The Next Door Boys

by Jolene B Perry

  Mom gave me one of her famous looks of disapproval as I wandered outside. Her hands met her hips as she pressed her lips in a very fine line.

  “It's all I have here, Mom. You know this. Besides, it's just us, and it's so nice out! It's not this warm in Provo right now, trust me.”

  “I still don't like it.”

  “Sorry,” I shrugged. I jumped into the pool. Mom stripped Nathan down, and he jumped in right after me. He swam well for five. We played with the two balls Mom had in the backyard, tossing them back and forth and splashing each other as much as possible in the process.

  “Okay, you stay in the shallow part, I'm going to sit in the sun before we have to get back in the car, okay?” I said to him.

  “Okay.” He smiled and happily amused himself by sinking the two balls and then letting them pop back out of the water.

  My mom sat on the lounge chair next to mine. “That's an awful long way in a car together.”

  I closed my eyes in the warmth. “I've spent so much time with him and Jaron that he's just like having another brother around.”

  Mom raised a skeptical brow.

  “Really. Besides, I'm dating Noah, anyway.”

  “And how does Noah feel about you driving all day with Brian?”

  I used my best exasperated tone to answer her. “Noah's in LA right now, doing that Volkswagen commercial, remember?”

  She nodded once. Nathan sat on the edge of the shallow end of the pool now, splashing his feet in the water and giggling each time the droplets showered over his head.

  “Let me run in and get you and Nathan a snack before you hit the road.” She stood up and walked inside. She'd left the door open, and I could hear the low voices of Brian and Dad talking.

  “How long was he in the house by himself, Amanda?” I heard Brian's voice. He must've gotten through to her. I didn't know if he'd even try. “No, no, he's with me now.” Brian paused and continued in a steady voice. “I promise to give you the same courtesy you gave me. No, better than that, I won't try to keep you from seeing him, but I will tell you now that I want him to stay with me for a while… No, I am going to make it official, and you can drag us through court or you can be nice about it.” Another long pause. “Amanda! You haven't been home when I go to drop him off. I can't find you when we've scheduled a time to pick him up. He was home alone, and he told me all about the routine that he has when no one's home. There's no way this afternoon was a one-time thing!”

  “Make sure you tell her that you're willing to work with her. Make her feel like she has some say in this. You always want to be the one who's taking the high road.” My dad tried to talk quietly enough that his voice wouldn't carry. I strained to hear more of the conversation, but Mom walked back out and shut the door behind her.

  Nathan came to sit next to me.

  “Nathan! You're freezing!” I laughed and sat up as his wet body touched my legs.

  He giggled and grabbed a handful of grapes off the tray Mom brought out. I lay back down on my lounge chair.

  “Wow, what happened to you?” he asked, touching my two red scars.

  “Um…” I didn't know how to explain this to a five-year-old. “Well, I had some parts that were broken, so they took them out and now I'm all better.”

  “Cool.” He touched them again, and I laughed.

  “Nathan! You're tickling me!” I laughed and sat up again. Brian stood outside watching Nathan and me. He looked sad, thoughtful. I felt bad about his dealings with Amanda and the stress over Nathan. When his eyes caught mine, he looked quickly away. Mom threw me a towel and a look that said I'd better cover myself. It was time to go anyway. I stood up, grabbed the towel, and wrapped it around my waist. I walked toward Brian and the door.

  “We got wet. Sorry. Nathan asked for the pool, and I have a hard time refusing a request from Nathan.” I smiled. I hated Brian's sad face.

  Brian looked at Nathan instead of me. “It's fine. There are more clothes in the car.”

  I searched Brian's face. He made eye contact briefly, like he didn't know where his eyes should be.

  I pulled my eyebrows together. “Okay?” I reached out and touched his arm. I hated seeing Brian unhappy.

  “Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'm just distracted, that's all.” He walked back into the house.

  I felt a stab of sadness for him, and I had no idea how to make it better.

  I settled back into the passenger's side of Brian's car.

