Adrift (Dawson's Star Book 1)

by J. P. Larson

  He neither looked at his mother-in-law nor acknowledged her greeting. Pamela came in and took the position to Elizabeth’s right, immediately across from Alex.

  Pamela asked him.

 

 

 

  Alex turned to his right. “Elizabeth, you have my humblest apologies. I was disturbed by something I recently learned, and I am afraid I allowed it to color my behavior. My wife has pointed out how inappropriate my attitude is, and I am deeply, deeply sorry for my sullen arrival at your fine table. I do hope you have it in your heart to forgive me.”

  Alex looked down and studied the tablecloth between the two of them, his hands folded in his lap.

  Elizabeth studied him for a moment, then decided, for now, to take his apology at face value. “You are forgiven, Alexander. No harm done. This disturbing news – is it something you need to discuss with me as head of the household?”

  Alex looked up and smiled. “I hope you don’t mind if I tell you I am not at this point sure, Elizabeth, but I sincerely appreciate both your forgiveness and your offer to discuss with me such a small matter that would most certainly be below your notice. I do hope that you will allow me to consider further, in consultation with my wife, and perhaps address the matter at a future moment?” He paused. “With my wife’s permission, of course.”

 

  Elizabeth decided to stay polite in hopes that Pamela could deal with the situation. “Quite all right, Alexander. I am certain I can be available if you should need to discuss something with me or perhaps seek my advice.”

  “Thank you, Elizabeth. You are most gracious and kind.” Alex looked across the table to Pamela. “Pamela, I also owe you an apology. By my inappropriate behavior, I have embarrassed you in front of your mother. I have acted in a most boorish fashion, and I do so hope you will both forgive me and continue to council me so that I may strive to improve both my attitude and actions. I am so sorry.”

 

  Elizabeth laid her hand on Alex’s arm. “That’s enough, Alexander. I know you’re upset. And you are dangerously close to all three of us saying things that are very difficult to take back. I strongly encourage you to drop this matter until you can address it with a clear head free of extreme emotions.”

  Alex sat very still, concentrating on his breathing. His heart beat slowed, and he felt his blood pressure relax. Elizabeth kept her hand where it was, and Pamela wisely stayed silent. Finally, Alex looked at his mother-in-law again.

  “You’re right, Elizabeth. As usual. This time, you have a real apology. I am sorry.”

  “I’m not going to forgive you yet. I want to know why you were so upset.”

  He looked at her for a moment. “Can I start at the beginning?” She nodded. “I figured out the pool. About me. But I’m not upset about that. I do, though, have a concern. Can we come back to that?” Alex licked his lips. “So I asked Pamela if she knew about the pool the servants must be having about me. She said she did know, then explained that there were two.”

  Alex took a sip from his water glass before continuing.

  “She told me that it only started today, that you had already caught them, and that you asked if she minded.” Alex paused. “Elizabeth, this is something that is terribly, terribly important to me. And deeply private. I shouldn’t have used the coin. But I really wanted some physical marker, something I could look at when I walked past it and think to myself, ‘Look, I’m getting better.’ Two steps a day, maybe three, but I’m getting better. If I could have used an invisible marker, one that only I could see, I would have.”

  “And maybe, sometimes, I want you and Pamela to see the marker, too. To be proud of me, to be proud that I am fighting this hard.”

  He paused, searching for words. Elizabeth looked on silently, waiting for him to finish. “Elizabeth, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this strongly private about something before. So, your staff sets up a pool. I think about it. I look around. I notice that my bed always has clean sheets. I notice that my windows are always clean. I notice that the lawn outside my window is always neat and trim, and the bushes and shrubs always look beautiful. I know how much work that takes. And I notice the work never happens when I’m around, when it might disturb my sleep or my therapy or my thoughts. I don’t know if you ordered it that way, or if Pamela did, or if they worked this out themselves. It doesn’t matter. The staff is helping me get better, and I deeply, sincerely appreciate their concern.

  “If the staff wants to hold a pool celebrating my successes and commiserating over my failures, I am honored.”

  He paused, then looked between the two of them. “What upsets me, what deeply, deeply upsets me, is very simple. When you found out about this, you talked to your daughter because you were concerned she might be embarrassed that the staff was betting on her husband. I am working harder at something than I have ever, ever worked on something in the past. I am measuring my improvement literally a step at a time. I may never walk easily again. I will certainly never run marathons. When I next see my father, he will probably hand me a military discharge from duties that have been extremely important to me. I am in this position because I got caught between Pamela and your enemies.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. You have both been very incredible. You have been gracious, supportive, and welcoming in spite of my obvious shortcomings and the disruption an off worlder brings to your lives. I could never find enough words to express my appreciation for all that you have done for me.”

  Neither woman said anything. After a moment of thought, Alex was able to finish. “I am upset because, when you found out about this, you thought to tell your daughter in case she would be embarrassed. But, in spite of what this means to me, neither of you thought to talk to me.”

