Lindsay's Turn to Sing

by Carl Hamlin

  Lindsay spoke of her ongoing battle with what she referred to as her “extra 30”. She told of how her sister, one year older than she, was much more slender. There had never been an expressed rivalry between the two over such matters. In fact, they were very close. Lindsay just had this tendency to see more slender women as exhibiting an ideal she should try to emulate.

  She had lots of friends in high school and college, and she was popular in both social settings. She could have had all the dates she wanted, and was asked out more often than many of her peers, although she often declined. She did not recognize in herself the warm and funny charm she possessed, and what effect her appearance had on men.

  Gerald often told her how beautiful she was to him. She would smile sweetly and thank him for such comments, but deep inside she remained unconvinced. She never questioned his love or affection however, and knew that his feelings were genuine.

  For her part, within a couple of months of their meeting Lindsay was head over heels in love with Gerald. His solid physique and handsome face were traits that she certainly appreciated. But most of all, she fell in love with his tender and sensitive demeanor, his wit and tendency to be very understanding and patient.

  She would always look back to her favorite date with Gerald, when she went to his apartment to enjoy some of his exquisite cooking. During their meal, he began to talk about his former career as a trainer and masseuse. Although it crossed her mind often, and she had never brought herself to discuss it, she began to ask questions about the process of professional massage.

  To her delight, Gerald asked if after dinner, she would like for him to give her a massage. He explained that he had everything there that he needed, except that he did not have an actual massage table. He tapped on the dining table and asked, “What do you think?”

  Lindsay giggled and nodded. “Okay.”

  After the meal and after all the dishes had been put away and the table was cleared, Gerald began rummaging in the closet and returned with an arm full of materials. Lindsay watched in amusement as Gerald placed a cushioning mat on the table then covered it with a sheet.

  That being done, he turned to Lindsay and handed her a large towel. Then he went to the window, closed the blinds and turned the lights down. He pointed to the towel, and with a smile instructed her, “Just take off all your clothes and lay down and put this towel over your bottom. I’ll be waiting in the next room, so just yell out when you’re ready.”

  Lindsay’s jaw dropped when he said that, but then smiled and nodded as he walked away. As she got undressed in her boyfriend’s apartment, she felt more self-conscious than she could recall in some time. Still she went ahead and placed her clothes on a chair, sat on the table and stretched out on the covered cushion, then placed the folded towel over her bottom.

  She took a moment to imagine what she must look like at that time, then took a deep breath and called out in a singsong voice, “Oh…. Gerald…. I am ready.”

  Gerald told her later that when he walked into the room, her cheeks turned as red as apples. Nonetheless, he set about massaging her neck and shoulders, making her feel more relaxed and at ease in spite of her state of undress.

  When his fingers would reach down to her side, she would feel her heart beat faster at the prospect of his touching just the edges of her breasts. When he worked his way down her back, to the lower back near where the crack of her bottom was just peeking out from under the edges of the towel, she began to feel an enjoyable level of arousal.

  He began massaging her lower legs, then worked his way up her thighs, but took care to restrict his fingers to the backs of her legs and the outer thighs. Once she had given much attention to her lower limbs, he began working on her back, shoulders and arms the rest of the time. When finished, he playfully patted her on her covered bottom, then told her to simply call for him again that she was dressed.

  That simple quiet evening had a monumental effect on the relationship. Lindsay certainly found how much she enjoyed being massaged and how skillful Gerald was in doing so. Most important, the scenario reinforced to her just how much this man could be trusted. There was no questioning Gerald’s desire for her, nor hers for him. Yet, with the woman he loved and desired stretched out on a table covered by nothing more than one towel, he asked to do nothing more than provide the promised sample of his rarely used skills from the past.

  They spent the rest of that evening sharing some wine and a chocolate dessert Gerald had concocted. Most of all, they spent hours speaking of aspirations and attitudes to a depth that had never been explored before. Lindsay would always look back on that night as a time when she knew that Gerald had no chance: she would never allow him out of her grasp.

  After dating for six months Gerald proposed, and on that night Lindsay slept with a man for the first time. The next week they were married in a civil ceremony by a judge, and Lindsay moved into Gerald’s condo.

  After a year of marriage, they found their stately home in the historic area of Trenton, surrounded by other stately homes. They were lucky to spend three nights per week in it together, but they were indeed a good match.

  One area of concern that a happy career and happy marriage could not resolve for Lindsay was her troubled relationship with her mother. It was not that there was any lack of mutual love between the women, but Lindsay’s mother had managed to fill her daughter’s mind with a long list of admonitions in addition to the matter of motherhood.

  The mother had provided Lindsay’s psyche with a significant list of issues that were simply proper. Even when Lindsay was an adult, engaged with her mother and other adult women in conversation, the mother would abide no references to sexual enjoyment. For Lindsay, she was haunted by one particular reference. At a family gathering, her female cousin made a joking reference to having her husband spank her. Immediately, Lindsay’s mother made a curt reference to “such types of awful behavior”.

