by Amali Rose
Ben sighs and takes a large sip of his coffee.
“Amber was my ex-girlfriend. Or ex fiancée, I should say.”
The teaspoon I am holding clatters to the table as I try to process what he just told me.
“Okay. Ex fiancée. That feels like maybe something you should have mentioned before now.”
“I know, Skye, and I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to tell you for ages but it’s hard for me to talk about. That was a really bad time in my life and I hate thinking about it.”
“I understand. But I do need to know.” I stand firm in my resolve. If we’re to continue with this relationship he is going to have to be honest.
“I know. You deserve to know.” He leans back in his seat, takes my hand and holding it tight, places it on his lap.
“Okay, so Mason wasn’t lying. I was a bit of a manwhore back then. It was my first time away from home, I was enjoying my freedom and I didn’t want to be tied down. I dated a lot. I fucked a lot. I had a lot of fun. Then one day, this girl I had dated casually, Amber, came to me and told me she was pregnant. I freaked out. I totally lost it for a while there. Mason got my dad to come down and he pretty much talked me off the ledge. Told me I had to man up. If I was going to go out dicking around I had to be prepared to deal with the consequences, and he was right. So, I got my head straight, accepted this was happening and actually started to get pretty excited about it. Then Amber told me that her parents were pissed as hell and threatening to cut her off and not pay for college unless she got married. That they couldn’t face the shame of their unmarried daughter having a baby.” He shakes his head at the memory, and takes a deep breath before continuing.
“It didn’t make much sense. I mean it was two thousand and fucking ten, you know? Nobody cares about shit like that. But she was devastated and I felt awful. I figured we could get engaged, say we were having a long engagement and then once she finished college, break it off. We were both about to start our last year so that seemed logical. Initially she agreed but then she started putting the pressure on. Saying her parents weren’t okay with that and they weren’t going to pay her last year’s tuition unless we got married before the year started. And Amber was so persuasive. She convinced me we could make it work. That we could take a shot at being a proper family, for the sake of our baby. So, I agreed and we made plans for a simple elopement to Vegas. Because that’s how all great love stories start, right?” He snorts. I squeeze his hand to encourage him to continue.
“Anyway, the day we were supposed to leave, Amber’s friend Jo came and saw me. It turns out that none of it was true. Amber wasn’t pregnant at all. She had just set her sights on me, convinced herself that she loved me. Which was ridiculous, she barely knew me. When I confronted her about it she broke down and confessed it all. She said she was sorry but she just loved me so much and couldn’t bear the idea of not having me. I was sickened.” He squeezes his eyes shut tight, as if trying to protect himself from the memories.
“I had fallen in love with that baby. I was so goddamn excited by that point and finding out that it didn’t exist just about killed me. I swore off women for the longest time. I threw myself into school and graduated with honors. Then threw myself into my work. I’ve dated a little bit over the last few years but I found it hard to trust women, so relationships ended pretty quickly.” Bringing my hand up to his mouth he brushes a kiss across it and turns to look at me.
“And then there was you.”
“And then there was me,” I whisper.
Right then and there, the last tiny bit of my wall crumbles and the truth crashes down on me.
I’m in love with this man.
Stepping out of the shower, I reach for the towel and begin to dry my hair. I’m excited for girls’ night tonight and eager to have some time with Cassidy and Wyatt. Since my revelation last week concerning my feelings for Ben, I’ve been feeling off kilter, my emotions all over the place. What I really need right now is Cassidy to kick my ass and Wyatt to smother me in love. I need my girls.
After drying off, I wrap myself in a pink towel, walk out of the bathroom and into my bedroom where I find Ben lying on my bed in only a pair of basketball shorts, scrolling through his phone. My heart does this weird little palpitating thing at the sight of his broad, bare chest. I love how at ease he is in my home. It makes it incredibly easy to envision this as our home. A thought that calms the chaos swirling through my head.
Ben’s eyes immediately seek me out and I can feel the weight of his stare as I approach the mirror on my dresser and prepare to put my face on.
