Be Still My Soul

by Joanne Bischof

  Taking care to support his head, she lifted him from her lap and pressed him to her chest. After a few gentle pats, he let out an unapologetic burp.

  “That’s my boy,” she cooed into his tiny ear.

  Lonnie heaved both herself and the baby out of the rocking chair, trying her best not to disturb him. He rubbed his face against her shoulder, clearly ready for his nap. Clearing her throat, she searched her hidden vault of songs. It was a place she often turned when her son needed comforting.

  He tipped his head back and let out an exhausted cry. She held his cheek close to her heart as she began to sing.

  “Come, Thou Fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing Thy grace; streams of mercy, never ceasing, call for songs of loudest praise. Teach me some melodious sonnet, sung by flaming tongues above. Praise the mount. I’m fixed upon it, mount of Thy redeeming love.”

  Jacob continued to fuss, and Lonnie pressed him to her other shoulder as she crossed the bedroom floor, bouncing him gently. His eyelids fell closed, and knowing her singing was no longer needed, she jumped to the last verse, her favorite.

  Softening her voice, she sank back into the rocker.

  “O that day when freed from sinning, I shall see Thy lovely face; clothed then in blood washed linen how I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace; come, my Lord, no longer tarry, take my ransomed soul away; send Thine angels now to carry me to realms of endless day.”

  Her bare feet arched, and the chair rocked. Her eyes lifted to the window. The clear morning sky held promise for the last of May. She sighed.

  The will of her heart and mind battled against the memory of a man’s face.

  Even as she tried to fight it, past moments filled her, and she saw golden-red hair fall to the floor. A pair of strong hands plucked the strings of a poor boy’s mandolin, and the smell of cut wood and soap filled her senses as she imagined draping her arm over the man lying next to her on a brass bed.

  Her feet stilled, and she turned her face from the warmth of the window only to see the memory-filled room. She blinked, fighting a battle she could not win. Lonnie shook her head. It was madness. How was one to survive a broken heart?

  No. She had more than a broken heart.

  She couldn’t explain it, but peering into the dim future, she saw a life not fully lived. The suffocating knowledge that her numbered days would be spent away from the only man she loved made the hours pass slowly, and she found her only cheer in her son’s presence.

  She tried to remember that His eye was on the sparrow.

  The day passed busily, but that night felt as lonely as all the others.

  Worse.

  Lonnie climbed beneath the covers, blew out the candle, and tucked the quilt beneath her chin. Each night was crueler than the one before. Her pain did not fade. With each setting of the sun and inevitable rising of the moon, the possibility of Gideon’s return dimmed. If he was traveling, he was getting farther away and she could do nothing to bring him back. For the past weeks she had wondered if there might have been an explanation for his actions. If she had given him the chance to explain …

  Yet his innocence seemed unlikely. Still, she clung to the hope that perhaps he hadn’t gone back on his promise. Perhaps he had truly loved her and that wretched day had been a misunderstanding. Lonnie tucked her hand beneath her chin. There was nothing she could do about it now, though. There was no distance she could run. No cry loud enough to stop him from disappearing out of her life. She would beg for the chance to hear him out—fall to her knees with a waiting apology burned to her lips—but she no longer had that chance.

  Lonnie lay awake, listening to Jacob’s steady breathing next to her. With no one to share the small bed, she found comfort in having him near. The grandfather clock below chimed eleven, and she closed her eyes. She had to sleep. Sleep was her only relief.

  Stepping into the clearing felt familiar. Gideon paused long enough to catch his breath and long enough to take in the memories. As he stared at the moonlit frame of Jebediah’s house, the emotions of his heart made his skin tingle—his family was inside. There was nothing in this moment that was missing. Nothing except Lonnie’s face in his hands and his belated apology glinting in the tears of her eyes.

  Gideon knew what he wanted for his life.

  He wanted summer nights on the porch, sipping cool tea. He dreamed of fresh-baked apple pie cooling on the windowsill, made by his wife’s hand from apples he seeded. He had a debt he was determined to repay the Bennetts. Stepping forward to what he once knew as home was the easiest thing he had done in a long time.

