John Masters

by The Rock

  July 5: Gun drill. The sergeant shouted at us like animals from dawn to dusk. He calls me Gunner Moses. I dropped a cannonball on my foot and everyone laughed. I think a bone may be broken.

  July 7: I told the sergeant I ought to see a surgeon about my foot, which is most painful, but he told me foully to stick it up my a***. We are cultivating a little patch of earth beside the guns. General Eliott has ordered it, and the sergeant has told me to plant something in it that we can eat. "It's Old Von Bugger's orders," (he always speaks of the Governor thus) he shouted, "so plant something, anything, how in thunder should I know what will grow on this stinking Rock?" My sister Miriam came up to bring me a spare shirt. The soldiers spoke coarsely to her until I said she was my sister. Then they turned away, ashamed. When she had hurried off, the sergeant clapped me on the back and shouted, "No offense meant, Moses. We thought she was another Emily." He gestured, and I saw a raggety young woman with blond hair and a pretty face lying under a soldier at the back of the battery, her skirts raised. I turned away, blushing.

  July 10: There is a gun at Wolf Leap at last. We have been three days dragging it up there. I never thought it would be possible, but it was done. The sergeant had a thumb crushed when the gun rolled back against the rock but only swore and wrapped a dirty kerchief about it. The gun looks down on the Spanish forts and the neutral ground between. It was the governor's idea. He came and watched us at work twice, and when I made a suggestion about working out the ranges from the top, he asked my name. I am the only man in the battery who can read or write.... An infantry officer has invented a shell that can burst in the air over the enemy. What ingenuity in a bloody cause. Captain Witham, our captain, has invented a light flare and struts about like a young cockerel. He has a keen face and quick eyes. He called me a damned Jew yesterday and apologized today. The sergeant says he sees I have taken my foot out of my a***.

  July 13: Pointed out an error in the gun drill orders to the sergeant this morning. Received nothing but abuse from him and jeers from the other soldiers for my pains.

  July 18: Had an evening's leave and spent it quietly at home. My uncle sighed to see me sunburned and my hands battered. He told me that Admiral Duff refused to provide stores to finish outfitting the Emperor of Morocco's warships, which the governor had promised him to do here. Mr. Logie, the consul in Tangier, has come over to explain to the admiral the dire consequences for the garrison here if the Emperor should turn his face against us. That country is the only source of many supplies to us, especially fresh fruit and vegetables.... Nahum Conquy has asked for my sister Miriam's hand. My uncle is not very pleased, as he thinks Miriam can do better than that; but she has pleaded—she is twenty-six—and he will not stand in the way. Abigail came in—she will not let me call her mother or even aunt—and begged me to tell them all about my life in the army. I talked for near three hours, and she listened most eagerly, barely taking her eyes from my face. She agrees that the sergeant is no more than a stupid ox. She is a very intelligent woman and understands much that one can hardly put into words. My uncle thinks there will be no firing here, for the Spanish will try to starve us into surrender.

  August 10: The Dons are making a jetty about 50 feet long at the Orange Grove, which is just out of reach of our guns. They are also throwing up a breastwork about a mile from the North Front. Then, the sergeant says, they will make parallels, merlons, traverses, fleches, barbets, curtains, and a hundred other military devices and so creep in zigzag fashion toward us until they are very close. Then they will collect bundles of brush, fill in our ditch, and assault. "Then we'll see how you like the look of cold steel, Moses," he bellowed. But he does not say how the Spanish are to cross the inundations General Eliott has caused to be made across the isthmus, leaving only a causeway barely ten feet wide, which can be swept by grapeshot—or how they are going to climb a cliff over a thousand feet high, if they try to go round our flank.... Mr. Logie the consul has returned to Tangier. The Moorish vessel in which he traveled was searched by a Spanish cruiser, but Mr. Logie hid in a scuttle for 10 hours. The Governor's dispatches to England and some secret codes they had prepared for communication with each other he hid in a loaf of bread, and they were not found. The fair-haired strumpet Emily was at the battery again today. She has blue eyes and smiled at me. I turned my back. In the synagogue we are to pray for deliverance from the hands of Spain.

