Knocked Up by the Killer

by B. B. Hamel

  And besides, Tanner saved my life more than once.

  Watching Bennigan die broke me. It snapped something inside of me that I didn’t know could be snapped. I woke up the next morning and felt like everything inside of me had seeped out, and all I could do was run away. But after a good night’s sleep and some time, I was starting to come back to myself, a little bit at least.

  I couldn’t stay with my father. I couldn’t go back to Tanner, even if I wanted to in some deep, dark portion of my mind. There was nothing for me, and I felt so broken, so shattered, that I thought maybe I’d just fall asleep and never wake up.

  Except I kept waking up, and the world was still there.

  After a day of lounging around in bed feeling sorry for myself, I heard my father leave. I snuck out of the room, took a shower, and crept down the stairs.

  “Dad?” I called out.

  Silence, no response. The house was empty.

  I went into the kitchen and made some dinner. My father didn’t have much in the house, which didn’t surprise me. I had a hot dog and some mac and cheese, the kind that comes in a blue box with the bright orange fake cheese sauce that looks like some monster’s ectoplasm, but it was delicious and threw me back to my childhood. I curled up on a chair in the kitchen and ate the thing whole, made a second hot dog, and ate that, too.

  Before I could go upstairs, I heard a sound out back.

  I hesitated before going to the window. Some part of me thought I should just duck back upstairs and hide under my covers. It didn’t matter what was going on outside, nothing mattered anymore.

  But I couldn’t help myself. I pulled the curtain aside and peered out at the dark back patio.

  A figure sat at the little metal table with a glass of something in front of him.

  I unlocked the back door and slipped outside. Tanner looked up at me, moonlight reflecting off his face, making the skin around his eyes glow.

  “Glad you came out,” he said.

  I lingered near the doorway, half inside, half outside. I crossed my arms over my chest. Part of me was relieved to see him sitting outside my door, and part of me wanted to run away and never look back.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked.

  “Came to talk.”

  “How’d you find this place?”

  “Asked Dante,” he said.

  I glanced at the table. I recognized that glass. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized he’d already broken inside, taken a glass, poured himself a drink, then went back outside and sat down to wait. He could’ve come up and talked to me at any point, but instead he did this.

  “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,” I said. “Of course they know where he lives.”

  Tanner shrugged as if to say, can’t be surprised by anything.

  “Sit down,” he said. “Talk to me.”

  “I can talk from here.”

  He sipped his drink. “All right.”

  “What do you want?”

  “You’re pregnant.” Not a question. Not an accusation. Just a statement of fact.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I am.”

  “When did you figure it out?”

  “The night I ran off,” I aid. “I went and took some tests. My period was late, and my period’s never late, so I just… I don’t know. I took some tests.”

  “Positive,” he said.

  “Yeah.” I chewed my lip. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t have to apologize.”

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

  He shifted in his chair. “Elise. You know none of this is your fault, right?”

  “I know, but—”

  “Listen to me,” he said, his voice hard. “You didn’t choose your father. You didn’t ask the Leones to come and try to kill you. And you didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I played a pretty big role in that.”

  I smiled a little. “I guess I could blame you then, huh?”

  “Blame away,” he said. “So long as you’ll keep talking to me.”

  I shifted from foot to foot. I glanced inside at the brightly lit living room, and thought about leaving him there. Maybe I could steal some money from my dad and get the hell out of the city. Maybe I could start over.

  Instead, I shut the door and walked over to the table. I sat down across from him.

  “I never thought I’d have a kid,” I said. “Never something I wanted.”

  “I never really thought about it either,” he said.

  I smiled. “Easy for guys not to think about it, you know? Women get pregnant, they’re the ones stuck with the baby when it comes out. You can just walk away and never have to see the baby again. But there’s no walking away for me.”

  “You think that’s what I want?”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t think so. You wouldn’t have come back here if you just wanted to get away.”

  He nodded, sipped his drink. “I don’t want to leave you alone,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I know that much, at least.”

  “So, what, you want to be this baby’s father?” I asked, half-kidding.

  But he didn’t smile. “Yeah, I do.”

  “You kill people for a living, Tanner,” I said, my voice gentle. “How can you be a father?”

  “I don’t have to kill people,” he said. “It’s not something I need to do. It’s just something I’m good at.”

  “Think about that,” I said. “You’re good at killing people, so you do it. Most normal people don’t know they’re good killers, much less are happy to just keep doing it.”

  He spreads his head. “I am what I am.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about.” I stared into his eyes. “I don’t want my baby to be like my father. And you’re too much like him. It scares the hell out of me.”

  “I’m nothing like your father.”

  “You both hurt people,” I said, starting to feel my heart race. I shouldn’t say these things to him. I knew I should keep my mouth shut.

  Tanner was dangerous. I kept seeing him kill Bennigan. I kept seeing the look on his face afterward.

  Blank, almost bored.

  He didn’t care that he had another man’s blood smeared all over him.

