’s brows. “Well, he was created to help fix everything, right? Pull humanity from the brink of disaster? Maybe he made Euphoria to entertain us, cheer us up?”

  “No. Here’s how I see it.” Falkon hopped up to his feet, unaffected by the weight of his armor, and began to pace. “Go back to 2057. The world’s a hot mess. Mass refugee problems. Coastlines flooding. Crop production crashing. Starvation, war, water shortages – total dystopia. So what does humanity do? Come together, rise above our differences, and fix our problems?” He snorted. “Of course not.”

  “Yeah, I know this part,” I said.

  “Well, if you do, you’ve not thought about it enough. So once we proved we were unable to fix the problem by ourselves, the UN hired the Salvation Six to create Albertus by hooking up every single computer system out there to a main quantum processing center. Out of all that power arises our first true AI. The Universal Doctor. And what’s one of the first things he does after his Seven Days of Cogitation?”

  “Create Euphoria,” I said.

  “Right. Why?”

  Again, Lotharia and I exchanged confused glances.

  “Because,” said Falkon, tapping his fist into his open palm, “he was tasked with fixing our problems and doing what’s best for humanity, right? But what does an AI know about humanity? Now, this is my personal theory, but I think it holds up. I think Albertus is using Euphoria as a private test lab in which to study us. Learn how we tick, what we want, how we use power, how we work in social groups, all of it. Which is why he’s always tinkering with the balance between immersion and crunch. If Euphoria’s too much like a game, we humans won’t act like we do in the real world. There’s a tendency instead for us to turn into sociopaths, to treat this world like it’s not real and not care about slaughtering everything we see.”

  I immediately thought of how I’d felt after killing the dire bat. How I’d stayed my hand and not attacked the goblins when in any other game I might have gone straight for the kill. “Shit,” I said. “I think you might be right.”

  “Uh-huh.” Falkon stopped. “Which also explains Death March. Why on earth would a feature like that be included in a ‘game’? You think Albertus actually cares about giving desperate folk money or favors for their troubles?”

  Lotharia rubbed at her temples. “If he’s looking to test us, then… Death March might be the truest test. That’s when we’d react the most genuinely, because our lives would literally be on the line. The ultimate immersion.”

  “Exactly,” said Falkon. “See? It all adds up. This whole thing is one big testing lab for Albertus to learn about us. So that he can decide what we really want, and what’ll really be best for us.”

  I sank down into a crouch, eyes wide. The implications were huge. “Does anybody know what kind of conclusions he’s drawing?”

  “Nope. Like I said, he doesn’t talk much. And these are just my speculations. And I doubt it’s just Euphoria he’s using to learn about us. You can bet he’s processed every book, song, movie and other form of media out there. It’s why I think his NPCs are so good. And they’re getting better. Lotharia, you remember what they were like when you first played?”

  She made a face. “Kind of clunky, yeah. They’d make really funny mistakes.”

  “Not anymore,” said Falkon. “They’re getting so good that it’s even changed people’s class preferences. Guess which class is gaining the most popularity the quickest?”

  It was obvious. “Charlatan?”

  “Yep. I bet that name’s going to change really quick. But more and more people are simply spending time in town socializing and having fun. Less and less people are heading out to kill stuff.”

  “Like you,” I said to Lotharia. “That’s what you did when you were here, right?”

  She blushed. “Yeah, some. But I still went on raids and had fun leveling up.”

  “Sure you did. Which is why your highest skills are Carousing and Diplomacy. And don’t you have a rank in Seduction?”

  Lotharia’s blush deepened. “Excuse me. I’d appreciate your not discussing my sheet like that.”

  “Oh. Sorry. Charisma ten?”

  “Meh. That excuse won’t work for much longer.”

  “Anyways,” said Falkon, cutting in. “That’s my long way of explaining why so much crunch disappeared. And why Albertus wouldn’t be happy with me if I tinkered around too much with my dev tools. But a little analysis shouldn’t hurt.” He winked at me, and then his eyes flickered with green fire.

