I Gave Him My Heart

by Krystal Armstead

  “Nina, you don’t have to marry Ricque.” I finally told her after holding it in for damn near six months. “It’s been seventeen got-damn years, boo, shit!” I had to remind her of how long the two had been apart.

  “You don’t believe love can last forever, Kourtney, and that’s cool. But me and Ricque are forever, so believe that shit.” Nina tried convincing herself that she didn’t feel some type of way about Saint.

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t believe that shit. I believe true love makes you go for what you know belongs to you, the way that Saint did. He fought for you, Nina, and really didn’t give a fuck what anyone had to say. He fucked your ass to sleep and sent naked pictures of you to his own brother, you’re not so ex-boyfriend—just to show the nigga what he’d been missing for seventeen years! That’s the shit I’m talking about! That’s muthafuckin’ love. Love ain’t scared to face anything or anyone. Saint was tired of waiting for his brother to came to his senses, so he stepped in to wake his ass up. Saint may have been wrong, but I respect that dude, real talk.”

  Nina just looked at me, her big brown eyes searching my face.

  Please don’t get me wrong; I like Ricque, but there was just something about Saint’s love and dedication to my sister that sparked something inside of me. The boy could have gone on lying to Nina, but he didn’t. He didn’t have to reunite the two, but he did. His guilt got in the way of his own feelings for her. He saw Nina, he got a taste, and then he returned her heart to its rightful owner. The day he saw Nina in that wedding gown at her dress fitting, I saw in his eyes how much he really wanted and desperately needed that girl. He knew that Ricque wasn’t going to go on any longer without tagging that girl with his last name. Saint just hoped that the connection that he had with Nina was stronger than Nina’s yearning for Ricque, the brother who already had everything.

  “Kourtney, Ricque is the other half of me; I love him. Saint will be okay—you’ll make sure of that. Won’t you?” Nina’s lips trembled. She dried her face. Even she didn’t believe that Saint was going to be okay. “You’re not about to make me cry anymore today, Kourtney; you know crying is so not in my got-damn blood. Let this shit rest. Saint will be fine.”

  “No, Saint is not okay; Saint is not fine. And neither are you, Nina. Just talk to the man. Be friends with him.” I begged her.

  Nina shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?” I asked, already knowing the answer. “Don’t act like he doesn’t exist just because Ricque’s back.” I watched as Nina started to put the portrait of us back in it’s wrapping paper. “Nina? Boo?”

  “What?” Nina cried out loud.

  I just looked at her, waiting to hear the words come out of her mouth, so I wouldn’t have to say them for her.

  Nina sighed. “I miss him, Kourtney, you know I do.” Nina dried her face.

  “Well, then tell him.” I sighed.

  Nina shook her head. “No, because then he’ll think that he has a chance with me, and he doesn’t. I’m not gonna lie; I was really feeling Saint, but you already knew that it was only because, when I looked at Saint, I saw my baby, Ricque. And the fact that Saint knew that shit is the reason why I’m so angry at him! Yeah, I know Saint loves me, but I also know that I love Ricque, and I have always only loved Ricque.”

  I just puffed on the loud, wishing I had given her the present when everyone else was giving out gifts. Then, maybe I would have never felt so stupid. I watched my cousin drown in her pain since we were fifteen-years old. She missed Ricque. And yes, when she saw Saint, she was instantly attracted to him because he did resemble Ricque. But I believe there was more to it than that. The two were nothing alike other than their accents. When all hope was lost, Saint gave Nina a reason to keep on breathing. He never gave up trying. But when he saw Nina in that wedding dress, something about him changed. The part of Saint that believed in love died right then.

