She Wore Black

by J L Park

  “And that struck a funny nerve?” I nodded.

  “It did, sir.” I tried to glance away from him, having to force myself to make eye contact with him. Unlucky for me, Maddox caught me fighting it.

  “Miss Taylor. There is no need for your Pius ways here. Ferox do not subscribe to the submissive ways of the Pius. You may look at me directly without shame.”

  I was careful not to let a frown cross my brow, being respected by a male leader wasn’t normal in any sense of the word. I fixed eyes with Maddox.

  “Sorry, sir.” I grinned, realising I’d just apologised out of habit, “Er… that's the last time.”

  “So… you wish to apply to Ferox for admission?”

  I nodded.

  “What makes you think you have what it takes? Are you brave?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “How brave?”

  I couldn’t admit to being Taken, talking about that was out. Maria and I had come up with a few things over the last few weeks.

  “I am aware of the rules of GreyBrook, the laws that govern, and how a female, particularly a female from Pius should behave. Inside the law, I do not follow the rules of the Pius. I have spoken out towards my Father, and those who judged me on the train ride to get here.”

  “I heard. One of my men was in your carriage. With your upbringing that would have taken courage. That's not what I’m asking. What are you willing to do to join Ferox? Are you willing to face your fears, and laugh at them?”

  “Yes, I have very few fears, but I will face every single one of them if it means I can be a part of Ferox.”

  He nodded. “Why Ferox?”

  I paused, pondering over my response. “Because Ferox is the only section that fits the person I am. I am too outspoken for Perdoctus and Pius, not to mention Pius would never have me back. Luculentus is too technology focused for me - I think it would be beyond me far enough that I’d get bored. Not saying I’m stupid, just that… I’m not interested in the tech side of things. Arator, I could work at, but I don’t think it fits. Ferox would allow me, and you, to make use of my strengths - I’m fit, strong, brave, and too in your face for anything other than that. With my Pius upbringing, I’m good at following orders when it is required but too stroppy for Pius, I won’t follow blindly."

  “You understand that entry to Ferox isn’t just this discussion, that there is a trial if I accept you into our section. And if you fail, you will become Non-Sel again, without the option of redoing your selection. Non-Sel for life.”

  I nodded, I was very aware of that fact. “Yes sir, I understand. I also understand that as a female, I will have to prove myself to you, to be worthy and I’m willing to take that risk.”

  He regarded me curiously as he stood and left the room. I wasn’t sure how that had gone whether he was leaving because he had chosen not to take me on or whether I wouldn’t find out until I had spoken to all the leaders. I waited, silent, picking at my fingernails, for Aleksy Morin of Arator to make his way in, certain that Maddox had decided not to take me on. Instead, Barrett Marshall entered, with an odd expression on his face.

  “Miss Taylor.”

  “Mr. Marshall?”

  “It appears you will not need to speak with the other Leaders. Mr. Cohen has decided he will take a risk on you and take you into Ferox.”

  I fought to keep the grin off my face, and just blinked at Barrett. “Okay.”

  “However, Mr. Beutner would still like to speak with you.”

  I nodded, and Barrett left. The door opened moments later, and Standford Beutner, leader of Pius strode in. I refused to cower to his attitude but made sure I didn’t quite meet his eye.

  “Mr. Beutner, sir.”

  He did not speak. His face was dark, veins in his neck and forehead standing out, much like Father's when he was in a ranting mood. I suspected that this wouldn’t be a pleasant visit.

  “Taylor.” He strode over and picked me up by the front of my shirt. Still lighter than I had been, it didn’t take him much to lift me off the ground. He raised my face to his as he hissed at me.

  “Runaway? My arse. I know you were Taken. Lying is against the law. You should be punished, not being allowed to get the section you desire.”

  Spittle hit me in the face, as I looked at him, unsure what to say.

  “You had better keep your damn dirty mouth shut about what Walker did.”

  I swallowed, how did he know it was Walker who took me?

  “No one would believe you anyway, you filthy, dirty slut. He tells me you’re a dyke, anyway? Ferox can damn well have you, but you speak a word of what he did to you, to anyone, and I will make sure you never see daylight again.”

