The Trouble With Words: a heart-warming romantic comedy

by Suzie Tullett

  He crouched down in an attempt to locate his mother’s medication; his emotions flittered between anger and sadness. He felt angry that she was being taken away from him; angry at her for not accepting treatment and for shutting him out all these weeks, choices he didn’t think he’d ever fully understand. When it came to his sadness, it wasn’t fair that he was losing the one person who mattered more to him than anyone else. And why did she have to go like this? Why now? His mum’s death shouldn’t be for years yet and even then she should be allowed to pass away peacefully in her sleep. No one should have to go through this.

  Dan fought his tears; he didn’t want to imagine life without his mother. He didn’t want to think about the gaping hole she’d leave behind. Something he wouldn’t just have to endure on a day-to-day basis, there were all the events and celebrations he’d have to experience without her. Like his wedding and the birth of his children. His mum should be around to see her grandchildren grown up. For God’s sake, being a big kid himself at times, she should be around to see him finally grow up.

  He tried to pull himself together while insisting to himself that he was being selfish. She was the one who was dying for goodness sake, not him. Dan discreetly wiped his eyes and focused on his search efforts, she didn’t need to see him like this. He spotted the little white pill and reached under the dresser before rising to his feet. ‘Found it,’ he said, handing it over.

  His mum gave him a grateful smile. ‘I feel like a drug addict,’ she said. ‘No, strike that.’ She indicated to the tablet resting on her palm. ‘Thanks to these, the morphine, and all the other stuff, I am a drug addict. Me, who’d have thought it, eh?’

  Dan leaned down and kissed his mother’s forehead. ‘So what?’ he said. Everyone knew about the addictive qualities in cancer medication, but he’d rather that than the alternative suffering. ‘Does it matter?’

  His mum smiled again. ‘You’re a good son,’ she said. ‘I shall miss you more than you know.’

  He fetched a glass of water and after a few sips she managed to swallow her pill. ‘Better?’ he asked.

  His mum nodded. ‘Ooh,’ she said, suddenly springing to life. ‘Before I forget, I have something I want to show you.’

  Dan wondered where this burst of energy had come from, but he realised that he should have known his mother wouldn’t stay defeated for long. She’d never been one to feel sorry for herself and, whatever the circumstances, she always tried to find something positive amidst any problems.

  ‘Pass me my bag will you?’ she carried on.

  She pointed to the shopper by the door and Dan duly went to get it. He handed it over and watched his mum pull out an, as of yet, unopened pack of photos. He rolled his eyes. Her camera may be digital but as easy as it might be downloading her snapshots onto the PC, she still preferred the hassle of getting physical copies. For her, scanning through pictures on a screen didn’t give her memories the respect that they deserved. Only a proper photo album did that.

  He watched her rip open the pack.

  ‘My visit to Amsterdam,’ she said.

  His mother was clearly excited to show him what she and Missy had gotten up to, Dan tried to summon up the degree of enthusiasm his mother expected. He struggled; as far as he was concerned, it was her daytrip to The Netherlands that had quickened her down turn. He’d known all along it would be too much for her body to cope with, but would she listen? As usual, the answer was no.

  ‘Now this is outside the Van Gogh Museum,’ she said. ‘A lovely Dutch gentleman took the photo for us.’

  Dan looked down at the two women who stood, arms linked, in front of a big glass and concrete building. Missy wasn’t what he’d imagined. Compared to his mum, in her tweed suit and with her pinned back hair, she looked quite the conservative. And healthy, he noted, taking in her voluptuous frame, a frame that contrasted, a little too much for his liking, when next to his mother’s.

  ‘The paintings in that place,’ said his mum. ‘Such talent. And not just by the man himself, there are also works by Guaguin, Monet, Toulouse-Lautrec and Bernard. All of them wonderful.’

