Stand (Black Addiction Book 3)

by T Gephart

  “Max, I’m not feeling well.” I barely lifted my head from my pillow, the tears miraculously stopping a few minutes before. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  Or not. In any case, by tomorrow I wouldn’t have to explain, so there was that.

  “If you’re not well, then open the damn door and we’ll get you a doctor.” His voice boomed through the door.

  He sounded mad, and I hated that, but I was too involved in my own misery to really give it the attention it deserved. I guess that made me a shitty girlfriend. Just another thing to add to an already overwhelming list of crap I was dealing with.

  “It’s not that bad, please just give me a break tonight.” I tried so hard, but those tears that had stopped, started again. And no amount of trying made my voice sound steady. “I promise I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Open the door, Beth.”

  “Please Max, I just can’t.”

  It would have been easy to open the door and curl into his arms. Pretend that the problem didn’t exist. But it did, and part of me was worried about how it would all play out. Max had enough drama in his life. He didn’t need mine too. Not to mention how awesome it was going to be to have his girlfriend branded a whore.

  “Either you open it or I’m kicking it in but one way or another this door is history,” he threatened, his fists thumping hard against the wood.

  I didn’t move, wrapping my hands around my head, not willing to deal with the decision. It was finally made for me a minute later with a huge crack, jamb-splintering at the edge as the door flew open. His threat hadn’t been idle, his heavy boot no match for the feeble lock.

  “What the fuck?” Max’s eyes traveled over the length of my body, clearly not liking what he saw as they widened. His knees sunk onto the floor beside me, genuine fear clouding his beautiful brown pools. “You need to tell me what the hell is going on, Beth.”

  I’m sure I looked hideous. My face red and puffy from crying, my hair a mess. It’s not surprising he looked scared; I’d be scared too if I saw myself.

  “I can’t.”

  I hated myself.

  Hated that I was so defeated.

  Hated that I had fallen into a heap.

  Hated that I hadn’t been stronger.

  But as much as I hated all of those things, what I hated most was that other people I loved were going to be hurt because of something I’d done.

  “Did someone hurt you?” He pulled me into his arms, his hands sweeping over my body trying to find the answers I wasn’t giving him. “I swear to God if someone fucking touched one hair on your head, I will kill them.”

  Just like the door, that wasn’t an idle threat. I didn’t doubt for a second he didn’t mean it. That he would risk his own ass for someone he cared about. It’s one of the reasons I loved him, his kind and selfless heart.

  “Max, you can’t kill people just because they hurt me.” I tried to smile, the effort coming up short as my mouth refused to curl.

  “Who the hell was it?” he demanded, his fingers pushing the hair off my face. “I swear to you, their life is over.”

  “Max.” It hurt to force myself to look into his eyes. “It’s not what you think.”

  “No?” His face reared back in disbelief. “Jules called me hysterical, saying you’ve been holed up in your room and won’t talk. Then I have to break the door down just to get in, and my head can’t even process what I’m seeing. I’m losing my fucking mind right now, and every single possibility is worse than the last.”

  Whether I wanted to confront it or not, I needed to tell Max. It was either that or the man went on a murderous rampage. I was going to have enough bad press; I didn’t need to cause any additional headlines.

  “I had a meeting with my principal today. His friend works at The Times and called him about a story that is running tomorrow.” My chest expanded and I let out a long shaky breath.

  “Okay . . .” Max nodded, waiting for me to go on.

  “That guy I was seeing before—” And I use that term loosely because he really wasn’t a man as far as I was concerned. “He spoke to the press. About me.” I continued, filling in the blanks about his crazy accusations, Max waiting patiently until I finished. His jaw tightened as I told him of lies, my penchant for beating up men and my apparent obsession. “None of it is true, but apparently I’m newsworthy.” The air rushed past my lips as I let out another long breath. “It’s not the kind of image that a teacher should have, so . . . there is going to be an investigation.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Max’s voice bounced off the walls. “The asshole couldn’t cope with rejection, so he tells some dumbass reporter you smacked him around and were obsessed with him? I knew you said his penis was small, but clearly he had no balls either.”