  September 1: Saw Cousin Abraham today. He is in the infantry and says the soldiers are like animals but kind in a rough way. One relieved himself in Abraham's boots last night, liquid in one, solid in the other.

  September 12: The Governor came to the battery this morning with a large retinue of officers and ladies and a band. The sergeant laid a gun on the enemy works and the Governor presented a slow match to a lady. She put one hand over an ear, closed her eyes, and somehow managed to put the match to the touchhole. The band played Britons, strike home! I did not see where the ball hit. It matters not. We are not going to be starved without hitting back. The governor called me out and told them all that I was a volunteer and would not be forgotten if I survived. After they had all gone the sergeant said that Old Von B. has his eyes on me for a bumboy. I can hardly believe that General Eliott, so imposing and manly a figure, should be a victim to such a failing.

  September 15: It is expected that the Dons will soon return our fire, which we keep up. Many civilians are moving south, where they are living in great discomfort above the naval hospital in cloth tents and brushwood shelters. The soldiers call it New Jerusalem, and many of our people have gone there, but not my uncle. Others have left for Morocco and Lisbon, and the Governor does all he can to assist such flights, for he proclaims that he wants no useless mouths in the fortress.

  September 16: At work all day to take up the paving in the streets so that enemy shot and shell will bury itself in the soft earth instead of bouncing off and hurling the paving stones about with as much effect as though they themselves were shards of iron. Teams of 80 men pull the plows through the ground to turn the earth. It is the Governor's idea.

  October 2: Gun drill. It is a waste of time. We all know every movement and could do them in our sleep. Soldiers are brutal people, not fit to live with, nothing fine in their nature. I wish I were in Lisbon.

  October 20: The Dons continue to push forward their parallels. They have three batteries mounted, one of 7 guns and two of 14 each. A privateer has captured a shipload of rice, and the price has dropped to 8 pence a pound. Abigail says that the family eats very little and is hungry. There is no food for civilians at all except what they can buy. Everything that is captured or brought in or smuggled in is sold at auction, by General Eliott's orders, after the military rations have been made up. My uncle buys some and distributes it free to the needy members of the congregation; but Mordecai Anahori and others, Jews and Christians, buy only to hoard, planning to resell when starvation shall have increased the price. In spite of this Abigail gave me an excellent meal and gave me a basket of cold chicken and sweetmeats to take back. I have shared them with the soldiers but shall not tell Abigail.

  October 30: Isaac Toledano has fallen ill of the smallpox. Captain Witham says it would be a Jew because we never wash. Then he apologized, admitting that we wash a great deal.... Such a pestilence can be more dangerous than the Dons. General Eliott cannot overawe a disease, though he does his best. The soldiers were all drunk this evening. Only two or three were sober enough to go to Emily and couple like dogs behind the gun. She looks sadly at me. They all drink hard and die fast here.

  November 10: A child died last night in New Jerusalem, of starvation, it is said. The soldiers mutter that they will break into the food stores, damn them if they don't; but they don't. Captain Witham says the Governor has been living on nothing but 4 ounces of rice a day for the past week. He is as robust as ever, but the sergeant cries, "Let Old Von B. try feeding me that....!" but he would obey if it were ordered, though with much blasphemy. He, indeed all the soldiers, take a st
range delight in obeying the orders of an officer, however dangerous or stupid.

  November 15: Great excitement as many in the town and garrison saw a British cutter, the Buck, fight her way into harbor through many superior Spanish ships.... We are ordered not to powder our queues, since the flour is needed for food.

  December 28: The Spanish fired on us today for the first time. Captain Witham lost £20 over it in a bet with Lieutenant Burleigh of the infantry, for he thought the Spanish would never fire. There was a great storm the day before yesterday, and today the bay is full of wreckage and tree trunks and muddy with the swollen waters of the Guadarranque. Miriam's marriage has been arranged for next February 15.