  The comment rattled the 30-year-old Lindsay, as she had never revealed to anyone her own suppressed yearning to experience having a man spank her. Lindsay was left to ponder the fact that the one person in her life who had fulfilled the role of her moral guide had just ruled that her secret yearning was inappropriate and wrong.

  When Lindsay’s relationship with Gerald was becoming serious, the desire to divulge to him her long buried yearning would at times make her feel almost delirious. The audience may never have known what it was that made her so believable when singing Constant Craving, but Lindsay did.

  Her frustration was further heightened when her masseuse –turned- author husband would prepare the massive dining room table for her to receive a rub down. She loved that Gerald spoiled her in that way. He would close the blinds in the large dining room, place a cushioned mat on the table then place a sheet over that. Lindsay would then slowly drop her robe and climb onto the table and lie nude on her stomach.

  Gerald would have already turned off their phones and dimmed the lights. He would then set about a slow and sensuous massage to the body of the woman he loved. The luxurious treat would last for half an hour, as he relaxed and kneaded her muscles and teased her with hints as to what was soon to follow. However, each time as he worked his way down her body, she could not help but fantasize of his open palm landing on her bare bottom with a stinging smack, then followed by another, and another, and many more until her arousal was maddening in its intensity.

  Lindsay loved the massages, and loved what usually followed. Still, she could never bring herself to express the added feature she would like to have seen as part of every session on that table.

  The van pulled into Trenton, so Lindsay reached for a small cooler and retrieved a can of cola to help her stay awake during her short drive home from her cousin’s house. Her phone gave off the buzz indicating that she had just received a text message. It was from Gerald: “just getting to bed, just typed The End. Can’t wait to see you, Sunday evening would seem like a good time to give you the works.”

  Li
ndsay smiled as she thought of everything that “the works” included. The audience may not have known who she was singing about when she spoke of a lover with a slow hand. Gerald had two hands that were not only slow, but quite skilled.

  Chapter 2

  Lindsay got out of bed at 10:00 AM, after having just crawled under the covers six hours before that. Immediately upon waking, her mind raced to thoughts of her mother, and the parental admonitions that had seemed so plentiful, but were now to be viewed in a different light.

  It was two days before that Lindsay had received a disconcerting call from her sister: “Sis… I don’t know how to handle this. I ran into Uncle Brian at the mall. I don’t think he even realized he said it. This comment about Mom having a brief affair when we were in our teens. Sis. I’m having a hard time processing this.”

  Gerald was already up, and she could hear the shower in the adjoining bathroom. She lay motionless and thought about the phone call, all the while feeling weak, accompanied by a sensation of her blood turning cold. The past couple of days had been so frantic with activity, that while the phone call had upset her, Lindsay had not really have the opportunity to digest what she had been told.

  Her sister had expressed no doubt that their uncle’s information had been factual. At the same time, the affair had apparently been short-lived. If her father had known of it, he had certainly hidden the fact well. From her own observation, the marriage had survived that threat, and the parents were still together and seemed to have an enjoyable retirement. Lindsay viewed her mother as being somewhat difficult, and assumed their father did as well. Still, they were together and seem to enjoy each other’s company.

  Lindsay hoped that the appearance of a reasonably happy marriage was not just an act. She told herself that they had been married for too many years to have acted that skillfully for so long. However, that was not the only issue that she was now grappling with.

  The woman who had been so unyieldingly judgmental of the personal activities of others had apparently committed an infraction in the realm of relationships far beyond matters of what others found to be titillating.

  The concern for her parents that had brought tears to her eyes minutes earlier, turned to anger. Lindsay had denied herself the simple act of telling her own husband that she would like some good whacks to the rear because she was unable to shake that mental tape recording of her mother’s comments that played over and over each time she felt that desire.

  The revelation of the affair certainly would not make her cease to love her mother. However, while she realized that an adult woman had no obligation to obey whatever suggestions of sexual propriety a parent had implanted, they were nonetheless present. Now that Lindsay knew that her mother had cheated on her father, and for that matter she and her sister as well, that moral authority suddenly seemed quite thin.

  Gerald emerged from the bathroom in a robe, toweling his brown hair dry. Lindsay always enjoyed looking at him in any state of dress. He was barely 6 foot tall, but his shoulders were much wider than his waist and his appearance told that he had never given up his workout regimen. While he may have become a writer by profession, a large portion of the basement of the old house served as a virtual fitness center in which both spent time working out to begin most days.

  He lay down on the bed next to Lindsay and gave her a kiss, then gazed at her with the piercing blue eyes that made her melt. “Sorry I was already asleep when you got home. How was Connecticut?”

  Lindsay replied with a sleepy smile. “I think we did really well. We got lots of applause.”

  Gerald rubbed his hand across her forehead and down her cheek. “Go ahead and sleep some more. I’ll make some brunch later. You look like you’re still tired.”

