Chasing Charlie

by Linda McLaughlan

  I waited for him to say more but he didn’t.

  ‘Well, you know I don’t trust her, Ed. It always feels like she’s got some kind of agenda. It usually involves having something over Sam.’

  ‘Why would she want to do that?’ Ed frowned.

  ‘I really have no idea.’

  There was a small silence as I chewed my last mouthful. Ed continued to frown.

  ‘Ed?’ I had to ask him. I just had to.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘What brought you back from India so quickly?’

  Ed let out a long sigh and started building a tower. I waited. I knew trying to hurry him wouldn’t help. On the bottom went two pieces of oversized orange Lego, followed by a stack of junk mail, a book and a small bag of lentils. The plastic duck was placed on top.

  ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

  He looked at me and sighed again.

  ‘I thought that going away would make things better . . .’

  But he got no further. From the top of the stairs came the sound of Luke roaring.

  ‘Rosie, you can’t poo there!’

  15

  ED

  ‘Grab that table, Ed. I’ll get us some food.’ Claudia pointed to somewhere right over on the other side of the café. I looked across the sea of office workers and took a deep breath before wading in. As I wove between tables, it became very obvious to me, and most likely the entire bloody café, that I was the only man in the room not suited and booted. The men’s glances only grazed me as I passed them. He’s obviously not worth networking with, I could hear them thinking. But perhaps I was being unfair. They probably weren’t even thinking about work at all. In fact, the conversations I heard snatches of were mostly about games played at the weekend. Of course they were. But the women were different. I could feel their glances burning holes through the back of my trousers. I was a bit of rough standing out in all the suits. Ha! That improved my mood.

  Claudia brought over a mountain of food.

  ‘Thanks! What do I owe you?’ I asked her.

  ‘Absolutely not, this is my treat.’

  I knew better than to argue. Claudia is aggressively generous and there is no point fighting it.

  ‘So what brings you down here? I presume it’s not the fishing?’ she asked as she passed me a plate.

  ‘You’re right. Although if I was in the mood, Canary Wharf wouldn’t be a bad place for it,’ I said, bending my head to a table of women nearby.

  ‘I didn’t know you were into the polished variety, Ed. Wouldn’t have picked them as your type at all.’

  ‘No. You’re right.’ Of course she was. She usually was, which is why Claudia was such a good person to talk to. She didn’t bend anything to make it easier to hear.

  ‘But it has been a long time between drinks, has it not?’ Claudia asked.

  Oh, and she never edged around a topic.

  ‘It’s Sam,’ I said.

  ‘I thought so.’

  ‘Have I been that obvious?’

  Claudia put down her sandwich and looked at me with pity. I didn’t like the look of that at all. ‘Do you want an honest answer?’

  ‘I suppose so.’ Yes, of course I did, but for a moment I wasn’t sure if I was ready for whatever she had to say at all.

  ‘It’s obvious to me but I’m not entirely sure if Sam has figured it out yet.’

  I supposed that was a good thing in some ways, but the whole reason for coming back from India so quickly was to see if she would notice, wasn’t it? The café clattered with chatter and metal on china and suddenly it seemed too loud in there, like everyone else was having important conversations, living their important lives, while I was there to ask my friend a question that had no point to it at all. It was obvious Sam was never going to look at me as important, never see me as central in her life. I would remain on the outside, just like my scruffiness set me apart in this company. Suddenly all I wanted to do was leave.

  ‘Tell me what you want to know, Ed. You can’t come all this way and then look terrified.’ Claudia reached out and laid a hand on my sleeve, as if she knew she had to keep me sitting there for a few more minutes.

  ‘Why can you read me so easily?’ I said.

  ‘It’s a gift, one of my few.’ Claudia grinned at me. Was I seeing things or could I see a hint of sadness behind that smile? Maybe, maybe not. But she was right – I did have to ask her.

  ‘I wondered if you knew who she was seeing,’ I managed to say, my voice coming out all quiet and uncertain.

  Claudia raised her eyebrows at me, took another bite of her sandwich and chewed it slowly. I tried again.

  ‘She was out really late on Saturday with someone . . .’ My voice petered out. I sounded like a petulant child who wasn’t getting what I wanted, which I was really.