  My phone rang as we hit the freeway. I flipped it open. “Hey Noah, how's it going?”

  “It's down to three guys, and I'm one of them!”

  “That's amazing!” I assumed he referred to the movie part he'd auditioned for. It was honestly hard to keep track of everything he had going on.

  “I know it! I come back here in a week or so to audition with the actors who've already been cast.”

  “Wow. You're hardly even a student anymore.”

  “I know. So, what are you up to?”

  “Oh, Brian had to pick up his son in Vegas and I tagged along. I didn't know what to do with myself without you around,” I teased.

  “Well, it looks like you didn't have to look hard to find a replacement.” He sounded annoyed. It was just Brian, I had no idea why he felt the need to be jealous of Brian.

  “Oh, no, it's not like that at all. I needed to pick up some fabric from Mom's house—you know, for the masquerade…”

  “And riding for hours alone in a car with Brian is the only way you can think of to do that?” His voice sounded hard.

  “Noah…”

  “No, whatever. We can talk about it later.” His words came out sharp. It surprised me. Noah always seemed so calm.

  “So, you'll be back for the weekend?” I asked. Something had to happen to break apart something that felt really off between us.

  “Probably Monday.” He still had a harshness in his voice that made me uncomfortable.

  “Don't be mad, Noah.” I paused.

  “Leigh. How would you feel if positions were reversed?” I felt it then. I couldn't describe why Brian didn't pose a threat to me and Noah, not in a way that would make sense.

  “You're right. I'm really sorry. I wish there was a way to make it up to you.” My heart weighed down, I didn't want to hurt Noah. I slouched in my seat and stared at the sky.

  “I'm sure I could think of something.” His voice softened a little.

  I grabbed the opportunity. “I still can't believe you're going to be on TV.”

  “Me either. Call me later? When you don't have company?” His voice sounded almost normal. Almost.

  “Of course.” I hung up smiling like an idiot.

  “Not too thrilled about you making this drive with me?” Brian asked.

  “Well, how would you feel?” I shrugged. “He just doesn't understand how things are between us.”

  “And how are things between us?” Brian's eyes found mine briefly.

  “You're like my other older brother.” I slid my phone back into my pocket.

  He nodded and continued to stare out at the road in front of us.

  twenty-seven

  I lay in bed with my window open, feeling the warmth of the spring breeze and trying to get some rest. Sunday afternoons were meant for napping. I closed my eyes and could feel myself relax toward sleep. I heard the back door swing open next door.

  “That was on your trip down?” I heard Stuart ask.

  “Yeah.” Brian's voice.

  “What did she ask?”

  “Just curious about where we were. You know, the usual stuff.”

  There was a short pause, and I heard them shuffle around a bit, probably adjusting chairs to sit down.

  “I can't explain it, Stuart. We were talking about it in the car, and then we pulled up to the house. Things felt wrong. I can't explain it. The sun was hot. I was right back there, you know? I didn't know whether to drag Leigh with me or send her to the car. I had to jump over the brick wall to get into the backyard. I did
what we do, you know? I hit the bottom, dropped and rolled. I reached for my weapon and nearly had a heart attack when I didn't have one. I was in a backyard of an average house in Vegas, and I felt naked without my gear.” A long pause followed Brian's words.

  “It was hard going into the house too. I had to tell myself over and over that it was just a house—it was my ex-wife's house, and everything was fine… I picked up Nathan, brought him to Leigh, and ran inside to grab Nathan's stuff. When I got back to the car and the adrenaline left my system, I started shaking. Not bad, but Leigh doesn't miss anything. I knocked her hand…” Silence again. “She insisted on saying a prayer while I drove.” There was another short pause. “It was like she thought a simple prayer would just make it better.”

  “Did it?”

  Brian laughed a little, “Yeah. I guess it did. But what about next time? And at what point will I stop scanning rooftops and suspecting anyone who looks at me funny?”

  “The next time that happens, you take Leigh's advice. You stop and say a prayer. As for the rest of it? I don't know… That Leigh, she can be pretty amazing.”

