Knocked Up by the Killer

by B. B. Hamel

  “I know what he’d say,” Dante said.

  “What’s that?”

  “He’d tell me to take it. Wars are expensive and lives are priceless. No reason to get involved in killing each other if there’s some other way.”

  “Sergio’s a smart man.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s not my Capo anymore. He walked away from the life and now he bakes bread every fucking day.”

  “He looks good though,” I said. “Like he’s happy.”

  “He looks fat and slovenly.” Dante turned to me. “I’ll think about it, all right?”

  “You should do more than think,” I said.

  “You’re lucky I’m not killing you here and now, Tanner.”

  “You probably could,” I said. “But no way you’d walk away from this alive. So don’t make stupid threats you can’t back up.”

  Dante glared at me and I smiled at him as sweetly as I could. I felt Elise tense next to me and I could tell this turn was making her uncomfortable.

  But it was just mafia man bluster. These guys were all full of shit. They thought they could throw around a few threats and everyone would just roll over and do whatever they wanted.

  Mostly it worked like that. But I happen to be one of the few men in the city that could see through their bluff and back up my words with action.

  “It’s tempting,” Dante said. “I’ll admit it. But I don’t know if I can trust you in this. You turned your back on us. That’s a pretty big deal.”

  “Oh, please. I dropped a contract. Fucking sue me.”

  Dante laughed. “You more than dropped a contract. I heard you had a little run-in with Bennigan.”

  I clenched my jaw. “Yeah, I did,” I said. “And it was shitty of you to send him.”

  “I told you what I was going to do if you turned the contract down.”

  “I thought you’d at least give me a day to reconsider.”

  “No time for that shit,” Dante sad.

  “I gather.”

  “So look, I’ll think about your proposal. But I’m not going to back down. And anyway, Bennigan’s off his leash, and you know how he can be.”

  I gave Dante a flat look. “Yeah, I know all about Bennigan.”

  “Do yourself a favor. Find some hole in to hide in and hope Bennigan doesn’t find you again. I’m not sure you can survive another interaction.”

  “We both know I can,” I said. “And when Bennigan ends up dead, you’re the one to blame, not me.”

  Dante shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

  “Take a day or two and think it over. I’ll come back for your answer.”

  “You sure you want to do that?” Dante asked. “You come here and I might put a bullet in your girl.”

  I stood up and looked down at him. “If I were really afraid of that, I wouldn’t have shown my face. But you’re a smart guy, Dante. I always liked you. I really hope you make the right decision.”

  Dante leaned back with his hands behind his head and just grinned up at me.

  Elise stood and I took her by the arm. I steered her to the door and kept my eye on the mafia guys. They stared at us, and a few of them looked like they wanted to put my reputation to the test, but nobody moved.

  We made it back outside. I walked fast and tugged Elise along with me.

  “I have no clue how that went,” she said. “I’m honestly just surprised we’re not dead.”

  “Not over yet,” I said.

  Three of Dante’s guys were following us.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Just come with me.” I pulled her along faster.

  “You’re hurting me,” she said. “My arm.”

  “Keep up.”

  “I thought you said he wouldn’t kill us.”

  “He won’t. But he can’t find out where we’re staying, either.” I turned left at the end of the block. More residential houses, brick-fronted with gray stoops. Cars lined the street, parked against the curb. Short trees dropped leaves into the wind.

  “Where are we going?”

  “Quiet,” I said. “Thinking.”

  I had to ditch the tail. But I knew these guys wouldn’t let go too easy. My mind raced as I walked fast. I spotted a dirty old Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper lying on the ground next to a bundle of cardboard waiting for the recycling truck. I bent over and grabbed it.

  “Are you going to read that?” she asked.

  “No,” I said. “I have an idea.”

  I walked faster. Elise barely kept up. Ahead, the street turned into Passyunk Ave. More cars crawled along the street. People walked in twos and threes. Kids with their parents ran and yelled. Young guys in cut-off shorts drank cans of beer at metal tables. Shops and restaurants stretched for blocks.

  I steered Elise directly toward a crowd of college girls. The girls were dressed in Ugg boots and North Face jackets. They had straight blonde hair and I honestly couldn’t tell them apart.

  Not that it mattered. I pushed Elise forward.

  “Hey, what the hell?” the girl closest said.

  “Sorry,” I grunted.

  “Jesus,” Elise said.

  We pushed through the crowd. One of the girls cursed at me, but I ignored her.

  “Here.” I grabbed Elise’s arm and tugged her into a recessed doorway. It was a laundromat. Yellow light shone on bored-looking ladies as they stood over spinning dryers.

  I turned and pressed my back against the glass window next to the door. I pulled Elise against me, right up against my chest, and opened the newspaper in front of her.

  “What are you doing?” Her hands were on my chest. She stared up into my eyes.

  “Wait,” I whispered. I held the newspaper behind her head. “Put your arms around my neck.”

  “What?”

  “Like you’re my girlfriend. Do it, right now.”

  She wrapped her arms around my neck. Her breasts pressed against my chest. She was soft and warm and sent a thrill down my spine.