  My feet had found the chair, so I wasn’t hanging by my shirt in his hands, spittle still flying. I took a deep breath and looked him dead in the eye, as I pulled away from him.

  “Not a damn word? Really? So you KNEW I’d been Taken, that I’d not run away. And yet, you said nothing? You let the lie continue. How did you know though? Did you set it up that Walker would abduct me on Selection Day? How the hell did you know it was Walker?”

  He tried to walk away, but I followed him, standing between him and the door, pulling myself up to my full 5 foot 4 inches and insisting on staring him in the eye. “Did you know he would whip me until I bled? That he would rape me? Yet, you’ll hold that over me. Sure, I did what I needed to survive when I returned, and being a Runaway was easier than being Taken. But fuck you if you think I will keep my mouth shut.”

  My mouth had a mind of its own, it would have been impossible! Stanford’s face was beyond dark now, as he reached out and grabbed me by the throat, shoving me up against the wall, sneering and hissing at me, insults and threats. I swung my arms to punch him as my vision darkened. In the enveloping darkness, I glimpsed Maddox and the male guard from the first time I was at Confederate Circle shove their way through the door, and pull him off me.

  “Enough, Stanford. Stand down!” Maddox shouted as the guard pulled him away. Maddox caught me as he let go, and I dragged in a gasping breath, my vision coming back. He made sure I was okay before helping remove Stanford from the room and then returned and shut the door.

  “Reed. You okay?”

  I coughed, and nodded. “Is it true you were Taken?” I looked at him and sighed as deeply as I could manage with a bruised throat.

  “Yes.” I croaked, “Yes. I lied. You don’t have to accept me. I’m sorry.” Maddox laughed, a sad chuckle that made me glance up.

  “Most of Ferox’s transfer females have been, Reed. It’s okay. You are still accepted into a trial for Ferox.” He chuckled again, a lighter sound this time, “Though, with that display, you should be fine with at least one part of the trial! You should have seen the expression on your face. There was no way he was getting away with it.” I laughed, a sad edge to what should have been a happy noise. He helped me to my feet and led me out of the room.

  Outside the room, well away from the door were Rycroft Wolfman, the leader of Luculentus, Shae Border from Perdoctus, and Aleksy Morin of Arator. The guard had removed Stanford, but judging by the looks on the Section Leaders faces, he had had to drag him past them. Aside from the small dent in his dignity, from being dragged past his peers, I understood they would not punish him for either of his outbursts, verbal or physical. Given the confusion on their faces, they hadn’t been close enough to hear what he was threatening, even if Maddox had been. I watched as they forced their faces to hide their confusion, as I approached with Maddox, - it was like a curtain had fallen over their face, hiding their true feelings. They nodded curtly as I passed, more out of respect for Maddox than acknowledging me.

  “So you need to tell anyone where you’re going?” Maddox asked, out of earshot of the others.

  “Yeah, a friend brought me here, and was waiting in case I chose Arator or was a Non-Sel.” Maddox allowed a frown to wrinkle his face briefly. It was frowned upon to give refuge to a Non-Sel, it would be unusual that Maria
had stayed. Non-Sels were turfed out at the nearest checkpoint, to fend for ourselves. I shook my head at the thought - I wasn’t Non-Sel anymore, at least not unless I failed the tests for Ferox. I needed to stop thinking like one.

  “If she’s outside, you may let her know, once you’ve changed into these.” He handed me a pile of gunmetal grey clothing. Grinning, I took them from him and went into a room he told me I could change in. “Throw your Selection Day clothes in the trash in there.”

  Somehow he had picked my size quite close to what I wore now. The shirt and pants fit well, snug in all the right places but allowing for freedom of movement I hadn’t had in other clothes. I slid the jacket over my arms, the smooth yet supple leather, a stand-up collar, sitting just right. I ran my hands over the jacket, looking up at a mirror as I did. Bruises forming on my neck, but the grin on my face was enormous. I sat down, sliding my socked feet into the most comfortable pair of running shoes I had ever worn. I picked up the Selection Day gear, and for the second time in less than a month, dropped them in the rubbish. I smiled as I opened the door and walked out to meet Maddox.