  “Yeah, she is,” Brian agreed.

  “You know at some point you're going to need to say something.”

  “Do you see what's going on right now?” Brian asked. “I can't.”

  “Brian, how long has this been going on?”

  “I don't know, Christmas?”

  “Sooner than that.” Stuart's voice sounded accusing.

  I suddenly felt bad. I didn't know what they were talking about because I shouldn't know what they were talking about. Something to do with me? With Nathan? It shouldn't matter. I shouldn't be listening. I rolled out of bed and went to look for a snack instead.

  My English midterm had about cramped up my whole arm. I'd just spent nearly three hours writing as fast as I could in a stupid blue book. I felt tired and grumpy and just wanted to be home. I adjusted my backpack to be more comfortable and started down the hill.

  “Leigh! Leigh!” I heard Brian's voice.

  “Hey there!” I waved. Brian ran toward me with Nathan in tow.

  “I need your help. Do you have class right now?” He looked desperate, leaning forward and breathing hard.

  “No, why?”

  “Can you and Nathan hang out for a while? My test is today. I nearly forgot with him in town. I've already tried to cram too much into my frantic half hour at home. I have another half-hour before my test. Am I asking way too much here?”

  “Not at all. Nathan and I love hanging out together, don't we Nathan?” I got down on one knee so we could look each other in the eye. I gave him a scrunchy-face smile, and he giggled.

  “Thanks! I owe you huge!” Brian grinned and took off.

  I reached down and took Nathan's hand. “Well, it looks like it's just you and me. What do you want to do?”

  “Can we get a happy meal? I saw a McDonald's on our way here.”

  “That sounds great.” I smiled down at him. “I'm starving too. Maybe we'll both get one.” I looked forward to the walk. My body felt good, I felt good—a nice change for me.

  We started back toward my house, and my phone rang in my pocket. Shoot. Noah.

  “Hey there,” I answered.

  “I thought we were meeting for lunch?” Exasperation laced every word.

  “I have to cancel. Brian's kid is in town, and my services are needed. You can join us for a happy meal,” I suggested, knowing he'd probably turn me down.

  “Guess I'll see you later, if you're not too busy with Brian.” He sounded cross.

  “Later is fine.” I wanted to sound nice, but his abruptness annoyed me. A friend needed help.

  “I'm just not able to be here as much as I'd like to be, and I want to spend time with my girl.” There was a beseeching quality to his voice that I wasn't sure whether or not to trust.

  “I'm sorry,” I said. He was being a bit overdramatic. Noah really needed to relax. I shouldn't have to talk him down because our lunch plans changed. “It's just for a few hours, and then I'll come find you.”

  “If you want.” He sounded only partially appeased.

  I felt like there would be no winning. Noah could be more understanding, but I didn't want to bring it up, not with how irritated he sounded.

  Nathan and I each got a bag from McDonald's to take home. He insisted that I tell them I'm a girl. Apparently the toys are different. We sat in the backyard and stuffed ourselves on chicken nuggets, French fries, and chocolate shakes. The sun warmed us and the yard, verging on hot.

  “Wanna lay with me on the hammock?” I pointed to show Nathan what I wanted.

  “On there?” he asked, a small amount of uncertainty creeping into his voice.

  “I'll come with you. Don't worry.” I smiled, stood up, grabbed his hand, and pulled him with me.

  I climbed on first, and he followed.

  “It's like a swing!” He started to giggle.

  “It's like a swing you can lie on.” We both lay back.

  We swung back and forth for a while and found shapes in the clouds. He cuddled up against me, his head tucked underneath my arm. I gave him a squeeze.

  “Careful!” he giggled. “You'll squeeze me to parts!”

  “Squeeze you to parts?” I asked.

  “Yeah!”

  “Don't you mean pieces?”

  He shook his head “no.”

  “Okay, I'll be more careful. I'll try not to squeeze you to parts.”