  She continued to chat away as she moved on to the next picture and then the next. His mum seemed to see the wonder in anything and everything and Dan couldn’t help but question how she found the stamina, both physical and emotional, to keep going. Yet again, he had to admire her. The woman lived on a diet of scrambled egg and soup as nothing else would go down properly; and she often winced when she thought no one was looking. Plus, she swigged morphine and popped pills like there was no tomorrow, yet she still managed to get through each day and usually without a single complaint. He paused in his thinking and told himself that that was the whole point. For his mum, there really was no tomorrow.

  She gave him a playful nudge. ‘You should take Maeve to Amsterdam one day,’ she said. ‘Or better still, to Paris. They don’t call it the City of Lovers for nothing.’

  Her suggestion caught him off guard. However, despite his discomfort, Dan did his best to raise a convincing smile. ‘Maybe I will,’ he said, a statement that seemed to please his mother no end.

  As she continued to chatter, he wished he could be honest and tell her that deep down, he knew Maeve wasn’t the one for him; that he didn’t really have the desire to take the woman anywhere, let alone somewhere as romantic as Paris. He wanted to admit that he was scared; scared that if he continued to play this game, he’d end up stuck in a relationship that never had a chance from the beginning. But as she carried on animatedly explaining each photo, he knew he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t let his mum think that she was deserting him, leaving him all alone in the world. What kind of son did that?

  He felt his mother’s eyes boring into him, suddenly aware that she’d stopped talking.

  ‘I know you’re worried,’ she said, as if reading his mind. ‘That there are things you’re not telling me.’

  ‘You do?’ said Dan.

  He wondered if this was his chance to come clean. After all, he hated deceiving his mother, pretending all was well on the Maeve front when really it was anything but. He hated keeping secrets in relation to Annabel too.

  Annabel. He felt himself brighten at the mere thought of the woman. In a strange way, it was their time together that had kept him sane throughout all of this. Their Wednesday nights gave him something to look forward to; a diversion from reality which he had to admit had nothing to do with babies. Annabel was funny and smart and quirky. She made him laugh. In fact, in many ways she was just like his mother and he knew the two of them would fast become friends were they ever to meet.

  ‘Of course I do,’ his mum replied.

  He almost laughed. In reality she didn’t know the half of it.

  ‘If I had to watch my mother waste away like this I’d be worried too. There’d be lots of things I’d want to say, but for whatever reason couldn’t. That’s natural. But know that I’m here for you.’ She patted the seat next to her, encouraging him to sit down. ‘I haven’t meant to push you away, Dan. I just think why let you get upset over what’s physically happening to me if I don’t have to. I want us to make the most of the time we have left. That’s what matters, not what’s going on inside this clapped out body of mine. You do understand, don’t you?’

  Dan put all thoughts of honesty to one side and nodded. He might not necessarily agree, but putting it like that, of course he understood. Besides, whatever information his mother had chosen to keep to herself, Google had been more than happy to share.

  ‘You know I’ve never been one to pity myself,’ she carried on. ‘In my book, we just have to make the best of the cards that we’re dealt.’

  As he looked his mum in the eye, she seemed so accepting of everything. Why couldn’t he feel the same?

  ‘Of course, it helps that when the inevitable does happen, I know you won’t be on your own, you’ll be in good hands. Missy has assured me that she and Maeve will give you all the support you need.’

  Da
n felt like a part of him was dying along with his mother. Why couldn’t she see he didn’t care about Maeve? He didn’t care if she was there for him or not. He wanted her in his life, not some substitute, which is what Maeve seemed to represent.

  ‘I don’t want you to go, Mum,’ he said. ‘Not now, not ever.’

  ‘I know, Son. And goodness knows I don’t want to leave you. But we’ve had a good life together, haven’t we? Better than most.’ She put a hand up and touched his cheek. ‘If truth be known, Dan, I’m almost ready. I’m tired and every day seems to be getting harder.’

  Unable to help himself, Dan began to cry. ‘Please don’t say that,’ he said. ‘Please don’t die, Mum.’ But he could see in her face that she meant it.

  ‘When it’s our time, it’s our time,’ she simply said. She smiled. ‘And it’ll be wonderful to see your father again. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed him.’