  The back door would be locked. He knew that even before he tested the latch. No one ever used the front door, and that would be locked too. He was more than willing to face Jebediah, but at the moment, knowing Lonnie and his son were so close, he couldn’t wait any longer to see them. He made his way around the side of the house and peered up to see the billow of lace curtains in spring’s midnight breeze. Dropping his pack, he hurried to the barn. He tugged the ladder away from the wall and chuckled to himself. Jebediah won’t mind.

  Or would he? Jebediah had taken it upon himself to protect Lonnie. Gideon lowered the ladder, but only for a moment. What would Jebediah do when he found him? Gideon gripped a rung, pressing it against his shoulder. He would have to face the consequences, but he couldn’t worry about that, not now. Right now, he had a wife who was waiting for him. Please, Lord. Let it be.

  It took all his strength to lower the heavy ladder against the side of the house without a sound. His breath was loud in his ears as he climbed toward the window without making a sound. Gideon hesitated and swallowed, then, brushing the curtains aside, peered into a dark room.

  With slow, quiet movements, he lifted one leg over and then the other. His boot touched the hardwood floor, and he pulled himself into the room. What am I thinking? Lonnie would wake and he would startle her. Suddenly unsure of what to do, he crouched down, and his shirt grew taut over his shoulders as he pressed palms to the floor. He should climb down and bang on the door.

  But Lonnie rolled toward him, and her arm came down and gently draped over a tiny person.

  Gideon had to remind himself to breathe. He stepped as close to the bed as he dared, then, falling to his knees, pulled back the corner of the quilt that obstructed his view and found himself inches away from a face that mirrored his own. A pair of rosebud lips drooped against the softest-looking cheeks he had ever seen. With a trembling hand, he reached forward.

  “Gid?” Lonnie whispered.

  He jumped and snapped his hand back. “Lonnie!”

  “Gideon?” Her voice cracked. Before he could stand, she nestled the baby out of the way and clambered off the edge of the bed.

  They sank to the ground in a tangle of arms and legs.

  He filled his hands with her nightgown and drew her as close as he could.

  Lonnie flung her arms around him and gripped his neck. “Oh, Gid, you came back!”

  Her skin was soft beneath his hands as he brushed her wild hair from her face and soaked in the sight of her. “I did. I’m so sorry—”

  Lonnie pressed his head into her shoulder, silencing him. Her body shook with silent sobs.

  Gideon struggled to speak, but he had no great words. He was no poet. He was simply a man who missed his wife and needed her by his side.

  “I had to see you.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I had to see the baby.”

  “Oh, the baby!” She scooped up the sleeping bundle and held him against her chest. She turned, and he saw Jacob’s face. She looked back over her shoulder and smiled, and Gideon knew his expression had to be one of bewilderment and wonder.

  His voice cracked as he spoke. “Can I hold him?”

  She gently placed Jacob in his arms. “His head’s a bit wobbly.”

  Gideon stepped toward the window and held Jacob to the moonlight. Tiny black lashes fanned across his pale skin. “He’s perfect,” he whispered. The weight of his own son in his arms w
as enough to fill his heart and chase away the emptiness.

  “I know.”

  He swallowed, and when pain flashed through her eyes, he pulled her close with his other arm. “I’m sorry I was not there for you when it happened.”

  She nodded and wiped her palms across her eyes. Her chin trembled even as she peered up at him. “Jesus has her. She’s in a good—”

  “She is.” Gideon kissed the top of Lonnie’s head and closed his eyes when his emotions overwhelmed him. “I wish I had been here.”

  “Me too.”

  “Will you forgive me?”

  Lonnie didn’t speak. But when she tightened her grip on his arm and buried her face in his chest, she didn’t have to.