  His small body felt so good against me. I breathed in his soft hair and felt a lump swell up in my throat. This was a little glimpse of what it would be like to be a mom. I blinked down a few tears. I remembered feeling like a way would be provided for me, at different times when I prayed, but doubt still crept in. We lay quiet. I used my foot to swing us slowly from side to side. I felt Nathan relax, falling asleep. I couldn't imagine being in the position he was in with his parents living separately and not getting along.

  I wrapped my arm around him, resting his head on my chest. The sun shined warm between the branches of the tree above us. I had no classes for the rest of the day, so I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sweet warmth of the little boy lying next to me.

  “Hey, you two,” Brian whispered. I wondered how long I'd been asleep.

  I opened my eyes to see Brian crouched down, watching us lie in the warmth of the afternoon. “Sorry,” I said quietly.

  He shook his head. “Please don't apologize. Maybe I shouldn't have woken you. I just feel bad that you're stuck with him.”

  “I can't think of anywhere in the world I'd rather be stuck,” I said honestly. Brian reached out and used his hand to brush the hair from my face. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.

  “Dad?” I felt Nathan stir beside me, and I already knew that I'd be sad to feel him go.

  “Here, buddy.” Brian smiled and reached out his hands.

  I didn't want him to go, either of them. “Thanks for playing with me today, Nathan.” I smiled at his groggy face.

  “Okay.” He yawned. Brian carefully scooped him out of the hammock.

  “Thanks again, Leigh,” Brian said as he stood up, Nathan in his arms.

  I nodded.

  Brian slowly walked across the yard and into his apartment. I felt the pull toward them in my chest.

  My hammock wasn't the happy place it had been only a few moments ago. It felt empty. I curled up into a ball and prayed that the afternoon sun would put me back to sleep.

  “Up the canyon?” Noah asked. He looked quickly at me before continuing the drive.

  “I guess.” It was already getting late, and as much as I wanted to spend more time with him, I also wanted sleep.

  “What's the matter?” He reached his hand out and rested it on my thigh.

  “We seem to end up there a lot, and I don't know how much longer I'll be able to stay awake.” I smiled a little. “You could just come back to my house and hang out for a bit?”

  “U
nder the watchful eye of your roommate, your brother, and Brian?” He seemed to emphasize Brian's name a little, though it may have been my imagination.

  “No, I…” But my phone buzzed in my pocket, interrupting me. “Just a sec.” I flipped it open. Jaron. That wasn't going to help my case against the whole “watchful eye” thing. “Hey, Jaron.”

  “Do you know Brian's work number?” His voice sounded anxious.

  “No.” I held the phone tight against my ear to make sure that I could hear. “What's going on?” I leaned forward in my seat.

  “He's not answering his cell, he's at work, and Nathan's running a high fever. We tried information, but the number they have isn't right.”

  “What do you need me to do?” I asked. I wanted to help.

  “If you and Noah are out and about, maybe you could drop by his work. He's asking for his dad. Megan's here, and that's helpful, but he looks terrible.”

  “You're asking your little sister to go to a bar?”

  “You have Noah with you, and Brian's there. You're fine.” Jaron chuckled.

  “I know I'm fine.” I rolled my eyes. “Call if you need anything from the store, okay?”

  “Thanks, Leigh.”

  “No problem.”

  I flipped my phone shut and set it on my lap in case I got another call.

  “Change of plans?” Noah looked disappointed. He'd slumped down in his seat.

  “Sorry. Nathan's sick, and they can't get ahold of Brian. We just need to drop by his work and let him know.” I wanted to get back to check on Nathan.

  “A bar? Did I hear that right?” Noah raised his eyebrows. There was something disapproving on his face and in his voice. He pulled into a grocery store parking lot and turned us back toward town.

  I felt defensive even though I'd had the same thought. “It pays well and gives him time with his son.” I sat up a little straighter.

  “So did he just get some girl knocked up, or is he divorced?” Noah's voice sounded disapproving again. I didn't like that he jumped to conclusions.