“What are you doing tonight?” I ask him as I reach for my moisturizer and begin to apply it. When no answer is forthcoming I turn to face him, and see his eyes burning into me with an intensity I haven’t seen before. I can feel the blush spread across my face under the heat of his scrutiny and I look away, feeling self-conscious.
“You’re so fucking sexy, Skye.” He bounds across the room and stands behind me. Turning my body so that I am facing him, he leans down and places his forehead gently against mine. Closing his eyes, he inhales deeply, breathing me in.
I’ve never experienced this before. The physical connection between us is visceral and intoxicating. It completely overwhelms me and I find myself wanting to experience everything with him.
Brushing my mouth across his jaw, a low moan escapes him as his stubble chafes my lips in a most delicious way. I continue my path downward, kissing and licking, nibbling and tasting until my knees hit the carpeted floor and I look up at Ben from beneath my lashes.
He brushes his knuckles softly across my cheek and I lean forward, placing an open-mouthed kiss below his belly button.
Reaching up, I take hold of his waistband and pull his shorts and boxers down, tormenting us both with the slowness of my movements.
His cock is at the perfect height, pointing right at my mouth, and who am I to ignore what’s right in front of me?
Leaning forward, I lick the tiny bead of pre-cum glistening on the tip and follow it with a ghost of a kiss. Ben sucks in a ragged breath and that simple sound fills me with all the confidence I need. Opening my mouth, I take him in slowly and a groan escapes me as the taste of him hits my taste buds. Reaching down, Ben undoes my towel, watching it drop and exposing my body to him, his eyes close and squeeze shut as though he is trying to gain control of himself. Then threading his right hand through my long hair, he grabs a handful and uses it to guide my mouth along his shaft. I go willingly, enjoying the feel of his dominance. Pressing forward until I begin to gag, I pull back slightly and then swallow, relishing the strangled sound Ben makes at the sensation of my throat tightening around his cock.
“Baby?” Ben chokes out and I look up at him, my mouth full of his dick. “Do you trust me?” Without hesitating, I nod yes. Ben pulls out so only the crown of his cock is sitting on my lips.
“I’m going to fuck your mouth now, Squeak, so open wide, babe.” He holds tight to my head with both hands and begins thrusting. Slow and steady to begin with, he quickly loses the battle to stay in control. Slamming into my mouth, the noises coming out of him are driving me crazy. I’m gagging on every thrust, but I love that I have the power to unravel this man.
“Look at me,” Ben harshly whispers and my watery eyes meet his. I can see every bit of want in them. Every bit of desire. Every bit of the emotion I’m too scared to acknowledge.
As his breathing hastens he pulls abruptly out of my mouth and takes hold of himself.
“On the bed,” he rasps out and I quickly stand and move to lie down on the soft comforter. Ben follows, and as he kneels between my legs, he jerks that beautiful cock hard and fast until, with a loud grunt he explodes, painting my pussy in his cum. My mouth waters at the sight. He reaches down and roughly takes hold of my neck, pulling me up he crushes his mouth to mine, his tongue sliding along my own. Pulling away he closes his eyes before meeting my gaze.
“I love you.”
“We’ll
have three blowjobs please, mister intoxicologist!” Cassidy raises her voice to be heard above the noise in the crowded bar, as I almost choke on my own spit at her order. If only she knew.
After slamming down our shots, we head out to the dance floor and get lost in the music. I close my eyes and forget about everyone and everything as I move my body to the sensual rhythm.
All too soon I feel myself being dragged back to reality as Wyatt pulls on my arm and leans in to tell me they’re heading back to the bar for more drinks. Deciding I could definitely do with some more alcohol, I take hold of her hand and follow her and Cassidy. Grabbing our drinks, we manage to secure ourselves a table and while Cassidy and Wyatt stand, I sit down. My feet immediately begin to ache and I curse myself for my rookie mistake. Every woman knows that once you sit down the pain of heels multiplies by a million, and standing in them again is near impossible.