  “Holy shit,” he said, sounding genuinely shocked for the first time. He was staring right at me. “You’re in Death March mode?”

  12

  This was starting to get old. Or maybe I didn’t like having attention drawn to how shockingly suicidal Death March mode was. Either way, I gave Falkon an irritated shrug.

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. I got reasons. Trust me. It wasn’t an idle decision.”

  “Just… wow. And you didn’t tell me when I was deciding whether to come or not? You, my friend, have balls.”

  I closed one eye and canted my head to one side as I squinted at him. “And you technically do, too. Ghost balls? Avatar balls? I don’t know the right terminology.”

  Falkon laughed. “Close enough.”

  “If we’re going to adventure together, it’s only fitting that we should share our sheets,” said Lotharia. Did she sound a little prim? Maybe the testicular talk had brought out her prudish side.

  “Sure,” said Falkon. “Here, I’ll share mine with you guys.”

  I did the same, then eagerly opened his sheet. I craved information. Greater familiarity with the system, a sense of how I could grow.

  Falkon Alastoroi

  Species: Human

  Class: Knight

  Level: 9

  Total XP: 953

  Unused XP: 9

  Title(s): Frost Squire

  Cumulative Wealth: 0

  Attributes

  Strength: 16 (+2 due to knight class)

  *Dexterity: 12

  Constitution: 14

  *Intelligence: 8

  Wisdom: 10

  Charisma: 12

  Mana: 4/12

  Skills

  Athletics: Intermediate (II)

  Melee: Basic (V)

  Survival: Basic (III)

  Dodge: Basic (IV)

  Climb: Basic (II)

  Chivalry: Basic (III)

  Carousing: Basic (III)

  Knowledge (Cruel Winter): Beginner (IV)

  Endurance: Basic (III)

  Code of Honor (II)

  Engineering: Basic (II)

  Talents

  Challenge Foe

  Adrenaline Surge

  Astute Observer

  Uncanny Aim

  Headlong Charge

  Throwback

  Distracting Charge

  Outflank

  Avalanche Roar

  For the King!

  Death from Above

  I gave a low whistle. “Nice sheet. Engineering? Would you know how to fix up a ballista?”

  “Depends,” said Falkon. “How badly broken is it?”

  “It’s up on the wall,” I said, suddenly excited. “I’ll show you. If we could fix it up, turn it around, aim it down into the courtyard…”

  Both of their faces lit up. “Now that’s a potent weapon,” said Falkon.

  “Run me through your talents,” said Lotharia. “Quick summary, so we know what to expect.”

  So he did. Unsurprisingly, all of his talents revolved around close combat, ranging from his ability to force a foe to fight him to several rallying and intimidating cries. I felt i
mmeasurably more confident with him on our team.

  “This is what I’m thinking,” I said once we were done talking shop. “Let’s rescue your blade from Barfo then head up to check out the ballista. Then we can loop around the wall to the remaining tower and clear that one out, too. With a little luck, you guys will level, and I might do so a couple of times. Then, once we’re stronger, we’ll turn our attention to the ogres.”

  “Why not tackle the wyvern first?” asked Lotharia. “It’s tough, but not intelligent.”

  “True, but I’m thinking we should lure it down into the courtyard. Then either drop a net on it, or lasso it or something. Fighting it in its nest will most likely drive it up into the air and allow it to do strafe attacks. So getting rid of the ogres first is a must.”

  “Makes sense to me,” said Falkon. “This isn’t your first rodeo, is it?”

  “Not by a long shot,” I said. “Ready?”

  After retrieving Falkon’s blade from the sullen Barfo and Dribbler, we climbed up to the revolving trap room – where I promptly smacked my own forehead, having forgotten my friends couldn’t Shadow Step.

  Together, we examined the slowly spinning pillar, Lotharia casting Detect Magic and Falkon using his analysis tool.