  “Now kiss me,” I said.

  “Tanner—”

  “Kiss me,” I said again, staring into her eyes.

  She chewed her lip then tilted her head and stood on her toes.

  Her lips tasted like cherry Chapstick and lemons. Her tongue was soft against mine. I held that kiss in longer than I needed to and luxuriated in her body.

  We broke it off and my heart pumped harder.

  “Like that?” she asked.

  “Just like that.” I stared into her eyes.

  Then dropped the newspaper down.

  I scanned the street. The pack of college girls was long gone. A mom with a double stroller trudged past as her toddler lounged back in his seat.

  “I don’t see them,” I said.

  “Think they’re gone?”

  “Just wait.”

  She didn’t move. I felt her breath on my neck. I wanted to kiss her again but knew I couldn’t risk it.

  A minute passed. More people walked by. An old man with a white fluffy dog. A couple of boomers, the guy in khaki cargo shorts, the woman in tasteful yoga clothes. Hipsters with flat caps and walking single-speed bikes.

  “I think we lost them.”

  “Can I move?”

  “If you want.”

  She hesitated. I dropped the newspaper and put one hand on her lower back. She tilted her head.

  “Are you going to kiss me again?” she asked.

  “I might,” I said. “I think you’d like it.”

  “I don’t know about that.”

  I grabbed her ass hard with my other hand. “Oh, I think you would.”

  “Dick,” she said and pushed away from me.

  I grinned and left the newspaper on the ground outside the laundromat as I stepped out onto the sidewalk. I looked both ways, scanned the opposite side of the street, and didn’t see any of those mafia guys.

  I saw a flash of yellow coming down the street toward us.

  “Come on,” I said, snatching her hand. I tugged her along the
n stepped into the street and held a hand out.

  The taxi stopped. I opened the back door and let Elise crawl in first.

  I got in next, slammed the door shut, and told the cabbie to drive around for a while, meter running, before taking us to the hotel.

  Elise gave me a look I couldn’t read then stared out the window in sullen silence for the rest of the trip.

  10

  Elise

  I stormed into the Rittenhouse with Tanner on my heels. I could almost feel the smarmy smile on his lips.

  The man loved teasing me. He loved pushing my buttons.

  And I kept walking into his traps.

  I didn’t need to kiss him back there. He had us covered with that newspaper. Those mafia guys following us couldn’t have seen me kissing him even if they tried. The whole thing was just because he wanted to get another taste of me, and I let him pull my strings like a puppet.

  It drove me wild.

  “Excuse me? Miss?”

  I slowed as I passed the front desk. My shoes made a clacking sound on the marble floor. The woman behind the desk had her dark hair up in a tight bun. Her eyeshadow game was on point.

  “Yes?” I said.

  “You’re in room 1522, right?”

  “That’s us,” Tanner said, coming up next to me.

  I glared at him but said nothing.

  “Perfect,” the front desk girl said. “Hold on one second. I have a message for you two.”

  She disappeared into the back room then came back a moment later with an envelope.

  Tanner gave me a look then walked over and took it from her. “Do you know who this is from?” he asked.

  “A man stopped by earlier asking about you two,” she said. “He didn’t mention your room number and I didn’t think it was appropriate to give it out.”

  Tanner smiled. “Thank you,” he said. “We’re having a little, uh… honeymoon, and we were hoping for some privacy.”

  I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

  The front desk girl gave me a smile and a raised eyebrow then turned back to Tanner. He didn’t look like he was on a honeymoon, not with all the bruising on his face, but he was apparently still handsome enough to draw the attention of some random girl.

  “Of course,” she said. “We value privacy at the Rittenhouse.”

  “Do you remember what this man looked like?” Tanner asked. “Did he leave a name?”

  “No name,” she said. “But he was about your height… same general build… ah, he had on a black suit, light-colored hair, had a black eye a lot like yours, actually.”

  “Got it,” Tanner said. “Thank you.”

  “Of course. Can I do anything else for you?”

  “That’s all. Thanks again.” He turned and strode right for the elevators.

  I hurried after him. He held the elevator door then bashed the buttons.

  He leaned back against the railing when they slid shut.

  “Fuck,” he said.

  “What?”

  “Bennigan. He found us already.”

  I felt my legs go weak. “You’re joking,” I said.

  Tanner held up the envelope. “This has to be from him,” he said. “The description the front desk girl just gave me matched.”

  “Fuck,” I said.

  He carefully opened the envelope as the elevator continued to climb up to the fifteenth floor.

  Inside was a folded piece of lined notebook paper. Tanner unfolded it.

  “Found you, asshole,” he said. “Signed with a big B at the bottom.”

  “Fuck,” I said again and leaned my head against the cool metal wall.

  “It’s fine.” He folded the paper up and shoved it into the envelope. “This doesn’t change anything.”

  “What are you talking about, it doesn’t change anything?”

  “He was going to find us eventually.”

  “But I thought you said we’d be safe here.”

  “We will.” The elevator reached the fifteenth floor. I grimaced as the door opened. I pictured Bennigan standing out there with a gun and killing us both before we could do anything about it.