  Just changing the clothing I was wearing, something changed in me. In the Selection Day clothing, I had always felt weighed down and a little lost, a second-class citizen, or even a third-class citizen, and hell the second time I had them on for Selection, I was damaged goods. The Ferox uniform had changed me. I stood taller, more confident. Ridiculous, but true. A change in clothing had brought a change in me. Perhaps, it was the sensation of finally belonging to something that might just make sense. Hopeful, I followed Maddox to the doors. Another Ferox was standing waiting for both of us.

  “Alyx, this is Reed. She has chosen to attempt to join Ferox, and we hope she will be successful” Alyx nodded, and shook my hand, which surprised me. Ferox was already different when it came to being female. “Can you accompany her to speak with the friend that brought her here today?” He nodded. Alyx? Could it be that the first person I run into as a new Ferox member is Maria’s son? Or is that too coincidental? Before I could ask he questioned Maddox.

  “Sir? I think I know the woman who brought Reed here. Would it be okay to speak with her? I can’t quite tell.” Maddox nodded, as my suspicions grew ever closer to being confirmed.

  “Briefly, Alyx. But sure. We must head back to Ferox ASAP.” Alyx pushed the door open, and we both stepped out in our Ferox gunmetal grey uniform. Striding down the stairs, Alyx’s grin got wider, and he looked at me with a silly grin on his face, one that matched the woman I understood to be his mother down to a tee.

  “Alyx???!” Maria squealed as we got closer, unable to contain her excitement. He walked faster down the stairs, and gave his mother a long hug, murmuring in her ear. She laughed, happy tears in her eyes. He pulled back and looked at me.

  “Ma, I believe you know this brave young lady?” She looked at me, and took a step back, taking in the uniform with a grin, then frowning at the bruising coming out on my throat.

  “Reed! You did it!” She exclaimed, hugging me. “Well done! So proud of you both. Alyx, it’s so good to see you - you’re looking handsome! Reed, you look amazing in that uniform.”

  “Thanks, Maria. Hey - thank you so much, again. I don’t know what I would have done had you not stopped. Thank you isn’t enough, but it’s all I have at the moment.”

  “What the hell happened though, love? Your throat is bruised.” I caught her glancing at my neck and looked at Alyx.

  “It seems she passed an unexpected test for Ferox, and from what Maddox mentioned earlier, she passed it with flying colours!” I grinned and agreed with him.

  “I think it was unexpected for Maddox too! Doubt he saw that coming,” We talked for a little longer, then glimpsed Maddox standing at the top of the stairs.

  “We’d better be off, Ma.” Alyx hugged Maria, and stepped back so I could hug her again.

  “Thanks again,” I murmured as I broke away. We started up the stairs, waving back as she walked away.

  “Time to board the Express” Maddox growled and lead us in a direction I’d never been to catch the train.

  The Express was nothing like I’d ever seen before. The train Maria and I had been frequenting was based on an electrical model from Before. The Express on the other hand was a sleeker, even faster model. White, with blue striping, and more comfortable seating. I wondered if it was a mode of transport that only the Leaders were able to use, as I’d never heard anyone speak of such a thing before, and had friends from all Sections. I stood gaping at it until Maddox laughed and made me climb aboard.

  “Just wait until it gets going.” He walked through the first carriage, nodding to the driver, and entered a luxurious cabin, with a drinks bar, and padded seating. It was also very private. No other public were on board, just Maddox, Alyx and myself, “Sit, get comfy.” He motioned towards the carriage full of empty seats. I wandered down the carriage and sat down on one of them near the middle, barely containing a squeak of astonishment at the softness of the seat. I grinned, and wriggled back into it, legs up, trying to keep my shoes of the white leather. The two guys just laughed and sat down themselves, getting comfortable. A waiter, wearing white, smiled as he approached

  “Drink, ma’am?” I smirked at being referred to as Ma’am and asked for a cold soda. He called me Ma’am again as he handed it over. I’d never been referred to as such in my life and had not been expecting to on a day I started out as a female Non-Sel. Sipping the soda, I looked around. Dark polished wood adorned the walls, and edges, the seats a white leather, the tables between the seats a deep oak colour, polished within an inch of being dangerously smooth.