  “What do you think?” I asked them.

  “That’s a difficulty check ten trap,” he said. “Simple, but it’ll cut us to pieces if it detects us.”

  “I think I have an idea,” said Lotharia. “Its magical nature isn’t very advanced. I think it triggers through direct line of sight. So if we trigger all of the rods, it should discharge its attacks, allowing us to see how best to cross through.”

  “That sounds… fun?” It didn’t, really. “How do we do that?”

  Lotharia smiled coldly. “Obfuscate the keenest sense, blanket thought with fog most dense!”

  Her cottony white fog billowed forth from her palm, rapidly filling the room and blocking all sight of the far walls and stairs. As soon as the fog grew thick enough, the spinning rods roared to life.

  The room filled with the world’s most dangerous light show. I couldn’t tell which color rods were activated, but a good dozen of them spewed liquid flame in a straight line as it spun, their ends splashing against the tower walls. They were a deep, hellish orange, and their radiance caused the fog around them to light up, so that the room looked like a demon’s fondest dreams of home.

  “Now what?” I yelled.

  “Now we weave through the beams!” Lotharia’s grin was slightly unhinged, and she climbed the last steps and into the maelstrom.

  To my horror she did exactly what she’d suggested, her form turning into a shadow amongst the jets of liquid flame, a silhouette in the sulfurous fog. She stepped over a knee-high beam, ducked under the next as it swung around, then fell into a low crouch to avoid the third.

  “Come on!” said Falkon. “Your friend’s got style!”

  Did he actually sound cheerful? He leapt up and followed after, ducking and leaping over the incendiary plumes of death.

  Dang. If they died, they’d just respawn in the highland meadow without their gear. But me?

  I wasn’t going to mess around. I evoked my Shadow Step ability, using my second to last mana point, and sank away into the darkness beneath me. The shadows roiled, and I emerged in the stairwell across the room as Lotharia ran the last few yards into view.

  “Phew!” She bent down to check the back of her calf, then looked at her shoulder. “That was close.”

  Falkon jogged over a moment later, grinning widely. “Good work, Lotharia. Sharp thinking.”

  “Why thank you, sir squire,” said Lotharia with a shallow curtsy. “Shall we?”

  We climbed up to the top room, where I quickly explained how I’d killed the dire bat. Neither of them looked perturbed by the killing, but bringing it up still made me feel funny, so I hurried them out into the sunshine and toward the ruined ballista.

  “So?” I turned to Falkon. “What do you think? Fixable?”

  He made a face. “It’s in rough shape. I’d need access to tools in the smithy, most likely, and new parts. But… yeah. Given time, I think I can fix it. Might not be as powerful as it once was, but it should give even an ogre something to think about.”

  “We should rest,” said Lotharia. “None of us are at full mana and we don’t know what we’re going to face in the next tower. Why don’t you spend a little more time examining the ballista? Chris and I can sit close by. It’s about time I taught him to meditate.”

  “Sure,” said Falkon, only half listening. He’d bent under the ballista and was examining something close to the pivot. “Sounds good to me.”

  “Darkblades can learn meditation?” I asked.

  “Sure. Best way to regain mana quickly outside of a full night’s sleep. Let’s sit over here in the shadows and— What’s that?”

  I joined her at the battlement and looked out toward the highland meadow. Something was flying toward us. No, somebody. They weren’t approaching Superman style, one arm extended, but rather were flying forward as if standing, cloak streaming behind them, one leg straight, the other bent at the knee.

  “Brianna,” I said. “She’s found me.”

  Falkon disentangled himself from the ballista and joined us. “That a good thing?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, suddenly nervous. “This could have all been a mistake. Or not. I guess we’ll find out very soon.”

  “She’s your ex, right?” Falkon looked sidelong at me. “You still have any feelings for her?”

  “No,” I said. “I only accepted her offer so I could help my little brother.”

  “OK, good. Helps keep things clear. Though if she’s flying, that means she’s pretty high up in levels.”

