by B. B. Hamel
“Elise,” I said. “Stop!”
She ran to the door, threw it open, and disappeared into the hall.
I cursed and went after her.
She was halfway to the elevators. I ran after her, but she was fast. She faked left then smashed into the stairwell. She took them two at a time, throwing herself down recklessly.
“Elise!” I yelled, my voice echoing off the concrete steps. “Stop, I was just trying to knock him off balance. I was trying to fuck with him.”
“Leave me alone,” she said and ran faster.
A door on the tenth floor opened. I reached for my gun and stopped myself as a young couple stared at me with naked surprise. He was short with dark hair, and she was much taller, with wide hips and huge eyes.
Elise kept running and I came to a panting halt.
“Sorry,” I said to the couple. “Lover’s quarrel.”
The girl gave me a look, said something soft to her partner, and tugged him along.
I watched them go. The sound of Elise running away echoed up until she reached the bottom and was gone.
“Fuck,” I said, sitting back on the steps and breathing hard.
My shin throbbed from where she kicked me. That girl had a goddamn temper. I loved it normally, but not so much when it was directed at me.
The stairwell was silent for a long moment before I turned and began to climb back up. I had to think about what to do next.
I couldn’t just let Elise run off. I’d have to find her somehow—but I had no clue where she’d go or what she’d do.
Didn’t matter. I still had to try.
17
Elise
I hit the street like a demon.
My mind raced wild and I just ran. I had to get away from Tanner, from my father, from Bennigan, and from all the other assholes that wanted to hurt me.
I did nothing. I hurt nobody. And yet these men wanted to tear me to pieces and I didn’t know why.
I hated them all.
Tears fell down my cheeks. My breath came ragged. I ran toward the Schuylkill.
A homeless man sprawled on a closed barber shop’s stoop looked at me like I was nuts. Drunk kids crawling from bar to bar scattered out of my way. A cop shouted at me from his cruiser.
Flashes of dog walkers, of girls with their boyfriends, of men in suits. Laughter echoed off damp streets. A bus rolled past with its passengers lit up and glowing from its interior lights like a slug filled with parasites.
I kept going, going, going.
And only slowed when the lights of a Rite Aid glowed up ahead.
I stopped running and gasped for breath. I put my hands behind my head and spun in a slow circle.
I didn’t know where I was. But the Rite Aid was there, beckoning to me, bright and welcoming.
“Oh, fuck it,” I said.
I was happy I put on pants and slipped my wallet into my back pocket before leaving. I knew as soon as I heard Tanner’s little offer that I couldn’t stick around.
That bastard. That piece of shit.
I walked into Rite Aid. The air conditioning blasted me in the face. It smelled like carpet cleaner and stale candy. A teenage kid with bad teeth and a buzzed head stood restocking the candy underneath the front register.
I ignored him, went to the back, and found the pregnancy tests.
I stared at them then grabbed one of each. I got a water from the refrigerated section just in case I didn’t have to pee.
I skipped the register and went through the self-checkout.
The boxes jostled in the plastic bag as I left Rite Aid and began to wander.
I didn’t know what to do. The tests stacked on top of each other and I was so afraid to take them that I wanted to puke.
Tanner didn’t know, of course. He had no clue why I was so upset with him. I could tell earlier that he wanted to talk about it and maybe even wanted to try to make me feel better, but there was no way I was about to tell him that I was pregnant with his baby. I just had no clue how he’d react.
Now I knew. I was just property to him. I was a bargaining chip.
I kept walking. My mind turned in circles, in wheels, in loops. A front door slammed. A dog walker barely controlled two big Great Danes. A jogger with a belt full of water bottles trudged past. Cars with their high beams blazing rolled along looking for a parking spot.
The city kept going. It didn’t matter what time it was. It didn’t matter if I had some personal tragedy.
I walked with purpose until I found what I was looking for.
Wawa was still open. Good, reliable, dependable Wawa. I stood outside, drank half the water bottle, then went in. Bright lights and rows of snacks. An older woman with short blonde hair leaned on the front counter. Bored young kids stood near the sandwich kiosks waiting for their food.
I headed to the bathroom, found it locked, went back up front.
“Excuse me, can I use the bathroom?”
The older blonde pointed at a sign. BATHROOM FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.
I picked up two packs of gum. “Please?” I asked.
She rang me up and gave me a key on a long piece of wood.
“Be quick,” she said.
I hurried to the bathroom, unlocked it, slammed the door shut. I locked it again and sat down on the toilet, not caring about hygiene.
I opened the first test, set it up, and did my business. I opened the second test and set that up without waiting for the first test to finish.
I took a third before the first results were back.
Positive.
I stared at it and felt horror vibrate through my skull.
I looked at the second.
Positive.
“Oh, fuck,” I choked.
The third. Positive.
“Fuck.” I held three positive tests in my hand then shoved them back into the Rite Aid bag. I stood in front of the mirror and stared at myself.
I was pregnant. And the father was a killer, a psycho, and a bastard.
I felt like the floor fell out from beneath me. Like I was tumbling into the heart of the world.