  But the hall was empty and silent like a crypt.

  Tanner strode out toward our room. I hurried after him.

  “Seriously, we can’t stay here,” I said.

  “We can,” he said. “And we will.”

  “Tanner—”

  “Trust me,” he said, reaching door 1522. He looked around the hall before opening the door and slipping inside.

  He yanked me in after him. I cursed and swatted his hand away. He strode over to the couch and collapsed onto it, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table.

  I lingered by the door with my hands on my hips.

  “How in the hell are we safe here?” I asked.

  “He doesn’t know what floor we’re on,” he said. “There are thirty-five floors in this hotel. He’ll have a hell of a time figuring out which one we’re on.”

  “He can wait and follow us up,” I said. “Watch for where the elevator stops.”

  “It doesn’t say that in the lobby,” he pointed out. “Rittenhouse is very discreet.”

  “Still,” I said. “He could wait for us to leave one night and bam. Kill us both out on the sidewalk.”

  “Too public. Bennigan’s stupid, but not that stupid. He likes his freedom.”

  I threw my hands up. “Why the hell are you so insistent on staying here?”

  “Because Dante knows we’re here,” he said. “And I don’t want to lose contact with him.”

  I lingered by the door and tried to push my anger away. I couldn’t think straight when I was angry, and I needed to be able to reason this through.

  “You really think that matters?” I asked. “Even though Bennigan’s the one that’s, you know, actually trying to kill us?”

  Dante waved a hand. “Bennigan’s just a symptom,” he said.

  “You’ll have to explain yourself,” I said.

  “Dante’s the real problem here,” he said. “Dante and the mafia. They’re the ones that want you dead. I could kill Bennigan, but they’ll just send someone else, and someone else, and so on until either everyone in the city’s dead, or we’re arrested, or something. They’re the ones that can put a stop to this. Bennigan’s just the symptom of the underlying disease. Cure the disease, the symptoms stop.”

  “Fine,” I said, rubbing my temples. “We could just tell Dante where we moved to.”

  “Maybe,” he said. “But why bother? He knows we’re here.”

  “You said we were safe in my apartment. You ended up getting beat up. Now I’m supposed to believe we’re safe here?”

  “I said we were safe-ish in your apartment. I wanted to come to a hotel right away, if you remember.”

  “You’re impossible,” I said, throwing my hands up. “Seriously, I think you’re doing this just to fuck with me. That kiss back there? That was just to mess with me.”

  He tilted his head. “No,” he said. “That was because I wanted to kiss you.”

  I stared at him. “But… Jesus. I thought it was to cover ourselves so those mafia guys didn’t spot us.”

  “That’s what the newspaper was for.” He tilted his head and patted the couch cushion next to him. “There’s a lot I want to do with you that doesn’t have anything to do with our little predicament. If you want to find out, come sit down.”

  “You’re disgusting,” I said and walked to the bedroom door. “Seriously, what’s wrong with you? Some guy’s trying to kill us and you’re just thinking about sex.”

  “Can’t help myself when you’re around. I mean, look at you.”

  I glared at him but felt a strange sense of pride flush through me.

  “I’m going in here,” I said, gesturing back at the bedroom. “You stay out here and leave me alone.”

  “Whatever you want.” He grabbed the remote. “Enjoy yourself in there. I’ll be listening.”

  “Listening? For what?�
�

  “For heavy breathing. I’m betting you’re going in there to relieve a little tension. If you want the real thing, feel free to call out my name. I’ll come running.”

  “You’re insane.” I walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut behind me.

  But for a second, I had an insane thought.

  What if he’s right?

  What if I really do need to relieve some stress? The thought of him touching my body again sent shivers of delight down my spine.

  He was truly an insane person. But his lips tasted like honey and his hand felt like heaven when he gripped my ass. I wanted more and it took all my strength to pull away.

  That fucking bastard. He knew what he was doing.

  I wanted to hate him but it was starting to feel good, and that scared me the most.

  11

  Tanner

  Elise spent the rest of the day hiding in the bedroom. It was annoying, and I wished she’d come out to play, but fuck it, whatever.

  She can pretend like she doesn’t want me to make her sweat and writhe and say my name.

  But I know better.

  I cycled through TV shows all afternoon. I called down for room service and ate alone at the table. I watched The Big Bang Theory and hated myself every time it made me laugh.

  Awful show. Still loved it.

  Evening came and went. I knocked on the bedroom door.

  “You want dinner?” I called out.

  No response.

  “Come on, you need to answer,” I said. “Or I’m going to kick the door down.”

  “Go away.” Her voice sounded muffled.

  “I’m getting you something to eat,” I said. “I know you’re hungry.”

  No response.

  I ordered two chicken dinners and a bottle of champagne. The food came fast and I tipped the room service kid more than I needed to. He wore a black jacket and had acne scars on his nose.

  “Never saw me here,” I said. “This is a meal for one.”

  He grinned. “Got it, sir.”

  I winked and shut the door.

  “Come out, come out,” I called. “Dinner’s ready.”