  As his mother wrapped her arms around him, Dan felt like his heart was being ripped out. He told himself that she wasn’t really choosing his father over him, no matter what the little boy inside said. His tears turned to sobs as she began rocking him back and forth, stroking his head in the same way she used to when he was a child.

  ‘So you see in the middle of all this sadness, it’s not all bad. We both have a future to look forward to. Your dad’s up there somewhere waiting for me, just like Maeve’s going to be down here for you.’

  Dan began to sob even more.

  17

  Dan searched the kitchen counter for his car keys. ‘Where are you?’ he asked. As he moved this canister and that canister, he felt sure he’d left them here somewhere.

  ‘They’re hung up,’ said his mother. As she entered the room, she indicated to the key hook.

  He rolled his eyes. The one place he should’ve thought to look but didn’t. ‘Cheers, Mum,’ he said. She was forever tidying up after him, at least one of them had the sense to put things where they belonged.

  He gave her a kiss on the cheek, ready to leave.

  ‘Let me have a look at you,’ she said. Giving him a quick once over, she smiled proudly as she straightened his tie. ‘Very smart. Very smart, indeed.’

  Dan looked down at his clothing. Aside of any big event where protocol dictated, he tended not to wear a suit. This evening though, he’d decided to make more of an effort and admittedly not just on the clothing front. He’d done a lot of soul searching since yesterday’s heart-to-heart with his mother. Their talk had made him realise it was time to get real – about everything, and starting tonight.

  ‘Thanks, Mum,’ he said. ‘Now are you sure you’re going to be okay?’

  ‘I’m sure.’

  ‘And you’ve got everything you need?’ he asked.

  ‘I have.’

  ‘Because I can always re-arrange if you’d prefer.’

  His mum laughed. ‘Go!’ she said.

  Dan gave her another kiss, then left the room, and headed out to the car. With one hand on the vehicle door handle, he looked back at the house, half tempted not to go out at all. He felt guilty about leaving his mum at home alone. What if something happened? Not that he really had a choice. Thanks to his track record, it wouldn’t matter if it was for her benefit or not. She’d only accuse him of making yet more excuses.

  Dan reassured himself in the knowledge that he’d promised to be back in a couple of hours and readied himself for the night ahead. He took a deep breath and finally let himself into the car. After settling into the driving seat, he turned the key in the ignition, repeatedly insisting to himself that he didn’t have to do this, he wanted to do it. He put the vehicle into gear, at the same time, he recalled what his mother had said. He let out a little laugh. The woman always did make a lot of sense. This time, it was her words about making the best of the cards they’d been dealt that had struck a chord; and feeling determined, that’s exactly what Dan planned to do.

  As he set off down the road, he thought about what lay ahead. Life might still feel daunting, but at least he’d come to a decision. In a funny sort of way, getting to this point had been the difficult bit. Now he had clarity and could focus.

  He wondered if Maeve would notice a difference in him now he felt ready to commit. He hoped so. After all, in the time they’d spent together she’d made it more than clear that she saw they had a future. Yes, she understood his concerns and yes, she’d have liked to have met him under different circumstances, but who wouldn’t? He, himself, had wished the same thing. He, again, insisted he’d come to the right conclusion and while his heart might not have embraced Maeve just yet, he felt sure given a bit more time that would change.

  He tried to picture the two of them a few years into the future. Would they be genuinely happy? Would they have the perfect two-point-four family unit? He obviously hadn’t had enough sleep as his brain began playing tricks. In his mind’s eye, Maeve kept morphing into Annabel, an image he didn’t want. ‘Like that’s ever going to happen,’ he said.

  Forced to shake himself free, Dan knew there was no point going there. Thanks to his soul searching, he may have realised that’s what he secretly hoped, but in reality Annabel could never be the woman for him. In the last twenty-four hours, she’d gone from being just like his mum to too much like his mum and, even if he’d wanted to, there was no way he could compete with a ghost.