If only that were true. Then I’d burn up and die from the lava and never have to face any of this again.
I put my hand on my belly.
But that would mean my baby would die too.
“Fuck,” I said.
My hands shook as I opened the bathroom door. I dropped the key off with the woman up front. She gave me a bored look. I doubted that she noticed the tears in my eyes.
I left Wawa and stood out front.
“What the hell am I going to do now?” I asked the world.
“Got some spare change?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. A guy missing both his front teeth leered at me from a few feet away. I dug a dollar from my pocket, gave it to him, then walked as fast as I could without thinking about where I was going.
It didn’t matter. One place was as good as another. I was pregnant with Tanner’s baby and my whole world was crumbling down around me.
I hated him. I hated myself. I wanted this all to end.
But I was pregnant. I had a baby growing inside of me, and no matter what I wanted, that mattered.
There was life inside me now.
And I had to find a way to get through this, at least so I could do right by that life.
18
Tanner
The park was nearly black as I wandered into its concrete walkway. The path was inviting during the day, but felt like the gaping jaw of hell in the middle of the night. The overhead spotlights were off, and only the weak glow of the street lamps illuminated the path. Bums wrapped in blankets sprawled on the benches.
My feet hurt from walking. I felt like I’d gone through the whole city. It was after three in the morning and I stank from exhaustion and anxiety. I was close to giving up, but had one last spot to look before I went back to the room.
Maybe she’d be up there, waiting for me.
Not likely.
; I followed the path as it snaked toward the waterfront. The sky paths curved away like shadowed snakes. I could just make out the dog park ahead, its normally green fence a grayed-out gloom.
A person stood in front of it. Two bags were at its feet.
I didn’t recognize her at first, not until I got closer. Then she resolved into reality: Elise, leaning against the fence, staring at the dark and empty dog park.
“Hey,” I said from a few feet away.
She knew I was there. I could tell she heard me by the way her body shifted slightly in my direction.
“Hey,” she said.
“Where’d you go?”
“All over.” She made a vague gesture. “Ran all over the place. Got a good workout in.”
“Same.” I didn’t go close, though I wanted to. “We should talk about earlier.”
“You mean how you wanted to sell me to my dad?”
I grimaced. I hoped she could see my expression in the night.
“I know that’s what I said, but you have to trust me, Elise. I’m not going to give you to anyone.”
She snorted. “Why would I trust you?”
“Because I’ve done nothing but try to help you so far.”
She frowned, tilted her head. “Maybe,” she said. “But now your ass is on the line, too, right? And your plan isn’t going anywhere. We spent weeks hanging around doing nothing, waiting for something to change, and we’re still nowhere.”
“That doesn’t matter,” I said. “None of it matters. I wouldn’t give you up because you’re not mine to give. Elise, if you want to go with your dad, then go with him. If you don’t, then don’t. I haven’t forced you into anything yet, and you know I’m not going to.”
“Then why tell him you would?” she asked. “Why tell him you want him to kill Bennigan?”
“To get him off my back,” I said. “And to take care of another problem without having to lift a finger. Think about it, if your dad takes care of Bennigan, then we just bought more time.”
“And your whole deal scenario’s much less likely to happen. Did you think about that? You think the Leone family’s going to deal with my dad if he goes around killing their employees?”
I clenched my jaw. “I didn’t think about that.”
“No, you didn’t. Because you’re not as perfect and as smart as you think you are.”
“I’m definitely not perfect.” I smiled at her stepped forward.
She stared at me. “Just go away, okay?”
“Come back to the room,” I said. “It’s not safe out here. Bennigan—”
“I’m sick of hearing his name,” she said, making a face. “He’s the monster under my bed. He’s the boogeyman. He’s just a figment of your imagination.”
“You know that’s not true, right?” I gestured at my face. The bruises were mostly healed, though the faded yellow was still barely visible on my skin. “You saw me fight him off.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She looked away. “I don’t know why you keep coming back for me.”
“Because I promised I’d keep you safe.”
“And then you promised you’d sell me to my father.”
“I didn’t promise him shit.” I stepped closer again. I could reach out and touch her if I wanted, but I held back. Her expression was flat tinged with anger. “I’m not giving you to him. I swear, Elise. I haven’t lied to you yet, but I’m more than willing to lie to your father, or anyone else for that matter.”
“If you’ll lie to them, you’ll lie to me.”
I rolled my eyes. I probably shouldn’t have, but I was frustrated, and tired, and she had to know that was bullshit.
“Come on,” I said. “I’ve done nothing but protect you. I want you, Elise. I want to keep you safe. I’m on your side.”
“I think you believe that. I’m not convinced.”
“You don’t get it,” I said, my voice low. “I’ve never done something like this for anyone in my life. I’ve killed plenty of men, I’ve done hard jobs, but I’ve never given something up for someone else. I grew up in a world that never gave a fuck about me, and the only way I could ever get anything was by taking it. With you, all I want to do is give, and I know I’m not good at showing it, but it’s the truth.”
She chewed on her lip. I saw her face soften, just a little bit, as she stared into my eyes.
