Black Female

by Kim J. West

  “Lena, my life hasn’t been worth living since you left me. When we first made love, I tried to convince myself it was purely a physical thing; but you made me fall in love with you. You have fulfilled every fantasy I’ve ever had, baby. You have everything I could ever want in a woman and I’ll never lose you again. I had to follow you here to find you and make you understand.”

  I gently shifted her out of my lap and stood; this was the perfect moment to propose.

  "I have something for you; I'll be right back."

  Chapter Fifty-Seven

  I headed to the master suite and opened my drawer. There hidden in the corner was a little black box that contained the beautiful black diamond and platinum ring I’d had made for her. My heart was racing; I was ready to ask Lena to marry me; I only hoped she’d have me. I didn’t want to wait another day without a commitment from her.

  Whatever other problems we had, we could always fight them together as a couple. I knew she had insecurities but I could heal her; I knew I could. She was the first woman with real emotions that I’d ever dated. All I’d known before her were artificial women who stood and sat at my whim. For a man like me who’d seen it all, she was the perfect woman and she’d become my obsession. Now I was going to make her my wife. I took a deep calming breath and headed back out to seal the deal, with the ring box behind my back.

  When I got back to her, I was met with a confusing sight; she was already dressed in her shirt and hurriedly securing her skirt around her waist. My smile faded instantly.

  "What are you doing? Where are you going?" I asked her, puzzled.

  "I ... I have to leave, Jonathan," she stuttered, walking past me towards the bedroom. I followed her in time to see her slipping her shoes on awkwardly. She didn’t look happy.

  What the hell had happened in the time I left her to fetch the ring?

  "Why? I thought we were talking things through and working things out?" I demanded, my hand with the ring dropping to my side.

  "Jonathan, it won't work between us,” she mumbled unconvincingly. “I ... I’ve moved on with my life."

  Fuck. No. Wait… was this a joke?

  "Baby, you don't mean that. You told me you still loved me."

  "I think I was overwhelmed by the sex, that’s all,” she said with a short laugh.

  I felt the blood draining from my face as a choking feeling of dread threatened to drown me.

  "You can’t leave me, Lena. I'm in love with you. Please don't run away from me again."

  What on earth had happened? I was completely confused and hoped and prayed she didn’t mean what she was saying.

  "J… Jonathan,” she stuttered, avoiding eye contact. “There’s something I didn't tell you. I got caught up in all of this and seeing you after all these weeks."

  I looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to explain this mind-fuck.

  "I ... I'm sorry, but I’m with someone. I have a boyfriend."

  I looked at her in surprise and let out a laugh of disbelief. She was lying; she had to be. She’d been desperate for my touch when I made love to her, like she’d been starved of me as I was of her.

  "Lena, don't lie to me,” I chided. “By the way we made love today, there’s no way you’ve been seeing anybody."

  "I am," she retorted, firmly. "And I love him. I want to be with him. I can't be with you. I'm sorry."

  The bottom of my world gave out and I felt regret, confusion and overwhelming anger welling up in me; I’d left her waiting for too long and someone else had swooped in and taken her from me.

  “Who is he?” I demanded furiously. “Lena, damn it. I will fucking destroy any man who is standing in my way, I swear to God. Tell me; who the fuck is he?”

  “It’s Willis,” she blurted, holding back her tears.

  I was completely bewildered. “Willis? So you got back with that fucking asshole that broke your heart?”

  She nodded as though she were ashamed to admit it.

  “But he treated you like shit and made you leave LA,” I said, perplexed.

  “We spoke when I got back to LA and we resolved our differences. We… we love each other.”

  Instantly, my legs gave out and I sunk to my knees, the ring box scattering out of my hand. I fought the anguish threatening to engulf me as I struggled to speak.

  "Please. I’m begging you. Don’t do this." I whispered brokenly.

  She turned away coldly and gathered the last of her things.

  "I have to go,” she said with finality. “He's waiting for me at home. Good bye."

  With that, she picked up her purse and headed towards the front door. Her rejection was brutal. I couldn’t stand it; my heart was ripped to shreds and I collapsed face down on the floor, with my forehead resting on my arm. I only realized she’d left when I heard the firm click of the door closing as Lena walked out on me; this time for good.

  Chapter Fifty-Eight

  I don’t know how long I lay there, sprawled on the floor unable to rise. Lena had left me; for Willis. The pain I felt was palpable; it was insane. When I finally manage to sit up with my back against the wall, I had a million questions on my mind.

  What had happened? Why would she break up with me so brutally? Had she lied about loving me? Overwhelmed by the sex… what the fuck does that even mean? Going home to Willis of all people? Who the hell was this Willis fucker anyway?

  Unable to find answers where I sat, I finally got the strength to get up and found the ring box scattered in the far corner of the room. I took the ring out of the box and held it up; the white halo of diamonds surrounding the solitary black diamond sparkled in the light.

  Reaching behind my neck, I unclasped my gold chain and threaded it through the ring, before I clasped it back around my neck. I located my phone in the dining room and rang Jackson who was with me in California. As usual, he answered before the phone rang.