  A small but noticeable jolt signalled we had left the Confederation Circle. The jolt the only indication we had started to move as the rest of the ride was exceptionally smooth. I glanced around, finding there was only a small window we could see out of, and when I tried, I realised we were moving too fast for sightseeing to be anything other than a journey into the pits of nausea. Alyx grinned,

  “I remember my first time.”

  Maddox snickered into his drink as Alyx blushed, “Shut up you… okay, so it was only this morning, but anyway! It’s pretty awesome, aye?!"

  I nodded, “Nothing like the dingy old thing they make us use in town. Much more comfy.”

  “Don’t get too used to it,” Maddox grunted, “It’s not something we use often. We only used it this morning as it’s what was sent for us. I get to use it for meetings, but not often otherwise.” I nodded, as he continued, “But enjoy it, it’s a pretty sweet ride!”

  We sat talking or thinking for a while, as the waiter in white continued to serve us refreshments.

  “Not this time, thanks. Need to… err…” I glanced at Maddox, who pointed towards the end of the carriage, “Thanks!”

  I rushed to the bathroom, a bladder full of soda, and a body full of adrenaline and nerves, I was desperate. Standing, I washed my hands and stood smoothing my uniform. Looking up, a mirror startled me. I hadn’t really paid much attention to myself whilst at Maria’s since that first day, I hadn’t wanted a reminder of how drawn and tired I’d looked. A different woman looked back at me now. A determined set to my jaw, the wound from the Shed now a scar running along the line of my jaw. I touched it gently, as though I thought it would still hurt, finding it didn't, and that it had healed smoother than I had thought it would.

  “Definitely left a mark, though,” I murmured, as I considered the woman in the mirror again. I’d filled out a little in the face, lost the dark rings under my eyes, though my eyes still held a darkness I hadn’t realised they gave away. But it was a darkness, rather than sadness, as though my eyes had decided for the rest of me that I was going to make sure I used the experience in the shed to power what I wanted, no, what I needed to do. The stand-up collar of the incredibly soft leather jacket of my uniform shirt accentuated the line of my neck and seemed to fit perfectly to the figure I currently had, which was reasonably easy on the eye if I d
id say so myself. I snorted at my own silly joke and decided the pants did too. Looking back up at my reflection, I let my long black hair out of the band I had it in, letting it flow across my back. Deciding that it probably wasn’t the way I needed to have it if they were going to throw me straight into testing, I ran my hands through it to loosen any knots and dragged it back up into a ponytail. Smoothing my uniform I left the room.

  “You alright?” Alyx asked, frowning, “You were in there ages!”

  I blushed. “Yeah, it’s been… a while… since I’ve bothered to look in the mirror.”

  “Liked what you saw then?” Maddox smirked, as I laughed.

  “Ha, yeah. Seem a lot stronger than when Alyx’s mum picked me up a month ago. And I look like I’ve actually had a decent feed or two!”

  Maddox frowned. “Has it only been a month, Reed?”

  I looked at him, confused.

  “Since you… Actually, what did happen?”

  Alyx looked confused, glancing between the two of us. I looked down at my hands and suddenly had a fingertip touching my chin, pushing it up. I met Maddox’s eyes.

  “You don’t need to look ashamed, Reed. Not in Ferox. It’s a requirement that you don’t, but you actually have no reason to. Now, please answer my question - you are free to do so honestly.”

  I glanced at a still confused Alyx. “Does he know?” I asked softly, jerking my head towards Alyx.

  Maddox shook his head and motioned for me to continue.

  “Do I know what?”

  Maddox shushed him.

  “Alyx, I wasn’t a Runaway.”

  Alyx looked momentarily confused before I watched the realisation of what that meant cross his face.

  “Oh… Taken?” he whispered, scared to make eye contact for some reason. I waited until he looked up before I nodded, “Oh, damn…”

  “Reed, continue.”

  “Yes. It’s only been a month since Maria, Alyx’s mum, picked me up from the side of the road out near the farms, scratched up and bleeding, and running for my life.”