“I want to trust you,” she said. “But I hate my dad. I hate him, Tanner. I don’t want to go near him ever again. When I heard you say what you said and made your little deal with him, I just…”
“I get it. You freaked out. You got scared, and I can’t blame you for that. If I were in your position, I would’ve reacted the same way. But I’m telling you, Elise, that was just a game to keep your father busy and to buy us more time.”
She stared at me, lips parted. I got closer, inches away now. I could feel the heat from her body.
“You’re just not what I thought you were,” she said.
“What did you think?”
“I don’t know. A monster. A bastard. Maybe you still are. You just…”
“I care about you,” I said. “I care about you making it through this in one piece.”
“Why is this so hard?” she asked.
“We’re walking on a tightrope,” I said. “Trying to juggle a thousand things. But I promise, my goal is your goal. We’re going to the same place.”
I stooped down and kissed her. I bit her lip and kissed her hard. She let out a soft groan and pushed herself against me. It felt like heaven to have her body pressed against mine again. I’d been walking around the city wondering if I lost her forever, and now I had her again, tasted her again, and I knew I wouldn’t let her go.
I heard footsteps nearby.
Coming fast.
I pulled back from the kiss and turned. I put my body between Elise and whoever was coming.
“Elise,” I said. “Get down.”
I barely got the words out before I threw her aside.
19
Elise
I hit the pavement and rolled into the dog park fence. Gunshots rang out in the night, huge deafening roars. Tanner ducked to the side, pulled his own gun, and returned fire.
Bennigan slammed into him. I couldn’t tell if anyone was shot. They both had guns, but Bennigan tackled Tanner to the ground. I saw one of the guns go skittering away across the pavement. I got up on my hands and stared at it before crawling over, my heart racing.
I heard another grunt, another gunshot, but they were still fighting. Tanner had the gun and was trying to point it at Bennigan’s face, but Bennigan was pushing back against him. They were locked in a struggle, sweating and grunting. I saw blood blooming on Tanner’s shoulder.
I made it to the gun and picked it up. It felt like lead in my hands. It was so heavy, and I’d never shot a gun before, and my heart was pounding. Bennigan kneed Tanner in the arm and knocked the gun from his hand. Tanner grunted in pain then smashed his forehead into Bennigan’s face. I heard Bennigan’s nose crunch as Tanner roared and threw himself forward.
The men hit the ground again. Tanner rained blows down on Bennigan. But Bennigan managed to fight back, kneeing Tanner, punching him in the gut.
Tanner fell off Bennigan and scrambled for his gun.
But Bennigan got up, kicked Tanner in the chest. Tanner rolled, got to his feet, and tackled Bennigan before Bennigan could reach the weapon.
Tanner pinned Bennigan to the ground and began to slam his fists into Bennigan’s face.
I crawled toward them, heart racing, terror ringing through my boy. Both men were bruised and bloody. Tanner’s eyes were wild with an animal rage as he rained blows down on Bennigan.
“You— Mother— Fucker—” Tanner grunted. “You— Won’t— Hurt— Her—” He punctuated each word with a fist to Bennigan’s face.
“Tanner,” I said.
He stopped and looked at me. I held the gun out, my hands shaking.
He got off Bennigan, walked to me,
and took the gun from my hands.
“Good girl,” he said and turned back to Bennigan.
Bennigan crawled away. He spit blood on the ground and was wheezing through his broken nose. Tanner walked over and loomed over him, the gun pointed at his head.
“Shouldn’t have fucked with me,” Tanner said.
Bennigan looked up. “Just a job,” he said. “Always just a job.”
Tanner pulled the trigger and Bennigan’s head exploded away.
The body slumped to the ground.
I sat there in horror and couldn’t pull my eyes away from Bennigan’s corpse as blood pooled around its shattered skull.
Tanner stood there staring down at Bennigan before turning away. He shoved the gun into his waistband then found the second gun. He walked to me and held out a hand.
“We have to go,” he said.
I stared up at him and was too afraid to move.
“Elise,” he said. “We have to go. Come on, take my hand and move.”
“I just— You just—”
“Take my hand,” he said. “And start moving. One foot in front of the other. Come on, you can do this.”
I blinked away tears. I hadn’t realized I was crying.
I took his hand and let him help me up. I grabbed my stuff and tucked it under my arm.
We walked fast. He hurried me along, tugging at my arm when I slowed. A homeless man wrapped in ratty brown blankets sat up on a bench and stared at us as we passed. Tanner didn’t bother looking over.
“Just keep walking,” he said. “Don’t run. Don’t look guilty.”
“You’re bleeding.”
He looked down at his shoulder. “Fuck,” he said. “Just keep moving.”
We made it to the end of the park and out onto the street. We walked up a few blocks along residential neighborhoods. He stopped at a corner and stooped over as if to tie his shoe, and threw one of the guns down into a storm drain. He stood, looked unsteady, then shook his head.
We kept walking. People stared as we went by. Tanner looked like shit. His face was bloody, his shoulder and arm were drenched in it. I probably didn’t look too much better. Front doors opened, closed. Cars crept past. The wind flowed through my hair. I was numb to everything.