  It was an honest assessment; he didn’t have any balls, but his lack of testicular endowment didn’t make this shit any better.

  “Max, this is serious.” My hands scrubbed the front of my face. “I work with children. Any allegation sexual in nature could end my career. This isn’t just about getting back at me. This is something else altogether.”

  “Where does he live, Beth?” Max lifted off his knees trying to stand.

  “You can’t go down there.” I grabbed his arm forcing him back down. “He is probably just waiting for you to show up, hoping to get an assault charge out of the deal as well. You need to let me deal with it.”

  Not that I had been doing such a good job dealing with it so far, but it was still my mess to clean up. I didn’t want to be that girl who fell into a heap, someone who needed a man to fix things. And as much as I wanted him to make it all go away, I knew that it would forever not sit right with me. I needed to do this, for me.

  “So, I’m supposed to just sit on my fucking hands while this asshole threatens you? Tries to fuck you over?”

  “Yes.”

  He rose to his feet, his tightly coiled muscles twitching as he came to full height.

  “God, what I wouldn’t give to be in a room with him.” Max paced around the room like a caged animal, his fists white knuckled by his sides. “Five minutes, that’s all I’d need.”

  It was hard enough dealing with my own turmoil, but having to watch what it was doing to him was too much. I hated it. I hated all of it, and it confused me so much.

  He shouldn’t be here.

  With me.

  In this mess.

  “Please Max, I can’t keep it together and be worried about you too.” I guess it was the night for begging as I got off the floor and faced him. “I’m not strong enough to do both.”

  “Listen to me.” He pulled me into his arms, my head resting against his beating chest. “You don’t have to worry about anything, especially not with me. I’ll give you my word that I won’t lay a finger on him, but I’m calling our lawyers. What he’s doing can’t be legal.”

  “Okay.”

  It was a small concession and it was easier to give in; I was too exhausted to keep fighting. I didn’t expect lawyers could do anything, but I wasn’t going to talk him out of trying. Hell I’d be willing to try anything at this point. Or so was the rumor.

  And the press was finally going to get their dirt.

  I guess it’s what he felt I’d deserved, I’d hit him where it hurt—his ego, his pride, and he would reciprocate.

  Hitting me where it hurt me the most.

  And hurt it did.

  I’d never been so angry in my life.

  Even after all the shit Phil had put us through. The fucking trouble with the police, multiple girlfriends, and the shit with Alison. Nothing came close to the rage I felt when I thought about that smug piece of shit doing this for no other reason than to hurt her.

  I wanted to hunt him down and strangle him, watch the breath leave his body as he looked into my eyes so he knew I was the cause. That he could never mess with what was mine.

  But I’d said I wouldn’t touch him, and I’d sooner strangle myself than go back on my w
ord.

  I hated it. Being motherfucking useless while the feeling moved across my skin like a rash. One way or another, I was going to need to find a loophole. That asshole was going to get what was coming, and his fifteen minutes of fame wasn’t it.

  “Okay Beth, this is just a contract stating you are retaining me as your lawyer.” Rebecca, Black Addiction’s flashy new legal eagle, laid out the pages on my dining room table. “I’ve already got my secretary on the phone setting up a call to the paper’s legal team. The Times won’t go to the presses until after eleven p.m. That gives me a few hours to convince them how bad an idea it will be if they run it.”

  Unlike the POS who was our first lawyer, Rebecca Cardwell was brilliant. Smart woman who was absolutely fearless, and didn’t bat her heavily made-up eyes when I told her the deal. Nope, just got into her fancy BMW and met us up in my apartment, her iPhone glued to her ear as she walked in the door.

  “Do you really think you can stop them?” Beth looked over the papers before putting her autograph where it mattered. “They don’t seem too interested in my side of the story. No one has called for a comment.”