  “I was heading home,” his voice cracked again. He tilted his face up, willing away the lump in his throat. “I was trying to get to you.” His voice weakened. “All I wanted to do was get home. Please believe me.” She smelled of honeysuckle when he kissed the top of her head. His lips moved against her hair. “I’d gone lookin’ for Bert—to pay a debt. I just didn’t know what it would be.”

  She touched his cheekbone, where the flesh had long since healed.

  “I was worried that they’d come lookin’ for me. I didn’t want to bring that type of trouble to you or the Bennetts.” He swiped his forearm across his eyes. “I tried to fight them off, I did. I swear I did everything in my power to get to you. But I couldn’t.”

  Lonnie covered her face.

  He gripped her shoulders, willing her eyes to meet his. He needed her to see that he was telling the truth. “There were too many of them.” Gideon drew her close. An ache burned in his chest as he held his family. “I love you more than anything.”

  She sniffed and nodded. “I know you do.” She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her nightgown. “I’m so sorry.”

  He shook his head. “Enough with the sorrys. We’re together now. Nothing can ever change that.” He pulled her closer. “I’m not leaving you again, Lonnie O’Riley.” A laugh lightened his voice. “I’ll never give you a reason to ask me to leave. I’ll sleep in the barn for the rest of my life if you want me to. But you won’t be able to get rid of me.”

  Glistening eyes met his, and the joy of her heart confessed itself in her smile.

  Footsteps sounded in the hall, and the door flung open. Gideon blinked into the light of a lantern.

  “What’s going on?” Jebediah’s angry face froze, then his jaw fell.

  Elsie stuck her head beneath her husband’s arm and screamed. “Blessed be! How’d you get in here?”

  Lonnie tightened her grip on Gideon. “He climbed in through the window. Scared me near to death!”

  Gideon smiled down at his wife. “Hey, you attacked me,” he laughed. Jacob lifted his head, and Gideon tilted him back to get a better look. “He’s beautiful.”

  “He looks like you.”

  Gideon grinned. No matter which feature he admired, he saw himself. “I suppose he does.”

  They fell silent.

  “Now what?” Lonnie asked.

  Jebediah cleared his throat.

  Gideon faced him. “I’m sorry, Jebediah. I never should have … I was going to replace … I mean, I will replace—” With a deep breath, Gideon relayed the truth of what had happened—all of it—knowing so much responsibility lay on his own shoulders. “I’ll pay back every cent.”

  “I know you will.” Jebediah stepped into the room and set his lantern on the nightstand.

  Elsie looked up at Jebediah. Lantern light flecked on the lace of her nightgown.

  “I’d like to tell you something, Gid.” Jebediah wrapped an arm behind his wife’s shoulders. “Well, Elsie and me. I was going to tell you before everything happened. But then …”

  It was the first time Gideon had ever heard the man’s voice falter.

  Elsie wrapped an arm around Jebediah’s waist and kissed his shoulder.

  “This place,” Jebediah said with a sweep of his arm. “The house. The land. All of it …” He paused and glanced down at Elsie, who smiled up at him. His eyes met Gideon’s. “I hope you’ll stay around a little longer because, well … it’s yours. If you want it.”

  He heard Lonnie gasp.

  “I ain’t got no one to leave it to, and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.” Jebediah chuckled even as tears formed in Elsie’s eyes. “Your wife is like a daughter to me, and that little boy—” His voice caught.

  Jebediah stepped forward, and when Gideon extended a hand, the older man wrapped him in a crushing embrace. “You ain’t too bad yourself. Well, not anymore.” He chuckled, and Gideon couldn’t help but grin.

  “The baby!” Elsie cried.

  When Jebediah jumped back, Gideon cradled a still-sleeping Jacob in his arms. He had no words to thank his friend. It seemed like a lifetime ago that the end of Jebediah’s gun had pointed at his back. And Gideon could never begin to voice his gratitude for the divine intervention that had taken place that day.

  “I’ll take it,” he whispered through a voice so tight, the words barely got out.