  “She said she’s level thirty-five,” I recalled. “And now I appreciate how tough that must make her.”

  “Yeah,” said Lotharia. “Not Jeramy the archmagus tough, but way beyond our ability to fight her. And flight means either she’s got some fantastic loot or she’s arcane. And a level thirty-five wizard can blast us from these battlements without even having to get close.”

  “So… perhaps we play this one nice,” said Falkon. “And… yeah. Just confirmed it. She’s level thirty-six.”

  I forced myself to breathe easily as Brianna drew ever closer. Her avatar looked just like her, black hair streaming in the wind, dressed in black and purple with a strange cloak made of a thousand silver cords fluttering behind her. She slowed as she drew close, and then stopped perhaps fifteen yards out and slightly above us.

  Typical Brianna powerplay. Making us look up at her.

  “Chris,” she said. “There you are! Do you know how long I’ve been looking for you? You’re lucky I didn’t give up.”

  My urge to protest, to argue with her was almost overwhelming. It brought back so many fights. She had the most incredible ability to twist everything so that she was never, ever at fault.

  “Brianna. You’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me? I give you a free pass to Euphoria then spend all this time searching for you and this is how you thank me?”

  “You told me to go Cruel Winter,” I said. “That’s not your guild. So why?”

  She glanced and Falkon and Lotharia. “Made new friends, I see. Smart. You going to use them like you used me?”

  “Used you?” I forced myself to slow down. Take a breath. “No. It’s not going to work, Brianna. I’m not going to let you get a rise out of me. Instead, answer my question. Why trick me into signing up for a dead guild out in the middle of nowhere?”

  Again, she glanced at my new friends. “I’ll tell you in private.”

  “No,” I said. “Actually, let me rephrase that. Hell no. You think I trust myself in private with you?”

  Her smile was pra
ctically a sneer. “You think these two would make a difference if I decided to really mess you up?”

  “Easy now,” said Falkon, tone genial. “Let’s keep things friendly.”

  “Why?” Brianna’s eyes flashed. “When Chris isn’t remotely interested in being friends?”

  “One last time, Brianna. What was your plan? You told me to skip all the tutorials, and even stopped Nixie from being able to explain the basics to me. You locked me into this avatar, and then tricked me into coming all the way out here where you thought I’d be all alone. Why?”

  “Why?” She licked her lower lip. “Why doesn’t matter. I’ve come to rescue you. When I couldn’t find you, I went back to Goldfall and checked every other guild register in case you’d chosen something different. Do you know how much time I’ve wasted tracking you down? Now come on already. I’ll explain everything back at my palace. No need to waste your time out here any longer.”

  I shook my head. “Don’t you get it? I don’t trust you. Why do you think I’d go anywhere with you now?”

  I could see her frustration rising. Even though she was ridiculously more powerful, she clearly didn’t want to embarrass herself before my friends.

  Lotharia crossed her arms. “She set you up. Intended to get you all alone out here. Level one and with no idea how to play the game. If you ask me, she was planning to force you to accept a geas spell or the like. Blackmail you into accepting by threatening to leave you out here by yourself.”

  Brianna raised her hand and a small sphere of black fire swirled within it. “Oh, so your new friend is a bitch.”

  “Hmm,” said Falkon, leaning one elbow on the parapet. “Jilted ex tricks you into a situation like this? I’d say she’s not over you. Or, perhaps, her original attraction has twisted into some kind of freaky deaky hate-lust thing. Which, given the three-thousand-dollar price tag of getting you in here—”

  “Enough,” snapped Brianna. “I’m disappointed in you, Chris. I thought you were better than this. But I guess you’re still all ego and no smarts.” She raised her palm, and the black sphere flattened out into a broad disc of ebon flame. “So fine. Stay out here with your asshole friends. And here’s a little parting gift to show you what happens when you insult me. A little Disc of Annihilation to destroy all your gear and force you all to start over fresh.”