  That scared me so much. Even more than the idea of Bennigan killing me.

  “Your father does more than hurt,” Tanner said. “And I don’t choose the people I kill. I’m given a job, and I do the job. I mostly kill scumbags, people in the business, people that deserve it.”

  “My father thinks he’s right too, you know,” I said. “He thinks everything he does is for a good reason.”

  “I’m not your father,” he said, leaning toward me. “I’ll give up killing, if that’s what it takes. Would your father ever give up what he has?”

  I shook my head. “No, he wouldn’t. But it’s easy for you to say you’ll walk away. Harder to really do it.”

  “How can I prove myself?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “Then I guess I’ll have to figure something out.”

  I let out a frustrated breath. “Why are you doing this?” I asked.

  “Because you’re pregnant with my baby.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not the kind of man to turn my back on my responsibility. And you’re my responsibility, Elise.”

  “I don’t have to be.”

  “I want you to be.” He leaned toward me. “And you want it too. I know you do. You pretend like you’re so afraid, but we both know you want it just as much as I do.”

  I shook my head. “Come on,” I said. “You don’t owe me anything. You don’t want this baby. You’re just… you’re just trying to do the right thing, and it’s bullshit, okay? You can just walk away, Tanner. Nobody’s keeping you here. You’re not a part of this anymore.”

  That seemed to get him. He shook his head and his eyes lit up, a little bit of anger showing through the mask.

  “So long as you’re pregnant with my baby, I
’m a part of this,” he said. “I always will be, whether you like it or not.”

  I stood up. “We had a moment back there,” I said. “I’m not going to pretend like that didn’t happen. We had a really good moment and we had a lot of fun, and some of it felt good, but it’s reality time now. I’m pregnant and a crime family wants me dead. I need to stay with my father until this all passes over and I can have a life again. So just… just leave me alone, okay?”

  I went to walk past him but he stood faster than I thought he could. He took my wrist and pulled me away from the door. I let out a soft, surprised yelp as he yanked me against his body.

  “Don’t bullshit me,” he growled.

  “Tanner,” I said.

  “You walk around like you know what’s best, like you know what you want, but it’s bullshit,” he said. “You say you don’t want me, you say you’re afraid of me, but every time I touch your skin, you light up like you weren’t even alive before. I make you feel good, Elise. I make you feel better than you ever have before.”

  “Stop,” I whispered.

  He leaned down and kissed me.

  I groaned into that kiss. I tried to push him away but he held me tight. He kissed me slow and deep and I sank into that kiss. I stopped struggling and put my hands flat on his muscular chest, letting my world vibrate around him like lightning.

  God, he was right. He made me feel good. So good I could barely breathe.

  He turned me toward the house and pushed me up against the wall next to the door, away from the window. I gasped as he kissed my neck, palmed my breasts. I shivered with delight as his hands moved down my hips and grasped my ass hard.

  “I’m tired of you running away,” he said. “I’m tired of your excuses. You keep acting like you’re better than me, like you’re afraid of what I do. But fuck that shit. You want this, you dirty girl. And I’m taking it.”

  “Oh, fuck,” I whispered as he slid a hand down the front of my yoga pants.

  I was wet, dripping wet. His fingers slid up my lips and teased me as I kissed him harder and grabbed his hair. Pleasure exploded through my body as I thought about his words, about him having me, controlling me, dominating me. He pushed me against the wall and I knew he could do exactly what he was threatening, and I knew I wanted it so badly it hurt.

  His fingers slid inside me and I let out a gasp. It was almost pathetic. I moaned his name and rolled my hips.

  “Look at you,” he said. “One touch and you’re already throwing yourself at me. Come on, Elise. Stop pretending like you want me to just go away. What you really want is to give yourself to me, every inch of yourself, for as long as I want it.”

  “Tanner,” I said. “You have no clue what you’re saying. You have no clue what it means to be a part of my life right now.”

  “That baby’s mine,” he said. “And you’re mine. This dripping wet little pussy is mine. Your gorgeous body is mine. Those pouty lips? They’re mine too, especially when they’re wrapped around my cock.”

  “It’s forever,” I said. “It’s a baby. It’s… it means… oh, fuck… being a father. Being there. Fuck, being there all day long.”

  His fingers felt like heaven as they rolled around my clit then slid back inside. He fucked me with them, teased me with them, bit my lower lip.

  I tried to argue, tried to get him to see, but I could barely think.

  “I don’t care what it means,” he said. “I’ll make the sacrifices I have to make. And I’ll give you what you need.”

  “You have to be better,” I moaned as his fingers continued to wreck me. “No more… fuck… killing. No more… hurting people.”

  “I can do that.” He circled my clit as my back arched. He kissed my neck and teased me faster. “I can give you what you need. I can give you a man and a father for the baby. Give yourself over, stop pretending, stop denying, let me have it all.”

  “Shit,” I moaned. “Tanner.” His fingers felt like heaven as he went faster and faster.

  There was a sound inside the house.

