Crime Does Pay

by Vincent Monaco

  With the look and drool of a sexual predator, Brother Barry G. Branson speaks:

  "Only clean-minded and perfectly wholesome people who are the wholesome people of pure mind and thought who have never fantasized about having anal sex with ten year old girls, transvestites or beasts of burden that one would find very sexy, because having anal sex with ten year old virgin girls who have a hairless vagina, is a fantasy that my church does not want me to have, since I must be pure of thought to be a member of the church. Even though, I've had an occasional fling with a farm animal just a few weeks ago, I must not think about it, so I can maintain my pure thinking thoughts. But I find it very difficult to not dream about drag queens in cowgirl outfits, because I really do love a cowgirl with big hairy knuckles, a long mustache and wearing rawhide boots really turns me on! Since I'm a Supreme Being, I am among the few who possess a clean mind that only has clean thoughts, because I never think dirty or use foul language, because I never say the 'Shit' word or the 'Fuck' word, because my thoughts are too clean to talk with that kind of fucken language. So, I'm so very proud of meself, because there's only one tiny time that I got into real big trouble with the church and that was, when someone in the church saw me at a clambake with a very hot and foxy drag queen in a very sexy and skimpy cheerleader outfit, I only got caught that one time because someone in the church got really jealous of me and Cheerleader Charlie having forbidden pleasures in the surf and sand. My church teaches us to have a ten year stockpile of canned foods and me and Brother Brent store our cans of food in our mobile homes, that will only be eaten after a nuclear war kills all the dirty-minded people and then, me and Brother Brent will repopulate the Earth by having sex with naked ten year old girls who have a hairless vagina because of their young youth. The only thing that is sexier than a ten year old girl — is Cheerleader Charlie!"

  As we each laugh hysterical, my reply is, "You are One Crazy Bastard who belongs in a Goddamn Psycho Ward! You're one diseased psycho who needs to be put down like a diseased rat with rabies! If the cans of food even survive, do you really think that your weak and flimsy mobile home will survive a nuclear war, how stupid are you?" Without answering my question, Brother Barry angrily flings my door open and runs down the hallway to storm into Brother Brent's office to tattletale on me like a tearful drag queen balling her precious little eyes out. And there's no beating around the bush about it my friends, because from this day forward Brother Barry becomes overly jealous, envious and extremely resentful of my number one status in sales and repeatedly, I catch Brother Barry in my office going through my customer files in order to pluck out and steal his pick of documents and eventually, whole files are stolen never to be seen again. Boys and girls can you say — Sabotage? In an effort to stop the sabotage without punching his lights out, during a private meeting with Brother Brent, I inform him that I have on countless occasions caught Brother Barry red-handed in the act of sabotage, of which is Brother Barry's immature way to hinder my production and normal functioning in the closure of all customer deals and the end result is, Brother Brent does absolutely nothing about it. So, I solve this huge problem by purchasing and installing a heavy duty lock on my office door that cost nearly eighty dollars and upon paying the locksmith, Brother Brent rushes into my office like an overgrown schoolgirl bursting with excitement because the Bastard loves the idea so much, that he pleads with the locksmith to install the same lock on his office door and then the unexpected occurs, poor Brother Brent cries poverty by claiming that he has no money with him, so guess who pays the locksmith for both locks? yours truly. And with this massive lock on my office door, you would think that the theft of documents and files would now subside, but it only increases, which compels me to lock my office door to even go to the restroom for three minutes, of which drastically reduces the theft of all documents and files, but it only increases the complaints that Brother Brent receives about my locked door that prevents the people who are complaining from stealing my documents and files and this becomes a constant argument between myself and Brother Brent. What is more, since Brent has a spare key to my office, during my absence the files are still at risk, so I have no other choice but to carry my most important files with me whether it be to lunch, to an outside meeting and especially overnight to prevent further theft and destruction of the files that I carry. Doesn't this sound like a real positive work environment? But the story of the lock on my door is not finished yet, because minute by minute Brother Barry's frustration builds higher and higher and while hour by hour Barry complains to Brother Brent about my lock without achieving any success, who then begins to complain to my own customers about the lock on my door and in ten day's time of being prevented from stealing my customer files, Brother Barry blows a big gasket and in a private meeting with Brother Brent, Barry gives him an ultimatum:

  "Either you terminate Vince's employment, or the great I, Brother Barry G. Branson, will quit this sales job because I can't stand the frustration of not being allowed to enter his office to do what I gots to do because I gots to do what I gots to do! So its either Vince, or me, pick who stays and pick who's fired, because its either him or me, because this dealership isn't big enough for the both of us? And I remind you Brother Brent, I'm your sweet little transvestite lover who you love and who loves you! And I'll remember last night forever, because you rocked my world Sweet Cheeks! Do you know what turns me on and makes me horny for you? You're hung like a sexy little piss clam, you're hung like my mamma's clitoris You Hot Sexy Bitch!"

  And imagine my surprise with Brother Brent's reply, "Then you need to pack your bags and leave my dealership now! Because I choose you to be fired Brother Barry! Because no one gives the great Brother Brent an ultimatum! On your way out, you can stuff your ultimatum in a big sack You Back-Stabbing Bitch! Get out, Loser!"

  And Brother Barry folds like a cheap tent: "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, because I still wants to keep my job! Don't fire me Sugar Lips, because I needs this sales job and I'm so sorry with pink little sprinkles on top! It wasn't me talking, because I had an outer body experience and someone else was doing the talking, so please let me keep my sales job, okay Love Muffin? I'll go back to my work to do my desk, I mean I'll go back to my desk to do my work Hot Stuff. Your sexy Mistress Rhonda, loves ya."

  "I have no respect for a no-good loser like you Brother Barry, because you did not quit as per your ultimatum. I don't thinks I ever want to look at you in a grass skirt and a hot sexy coconut bra again, 'cause the sight of you makes me want to vomit!"

  While Brother Barry mopes to his office with his ugly grey head tucked between his shoulders in defeat, Brother Brent skips with a gay hop into my office to relate this whole story word for word and at the close of his story, he finishes the story with the self-admiring phrase of: "See! I told ya! That regardless of me being an intelligent Redneck and you being a New York Yankee from up north, I protected you because I'll never get rid of my number one salesman, because your money-making deals are way too important to the profitability of my dealership and its also because of, that the disrespectful audacity of that ultimatum that Brother Barry gave me makes the great Brother Brent hate him, because I hate to be given a f-u-c-k-e-n ultimatum! Rather than to say the word 'fucken,' I spelt it out because I do not use cuss words. So my point is, that I would rather fire Brother Barry than to fire my great number one salesman and aren't you happy about me not firing you Vince? Because with your three hundred customer deals, me and you are going to get filthy rich from all of them deals Vincey-Pooh! I defended you, despite the fact that you never thought in a billion years that the great I, Brother Brent Wainwright, would do that for you, but I did it and I did it well, didn't I do it exceptionally well You Big Vincey-Pooh?"

  Without waiting for my answer to his question, since I am being paged that I have three urgent phone calls on hold and with the full gayety of an Aunt Nancy, Brother Brent femininely prances back to his office with a self-admiring smirk on his puss.

  One week later
, Paul Maltese rushes into my office with extreme speed as if his pants is on fire and after the usual slamming of my door to gain some privacy and while gasping for oxygen, all a twitter with excitement Paul huffs and puffs to relate a terrific discovery, of which is a discovery that he has made about Brother Barry:

  "Vince! Vince! I made a terrific discovery about Brother Barry and it will blow your mind! My terrific discovery is about the holy-roly church-going Brother Barry, who ain't so holy-roly with pure wholesome clean thoughts and deeds. And I just knew it, I just knew it in my bones, so I checked it out and its confirmed! Because I just confronted that ugly no-good piece of shit Brother Barry Branson and he admitted it, he just now as of three minutes ago confessed to the whole thing in detail to me. At first, I acted like I didn't believe him about what he said, that on occasion he has had romantic flings with friendly farm animals and to prove me wrong, Brother Barry used my phone and he put me on the phone with the farmer who confirmed without a doubt, that every other month Brother Barry spends a weekend at his farm to have a variety of sexual affairs with different barnyard animals! The old farmer even video taped Brother Barry having anal sex with a sweaty mule who has the homosexual and dirty name of — Dirty Harry! That's only my first discovery, because I have another discovery that's even more shocking! You know the young girlie in the back room who answers the phone all day long, well her name is Lauren M. Coy (594-36-9710) and she's our nineteen or twenty year old receptionist and those tight but loosely woven or knitted dresses that she always wears, well, the perverted Brother Barry made the sexual discovery that all of her dresses — are see-through dresses! And she always wears those dresses without a brassiere or panty, which means that there's no underwear under her see-through dresses and you can see her stark naked pussy much better and clearer than her face! At first, I didn't believe him, but its true because I just got done staring at her perky tits and bald beaver that looks like a long runway at the airport, instead of a round little bush of pubic hair above the clitoris, she shaves the bush and turns it into a single strip as if its a runway to land large airliners on it! I also saw Lauren's big bulging pussy lips bulging out from the wet crack of her pink pussy! Every ten minutes, she needs to smoke a cigarette out the back door and when she stands in the sunlight, you can see it all, you can see every tiny shaved hair and pink pussy lip that glimmers with wetness 'cause Lauren is dripping wet with pussy juice! The clarity of her cunt is so clear, that when she has a tampon inserted, you can see the white string hanging from her big pussy lips. Barry is dying to force himself on her to fuck her anus just like a frisky farm animal! He's planning to drag Lauren in the tall weeds to rape her soaking wet snatch like a horny monkey on Viagra! Brother Barry even admitted, that he truly loves to rape young juvenile girls in the tall weeds of clambakes, barbecues and picnics, because he has done this so many times without getting into the slightest bit of trouble and raping ten year old girls, is Brother Barry's forte, he said while laughing like a psychotic rapist. You can set your watch by it, because every ten to fifteen minutes Brother Barry runs to the back room like a crazy speed demon not to miss the next erotic cigarette break which is to him — a Peep Show! He never misses a cigarette break regardless of what he's doing, since he needs to stare and drool at her long runway strip of pubic hair that leads directly into the deep crevasse of her sopping wet pink snapper! While she enjoys a smoke, Barry drools with white foam like a sexual deviate. His drooling is so obvious, that two times even Lauren yelled at him to stop and she called him a big pervert, but she has no idea that her dress is totally see-through as if she's wearing nothing at all. By Brother Barry staring so intensely at her hairless pussy, he gets so worked up and so horny, that I had to stop him six times from dragging her in the weeds to rape her pink snapper and virgin asshole. You have to see it, its a four inch pink gash! Not only is her pussy so pink, delicious and juicy like a juicy little plum that is ripe and ready to pluck and fuck, but to watch Brother Barry drool at it like a horny psychopath, its truly unthinkable that this kind of a perverted thing can happen inside a mobile home dealership, but it does! When Brother Brent overheard Brother Barry's plans to drag Lauren into the high weeds to rape her vagina like a sexual deviate released from the booby hatch, Brother Brent had a huge laugh and then, he wished Brother Barry good luck in raping Lauren's soggy pussy and horny asshole. Of which means, that Brother Brent gave Brother Barry his full approval to rape her cunt and asshole, so Brother Brent is in full support of the raping."

  "What else did Brother Barry say when he confessed, was it of importance?" I ask.

  "Brother Barry said that he can't control himself," Paul answers, "he said that he can't help it, because he's so overwhelmed by her pink hairless cunt, that he wants it and has to have it and whatever he has to have, somehow he always rapes it like a big fat gorilla! He said, he has to get his hands on it very soon, because every night he even dreams about it and he always refers to it, as his fuzzy little peach that he's going to eat leaving his bloody teeth marks behind. He's just biding his time for the right time to strike and when he does, he'll need to make another large notch on his big belt because he'll cum and conquer another naive chickie in the tall weeds, so its only a matter of time before I take what I want and Lauren's bald beaver and virgin asshole is what I'll rape and abuse like a horny she-male in a lesbian orgy, he said!"