  Claudia finally put down her sandwich.

  ‘Are you asking me to tell you something that Sam told me in confidence?’

  ‘So you know?’ My heart beat faster.

  Claudia sighed.

  ‘Ed, I will tell you, only because you’re going to have to be patient with this one. He’s a biggie.’

  ‘A biggie?’ I didn’t like the sound of that.

  ‘Her first love.’

  I racked my brain for a name.

  ‘Charles Hugh-Barrington. Otherwise known as Charlie. Saw him in her last year at college.’

  It wasn’t ringing any bells but all the same my hands suddenly felt slick.

  ‘Ed.’ Claudia reached across the table for the second time. ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen with this but I’ve got a feeling that Sam might need to get him out of her system. And she may never move on from him,’ she added.

  I looked at the cheesecake I knew I couldn’t possibly eat.

  ‘Were you finally going to do something about her?’ she asked me.

  ‘About who?’ said a woman’s voice.

  Out of nowhere, standing next to our table, was Rebecca.

  ‘Jesus!’ I recoiled from her.

  ‘Sorry, didn’t mean to give you a fright!’ What was with this girl? She was everywhere.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Claudia asked.

  ‘I work here!’ She was glowing with pride.

  ‘You do?’

  ‘Yes and apparently you know my boss? A certain John Morgan?’

  Claudia looked shocked. ‘You’re his new PA?’

  ‘That’s me! Exciting, isn’t it? Mind if I join you? You could dish all the dirt on him.’

  ‘Actually . . .’ Claudia stood up and shot me an apologetic look. ‘I’ve got to get back. Have my seat.’

  ‘Oh are you sure?’ But Rebecca sat down before I’d even had time to blink, let alone say goodbye to Claudia. This was too much to take in. Now I really had to get as far away as I could from this hive of chirpy office workers, particularly the one beaming at me across the table.

  ‘I wasn’t interrupting anything, was I?’ Rebecca asked brightly.

  I started getting out of my chair.

  ‘Actually, I really need to go. Sorry. Running late.’ It was completely against my nature to be so rude but I really couldn’t do this.

  Rebecca looked a bit shocked but then stood with me.

  ‘Of course, sorry, I shouldn’t have just barged in like that.’

  ‘Oh you didn’t, honestly, I just have to go.’

  Rebecca motioned to my food. ‘You’ve hardly eaten anything.’

  ‘You can have it!’

  Rebecca looked blank. Of course she wouldn’t eat my leftover food. God, this was awkward.

  ‘I mean . . .’

  Rebecca smiled brightly. ‘Look, you go, Ed, but before you do I was just this moment wondering who might come to a party I’ve been invited to on Friday night.’

  I was doing a bad job of putting my jacket on. I couldn’t seem to negotiate my left arm into the armhole. I was distracted. I was in a hurry.

  ‘Oh, right.’
<
br />   ‘Would you like to come with me?’

  She totally nailed it. All I could answer, before my mouth could engage with my brain was – ‘Sure, sounds great. See you soon.’

  16

  SAM

  From what I could see, Mara seemed pretty healthy. She was sipping slowly on one of her careful little halves of Guinness. She hadn’t lost any weight. I looked at her tummy. Seemed the same size as usual. I remember when Mum’s friend Chrissy was really sick with something – maybe cancer – her stomach became really bloated, like she was pregnant. It looked horrible. Unnatural on a fifty-something-year-old. But Mara’s tum looked like it always did. Sturdy I’d describe it as, but not to her obviously. I returned to her face. Maybe she was paler than normal? But it was winter, and she was usually the colour of a freshly painted white wall anyway. Mara was listening very closely to Claudia talking quietly about her dad’s gall bladder. It looked like her ears were operating as normal. I was probably worrying about nothing, I told myself, and drifted back to thinking about Charlie. Mara had other ideas.

  ‘Sam, have I got something on my face?’ she said a little crossly.

  ‘No,’ I replied.

  ‘You’re staring at me.’

  ‘No I’m not,’ I said, denying it out of habit. I really wasn’t in the mood for getting into trouble with her again.