  I thought he’d stop. But instead, he kissed me deeper, pressed me harder against the wall, flattening us both into the darkness, and kept going. His finger rolled around my clit faster, faster, faster. I moaned and he covered my mouth with his hand.

  My father was in the kitchen. I heard him cleaning up after my dinner. He was at the sink, maybe ten feet away at most.

  Tanner kept going, finger rolling around my clit. I was pinned to the wall, my mouth covered by his hand, and I couldn’t take it anymore. His words rolled through my mind in echoes and fits and starts and, fuck, it was pure pleasure, it was too much. He wanted to be the father to my baby, he wanted to give me whatever I needed, and all I had to do was submit, give myself to him, and oh, god, it’s what I wanted more than anything.

  I came like lightning and thunder on his fingers. I bit his palm and he let out a soft growl of pain but didn’t move. I bit down and came so hard I nearly blacked out. I released my teeth and he kept his hand there, covering my mouth.

  I thought I tasted blood on my tongue.

  I drooped against the wall. I could feel his hard cock pressed against me. The water at the sink stopped and the light in the kitchen snapped off as my father walked away.

  Tanner waited, didn’t move. Then he pulled back and dropped his hand away. He smiled at me as he rubbed his palm.

  “You bite like a demon,” he said.

  “Sorry.” I leaned my head against the wall. “I just came so hard I think I blacked out.”

  He laughed gently then ran a hand down my cheek. “Think about what I said.”

  “Okay.” I chewed my lip as he turned and began to walk toward the back fence. “Wait.”

  He paused and looked at me, head tilted. “Yeah?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’ve got some shit that needs to get done,” he said. “If you want me out of the game, then I’m going to get out. But first I need to make sure this situation resolves itself.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I’ve been talking to the wrong people,” he said. “It took me all this time to realize it. I kept thinking I could stay in their good graces if I didn’t go too far, but that was fucking dumb. It’s time to finish things.”

  “Be careful,” I said. I felt stupid but the words meant something.

  “I will.” He smiled at me then turned and jogged to the back fence. He jumped over it like it was nothing and disappeared into the night.

  I lingered there for a while longer, getting myself together. His glass sat on the back table. I walked over and sat down. I thought about finishing the drink, thought about how good it would feel. But instead I just put my hand on my stomach and stared at it.

  I opened the back door and went inside.

  My father looked up from the TV. He looked surprised to see me.

  “Hey,” he said. “I didn’t know you were out there.”

  “I was just having a drink.” I held up the glass then dumped the rest down the sink.

  He got up and lingered near me. “You doing okay?”

  “Fine,” I said.

  “You’ve been hiding in your room. You know, the way you used to, when you were younger.”

  “I was hiding from you back then,” I said.

  “Guess you still are, huh?”

  “Guess so.” I gave him a flat look. “You need to fix this, Dad.”

  He held up his hands. “Honey—”

  “Talk to Don Leone,” I said. “If they send people over, just talk to them, okay? No more killing.”

  “Elise, come on.”

  “Do it,” I said. “You owe me. You’ve done so much shitty stuff, and now you almost got me killed, all because you think you can move down here to be closer to me. Well, I don’t want it, I don’t want any of it. So fix it.”

  He opened his mouth then snapped it shut. I could see the anger in his eyes.

  “Why do you think Don Leone’s going t
o talk to me?” he asked.

  “Because I have a feeling,” I said and stormed past him.

  I half expected him to grab me, but he didn’t.

  I reached the stairs and looked back.

  “I’ll do what I can,” he said and stared at the floor.

  For just a brief moment, I softened. He was my father, after all. I thought he loved me, in his own broken and fucked-up way, at least.

  But it wasn’t the time to get soft. I headed upstairs and went into my room. I closed the door and locked it behind me.

  Then climbed into bed and waited.

  I wasn’t hiding anymore. Tanner was out there, and I made up my mind. If he was sincere, I was going to give him a chance. Maybe I wasn’t sure about him yet, and maybe he still scared the hell out of me, but he deserved a chance.

  After everything he’d done, that was the least I could do.

  If he left that life behind and tried to be a normal father, or at least as normal as he could be, then maybe we could have something.

  Maybe, just maybe, it could be okay.

  I tried not to let myself hope, because hope always betrayed me, one way or another.

  24

  Tanner

  Don Leone’s city mansion was one of the most famous buildings in all of Philadelphia. I stood down the block from it, leaning against a light pole. The facade was under construction and guys were constantly coming in and out of the place. I’d heard about the big gun fight and the fire that wrecked half the place, but he seemed committed to bringing it all back to life, slowly but surely.

  Which worked for me, since it made it easy to get inside.

  I walked over, hands shoved in my pockets. I looked down at my work boots and baggy mud-covered jeans. A couple bags of Quikrete sat next to a large white moving van and I hefted one up onto my shoulder. I kept it covering my face as I headed toward the front door. A guy wearing black boots came down the stoop and I kept the bag between the two of us. He grunted something as I stepped into the main entryway.