  A.D. 1780

  January 13: Went home in the afternoon and fell asleep on a couch. When I awoke it was dark and my uncle had gone to bed. Abigail brought me food and warm mulled wine. She began to cry and begged my pardon. She said she is very unhappy and does not know what to do. I tried to comfort her, and she said she was so lonely. Daniel, my uncle, is 20 years older than she and no longer cares for her as a man should care for his wife. Every night she goes to bed but cannot sleep. Other men cast lascivious eyes on her, and that makes her more miserable yet. I tried to comfort her but about midnight thought it wiser, she was so overwrought, to return to the battery, though I have a permit till today. A redcoat sentry nearly bayoneted me.

  Our weekly rations have been lessened by 1/2 lb. beef, 1/4 lb. pork, and 1 pint pease. There is much robbery, not only of food, among civilians and soldiers alike.

  January 19: I was asleep when the Rock Gun was fired (that is what we now call the gun we dragged up to Wolf Leap) to signal the arrival of a relieving fleet under Lord Rodney. All the soldiers except me are drunk, and they have forced me to drink toasts to King George III and Admiral Rodney. It is the first time strong liquor has passed my lips, and I do not feel very clear in the head. The sergeant says it will get worse before it gets better.

  February 13: The fleet has sailed away but without the 73rd Foot, which was intended for Minorca, but our governor thought our need was greater than theirs. They are Scotchmen and wear colored wool skirts called kilts. Two have spoken to me, and I did not understand a word. Many civilians sailed with the fleet, for the Governor again advised all "useless mouths" to leave. Admiral Duff has gone, too, and my uncle says Good riddance, he was a useless mouth indeed!

  February 16: My sister married yesterday. Much wine afterwards. Cousin Abraham looked strange in red coat and yarmulka. In the evening Abigail embraced me fiercely in a darkened room, everyone else gone or talking upstairs, and kissed me so that her tongue searched my mouth. She talked wildly, her cheeks glowing in the dusk, of what Nahum Conquy would be doing to Miriam now, breaking the glass of her virginity even as she shattered the glass under the awning. Then she cried passionately, "It never happens so to me now!" I know little of women, yet it is obvious she wants me to betray my uncle with her. It is vile even to think of, but I cannot put the thought out of my mind. I wish I could go to Lisbon.

  February 27: Twelve more cases of scurvy in the artillery. Many more sick of smallpox, especially children, who are dying of it. The Governor will not allow the inoculation against it, as it is against his principles. What of ours? The Empress Catherine of Russia has joined our enemies. I am miserable and dare not go home. Should I try to injure myself in such a way that I will be sent away? But she would say she could look after me better than anyone else and keep me at home. Perhaps I should get drunk like the others. Emily says, "You are very handsome. I like Jews. They are so passionate." She calls me Pretty Boy and strokes my arm. The sergeant says, "It is not because you are tall and dark but because your family's rich, and you have a p**** a yard long, like all Jews, I'll be bound."

  March 19: Captain Witham says that Mrs. Mainprice told him the Governor thinks the death of the children a good thing. They are useless mouths to him and nothing more. I fear that I cannot bring myself to like him, though without him we would all be lost here. Many civilians are suffering from putrid fever. A soldier of the 72nd hanged on the Red Sands this morning for attempted desertion. A year ago I would have thought him mad. Now I am not sure. Who is sane in this world?

  April 5: No leather to repair my boots. I have made shoes out of an old coat, bound with twine. The sergeant asked me to read him a letter from England. It was from the vicar of his village. His mother is dead. The sergeant cried like a child but refused rum and went to sleep in my arms. Smallpox continues, especially among the children.

  May 1: Visited home today, but at noon. My uncle says that his associates in Tangier report that the British government have opened secret negotiations with Spain about the cession of Gibraltar. The Dons will not negotiate very seriously as long as they think they can get it for nothing, by conquest. The Tangier people think that the French will see to it there is no agreement.

  May 19: I can scarce bring myself to write what passed today, even in the privacy of my diary. Abigail was so quiet and proper when I visited earlier in the month that I thought she must have given up her unworthy passion for me; but she came to my bedroom where I was sleeping, and under her robe she was wearing nothing. She took it off and standing there, then kneeling, begged me to take pity on her as a woman. If I did not, she would be forced to go to the soldiers and sailors in the streets, and what would the scandal be then? She is a beautiful woman, the first I have seen quite unclothed, and I had the utmost difficulty in escaping without betraying my uncle. I could not sleep for visions of her and of hell.