  “Jackson. I need you to find out about a man named Willis who is dating Lena. I don’t have any other details on him, I just need whatever you can find.”

  “Sir, my assets are in Atlanta since they require enhanced facilities, but I’ll do what I can, sir.”

  “Whatever that means,” I snapped irritated with his excuse. Just get me something; anything.”

  I ended the call and crawled into my bed, still reeling from what’d just happened.

  A couple of hours later, I heard a knock on my door. I sprang out of bed and quickly went to open it, hopeful that Lena might have come to her senses and returned. It was Jackson holding his tablet looking more serious than usual. I led him to the living room and sat on the couch, keen to hear his report.

  “Sir,” he began apologetically. “I haven’t been able to find much yet, but I have secured a name and a few visuals.”

  “Just get on with it,” I snapped impatiently.

  He handed me his tablet, and I got my first look at Willis Green, some big shot African American football player. I’d heard of his name, but Lena had never talked much about him or what he did so I’d never made the association. It was a picture of him dressed in his playing gear, looking serious and focused.

  The second picture stopped my heart dead in its tracks; it was a recent photograph of Willis and Lena. It was a paparazzi shot taken while they were about to enter a restaurant. Willis was smartly dressed and Lena looked like a billion dollars in a short, black, figure hugging dress, one shoulder bare. The two of them together looked sensational. I glanced up at Jackson who caught my gaze with his usual stony, unreadable face.

  “When was this taken?” I asked, showing him the picture of Lena and Willis.

  “That’s a recent one, taken within the last two weeks, I think.”

  I nodded and swiped to the next one, my emotions brutally suppressed to get through the torment of seeing her with another man. The next picture had Willis in casual clothes and Lena in the same sexy, black dress as before. They were in front of a night club and he had his arm protectively around her waist, taking her
through an avalanche of photographers. It had been taken the same night as the other photo. The caption below read,

  “NFL athlete Willis Green partying with his long time girlfriend.”

  With his long time girlfriend. My Lena, was partying with Willis. I’d seen enough; I handed Jackson back his tablet, stonily ignoring the slight hint of sympathy in his otherwise unreadable face.

  “Please head back to Atlanta first thing tomorrow; I can handle everything from here. By the time I get back, I want to know everything about this guy. I want a copy of his football contract, his addresses, his net-worth; everything.”

  After Jackson had left, I thought through everything that’d happened since Lena entered the condo. I remembered her asking about Ashley and how I’d explained the truth to her, made love to her, bathed with her, dined with her and talking about my family. Then how she’d suddenly decided that she didn’t want me, she wanted Willis.

  The more I ran everything over in my mind, the more the realization began to dawn on me: Lena had simply used me for sex, then coldly left me without so much as a backward glance. What a mean, cruel woman she was.

  With my anger brewing, I picked up my phone to call her; I intended to give her a piece of my mind. I paused for a moment with my thumb hovering over her number. She said she was going home to Willis; maybe I should wait to call her the next day in case he answers… I don’t give a fuck. If he answers, that’ll be a good thing. I’ll tell him exactly who I am to Lena and what we’ve been doing all afternoon in intricate, sordid detail. He’d mistreated her, I’d spent all this time helping her get over him. I was prepared to make her my wife, only for him to swoop in and take her from me? If she was going to fuck me over like this then Willis had to know that Lena and I had unfinished business because we are still fucking.

  I took a moment to reflect on the insane trajectory of my thoughts; planning to expose Lena in the hopes of achieving what exactly? Breaking them up? Then she’d what… Come back to me? I sighed as I tapped the cell phone against my lips in a brief moment of sanity; I couldn’t remember ever being this fucked up over a girl. But if I was going bat-shit crazy, this was her fault; she’d made me this way, I thought as I dialed her number.

  I tried calling several times; she didn’t answer. I sent her a text.

  “Please see me.”

  Read, but no reply.

  I decided to try going to bed; perhaps over night she’d think this over and come to her senses.

  After a restless night, I woke up at the crack of dawn with nothing but Lena in my thoughts. I sent her another text; one she’d wake up to:

  “I love you.”

  I choked down some cereal and coffee, barely tasting anything as I waited for her reply. After trying to call several times, my frustration got the better of me and I sent another text:

  “Don’t do this.”

  Over the course of the day, I woodenly went through my work schedule dispassionately, my entire focus on reaching Lena. I had her father’s address and several times, I was tempted to go there. But if she was with Willis it was likely she wouldn’t be home at her father’s place. The thought of them together flooded my mind with insane jealousy.

  “Leave him for me,” I demanded with another text, followed by several attempts to call her. I could see she was reading my messages; there was no reason for her not to answer my calls, I thought angrily.

  “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??” I texted furiously. I was due to leave the next day for crucial work commitments back in Atlanta and was desperate to see or speak to her, to at least re-establish communication lines.

  If she wouldn’t take me back, I hoped she’d give me at least one more visit with her; to say goodbye, I’d lie. I’d ask to just hold her but my plan would be to seduce her. I knew that once I had her, my lips would erase every touch of Willis’ lips on her body. When I made love to her, every deep stroke I’d give her would obliterate every stroke he ever gave her. Each time I climaxed inside her, I’d be marking her as mine. I’d work tirelessly all night until his grip on her slipped and she’d have to choose me over him.

