Learning to Love Again

by Chrissie Loveday

  ‘That’s a relief.’

  ‘I must remember to make a dental appointment next week,’ she said suddenly, right out of the blue.

  ‘Have you got toothache?’ Anna asked.

  ‘Just a very sore mouth. I expect it’s some sort of infection.’

  ‘Shall I take a look?’ Joe offered.

  ‘Of course not. I’m fine. I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’

  ‘If you’re sure,’ Joe replied. He frowned slightly, but said nothing. ‘Well now, are you two ladies ready for the coming ordeal? Got your shin pads, elbow pads and protective head gear?’

  ‘Goodness, what on earth are you planning?’ Lucy asked in alarm.

  ‘Just meeting my nephews. They’re a rough bunch these Cornish folk. We’ll see you later.’

  ‘Take care, won’t you, love?’ Anna asked anxiously.

  ‘Something wrong?’ Joe asked as they were driving. Thoughtfully, he’d brought a child car seat and fixed it in the back so Anna was able to sit beside him in the front.

  ‘I don’t know. Lucy’s been getting very tired lately. And her sudden need to see a dentist. That was very odd. I’m hoping it isn’t a symptom of anything and that she’s just been overdoing it a bit.’

  ‘Who’s her GP?’

  ‘Well, Doctor Christopher actually.’

  ‘So, maybe as I’m locum for him, I should take a look at her?’

  ‘We’ll see. She won’t like me discussing her so we’ll let her decide. But thanks. Now, where does this sister of yours live?’

  ‘Not too far. In the middle of nowhere of course. Just too far for me to move in with them permanently. Mind you, we’d drive each other potty, I’m sure.’

  * * *

  Evie and Tim lived in what was once an old farmhouse. It was perched high on a hill with views of the sea and a large garden. Anna immediately took to Evie and knew they could grow to be good friends. The two boys were surprisingly gentle with Holly and despite all Joe’s warnings, they were lovely children. It was too wet for them to play outside so Tom and Joe went off to supervise them while the women prepared the meal.

  Evie was a pretty woman, probably a couple of years older than her brother. The family resemblance was clear and her two boys were absolute miniatures of their father. She was swathed in a large apron, but Anna noticed denim clad legs protruding beneath it and was relieved she’d made the right choice of clothes. She was so unused to going out, she felt self conscious about what she wore. Wearing her nurse’s uniform so often had made her lazy.

  ‘I haven’t ever seen Joe this interested in a female before. I’m so pleased you could come and satisfy our curiosity,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I knew you must be someone special. He usually keeps everyone away from meeting us in case we put them off, is his usual excuse.’

  ‘I’ve never met anyone quite like him. I’m never sure whether he’s joking or serious. But, whatever else, he’s a very good doctor, from what I’ve seen.’

  Evie looked pleased and nodded her approval. ‘I should think he is. He has such an easy manner and seems able to explain things to people. I just wish he’d settle down and stay in one place for more than a few months. But, he’s probably the proverbial rolling stone. He does like your practice though. Positively enthusiastic about it, for once. Makes a change as he usually suggests that most of the partners are ten years behind and blinkered. Perhaps it’s something to do with the pretty midwife who also works there?’ Anna blushed and shook her head. They hardly knew each other after all.

  It was a lovely day. The meal was a great success with all the food being cooked on the indoor barbeque in one of the large barns with the door left open wide to let the smoke out. Holly ate everything with great enthusiasm, including a portion of usually hated salad. She insisted on sitting between her two new friends, Sam and Jake, who were remarkably tolerant of the little girl. She finally fell asleep as they drove back home, well past her bedtime.

  ‘It’s been such a lovely day. Thank you. Your sister and her family are wonderful. I’ve loved every minute of it.’

  ‘And you’re not put off me forever?’

  ‘Joe, of course I’m not. Quite the opposite.’ They stopped outside and he leaned over to her. He put his arm round her shoulders and very gently, kissed her lips. She moved towards him and he gave a deep sigh.

  ‘Beautiful Anna. I’ve been wanting to do that all day.’ She felt her senses reeling. She wanted it too.