  He’d always wondered why there’d never been another man in his mother’s life. However, thanks to their heart-to-heart, he finally understood. His mum had remained so emotionally connected to his dad for all of these years that she simply hadn’t been able to move on. So much so, she now seemed to be giving up on life for him. Just like Annabel couldn’t move on from her deceased husband, he acknowledged, although to be fair to her, she had made it clear from the start she was only after one thing – a baby.

  He thought about the night the two of them had almost kissed and, despite his better judgement, he couldn’t help but question whether things would have been different had their lips actually met. Would he be on his way to see her now instead of Maeve? He doubted it and again told himself it would be silly to think otherwise. If they had kissed, she’d have probably refused to see him again, putting paid to their agreement, which in the long run he supposed would have been for the best. Even an idiot could see that, if he and Maeve were to have any real chance, he had to stop all contact with Annabel. He sighed at his own stupidity. Even an idiot could see he should never have agreed to father Annabel’s child to begin with.

  ‘No, you’ve made the right decision,’ he insisted. ‘It’s time to move on.’

  He might not have relished the prospect of letting Annabel down, but it had to be done; and sooner rather than later, he realised, for both their sakes. He checked his watch and calculated how much time he had before his date with Maeve. With enough to spare, he told himself there was no point delaying the inevitable. He turned the steering wheel and began making a U-turn in the road. If he was quick, he could get it over and done with, ready to move on with the rest of his life.

  Annabel turned on the taps, and looking forward to a good, long soak, added a measure of bubble bath to the water. She felt tired and her body ached. After an early start, she’d spent most of the day on her feet, putting together the arrangements for the young couple’s wedding. Thankfully, the bride loved them, especially her bouquet, a mix of raspberry red Darcy Roses, Red Gerberas and Burgundy Calla Lilies. All of them symbolising love and loyalty in one way or another, perfect for their big day. She smiled, as she recalled the young woman’s appreciative, verging on tearful response; a job well done in anyone’s book.

  Annabel grabbed a hair band and secured her hair in place. With the bath tub almost full, she turned off the taps and slipped out of her dressing gown. The water felt hot against her skin as she climbed in and bubbles frothed and fizzed around her ears when she leaned back. She could feel the day’s physical stresses and strains immediately start to leave her body. ‘Heavenly,’ she said. Ly
ing there, she closed her eyes. Now she just had to wait for her brain to relax as much as her muscles.

  With everything that had been happening lately, switching off mentally seemed easier said than done. Of course, being worried about her sister didn’t help; if only she could get a hold of her. She hadn’t heard from Rebecca since the night that she had disclosed the news of Gavin’s infidelity; and she wondered if she should try calling again. Or she could ring the man himself? He’d definitely know what was going on.

  Annabel felt a bit out of her depth and didn’t know what to do for the best. Contacting Gavin might create more harm than good, particularly if her sister hadn’t confronted him yet. Having left her numerous messages already, she supposed one more wouldn’t hurt. She just hoped Rebecca didn’t do anything stupid in the meantime. Annabel shook the thought from her head. Her sister was far too sensible a woman for that. She probably just needed time on her own to consider her next move. Plus, her sister would never do anything to hurt the baby she was carrying.

  Annabel sighed, wishing more than anything that she could be pregnant too.

  Laid there amongst the bubbles, she considered whether or not to ask Dan if he minded upping their weekly appointment. But with the man having so much on his plate already she decided she couldn’t be that selfish. It would mean taking him away from his mum and time with her had to be getting more and more precious. Poor Dan, she thought. It must be unbearable to watch someone fade away like that while knowing there isn’t a thing anyone can do about it.

  She pulled herself up into a seated position and picked up the soap, simultaneously wondering how his search for a wife was getting on. When she pictured him on his dinner date at the restaurant, she recalled the woman’s appearance – perfect make up, hair to die for, and legs up to her armpits. As she slowly spun the soap around in her hands, Annabel found herself curious. Was this woman The One Dan had been looking for? Probably not, she decided. The woman was clearly all window dressing and no substance.