  I fantasized about her sitting in my lap facing me, my cock deep inside her, making hot, erotic love to her. Then in the middle of it all, I’d make her call him and tell him it’s over between them. I just needed one more chance. Perhaps if I made her feel guilty she’d see me. I texted her again:

  “But you said you loved me.”

  No response, no answer to my calls.

  I spent another tortured night waiting for word from Lena; I heard nothing.

  The next morning, I reluctantly packed up my stuff, keeping my phone close in case she called me at the last moment. I headed to the small airport where my jet was parked, checking my phone constantly. By the time I boarded and sat down in my seat, I knew she was gone; I’d lost her. I had no more words; just one last question and I texted her just as we were leaving Los Angeles.

  “Why??????.”

  Chapter Fifty-Nine

  The next couple of weeks of my life were hell on earth. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I survived on a steady dose of work and extreme exercise, increasing the length and brutality of my sessions with Mason. I ran everything over and over in my head trying to find answers to what went wrong. I’d tried her number since arriving back in Atlanta but she appeared to have blocked me. She really didn’t want me. That realization had left me reeling. I couldn’t understand why this was so hard to accept… it hurt like hell.

  Mason never let up on me once he realized I was fucked up over this “mystery black female” as he called her.

  “Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison,” he sang laughing and taunting me. It was part of his strategy to help a fighter learn to control their anger during physical combat, using the worst and most sensitive insults he could find to force me to maintain my focus. I saw his taunts as ineffective; what Lena and I had couldn’t be reduced to physical attributes; I may have been attracted to her initially in that way, but we had become so much more. She was the love of my fuckin’ life. She meant everything to me. I was going to make her my God-damn wife before she pulled this stunt and left me for another man.

  Jackson had given me the file on Willis Green but I didn’t have the strength to open it yet. If Lena had given me a scrap of hope, I might have worked on it, but she didn’t want me. What hope did I have? I instructed Jackson to stop keeping tabs on her; if I was going to let her come back to me by herself, I needed to let go.

  I was working extreme hours and getting a lot done. My parents had taken a two week break to Carter Island and when my father finally saw me two weeks after Lena and I broke up, I saw the concern in his eyes. Not wanting to upset my mother, he confronted me the next day in my office.

  “I’m watching you mentally, emotionally and physically decompose,” he ventured carefully. I dismissed his concerns.

  “Dad I’m fine. Just let it go.” My tone was terser than I intended; I knew he was simply worried about me, but I was relieved when he quickly dropped the topic.

  The next evening, while at the penthouse, I got a call from George the concierge. Since my break up with Lena, I’d revoked all entry privileges for everyone except the housekeeper and Jackson. My mother had attempted to visit me a couple of times and though I felt guilty, I pretended not to be home. They knew my relationship with Lena hadn’t worked out and I didn’t want to hear lectures on how it was “for the best”. So when I got a call from George, I was wary about who might be visiting.

  “I have Miss. Ashley Maddock here to see you, sir,” George said when I answered.

  Ashley, my ex-fiancée? Not again. What the hell did she want, showing up without calling first? I didn’t want to be an ass.

  “Send her up.”

  I pulled on a T-shirt over my gray sweat pants then headed to the front door. Ashley had never been inside this apartment. I’d bought it after our separation, unable to stay alone in the massive mansion we’d bought. I�
�d last seen her a few weeks ago when she was staying with my parents on a short two day visit. We’d gone out to dinner with my parents and she’d intentionally worn the engagement ring I gave her years ago which cause a tabloid frenzy.

  Shortly, I heard the door bell ring. When I opened the door, Ashley was standing before me, looking beautiful and immaculate as she always did. She was dressed in skinny jeans, a midriff white T-shirt that accentuated her enhanced D cups and sky high nude heels. She tossed her long blonde hair back as she stood there quietly, a look of concern on her face. I offered a weak smile.

  “Ashley, what a nice surprise,” I said with extra-terrestrial effort.

  “Hi,” she replied as I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek before opening the door wider for her to enter.

  As she stepped in to my apartment, that’s when I noticed a hotel porter wheeling in a suitcase behind her.

  “What’s the bag for?” I asked after the porter left.

  “Why don’t we sit down,” she replied, walking further into my apartment, headed for the living room. I sat down opposite her waiting for an explanation why she was here in my penthouse with baggage. She rose from her seat and came to sit beside me, taking my hand.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice tinged with concern.

  “Couldn’t be better,” I lied, attempting to smile.

  “I… heard from your mother that things didn’t work out with your… girlfriend. She asked me to come and visit you because you won’t talk to them about it.”

  I removed my hand from hers, visibly annoyed.

  “I wish people would butt out of my business. I have nothing to say about my personal life and perhaps you should have called first.”

  She looked hurt by my words.

  “Jonathan, I didn’t call because you wouldn’t let me support you if I did. I know you; you withdraw when you have problems. You don’t reach out.”