  ‘Holly might wake up.’

  ‘So, are you going to invite me in?’

  ‘Of course. But Lucy will be there.’

  ‘Guess we have a problem, don’t we? I’m living in a strange sort of bedsit at present. I tend to rent places wherever it’s handy. This one certainly isn’t the sort of place I could entertain a trendy midwife.’

  ‘Trendy? Me?’ she exclaimed with a loud laugh. Holly immediately woke up and began to whimper. ‘It’s OK, love. We’re home now. You can have your bath and go straight to bed.’

  ‘Joe, baff me. Joe read story,’ she demanded.

  ‘You’ve certainly made a hit with someone,’ Anna laughed.

  * * *

  Anna was on duty the next morning and began her rounds early. She passed through Landris on her way to a patient and called in at the hospital to see Sandy Pierce.

  ‘I’m hanging on in there,’ she told Anna. ‘They seem to think I should be all right as long as I don’t do a thing and am waited on hand and foot. Don’t know how long Jack will cope with it all.’

  ‘I’m sure you’ll manage. You might get someone to come in and clean for you once a week or even less. Jack can probably manage the washing at weekends. If you stay in bed most of the day, you can get up for a while in the evenings and spend the time together.’

  ‘You make it sound easy.’

  ‘It will be worth it. Now, I’d better get on. Sunday or not, there’s the usual list of calls to be made. I’ll see you again soon. Oh, I’ve been in touch with the acupuncturist. He says he can’t make home visits because of some health and safety issue. Disposal of needles and insurance or something silly. So, you’ll have to visit his clinic if you want to pursue it. He holds one in Trewin a couple of mornings a week.’

  ‘That’s great. Jack works there so I’m sure we can organise something.’

  The rest of the day was spent on routine calls. The most important were the new babies who needed to be checked and the mothers reassured. She called at a family who had just produced baby number six. There was little the mother wanted to hear from the midwife and saw every visit by an official as some sort of spying.

  ‘I’m not trying to catch you out, coming on a Sunday,’ Anna assured her. ‘I just want to make sure everything’s OK and that baby’s feeding properly?’ She glanced round the small, untidy kitchen where three of the other children were clustered round the old range. There was washing up left in the sink and the remains of breakfast still on the table.

  ‘Isn’t there anyone who can help you?’ she asked the weary woman.

  ‘Course there ain’t. He’s gone down to meet his friends and I’m left ’ere with this lot.’

  ‘Perhaps one of the older children could help you a bit. Just while the new baby’s so small.’

  ‘Fat chance.’ The woman reached for a pack of cigarettes and Anna frowned.

  ‘You shouldn’t be smoking in front of the children, especially not near the baby. You know how bad it can be for them.’

  ‘Mind yer own business. Now, if there’s nothing else, I need to get on. You can see I’ve got plenty to do.’

  It was pointless trying to do any observations on the mother while she was in this mood but at least she could ensure the baby was in reasonable health.

  ‘I’d like to examine little . . . er, John,’ she said looking at her notes to confirm the name. ‘If that’s all right.’

  ‘Suit yourself. He’s in the other room. Oh an’ he’s called Errol now. Me old man didn’t like John. Thought it was
too borin’.’

  Dreading the conditions she might find, Anna pushed the door open and went to look for the baby. He was sleeping peacefully, a tiny thumb stuck in his mouth. Though not perfectly spotless, he was reasonably clean and certainly looked as if he was thriving. Gently, she lifted him from the ancient pram and unwrapped him from the shawl. She was aware of being looked at and turned to see the three children from the next room, standing in a row at the door watching.

  ‘You’ve got a lovely little brother, haven’t you?’ No reply. She continued to examine him as he opened his eyes sleepily. ‘You’re beautiful, little one, aren’t you?’ His eyes opened wide and he gurgled gently. For only ten days old, he was remarkably alert. She looked in his nappy and saw that his bottom was rather sore. She took wipes from her bag and gently cleaned him and put some cream on the sore patches. ‘Where does Mummy keep the clean nappies?’ she asked.