  ***

  “I got my baby back in my life. I got my baby back, and she’s about to be my wife. The girl whose smile just stole my heart; the girl I miss when we’re apart. I went away, but I’m here right now; I’ll never leave again, this to you I vow. I live you, I breath you, I love you, I need you; I missed you, wanted to kiss you, I cried for you, almost died for you. With this ring, I pledge to you my…”

  Your girl was in tears watching Ricque sing, rap, do whatever smooth shit he always did to Nina on their wedding day. I watched my sister rush across the sand of that beach in Punta Cana that beautiful, sunny afternoon, racing into her husband’s arms. It was the sweetest sight you could ever see. I’m not even one to believe in true love, but when I saw those two laughing and crying in each other’s arms, I felt a little twinge in my chest. Watching those two join together in holy matrimony, after all they’d been through, after all that time they’d been apart, I couldn’t help but turn into a believer. That was until I looked to my right and saw that Peanut was sitting hand in hand with Niq’.

  “How you feeling, cuz?” Nina grinned over her shoulder at me that afternoon as I helped her remove her wedding veil. Oh, it was so pretty. Pretty, Keisha, Lailah and I were helping my boo change out of her dress and into her reception outfit. I’d reserved a room at Ricque’s Uncle Carlos’ hotel, the same hotel that the reception was being held. I planned on getting laid by some muthafucka that night, probably someone from Ricque’s crew. Them muthafuckas looked so fresh and so clean in their white William Fioravanti suits.

  I sighed, sitting her veil carefully in the hatbox that it came out of. “I’m good, boo.”

  Nina laughed a little, knowing that I was lying. She knew that I was feeling some type of way about seeing Niq’ after not seeing the fucka since I was eighteen, some fourteen years ago. “You sure?”

  Pretty, Keisha, and Lailah glanced at me as they helped Nina unzip her dress, carefully sliding it down. They took the dress from her body and helped her get it onto the mannequin that stood in the corner of the room. We were waiting on some of Ricque’s cousins to come with the box to put the mannequin in so that we could get the dress safely back to Nina’s mansion without any problems. The dress was worth millions.

  I nodded, watching the four of them draping the dress over the mannequin. When I looked at that sparkling dress, all I could see was my sister in Ricque’s arms. That day was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, but it seemed as though it would be the saddest day of mine. I already knew that once Ricque was back in her life I wouldn’t see much of her unless I tagged along with her, traveling with them around the world. Pretending that I didn’t need a man was beginning to weigh down on my heart. Sleeping with men on the regular was a temporary fix, but it only lasted until the next day, when I woke up the next morning, alone.

  “Girl, I can’t believe your friend, Peanut, is married to Tyson Unique! The shooting guard, point guard, or sometimes small forward for the New York Knicks! Whoot! That nigga is fine!” Pretty exclaimed.

  I looked at her. That girl knew the salary and position of every got-damn football and basketball player. She was the girl that Saint was talking about—after a man for his pockets and not his heart. I shook my head. “Don’t nobody give a fuck about that nigga. And who invited him? Shit, who invited her?” I watched the four of them giggling about my saltiness.

  “Well, it’s obvious that you care, boo, or you wouldn’t be all in your feelings about Pretty just mentioning the nigga’s name.” Lailah zipped the wedding dress in the back, smoothing the wedding dress out with her dainty hands. She looked at me, her dark brown, slanted eyes smiling. “Seems to me like your girl, Peanut, stole your boo.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Since when have y’all ever seen me with a ‘boo’? You know I one-night these niggas.”

  “Yeah, and I also know long lost love when I see it. That nigga couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.” Lailah shook her head.

  I glanced at Nina, watching Pretty help her out of her corset so she could finally breathe freely. That girl’s body was amazing. S
he never knew how drop-dead gorgeous she was. She was a thick, seductively shaped woman, always have been and always will be. I can’t tell you how many diets and exercise regimens this girl tried throughout our lifetime. Those hips weren’t going anywhere, and I’m sure as hell that Ricque didn’t want them to either. Shit. You should have seen the way that boy looked at her whenever she stepped in the room. You’d think he was looking at a got-damn sirloin steak or some shit. What I wouldn’t do to have a man look at me the way that he looked at her. It wasn’t with lust; it was with adoration, love, commitment, loyalty, protection, compassion, and dedication.

  “You used to fuck with him, Kourtney, or nah?” Keisha’s nosy, loud ass had to know. She popped her gum, putting Nina’s silk stilettos into a shoebox.