  “I’m sure as hell going to try.” She barely took a breath as she gave us the rundown in her thick Brooklyn accent. “And they’re not interested in your comment because it gives them plausible deniability. This isn’t a court hearing, so the burden is different. If presented with a story that is supported by evidence, even if the evidence is bullshit, they can turn around and print a retraction slash apology later. They still moved units and who the hell cares about the mea culpa on page three, two days later. It’s in the gossip section; their reporters are bottom feeders. They aren’t going to be winning critical acclaim, so they will go for sensationalism every time.”

  Like I said, barely took a breath.

  “Okay.” Beth nodded, putting not only her faith but her future in the hands of a stranger. “Let’s do whatever we need to do.”

  What we needed to do was put the asshole six feet under, but apparently that wasn’t an option. So, while Rebecca C was going the legal route, I hadn’t given up the hope of exacting some old school justice of my own.

  The dickless wonder was going to find out first hand exactly what happened when he went after what was mine. A bruised ego was going to be the least of his problems.

  “What are you thinking about?” Beth’s fingers moved against my arm, Rebecca double barreling with a cell phone on each ear.

  “Nothing. I don’t want you to worry, okay?” And wasn’t that the fucking truth. I was going to do whatever I needed to so I never saw her like that again.

  My day had been textbook standard. In the studio, laying bass tracks down and working on the album. The reward for my efforts was going to be what it always was.

  Beth.

  So when Jules called me, bull-in-china-shop hysterical, I had my ass in a car heading Bethbound before the reverb had fully rung out on my deserted E string.

  Lots of deep breathing, new age positive thinking BS had transpired on that ride, not to mention a few broken traffic laws as well. My mind absolutely exploded with worst-case scenarios. And make no mistake, seeing her like that on the floor when I kicked open her door destroyed me even more.

  She hadn’t said the words, but the heat that was on her was partly my doing. Not intentionally of course, but that didn’t make it any better.

  One of the perks of dating me. Not only did you get the relationship, but you get the bonus commentary from an asshole with a zoom lens. That POS who’d dated her, never would have come after her if it hadn’t been for me. And whether it was because she’d given him the cold shoulder and his delicate sensibilities were hurt, or he was looking to line his pockets with green, I’d put that target on her back.

  She was so quiet. Her hands pressed between her knees as she sat at the table like a living corpse. Her eyes so vacant it scared the fuck out of me.

  “Alrighty.” Rebecca lowered both her phones, giving us a tight smile. “Seems The Times aren’t as attached to the story as first thought, imagine that. Article is dead in the water. That’s not to say he isn’t going to try and shop it elsewhere, but we’ve got some time to work on our offensive. You would be surprised how persuasive a defamation case can be, and if it doesn’t, I’ll have him in court so often his favorite color is going to be legal-pad yellow.” Each sentence shot out with barely a breath in between, it always astounded me she didn’t pass out when she spoke. Rapid-fire dialogue aside, she was damn good at her job. Case in point, Beth was no longer tomorrow’s click bait.

  “Thanks, Rebecca.” I stuck my hand out, the words not conveying half the gratitude I was feeling. “You’re awesome.”

  “No need to thank me, that’s what your billables are for. We’re not completely out of the woods, but his hand is off the trigger for now.” She gathered her notes, shoving everything into an oversized bag that probably cost as much as my car. “I’ll keep you both posted.”

  “Thank you. Really, thank you.” Beth nodded, her feet unsteady as she stood.

  “Don’t mention it, it was a low blow and I hate assholes.” Rebecca gave Beth a nod as she got ready to leave.

  Beth stayed on her feet as I walked Rebecca out. The goodbyes at the door were as quick and efficient as most of her meetings, her exit happening a few moments later.

  “I love you.” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close. The words weren’t new, but I needed her to hear and believe them. No matter what happened, that wasn’t changing.

  “I love you too,” she mumbled into my chest, it sounding too much like a goodbye for my liking.