  ‘She’s run out. Me dad’s s’posed to be getting some but I s’pect he’ll forget.’

  ‘I’ve got one in my bag but we’ll have to get some more. Baby John’s bottom will be very sore if he isn’t changed. Can you ask Mum to come in here, please?’

  By the time she left, she felt reasonably content that things were as good as they could be. She was worried that the mother was doing too much, but she was as healthy as could be expected.

  Feeling weary, she returned to the medical centre to write up her notes. With any luck, she could finish work early and get home to relieve Lucy of her daughter. She took out her keys to unlock the door and found it was already open. She punched in the weekend code for the inner door and looked to see who was on duty.

  ‘Hello you.’

  ‘Joe. What are you doing here? You’re not down for duty are you?’

  ‘I came to collect some notes and found a woman and her child knocking at the door. Little lad had cut himself on some glass and she thought he’d bleed to death. She didn’t have a car and didn’t think it was worth calling the ambulance as the surgery’s in walking distance. I stitched him up and gave him a tetanus shot.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have to do that. Not on your day off. We can’t win with some people. They go to the accident department at the hospital with their sore throats and such, to save making appointments. Then they come here with what are clearly potentially serious accidents.’

  ‘It’s no big deal, but I then decided I might as well do my notes here as take them to my depressing little bedsit. I suppose I should record the unexpected patient too or Doctor W. will be after me for the unauthorised use of a syringe and vaccine. How about you? What are you doing?’

  ‘I’ve just finished for the day. I hate having to work Sundays but at least I get a day off later in the week. Got to write up the notes and then it’s home. Give Lucy a break and maybe cook supper to save her the bother. Look, if you wanted to, you could come along. We usually have a roast on a Sunday, so there should be plenty.’

  ‘Thanks a lot. That’s great. How long do you need?’

  ‘Half an hour. I’ll give Lucy a call and warn her you’re coming.’

  She rushed to complete her notes, aware that her heart was singing at the thought of another evening in his company. Was she being pushy? If so, he didn’t seem to mind. Besides, it would give him the opportunity to observe Lucy and see if he thought there really was anything wrong.

  Both Lucy and Holly gave Joe a great welcome and Anna was happy to feel he could fit into their lives so easily. Whatever the future might bring, it was enough to share his company for the present. She was pleased that Lucy didn’t mention his work for the lifeboats, as this still remained a huge hurdle to any sort of future they may consider.

  ‘So, tell me why you are still a locum?’ Lucy asked. ‘What’s wrong with settling down somewhere permanently?’

  ‘Nothing at all. I haven’t found anywhere that wants me. Or me it.’

  ‘But you’d consider it if the right job came up?’ Anna cringed. Her aunt was dropping hints the size of boulders and she felt uncomfortable.

  ‘Would you like some more lamb?’ she asked Joe, pointedly glaring at Lucy.

  ‘Why not? I haven’t had a meal like this in ages. Frozen dinners, tinned soup and beans are my usual fare.’

  ‘Don’t exaggerate. You eat with Evie and Tom most weekends. They told me.’

  ‘Only when I’m not doing anything else.’

  * * *

  Once Holly was in bed, they sat chatting until Lucy announced that she was going to bed.

  ‘But it’s only half-past-eight,’ Anna protested. ‘You don’t have to go on our account.’

  ‘I’m feeling tired and in any case, I’m sure you have things you’d like to talk about.’

  ‘I’m worried about you,’ Anna remarked as casually as she could. ‘You always seem to be tired at the moment.’

  ‘I’m all right, dear. Course I’m all right. Now, where did I put my glasses? I have a good book and I might read for a little while. The milk bottles need putting out too. I’d better do that.’ They heard a crash outside.

  ‘I suspect that’s one milk bottle less,’ Anna remarked. ‘I’d better help her clear up the broken glass. Excuse me, will you?’

  Lucy pottered around for a while and at last, went upstairs. A few moments later, she came down again. ‘I’m sorry, I never said goodnight to you Joe, dear.’

  ‘That’s all right, Lucy. I never thanked you for a lovely meal. Sleep well. And if ever you need a check up, don’t forget I’m standing in for Doctor Christopher so you can always ask to see me if you like.’