  She held my gaze.

  ‘Maybe I was a little bit,’ I conceded. I stammered on, ‘I-I was wondering if you’re all right.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ she said frostily, frowning at me.

  ‘Are you sure there’s something you aren’t telling us? Something to do with your health?’

  ‘Of course there isn’t, I’m very healthy!’ She shot a glance at Claudia, as if questioning my sanity.

  ‘Well, that’s good then.’ I looked at my hands. I wasn’t getting very far here.

  Then she softened her voice slightly, ‘Honestly, I’m fine. What made you ask?’

  I caught Claudia giving me an encouraging smile so I braved meeting Mara’s eyes again.

  ‘It’s just that, well . . .’ It was no use; I was floundering around like a tongue-tied teenager. I had never made much of a point of confronting Mara about her moods, generally because she was pretty constant. She was . . . well, she was just Mara most of the time. But it was pointless even going there with her. She was useless at talking about herself, bloody useless.

  ‘Spit it out, Sam.’

  ‘All right. Sheesh.’ I took a deep breath. ‘It started when Ed came back. Before, in fact. You seemed a bit . . .’ I tried to think of a kinder word but couldn’t. ‘Uptight before Ed came back, and I thought you were worried about him, but now he’s back . . . well, he seems all right to me but you’re still jumpy,’ I ended in a rush.

  Mara looked at me with her hard stare, her flaring nostrils the only thing moving on her face. But she still didn’t say anything.

  I plunged on. ‘It, erm, got me thinking that maybe it’s yourself you’re worried about, rather than Ed. I mean, he’s OK, maybe a bit lost, not sure what to do next, but he’s in good shape, right?’

  ‘Good shape?’ Mara asked and raised her eyebrows.

  ‘His mind,’ I clarified. I looked from Mara to Claudia. Mara looked like she was steeling herself for something and Claudia was leaning forward a little, her eyes wide open, in an almost . . . expectant way. Strange. Oh my God. Surely not!

  ‘You don’t think I like him, do you?’ I almost shouted in disbelief. ‘You’ve got to be joking!’

  Mara’s eyebrows lowered slowly. I looked at Claudia but she didn’t say anything, just sat back in her chair and hid behind her drink.

  ‘I mean, don’t get me wrong, Mara, he’s a great guy and everything . . .’ I paused, giving Mara another chance to say something, any bloody thing. No wonder she was so tense! You’d have be Mother Bloody Teresa to be good enough for Mara’s twin. But she was staring at her drink now, not saying a thing, not even looking like she was about to say anything. She looked all hard and disapproving and something else, something that looked a lot like fear . . . There was only one thing to do. It looked like I’d have to put all the cards on the table. Mara needed to know what was happening then she’d know for sure she had nothing to worry about.

  ‘Well, aside from him being your brother, Mara, I’m actually seeing someone.’ This wasn’t a proven fact yet, of course, but I was desperate.

  ‘You are?’ Mara said. She looked shocked. Good. A good start. Definitely a step on from looking scared.

  ‘I am, and you won’t approve!’

  ‘Go on.’ Mara reached for her drink.

  So I told her all about Charlie and rather than being painful, the conversation I had been dreading having with her actually turned out to be a rocking good time. OK, so it was only because, in comparison, the horror of me seducing Ed seemed like much the greater evil. It was so much fun talking about it that I threw myself head first into the telling, really playing up the role of the stupid girl who can’t think straight when she’s infatuated (I didn’t have to pretend that bit, of course), tossing my hair about and everything. Mara listened to every word with just the odd exclamation of ‘Sam, you silly girl!’ and ‘What a smarmy tosser!’ and other pearls in gruff, disdainful tones, while her body language showed loud and clear what she was actually feeling – sweet fucking relief.

  The evening took a distinct turn for the better after that. I was very glad not to be talking about Ed any longer. It started to turn into a relaxed Friday-night drink. It obviously wasn’t going to be a big one. Claudia wasn’t drinking (watching the calories apparently), Mara always drank modestly and I wasn’t really in the mood for a big night. We were just getting to the yawning-let’s-go-home-to-the-telly part of the evening when Mara, who had the best view of the pub, said, ‘What’s he doing here?’