  May 20: She must be a wicked and licentious woman to act as she does. If all women were like her, what would happen to civilization? She is not worthy of my concern. Someone should tell my uncle. His son Abraham? But that would make my uncle hate him.

  June 8: The Spanish Admiral Barcello sent fire ships into the harbor last night. The wind changed in the nick of time or his ruse would have burned most of our vessels and perhaps blown up a main magazine. Even the wind blows to General Eliott's will.

  June 9: Captain Witham says that Mr. Logie sent word from Tangier some days ago that Admiral Barcello would try the fire ships. Now the admiral will doubtless think of some other deviltry. Captain Witham says Lieutenant Burleigh is a coxcomb. Lieutenant Burleigh is as handsome and as dashing as Captain Witham, and the Governor thinks highly of him. That is perhaps the trouble.

  June 15: Admiral Barcello has come out with his new deviltry. They are boats about 60 feet long and 20 feet in beam, with a large cannon in the bow. They have a lateen sail, but they are usually driven by oars, which makes them independent of the wind. They can move as easily by night as by day. Yesterday they bombarded South Barracks and the night before, the town. No one fired back, as no one could see them. I spoke to a sailor, and he said they are dirty, unseamanlike, cowardly inventions, beneath the notice of British tars.

  July 3: The gunboats bombarded Europa Point, killing several women and children. Very hot. One soldier dead of heartstroke and rum. The riots agitated by Lord George Gordon in England will much cheer our enemies, making them think the nation is at the point of revolution. My gun did good practice this morning. Captain Witham says we are the best in the battery. Thoughts of Abigail as I last saw her cannot be put away. Spoke sharply to Emily when she approached me, smiling. She, poor thing, looked hurt.

  July 24: Served bad meat today. The sergeant took a piece to show to Captain Witham. Two accidents in another battery, a man lost his leg, not expected to live. He is married, with 3 children. A soldier of the commissary tried to poison himself. Four deserters—one found drowned, the other three vanished without trace but probably dead at the back of the rock and being eaten by the apes.

  August 24: Colonel Ross has called General Boyd, the lieutenant governor, a storekeeper general on a public parade of Ms regiment. General Boyd has let it be known that he did serve in the commissary, where the German Count Scharlberg said of him, "The British send us commissaries fit to be generals and gene
rals fit only to be commissaries." It is pitiful that elderly men of such position should be guilty of backbiting like women. It is the military life responsible. Also our being beleaguered here, with no escape from each other's company or from our circumstances even for a moment.

  September 1: Another hot day, with a levanter. One of the soldiers tried to shoot himself. Another desertion. The Emperor of Morocco must think we are going to lose the war, for he has announced that the warring nations can continue their operations against each other even in his very harbors—which means that the Spanish are now free to prevent our Moorish supply vessels from ever sailing.

  September 7: The officers have rioted in the town, breaking Jews' windows and doors because, I suppose, the Jews asked for payment owed to them for goods or loans. Captain Witham says it was only "a little," but what would happen to us if we rioted even "a little"? Three more of the 72nd deserted yesterday by trying to go down the back of the Rock. They all fell. I saw one corpse being carried past, uncovered—this by the Governor's order. A horrible sight. What is more astonishing is that two Spanish deserters came in through the infantry outpost below our battery last night.

  September 27: The Emperor of Morocco has now leased his ports opposite here to the Spanish, so that door is finally closed.... The Governor inspected our battery today. He looked grim but smiled at me. The sergeant said, "Moses, why don't you volunteer to be Von. B.'s batman? He might marry you." We are at barely 30 men in the battery from 50, from scurvy. The Spanish deserters were Walloon mercenaries from Holland. I wonder the Spanish employ them here.

  October 2: The Dons raided the gardens we have been cultivating in the neutral ground last night. My uncle came and told me I should visit home more often, because Abigail thinks I dislike her. She is very fond of you, my uncle said, and is unhappy when you make her think you don't care for her. What am I to do? She is advancing against me by parallels.