  I sighed. The truth was bound to come out sooner or later. I saw no issue telling my girls from G-boro about this dude because they didn’t even know Peanut enough to tell her the deal.

  “I was pregnant by this guy back in ’96,” I said, watching everyone’s eyes dart my way.

  Nina’s eyes widened as she slid into her nude, tight, party dress. “What? The baby that you—”

  “Yes,” I nodded, not really feeling like talking about the shit, but since everyone and they mama were in my face about the nigga, I figured I might as well spill all the got-damn beans. “After I found out that he was fuckin’ with Peanut, I had an abortion. It was the worst fuckin’ day of my life, and I really don’t wanna talk about it.”

  “Okay.” Pretty’s light eyes sparkled as she looked at the other four girls, who were stunned to silence.

  I looked at Nina, who stood there, sliding into her nude Red Bottoms. She looked hurt that I never told her that it was Niq’s baby that I had gotten rid of. She wasn’t going to let the conversation go. “So, after you got rid of this nigga’s baby, what made you decide to start seeing him again when we were in high school?”

  I sighed. “Nina, boo, we have to get downstairs to your reception. My life is really none of your concern. The nigga was no good from the jump. He talked a good game, he got me to fall for him, and I haven’t been the same ever since. He bounced back and forth between me and my friend for years until I got sick and tired of the shit. He has two beautiful daughters with her. Peanut has no idea why I weaned myself away from her. She was my rider, my best friend for life, my drop-anything-at-the-drop-of-a-dime type of homie! Her husband is the reason why we fell out, and she doesn’t even know it. Her husband is the only man I’ve ever loved! Do you know what I’m feeling right now? Do you know why I have so much sympathy for Saint? It’s because I know how it feels to love someone and watch that person run to someone else! It fuckin’ sucks, Nina!”

  Nina’s bright brown eyes glistened as she grabbed her sheer jacket from the bed and threw it on. “Boo, I didn’t mean to—”

  I cut her off. “You don’t know how this feels, Nina! I hate seeing this nigga! I’ve been holding in this pain since the day I left San Diego to come live with you in Goldsboro! I left him because he was making me chose between you and him! I wanted him to come with me to North Carolina. I had it all planned out - from the apartment that we were going to be living in, to the college that we were both going to go to, to the got-damn days of the week that we were going to visit you at Aunt Toni’s place! He didn’t want to leave his kids, so he let me go. And he ended up marrying Peanut, after telling me that she didn’t mean shit to him! After telling me that she was only sex! After telling me that I was the only woman he’d ever loved!”

  My friends just stood before me, watching me breakdown over this asshole who knew I’d be hurt by seeing him at my sister’s wedding with a girl who was supposed to be my best friend.

  “Come on, boo. Let’s go get a drink. Okay?” Keisha’s eyes sparkled as she grabbed my arm, grabbing me closer to her, throwing her arms around me.

  I cried in her arms. “Fuck these niggas!” I cried out.

  “Are we speaking literally or figuratively? Because either way, I’m down.” Pretty giggled a little, making us all chuckle.

  Keisha let go of me as Nina came over to me, patting me on my back.

  “You’re gonna be okay, sis.” Nina rubbed my back. “You’re not alone, remember? We’re here with you. We all know heartbreak. You know I know heartbreak.”

  I nodded, drying my face. “Why did she have to bring him?”

  “She barely sees the nigga from what I know.” Lailah shrugged. “He’s got a house in New York, and she stays back in Cali’. So… maybe that’s why he’s here.”

  I looked at her, my heart buggin’ the fuck out in my chest. “What’cha mean?”

  Lailah shrugged. “I think the nigga is here to see what’s up with you, boo. I mean, why the fuck else would the nigga show up here? Rumors of the two filing for divorce are floating all over the Internet, boo. You’ve been so wrapped up in Nina’s world for the past ten years that you forgot about what’s going on out’chea in your own world.”

  I glanced at Nina, who didn’t like the sound of that statement, and then looked back at Lailah.

  Lailah tried to rephrase what she’d just said. “Whoa, wait, let me change that. I meant to say that you haven’t been keeping up with what’s current or this wouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I invited Peanut.”