  ‘Why should I want a check up? I don’t think there’s anything wrong, is there?’

  ‘Not that I know of. But, if you are feeling extra tired, there may be some reason for it.’

  ‘Nonsense. I’m just doing more than I’ve done for a while. Holly keeps me active and I’m just healthily tired. Now, I’ll be off.’

  They both said goodnight and sat down again. Joe took her hand and slipped his arm behind her. He leaned forward and kissed her. She sighed, realising how long she had missed the touch of another human.

  Anna smiled. The unsuitability of this man and the total lack of any possible future together hit her. Was it so ridiculous that she wanted to like him?

  ‘I’m sorry. I think I’d better wash up now or it will be left for Lucy to in the morning. I am a bit worried about giving her too much to do.’ He kissed her fingertips and smiled at her.

  ‘It’s all right. I’ll help. Won’t take us long.’

  ‘There’s no need.’

  They worked together companionably and the task was soon done. It also gave them a chance to talk more about Lucy’s symptoms. He asked a few questions about her general health and a few more specific questions. Had she shown any signs of depression or loss of memory? Was her balance or walking affected in any way? She did seem to be dropping things, he observed.

  Anna hadn’t noticed but guiltily, she realised she had paid little attention to anything beyond Holly and her own work. She did intend to keep a better lookout for her aunt, but simply hadn’t got round to it.

  ‘Is there some reason for your questions? Is there something specific you have in mind?’

  ‘Not really. Try to persuade her to come in for a check up though. As I said, we need to know if there is anything underlying her tiredness. I’ll do some tests.’

  Once the clearing up was finished, Joe decided he should leave.

  ‘See you tomorrow,’ she called as he walked away.

  ‘Can’t wait.’

  She checked on her aunt and little daughter and then sat in front of the television, not really watching the costume drama that was showing. Her mind was racing over and over the same ground.

  The picture of Ben on the mantelpiece stared down at her. She kept it there as a reminder to Holly of her daddy whom she had never known.

  For once, the sight of his familiar face didn’t make her cry. She did manage several large pangs of guilt. How
could she still be grieving over her loss and still want someone else?

  Joe Meredith. What was he doing to her? Breaking down her resolve, that was what he was doing. She needed to be very sure of him before she allowed anything more to happen. He seemed ideal in so many ways. But so much depended on his own future plans. And there was still the unsolved problem of the lifeboats. Sailing and the sea had already robbed her of her happiness once.

  ‘I’M VERY SERIOUS ABOUT YOU.’

  When Anna had dressed Holly the next morning and they both came down for breakfast, Lucy was looking very pale and still felt tired. Anna poured coffee for them both and put out cereal for Holly.

  ‘Do you want toast or cereal?’ she asked her aunt.

  ‘Just coffee, thanks. Sorry, but I feel quite exhausted today.’

  ‘I’m worried about you. You’ve been feeling tired for rather too many days lately. Why don’t you call into the Medical Centre and get a check up? Just to be sure.’

  ‘I’m fine, love. Don’t worry. Probably need a rest or something.’

  ‘I’ll definitely take Holly to see Ben’s parents next weekend. I’m not on call so it will be a good chance and you can have a complete rest for a couple of days. You could even go away for a bit of a break. Or why not go and stay at one of the hotels along the coast?’

  ‘I’d be happier here. Might do some painting. If I still feel tired after that, I promise, I will make an appointment to see the doctor. Suppose it would be your Joe, I’d see wouldn’t it? Is that allowed?’

  ‘Why? Because you know him privately you mean? I don’t see it’s a problem. Are you sure you’re going to manage Holly today?’

  ‘I’ll be fine. We can have a quiet day at home.’

  Anna didn’t really have a choice and left the two of them finishing breakfast and with a promise that Lucy would phone if there was anything wrong. It was her morning for the ante-natal check-ups and there were already a couple of her patients waiting for her when she arrived. The women who lived locally usually visited the centre for their checks and Anna drove out to those who lived sonic distance away and who either had other small children or no transport. It was a large village and there were a number of young families.