Crime Does Pay

by Vincent Monaco

  The following day at noon time, I'm in my office working diligently on a mountain of paperwork when my office door suddenly flies open and one of the construction workers who goes by the name of James, steps into my office laughing like a hyena, since my yesterday meeting with Brother Brent is the talk of the dealership which as of today, has become known within the dealership as — The Prejudice List Listing!

  As James continues to laugh with gusto, only after closing the door does he remark:

  "Vince, I'm laughing because its so very funny that Brother Brent wanted his pearls of racism written down during your meeting with him yesterday and that's all that everyone in the dealership is talking about! Every person had a big laugh about your meeting because Brother Brent did not give you the entire Prejudice List, because you're on that list since New Yorkers are one of the groups of people who are on The Prejudice List, you're on the list to be prejudiced against according to those big racist Rednecks, Brother Brent and Wayne Frier. A Yankee, Northerner as well as anyone from New York is always on their long Prejudice List. We were all laughing earlier because Brother Brent was bragging to us that he said, that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, that Brother Brent would cut him up into tiny pieces to feed that Nigger Lover to the 'gators, that is so sick that its actually funny, ha, ha, ha! Me and my sexy wife Robin personally investigated it and anyone who is not an approved member of Brother Brent's church is designated by the church and all church members as — The Enemy! All peoples outside of the church who are not members of the church, are strictly considered as the enemy of all church members; but on the other hand, all Brothers of the Church must stick together like Brothers attached at the hip. On six occasions, my wife and I successfully sneaked into Brent's church and we learned that its not a church at all, because its a brainwashing cult! During six occasions that my pretty wife Robin and I attended church services, in all that time they never once mentioned anything about God, the Almighty Father or Jesus Christ. They did not even say the word 'God' or the Lord's name of 'Jesus Christ.' They only spoke about taking tender loving care of the beloved Brothers of the Church and to only love each other and no one else; and, do not under any circumstances help anyone outside of the church because all outsiders are enemies of the Brothers of the Church; the only people who matter with great importance are the Brothers of wholesome thought that are here inside the church right here and now; and absolutely no one else matters in the world except for the Brothers standing beside you, so be prejudiced, racist, sexist and feel free to discriminate with intolerance and bigotry of all others and most importantly, its your obligation to induce the failures of outsiders; to provoke all others into failure; to stir all others up so you can lead them to their failure; tear down his self-esteem until the outsider commits suicide; raze their tall buildings so the short buildings belonging to your Brothers can become the tallest buildings; do not hesitate to destroy the financial success of all outsiders so you and your Brothers can be the most powerful and influential due to our financial success and collaborations and We the Brothers of the Church, must always band together to annihilate, obliterate and completely destroy all outsiders because all outsiders are the enemy to you and your Brothers! If you own a business with many employees to pay, only the Brothers inside this church deserve a weekly paycheck and all other employees who are considered to be outsiders, deserve no paycheck from your business because outsiders are not beloved Brothers of the Church and all outsiders must be destroyed with financial ruin! There is no greater love than the love of beloved Brothers in love with all other Brothers, so only love your beloved Church Brothers while you maintain your vicious hatred of all enemies who are known as — The Outsiders! Now then, place a minimum of forty percent of your weekly salary into the baskets being past from row to row. Give all that you can to the church, for this is the word of the church!"

  With Lauren constantly paging me every twenty to thirty seconds that I have two to three telephone calls on hold and one of those calls is Big Larry "the Fucken Bank" Kelner who does not take kindly to waiting on hold more than five seconds due to his overblown and monumental ego, after giving James many subtle hints to get the blazes out of my office so I can get back to work, but James does not heed my subtle hints to instead pull his left sock above his boot and giggle with the closing remark:

  "At any rate, I'm giggling because I put some hard work into it and after five long months, I found it and Brother Brent is not lying about Wayne Frier's Nigger Hangin' Tree because its a huge and old tree that actually exists! On every tree branch, I saw many rope marks where the lynching of the Niggers took place. Its a remarkably hidden gigantic tree that you will never find unless someone takes you there and points it out to you, otherwise its totally impossible to find it. So Brother Brent is not lying about lynching Niggers, because it has been done many times in the past and I ain't bullshitting you! Its a huge ugly tree with many scars on it from the heat of the ropes rubbing and thrashing back and forth while the lynched Nigger wildly kicks his feet during his last awful moments of life and as the strangulating noose becomes tighter and tighter cutting off the air flow and as his legs violently kick and twist, the rope rubs fiercely against the tree to create imbedded rope marks on every limb of the tree, which I think means that a Hell of a lot of Niggers were lynched on that tree by Wayne Frier and Brother Brent, as well as by the Ku Klux Klan since Wayne Frier has been an honorary member of that racist organization for many years. I heard from a very reliable source that Mr. Frier will only lynch a Nigger while wearing his tall, pointed white hood over his big ugly head not to be recognized by an FBI informant who may or may not be in the crowd pretending to be a Ku Klux Klan member. The big tree is located in a very dangerous area, because its located in a wooded area that is surrounded by three swamps that have many deep holes of quicksand all around it and with one false step, you're a goner never to be seen again! So I'm more than sure, that instead of being cut up and eaten by the 'gators as 'gator bait, some of the lynched Niggers must be buried deep in the fast sinking quicksand. The other day, I told Brother Brent that he should play Frank Sinatra music throughout the dealership, because it has been proven that the great music of Frank Sinatra stimulates increased sales wherever its played, whether it be in a shopping mall or played in a whorehouse the sales increase, but being the close-minded moronic racist that he is, Brother Brent only ridiculed me as if I'm crazy by calling me 'One Crazy Yankee Lover! That's just as bad as being a Nigger Lover You No-Good Yankee Lover!'"