  Lindsey yawned and rubbed her eyes. “I love singing. It’s such a diversion from my other work. But, some nights are just a little more grueling than others. It was hot up on stage last night. By the time the show was over my dress was just clinging to me. I never have really liked being up on a hot stage in July.”

  Gerald leaned over and kissed her again. “Well, as I always say, as long as you enjoy it, it’s okay with me if you keep performing. I think it’s good for you. We all need a diversion that takes us away from the work we depend on for income. It’s like cooking for me.”

  “What happened at your meeting? Is everything okay with your book?”

  Gerald sighed. “It’s all resolved now. They were fighting over the cover. Those two always fight over the cover. But now, it’s ready to go to press next month. Advance orders are already coming in from bookstores, so we should do well.”

  Lindsay smiled. “Wow. Number ten in the series. What am I going to do when you get so rich and all those slender, younger women are falling all over you?”

  Gerald laughed, kissed her again, and then placed his head on the pillow next to hers. “They will all have to stand in line behind you. Of course, I’ll eventually take care of each and every one of them, but you will always get me when I have the most energy.”

  Lindsay laughed, reached for an empty pillow and plopped it down over his face. “You may be good, but you’re not that good.”

  “Since you said that, I just may change my mind about what I had planned for this evening.”

  Lindsay giggled. “And just what did you have in mind for this evening?”

  “Before my sexual stamina was unjustifiably questioned, I was thinking T-bone steaks, some red wine, then getting the table ready and getting you all laid out on it.”

  “Am I going to get the works?”

  “You’re going to get the works all right. I’m going to work you over in every possible way I can think of.”

  Lindsay smiled and closed her eyes and snuggled up next to him. “That all sounds so good. But, can I talk to you about something, or do you have to get back to the computer right now?”

  Gerald brushed the hair out of her eyes. “I have all the time in the world for you today.”

  Lindsay began to speak then hesitated, and Gerald could see that tears were beginning to form in her eyes. “My sister called me a couple days ago. She found out that when we were kids, our mother had an affair.”

  Gerald showed a surprised expression. “They seem like everything is okay now. Right?”

  Lindsay shook her head. “I hope so. I think so. It just kind of… I guess it rattles me. Mom was always so, I don’t know, uptight and stern about sex. She was always so full of opinions about what was okay and what was taboo. After all those years, going to school, getting my doctorate and having a good career and marrying this wonderful man - I still feel sometimes like those old comments control me.”

  Gerald laughed and shook his head. “My, my… if you feel sexually inhibited, then oh, boy. What you must be capable of.”

  Lindsay laughed again as her face turned dark red. “I tell myself that I may have gotten a late start with sex at age 43, but like to think that I’ve learned well.”

  Gerald put his hand on her shoulder and began to massage it. “I think that could be classified as an understatement. You turned out to be all that I can handle.”

  Gerald continued to caress her shoulder and arm. “So, what have you held back on?”

  Lindsay closed her eyes and allowed her head to sink back into her pillow. Gerald saw that her face immediately flushed. He could also see that she was struggling to conceal a smile that was threatening to betray her true emotions.

  Lindsay scrunched her face up in a mischievous grin. “I’m afraid you’ll think it’s kind of weird, maybe.”

  Gerald moved his face closer to hers and peered at her with those irresistible blue eyes. “Trust me, Lindsay. No matter what your mother would say, she’s not here right now. I love your mother, and I respect her. Your father, as well. And while I mean no disrespect, whatever opinion your mother may have about anything that goes on between us, it is totally irrelevant. You are 45 years old with a PhD. People buy your books and pay to see you speak on economic
s. On top of that, you are a wonderful singer. Babe, you have every right to enjoy yourself, so if there’s something that turns you on, or you just wonder if it would turn you on, just try it and enjoy it.”

  Lindsay’s eyes suddenly grew as big as saucers as she peered at her husband. She blew out a deep breath and began to speak slowly. “I think I would like to try something some time. I mean, just some time out there….”

  Gerald gave her arm a squeeze. “Babe, we’re in our mid-40s. We are married, and we can do anything we want. Just what is it that you would like to try, some time, out there?”

  “I… I think. I think I would like it - I’d like for you to try spanking me. Ooooh, boy. I said it.”

  Gerald’s eyes seemed to light up, to a degree that unnerved Lindsay and sent a chill up her spine while her abdomen began to flutter. “I see. And is this supposed to be planned, or would you like for me to one day pull off a surprise ambush on that gorgeous fanny of yours?”

  Lindsay felt an incredible sense of relief that her secret desire had been well received by the only person who could fulfill it. “I – I - ” She began to giggle uncontrollably. “I suppose it could be more fun if I was not absolutely certain it was coming. But, my man, I will happily take a spanking from you under any circumstances.”

  Gerald’s expression grew a little more serious. “What if I start to spank you too hard?”

  Lindsay’s expression indicated that she was seriously considering the question. “Actually, I think I would like it kind of hard.”

  Gerald began to run his hand up and down her back. “How long have you been turned on by the idea of getting spanked?”