  "The deacon at his church needs to hear of this to stop it before the rape can occur." "That's a great idea and I might know who to tell at his church," Paul exclaimed. "Even more important, someone like you Paul, needs to tell her about what is going on behind her back so she can avoid being raped if that's at all possible. Because what would happen if one day, she's all alone in the dealership and Brother Barry happens to show up? The pervert will rape her as if its Brother Brent in a teddy!" "Wow, you're right," Paul excitedly agrees, "I didn't think of that. Wow! But I'm not telling that no-good nasty bitch Lauren, because not only do I hate her guts, but when I start to tell her the whole story, I'll start laughing and she'll think that I'm a sex fiend just like that perverted little weasel Brother Barry Branson. When I talk about her pink pussy, I won't be able to keep a straight face and I'll laugh like a big horny pervert. So you have to be the one to tell her Vince, because I can not do it."

  "All right, I'll tell her. But before I do, I want to make absolute certain of the facts, so pull Brother Barry in this office and you need to get him to freely talk about this whole affair. I want Brother Barry to confirm our conversation as well as to tell us about his future plans of raping Lauren. So go pull that sick son of a bitch in here."

  "That's easy to do," Paul concurs, "its a good idea to pull him in here and once he gets in here and starts to talk, he won't be able to stop talking about her fuzzy little peach that he fell in love with. I'll go get him right now, so stay off the phone 'cause I'll be right back, so hold your fucken horses for forty fucken seconds Goddamn It!"

  Forty-seven seconds later, Paul returns with Brother Barry and while Barry giggles like a candy-ass moron, Paul nudges Barry to speak of his beloved fuzzy little peach:

  "Brother Barry, I told Vince about your beloved fuzzy little peach as well as about your confession and future plans of raping Lauren's used and abused vagina as well as her tight little pink asshole. So its time to tell Vince about it, cause Vince does not believe that we can see every little detail of her soggy snatch, I know its true because I saw her pussy with my own eyes, but Vince hasn't seen it yet, so tell him about it."

  After a nervous pause and girlish giggle, Brother Barry gives his disturbing answer:

  "Her vagina arouses me and I'm goin' to rape it with my short sword and I'll stab it until it bleeds like a bloody hatchet wound! You just have to see her bald beaver to believe how pretty and deliciously sweet it must taste like and with one quick look at it, I fell hopelessly in love with it and if you believe in love at first sight, you'll fall in love with her fuzzy little peach just like I did. When I drag Lauren into
the tall weeds, I aims to eat her fuzzy little peach no matter how loud that whore screams. After I kick that Bitch in the head to knock her out, I can take my sweet time to do what I want and I'm agoin' to fuck her ass like a sexy little billy goat! Her virgin asshole yearns for the painful stabbings of my short sword! Very soon, my large jumbo jet is going to land on her landing strip and my large airliner will split her pussy in half like an English muffin! But there's one thing that I'm very upset about, her pussy is not a fuzzy little peach anymore, because that Stupid Bitch shaved the pussy yesterday morning and the stubble has not grown in yet. All that remains is a furry landing strip for my giant jumbo jet to land on and then, I'll unload my passengers deep into her underground terminal, Ha, Ha, Ha! Lauren, touch my Wiener schnitzel and you'll have tainted love Sugar Tits! If you're good to me, I'll make your asshole bleed like a frisky farm animal! I need to rape her anus like a drag queen in the steam room at the YMCA! In my mind I wonder, if Lauren's pussy is at all similar to my plug-ugly wife who has a very ugly and smelly pussy that smells like rotten sea urchin and does that mean, that Lauren is concealing her rotten smells of sea urchin? Because if that's the case, she can keep her smelly pussy and I'll stick to her sweet tasting asshole. Now that I'm thinking about the smells of sea urchin, I'm more interested in Lauren's hot little caboose than I am about her pussy that must have an awful fish flavored taste to it, just like my wife's vagina. Lauren, let me show you what I do with a friendly farm animal and feel free to fall in love with my pink little love stick. I gotta eat your juicy little peach and then, I plan to hurt it with a dull spoon! I'll ram my big stainless steel spoon into your gaping vagina over and over again until your abused vagina bleeds with bloody-red chunks of flesh plopping out and with my tongue, I'll lick the blood from your asshole all the way up to your big throbbing clitoris that will be as big and chubby, as Brent's little peepee. Lauren, in the weeds I'll rape your ass that's teasing me worse than the anus of a mountain goat!"