  “If you are thinking about running, you need to forget it.” I lifted her chin, her dark eyes still glassy from earlier tears. “I’m not letting you this time.”

  There were some things that were non-negotiable. Her walking out of my life was one of those things and I wasn’t going to let her give up on us either so best she knew that now.

  “I don’t know what to think.” She shook her head, her mind clearly having considered it.

  “That’s fine,” my thumbs mopped the edges of her eyes, “you don’t have to know right now, as long as it’s not running.”

  “I could still lose my job. Everything I’ve worked so hard for.” She conveniently sidestepped, avoiding the subject.

  “And you’re wondering if it’s worth it. Being with me.” I couldn’t help but lay it on the table.

  Fuck, I didn’t blame her if she thought it was too much trouble. Hell, I’d probably want to bail on all of this too if I was her. Didn’t change the fact I wasn’t going to let her. Or give her an alternative that I wasn’t part of.

  “Come on, Max.” She pulled back and I hated the distance she was trying to create. “You have to at least entertain the idea that maybe there was a reason we could never stay together.”

  If it had been any other girl I might have agreed with her. Cut my losses and bailed. It would probably be easier and a lot less heartache for her. But not this time, not this girl—she was wrong and together was absolutely the only way we needed to be.

  “You know what, there was a reason and it had nothing to do with fate.” My fingers curled around her waist. “We didn’t fight for it, Beth. And I’m fighting for you now. I’m fighting for us now.”

  If I believed for a second that she seriously wanted out, I may have been able to walk away. I say may because it still would have been a shit fight. But assuming we agreed it was for the best and it would make her happy, I would have walked out the door even knowing there was a piece of my heart that forever would be missing. But I knew she didn’t feel that way, and her words might have said she was confused, but her eyes told me different. She loved me, she wanted to be with me and the only reason she was considering something else was because she was scared.

  “I just need time to think.” Her hands raked through her long brown hair, keeping up with her avoid.

  “You can have all the time you wa
nt, but it will be with me by your side.” It was killing me to be this close and feel the distance between us. It’s like what we worked towards was eroding and I was digging in with both hands trying to keep it together. “You’re my past, present and future, Beth. So if you’re out, then I don’t have anything left.”

  “I love you.” The tears she’d been fighting pooled to the surface.

  “Then that’s all I need to hear right now.”

  I wasn’t delusional. And I knew that I love you wasn’t a commitment to stay. Or that everything would be okay from here on out.

  But for tonight it was enough.

  ***

  “You sure about this?” Joey jumped into the passenger side of my car, his hand tapping on his knee as I started the ignition.

  “You know I am.”

  If I’d have told you the only thing that had been on my mind last night was Beth, then I would be lying. And while I’d spent most of the time watching her while she tossed and turned in my arms, I hated that anyone would even think to hurt her. I promised her she wouldn’t have to worry, and I meant every word.

  “If you’ve changed your mind, I can do this alone. No hard feelings.” My hand hesitated on the gear stick, knowing how quickly it could all go bad.

  Joey had a wife and a kid; that alone should have been enough of a reason to sit this one out. But when he heard what went down, he’d been the first one to ask me what did I need. The man beside me more of a brother than the biological one who shared my last name ever was.

  “Don’t get soft on me, dude.” Joey smiled, tipping his head to the windshield. “You know you aren’t doing jack alone so put your foot on the gas and let’s do this.”

  My first instinct had been to track the son of bitch down and beat the living shit out of him. It had been my second and third instinct too. Actually, it had been the only plan that seemed to make sense, letting it go, wasn’t happening. The not killing him promise I’d locked myself into caused a problem, which meant I’d have to get creative.

  So while Beth slept, my iPhone and I got comfortable. A few well-spent hours were all I needed to lay down the framework, the asshole proving to be completely stupid as well as having no sack. Awesome. Thanks a lot, douchebag; you saved me a whole heap of trouble.