  How did a man come so far? How did he pick himself up by his bootstraps, shake off the dregs of an old life, and have his hands filled with such blessings? Gideon hadn’t done anything by his own strength, of that he was certain. And he didn’t deserve one bit of it. He was humbled by the people surrounding him. He’d chased his own desires his entire life. Now that he knew what it meant to care for others more than himself, he would do everything in his power to see it through.

  He prayed the Lord would keep at bay all that lay outside his own strength.

  Lonnie squeezed his hand. Her soft fingers spoke the silent promise that she would always be by his side.

  Gideon squeezed back and buried his face in her hair. “I’ll never leave you again.”

  Her lips brushed the back of his hand, warming him through.

  Author’s Note

  A special thanks to the Patrick County Historical Society for copies made, questions answered, and the deliciously thick History of Patrick County, one of the greatest resources I turned to for historical details on this region of the Blue Ridge Mountains.

  For eagle-eyed history buffs and those who watch the sun rise and set from the Blue Ridge Mountains, it was my constant goal to ensure the historical quality of this book and to uphold the beauty and integrity of this region. It was my utmost desire to take as few liberties as possible. For any that appear, it was solely for the sake of telling Lonnie and Gideon’s story.

  I have been blessed by many prayers and words of encouragement during this season of my life and am humbled by the outpouring of love and enthusiasm shown by so many faithful readers and writers whom I’m blessed to call my friends. A huge, heartfelt thank-you to all of you.

  If you would like to stay in touch, you can sign up at my website, www.joannebischof.com, to receive my free e-newsletter, The Heartfelt Post, sent out each spring and autumn. It’s always a blessing to meet new readers on Facebook and Twitter, so I hope you will stop in and say hi. I would love to hear from you! Thank you for journeying the Blue Ridge Mountains with me in Be Still My Soul. I hope you will join me for the next leg of our adventure in Though My Heart Is Torn.

  Readers Guide

  1. What does the title, Be Still My Soul, signify to you? Do you feel it reflects Lonnie or Gideon? Or perhaps both?

  2. Lonnie and Gideon grew up in the same hollow, yet were never well acquainted. Having only known each other from afar, how do they view each other the night of the singing? In what ways did those opinions change by the time Joel gathers them together several days later?

  3. Both Lonnie and Gideon have faced difficulties growing up. Which of their difficulties are similar? How do their families differ? Whether good or bad, how did each of their home lives mold them into who they are in the beginning of the book?

  4. Lonnie’s aunt Sarah is very dear to her. What traits do you feel the two women share? What lessons has Lonnie learned fro
m Sarah that support her along her journey?

  5. Views of marriage in the early 1900s were much different than today, and Lonnie is faced with a difficult dilemma. When refusal to obey her father’s wishes would result in consequences both physical and emotional, do you feel she has a choice to refuse Gideon—refuse her pa’s demands? What would you say to encourage her during this time?

  6. Jebediah and Elsie provide shelter for Lonnie and Gideon physically, spiritually, and emotionally. While the Bennetts are kind and generous, they are also wealthy. Do you feel the Bennetts would be equally as generous if they had less? What is it about their character that influences your conclusion?

  7. There are many things in Gideon’s life that he regrets, yet he’s unsure of how to move past them. He has a difficult time owning his actions and admitting when he’s wrong. What counsel would you give him? In what ways do you see him grow as the story progresses?

  8. Jebediah challenges Gideon in ways the young man has never experienced. He’s also patient at times when Gideon is undeserving. What does this say about Jebediah? What role does the older man play in Gideon’s life over the course of the story?

  9. There are many choices to make in life, but sometimes the choices of others affect us the greatest. How does this relate to Lonnie and Gideon’s journey?

  10. Being faced with a situation that is out of our control is difficult. Is there a purpose for these moments in life? If so, how does it shape the person enduring the hardship? How can losing everything draw us closer to the Lord?

  11. The Cadence of Grace series is based on 1 Peter 5:10: “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” In Be Still My Soul, how does this scripture relate to Lonnie and Gideon’s journey? Have you seen this scripture reflected in your own life?