  A moment later, standing next to our table in his signature Howies jacket, his faded olive-green satchel slung across his chest, was Ed.

  ‘Good question, what are you doing here, Ed?’ I asked him.

  ‘You sure know how to make a girl feel welcome,’ he said, sitting down.

  ‘You’re a pretty funny-looking girl.’

  ‘Full of compliments, Sam, as usual.’ He reached across the table and took Mara’s drink.

  ‘Oi! That’s mine. A drink being drunk by a girl because this is a girls’ night out!’

  ‘Don’t worry, sis. I’m going to a party, I only popped in to say a quick hello.’

  ‘Don’t call me that!’

  ‘Thanks very much!’ Ed raised Mara’s glass at her and took another big glug.

  I was shocked. I had never seen him act so arsey with Mara before. He was acting very strangely. Then it dawned on me that he looked like he’d had a few too many drinks.

  ‘Whose party is it?’ asked Claudia.

  ‘I don’t know,’ Ed shrugged. He looked nonchalantly at each of us in turn. As his eyes met mine, I felt a tug at my belly. The awkwardness with Mara and my blustering explanation played out in frenetic fast forward in my mind. God, I wished he’d just piss off. I really didn’t need him muddying things up. Why was he here anyway?

  ‘Sounds intriguing,’ said Claudia.

  ‘Maybe.’ He shrugged with more irritating nonchalance that seemed wrong coming from him. ‘It’ll probably just be a bunch of boring City workers, knowing Rebecca.’

  ‘Rebecca?’ I almost shouted again. ‘Are you feeling OK?’

  Ed looked at me but didn’t say a thing.

  ‘It’s certainly not my idea of a good time,’ I added crossly.

  ‘No, I’ve gathered that.’

  ‘What’s that meant to mean?’

  But before he could answer Mara butted in and asked Ed if Rebecca had been the one to invite him, and her voice was quiet and hard. The pub was bustling with noisy Friday drinkers all around them but there was no mistaking the seriousness of her tone.

  Ed looked irritated.

  ‘Does it matte
r?’ he said. When Mara didn’t reply, he continued, ‘Chill out, Mars, it’s only a night out. Just something to do, nothing more. I’m not going to go home with her, if that’s what you’re worried about.’

  ‘It’s none of my business who you go home with,’ Mara said primly.

  Ed laughed and Mara’s cheeks coloured with indignation.

  I couldn’t really believe what I was seeing. Ed was never this hard. I didn’t like seeing him like this. It was a bit sad.

  Thankfully Claudia managed to break the tension and pull Ed out of his mood a little by telling some tall tale she’d heard through the week. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I was grateful for the distraction. Discreetly, I took the phone out of my pocket and swiped the screen. Two unread messages!

  Hope yr week’s been better than mine. Haven’t stopped. Enjoying beer o’clock. You?

  And then:

  Scrap that. Beer o’clock would be better with you. There’s no one to argue with here.

  I sniggered.

  ‘What?’ Mara asked.

  ‘Nothing!’ I replied.

  She narrowed her eyes. Then she stood up and leant over the table between us.

  ‘You’ve got your phone out! Who do you need to be in touch with? We’re all here!’

  I shoved my phone back in my pocket and grinned. Mara could chastise me as much as she wanted. I didn’t mind; I was flying high. He was thinking about me! About me!

  ‘Not everyone,’ Ed said. ‘Your special someone isn’t here, is he, Sam?’

  ‘Shut up, Ed,’ I replied. I hadn’t told him about Charlie and I wasn’t about to now. Not when he was in such a grumpy mood.

  Ed replied by draining Mara’s drink and standing up. He picked up his satchel and swung it over his head, a rather insincere grin on his face that didn’t suit him one little bit.

  ‘Well, that’s me. Thanks for the drink, Mars. Have an enjoyable evening, ladies.’

  I tried to think of a suitably cutting retort but couldn’t think of anything, so I had to settle for glaring at him instead. He ignored me, blew a kiss to Mara and then winked at Claudia. Claudia gave him an amused smile back. I made a mental note to ask Claudia about it when he’d gone.