Sighing, I take a big sip of my Pina Colada and try to listen as Cass and Wyatt catch up on all the gossip. But it’s useless. “IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou,” the words are on a constant rotation in my brain. He loves me. And I love him. Did I tell him that? No. Because I am so freaking scared about what is happening between us.
“Ben told me he loves me,” I say the words so quietly that I don’t think there is a chance of either of them hearing me. But both women stop talking immediately and swing their heads toward me.
“Hells to the fucking yeah!” Cassidy screeches as Wyatt jumps up and down and wraps me up in a giant, all-consuming hug. It takes them a moment to realize I’m not sharing their excitement, and in fact tears have begun to silently slide down my cheeks.
Wyatt pulls me in for another hug, this one even tighter than the last, and whispers in my ear, “It’s okay, Skye. You’re okay, sweetie.”
Was I though? My inability to trust in Ben’s love made me feel broken. He has never given me one reason to doubt him, so why do I find it so hard to believe he could love me?
Cassidy comes over and sits down next to me, taking hold of my hand and looking me straight in the eye.
“You need to cut this shit out, Balls. I love you, but you are not going to wake up one day and magically be over all of these bullshit hang ups you’ve been holding on to since your dad left. I don’t know if that’s what you’re waiting for, but it’s never going to happen like that. The only way to move forward, is to just move forward. Be scared. Be fucking terrified. But be brave enough to still go for it. Ben deserves that. Fuck, you deserve that.”
Wyatt leans into me and places her head on my shoulder.
“Skye, please don’t let your fear rule you. You could miss out on a lifetime of happiness because you’re scared of one moment of pain. If it’s real, if it’s honest and true, you will work through those moments. They’ll be tiny insignificant blips. But the happiness? Sweetie, the happiness will bring you to your knees, and will make every blip worth it.” Wyatt’s voice wavers slightly and I can feel a quiet pain emanating from her.
Looking between my two best friends, I remember Ben’s face as he said those words to me. He is in this, he is in one hundred percent, and he has been from the beginning. It’s time I man up and go all in too.
Draining the last of my cocktail, I hold my empty glass up and say, “Right, one more and then I’m going home. I have something I need to do.”
Buzzing up to Ben’s apartment, my heart hammers in my chest. I sent him a text earlier so I know he’s home. Hearing his voice on the intercom telling me to come up, my heart rate kicks up even further, if that’s possible. The elevator ride to his seventh-floor apartment is the longest three minutes of my life, but then suddenly I am standing in front of his door and ringing the bell. He pulls the door open wearing only a pair of black boxer briefs, but before I can get distracted by the vision in front of me, I throw my arms around his neck and place a luscious kiss on his mouth. Pulling back, I look him directly in the eye so he can feel the absolute certainty of what I’m about to say.
“I love you, Ben.”
A slow, lazy smile spreads across his face.
“I know, Squeak. I was just waiting for you to figure it out.”
BEN: Baby, you there?
SKYE: Yep.
BEN: Meet me at the entrance to the Botanical Gardens in an hour okay?
SKYE: Are we having a picnic?
BEN: Squeak, just meet me there okay, no questions.
SKYE: Ugh.
SKYE: Okay.
He’s late. Okay only five minutes, but still. Yesterday was our six-month anniversary and Ben had warned me to be ready for a surprise today. One problem though, I hate surprises and had been trying to weasel information out of him since the moment he told me, much to his chagrin.
Suddenly, I am lifted off my feet from behind, held up by strong arms and my favorite face in the whole world is nuzzling into my neck, peppering it with kisses.
“Sorry I’m late, baby, traffic was shit. You ready?”
“Am I ready? Ready for what?” Turning around and taking hold of Ben’s face with both my hands, I pull him down to my level. “Tell me! I need to know!”
This elicits a loud laugh from him and grabbing my hand in his, his only response is, “Patience, Squeak, patience.”
Guiding me to the street, I enjoy the sensation of my hand in his. One thing I’ve learned about Ben is that he is fond of the PDA’s and is constantly touching me. I’m not going to lie, I love it. Growing up, neither of my parents were particularly affectionate, so I wasn’t the most tactile person. But every time Ben touches me, it ignites something and I crave more.