  Pretty, Keisha, Nina, and I all looked at the bitch like she was crazy.

  “What? Why?” Pretty grimaced.

  “The girl had been calling the shop for years, looking for Kourtney. When we moved here a few months ago, I came across her number in our shop’s call log book and contacted the girl.” Lailah watched me rolling by eyes, folding my arms, weight shifting to one leg. “The bitch was crying about her divorce. I said, why cry about the shit; just take the nigga to court for everything that he has. She said she couldn’t because of all that he had done for her and that for past six years; the kids had been living with him in New York. They’ve been off and on for years, Kourtney. I guess the nigga tried to make it work for the kids, but we all know how that shit goes.”

  My mind was racing. A part of me was happy that the nigga’s marriage was crumbling, but the other part of me was angry that he’d have the nerve to show his face after the choice he made to just let me leave without so much as a goodbye hug. He didn’t fight for me to stay with him. And he ended up taking his girls and leaving the bitch anyway.

  “If they are divorcing each other, why the fuck were they holding hands and shit, Lailah, since you know so got-damn much?” Keisha rolled her eyes.

  Lailah shrugged. “I guess that was for show. You think Peanut doesn’t know by now what went down between you and her husband, Kourtney? I’m pretty sure your name came up in an argument or two. Talk to the girl before she heads back out to California. Best believe she knows about your past with Tyson.”

  The reception wasn’t so bad. As a matter of fact, I actually had a great time. Family we hadn’t seen in years had flown in for Nina’s wedding. Ricque’s family was there to brighten everyone’s spirits. Dancing, laughing, crying, eating, drinking, the sound of children filled the air. Saint even sent me a text that read, “She was beautiful; wasn’t she?” I couldn’t lie to the dude. I texted back with a, “See for yourself,” and sent dude a picture that I took of her running down the aisle towards Ricque. And Saint texted back with a, “Damn.”

  I tried avoiding Peanut, but she kept making her way over to me, trying to spark conversation. She sensed that I was tense and backed off a little, her feelings hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I didn’t want to come across as rude. And most of all, the way my mouth was set up, I was sure to say something to Niq’ in front of Peanut’s face about the way he played me.

  I didn’t want to join in the ceremonial wedding festivities, but my girls wouldn’t let me stand against the wall when they threw that got-damn bouquet. I shoulda did like Saint and ditched this muthafuckin’ wedding when I had the chance, I kept thinking. Nina stood in the center of the floor, her back toward
s us. Those women—my silly ass friends included—were turned all the way the fuck up, waiting for that bouquet to drop in their hands. Man, do you know I was just standing there, drinking my strawberry daiquiri, when the muthafuckin’ bouquet fell in my glass? And guess who caught the got-damn garter belt? Niq’s ass. The worst part about the shit is the nigga actually reached for it. Just when I thought shit couldn’t get any worse, it did.

  I squealed as my girls sat my ass down in a chair in the center of the room. I peeped Peanut standing back against the wall, arms folded alongside Brittanie, who had ‘shit is about to get real’ smeared all over her face. My girls applauded the fucked up situation as Niq’ strolled over to me, dressed in a crisp, gray, Tom Ford suit. That haircut of his was so clean and smooth. He wasn’t smiling as he approached me, but those eyes of his were. He was happy to see me, while I was angry at him having the nerve to be at my sister’s wedding. I was so nervous, sitting there in my short, peach-colored, tight, mini-dress, shaking my leg anxiously. I tapped my peach stiletto heels against the floor anxiously as he approached me, kneeling before me, cameras flashing everywhere.

  Niq’ looked my thighs over before grabbing me from behind my knees, pulling me towards him.

  You should have heard the applause, encouraging this nigga to flirt with me in front of his wife. The girl I’d known all my life. The girl who trusted me. The girl I never told that I was in love with the same man that she loved.

  I looked down at Niq, panting as he slid the garter belt over my heel, past my calf, over my knee, and up my thigh. Just when I felt his palms graze against my thigh, I leaned forward and slapped the muthafucka dead in his face.