  Elizabeth finally started to open her mouth, but stopped when Alex gestured.

  “My attitude is not helped by knowing that, according to the norms of your society, that you, Elizabeth, certainly behaved completely properly. And according to those same norms, I am completely out of line for being upset with Pamela. Knowing those rules, which I don’t always, but I’m learning, I shouldn’t even expect you to approach me about something like this or anything else. And all that is why I am upset.”

  Elizabeth spoke. “There’s more, isn’t there? Maybe something you don’t want to admit, but something you were definitely thinking while you were so livid.”

  “Yes.” Alex’s voice faltered. “I would never have treated Pamela the way she treated me. I am trying very hard not to cast judgment, but I was raised to a different standard. I love my wife, I think this is a beautiful planet, I deeply respect you, and I have a growing affection for you.”

  Alex looked down, then set his hands on the brakes to the wheelchair and unlocked the wheels.

  “I can’t live here,” he said finally, quickly rolling out of the room and fleeing down the hallway to his quarters.

  Some time later, there was a knock on his door. Alex turned away from the window and paused. “Come in,” he said finally.

  The door opened, and an elderly man stood in the opening.

  “Might I speak with you, Mr. Grey?” he asked Alex.

  “Come in,” Alex said, rolling forward a bit. “I’m sorry. I’ve seen you around.”

  “I’m Jim,” the man said.

  “If you’re Jim, then I’m Alex. And if you have a problem with that, this conversation just ended.”

  The man thought for a moment, then nodded.

  “The staff – we’ve been talking. We want to
apologize to you. We’ve seen how hard you were working. We shouldn’t have started the pool. I’m the eldest, so we decided I would apologize for all of us. We didn’t think it would do for us all to troop in here.”

  “I’m going to ask a question. I would appreciate an honest answer. Were you listening to the things I said in the dining room?”

  “No sir, but some of the others heard.”

  “My name is ‘Alex’, not ‘sir’. Did they tell you that I was upset about the pool?”

  “They said you were very angry. They said you were leaving.”

  “Did they say who I was angry at, or why?”

  “Yes,” Jim said quietly.

  “Did they say I was angry at any of the staff? Or angry about the pool.”

  “No, sir,” Jim said. Alex stared at him. “Um. No, Alex.”

  “Is the entire staff betting? Or almost everyone?”

  “Most of us. It’s just in fun.”

  “I know it is. How much are the wagers?” Jim told him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know your money system. Is that a lot? Is that more than, say, you earn working for an hour?”

  “It’s more.”

  “Well, Jim, if I tell you a few things, will you tell everyone else for me?” Jim nodded. “First, I want to thank all of you for being so considerate. I know I’m difficult, and I appreciate the way you help to take care of me.”

  “That’s our job, sir. Um. Alex.”

  “It’s possible to do your job without being so considerate. I appreciate it. Thank you. Now, I think the size of the wagers should be small. In fact, I think the daily wagers should be no more than the amount the least well-paid of you earns in an hour. This is too important to me for there to be real money resting on my performance. I would feel terrible if I knew I was letting people down because I didn’t do very well one day. It would be okay if the other pool, where you only do it once, were a little bigger. But not a lot bigger.”

  Jim didn’t say anything, but he nodded.

  “How were you going to measure how I did?”

  “We were going to walk off the steps from between your coin and the doorway to the main house.”

  “If you prefer, I don’t mind if another marker appears beside mine. But you better ask Ms. Grey first. Hmm. Whichever of the Ms. Greys you think is appropriate. If you use a marker, it should be small. If you use a coin, it should not look like the coin I am using.”

  Alex paused. “There will be days I don’t do very well. I do not owe anyone an apology for those days. And I will not apologize because the day I make it to my place at the table is this day instead of that day.”

  “Thank you, Alex. I’ll tell everyone what you said.”

  “While we’re talking… I expect people to call me Alex. I would like it if you told me your names when we run into each other. I am not very good at names sometimes, and I am afraid I will be thinking a lot more about getting better than I am about learning your names. But if you tell me enough times, I will eventually start to remember.”

  “Okay, Alex. Thank you for talking with me like this.”

  “Thank you for coming to see me. Good night, Jim.”

  Alex watched the door thoughtfully after it closed, then turned around and wheeled back to the window. He had no idea what he was going to do.

  He still hadn’t decided quite some time later when there was another knock at the door.

 

 

 

  Alex didn’t turn around right away, but heard the door open and close. He took a few breaths, then turned around.

  “I don’t want to leave,” he told them. “But I haven’t come up with a way where I can stay, either. I think I can contain my temper until Grey Ghost ships. I even think I can stop baiting Elizabeth for that long. And I hope there is still room on the Ghost for me for at least the first few runs. But beyond that, I don’t know what to do.”

  “Alexander,” said Elizabeth. “You are being rude. You have guests, and you haven’t asked them to sit. That’s rude on both our worlds.”

  “It would be, but I’m the guest here. This is your home. Wouldn’t it be pretentious of me to offer you a chair in your own home?”