Reaching the street, I find he has a cab waiting and we clamber into it, our hands never disconnecting. The taxi takes off without waiting for directions and I figure Ben has already filled him in on our destination. There goes my chance at a clue.
Ben begins chatting away, and I try to follow but my attention is firmly on the streets outside, hoping to scope out where we are headed.
“Skye!” My attention quickly focuses back on the man sitting next to me when I hear the exasperation in his voice.
“What?” I respond innocently.
“This is really bothering you, isn’t it? Not knowing where we’re going?”
“I’m sorry!” I hide my face in his shoulder in embarrassment. “I know you’re trying to do something really sweet but the not knowing is killing me.” Removing my face from the warmth of his body, I look him sadly in the eye. “I’m a terrible girlfriend, aren’t I?”
Snorting, he replies, “You’re not a terrible girlfriend. Just a control freak. Luckily you have many redeeming qualities that make up for it.” He plants a soft kiss on my lips that makes me all tingly. When he takes my bottom lip between his teeth and gently bites down, tugging and then licking away the sting, the tingles intensify and I pull away before I lose control and start to dry hump him right here in this cab.
“Okay, since the surprise aspect isn’t working for you, I guess I’ll have to let you know what I have planned. Happy?”
“Yes, very. Thank you,” I reply with sincerity and turn my body excitedly, almost bouncing in my seat, ready to hear his plans for the day.
“Well, I wanted to plan a day that would be special to you, and I figured since you’re so book obsessed we could do a literary tour of New York and check out some of the city’s best landmarks. What do you think?”
The note of uncertainty in his voice squeezes at my heart and this moment right here is my undoing. Any lingering doubts about my feelings dissipate at the sound of that tiny waver in his voice, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am going to love this man for the rest of my life, no matter what happens between us.
“I think I love you,” is my easy reply.
The day that follows is an incredible whirlwind of activity and laughter. We start the day by heading to the Bronx and exploring Edgar Allen Poe’s cottage, which I can’t believe I have never visited before. The sight of the tiny cottage leaves me speechless a
nd I have goosebumps as we tour it with our wonderful guide, Glen. There are only a couple of other people wandering around the cottage while we are there which adds to the atmosphere, and I feel like I could spend the entire day here, devouring all the knowledge that Glen has to impart. I am in absolute awe of everything I see and learn, but whenever I look Ben’s way his eyes are glued firmly on me, following my every movement and appreciating my enthusiasm the same way I am appreciating this experience.
All too soon, the tour is over and after exploring the cottage on our own multiple times, Ben pulls me outside and we head for the subway.
The rest of the day is spent exploring Left Bank Books, where I spend hours trawling through rare books and first editions with the kind of reverence one would expect from a devout bibliophile, followed by the New York Public Library where we examine the current collections on display, and engage in some healthy debates.
Basically, I spend the day trying to control my book whore boner.
Leaving the library, Ben leads me down the steps and guides me to the street where we take the Line 28 bus to our final destination, Central Park.
We spend the last hours of daylight in the park, taking in the Shakespeare garden before heading for the literary walk, which we stroll along leisurely, enjoying the beauty of the canopy the elms create.
“Today has been amazing, Ben, thank you so much.” Holding onto his hand, I pull his arm to me and lean into him, brushing a kiss across his shoulder.
“One more surprise, Squeak,” he replies softly and gives me a smile that melts both my heart and my panties.
I’m about to reply when my attention is drawn to the giant carousel in front of us and my heart swells in love and gratitude.
“You remembered,” I whisper as I recall the conversation we had months ago when I shared with him my happiest memory. The moment that happened right here on the carousel in front of us, with my mom and dad. They had been so happy that day, carefree and so unlike their usual selves. The vision I had of them sitting in one of the carriages with me in between them, while they laughed and joked was something I will never forget, and a memory I clung to every time the sadness had overwhelmed me.