  Elizabeth thought about it, then selected a chair and sat down. “That’s an interesting point of etiquette. Maybe we could have a nice fireside chat about it sometime.”

  Alex nodded, then watched Pamela take a seat near her mother.

  “Alex, before we talk about anything else,” Pamela began. “I want to tell you that there will always be room on Grey Ghost for you, regardless of what else we may decide. It’s important to me that you understand that right away.”

  “Thank you, Pamela. That means a lot to me.”

  “Alex, do you love me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I love you, too. I want to stay married to you. I’ll go with you to Random Walk.”

  Alex looked away for a moment, considering his next words. “If I were a normal Dawson’s Star man that Pamela had married, and we’re living here, where would we live? In this house? The guest house? Would Pamela buy her own place? Maybe she already has one that I don’t know about? Would you discuss this with your husband, or just decide?”

  “We would live in this house,” Pamela told him. “There would be no question about it, unless Mother and I were fighting. No, no discussion with my husband. That’s just how it would be. However, Mother is very rich. Most women move away from their mothers and get their own home. Some consult their husband, but very few feel a need to reach mutual agreement.”

  “Elizabeth, under what terms would I be welcome in your house on a permanent basis? How much would my behavior and attitude need to change?”

  Elizabeth thought for a moment before speaking. “You’re already welcome here permanently,” she finally said.

  “I don’t know how to thank you for that sentiment, Elizabeth.” She nodded. “But I want to rephrase my question. How much would you prefer for my behavior and attitude to change?”

  She thought even longer before answering. “Everyone has personal quirks, imperfections, that sort of thing. We all strive to improve upon our imperfections. And when our quirks are annoying to those around us, decent people try to eliminate the quirks. I assume you are not asking about your quirks and imperfections, but are interested in the basics of your behavior and character.”

  Alex nodded.

  “In that case, I don’t prefer that you change anything. I am happy that you are you, that you are sensitive to the differences in our cultures, and that you treat everyone around you with the respect that they deserve.”

  “Pamela, if I were happy living here, would you want to live here?”

  “Yes, Alex.”

  “And the answers to the two questions I asked Elizabeth?”

  “I’ll go with Mother’s answers, if you don’t mind.”

  “Are you ashamed to introduce me to your friends?”

  “No. I think you’re incredible. Some of them would be shocked by you. Too bad for them.”

  “I’m almost done. Elizabeth, you’re having company over. Am I expected to hide?”

  “Sometimes,” she said immediately. “Slightly more often than Pamela. But that’s normal. Sometimes I have people here as part of government business or related to one of my holdings. Sometimes they’re personal friends, and we just want a private party. Sometimes, we just don’t want the kids. Sometimes, we just don’t want the men. Alexander, I would not be ashamed of you. I expect my answer is not much different than your own mother’s.”

  “And my behavior?”

  “I would tell you when I was having people in front of which you should be especially polite. But your version of polite would be fine. You wouldn’t bait or embarrass your mother at an inappropriate time, and I would expect you to treat me with the same respect. However, I am more likely to tell you when some of your standard behavior is inappropriate. But t
hat’s to help you pick up on the subtleties of relationships across cultural boundaries, not an attempt to control you.”

  “Pamela, did you want to add to that?”

  “Nope.”

  “I think I just have one more thing. Okay, two more.” He paused. “I don’t know how to ask this nicely, so I’m going to be blunt. I’m sorry for not being able to be nicer about it. How much poking around in my head do each of you do?”

  “Alex!”

  “Hush, Pamela,” said Elizabeth. “Alexander, do you think we’re in your head all the time?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t have the vaguest idea. I assume you are sometimes, but I would never accuse you.”

  “But Alex! That would be rude!”

  “Hush, Pamela. He doesn’t know that.” Elizabeth smiled. “Alexander, I have never been in your head when you didn’t know it. And I always kind of knock first. I would never poke through your thoughts without your permission. I will, of course, talk to you that way and listen when you talk to me. Also, I occasionally catch random surface thoughts from you, but I’m not sure what I get is any different than what I pick up from facial expressions and body language.” She turned to her daughter. “You’re turn. Give him a complete and honest answer. I will tattle if you don’t. This is important to him.”

  “Alex,” Pamela said. “You’re wearing my necklace. I can’t help but pick up your surface thoughts, any time I’m around you. While Mother and I sat in the dining room, trying to figure out what to do, I knew you were down here, also trying to figure it out. And I know you had a guest, and I kind of know what you said to him. But I have to concentrate to get specifics. When you do calculus problems, I know you’re doing calculus, but I have to concentrate to know anything more specific than that.

  “This is just how it is, and I don’t make any effort to tell you. Because it’s constant. It starts to fade with distance. When I was here and you were at the hospital, I picked up nothing.

  “The same thing goes with surface emotions and your pains and discomforts.”

  “With significant concentration, I can block this. It’s difficult, and I only do it when you specifically ask me to, and then it’s only for the immediate duration.”