Something Old

by Dianne Christner

  Much like the heroine in Katy’s story, Lil scoffed at the idea of a man fulfilling a woman. Lil liked guys, all right, but she was super-independent for a Conservative girl. During the church’s recent series on relationships, Brother Troyer had made it clear that fulfillment came from the Lord, not marriage. Perhaps that’s where this story was headed. Her interest piquing, she turned the page and started reading. But seconds later, she was interrupted again, this time by a knock at the front door.

  “Come in,” she croaked, then clutched her neck. Realizing that nobody could hear her raspy voice and that Lil had locked the door, she stuffed her feet into slippers and shuffled off to see who was calling.

  “Jake,” she said, staring through the cracked door with surprise.

  Dressed in his work clothes, a dusty T, and sweat-stained baseball cap, he said, “Yikes, you okay?”

  Katy mumbled, “Fine thing to say to a woman,” and turned to shuffle back to the living room. They’d only talked once since she’d been rude to him in the church parking lot. The phone conversation had been another attempt to patch their tempestuous relationship. She sank back on the couch, and looked up at him. “This is a house of germs, you know.”

  He gave a wave. “I never get sick. Too ugly.”

  She couldn’t resist the grin that belied that preposterous remark. “Real ugly,” she added.

  “I’ve got the chair from Lil’s mom.”

  She sat forward, “Great!” Then, involuntarily, her hand clutched her neck again.

  “Can I leave the door open for a minute?”

  “Sure. You need my help?”

  “Nope.”

  She soon heard a plunk in the kitchen. Then the door closed. Then a shuffling, and he manhandled the green-striped armchair into the room, lowering it in a vacant place off to her right. “Where you want it?”

  “Move it about three feet to your left. Though we both know Lil will change it later.”

  He chuckled, moved the chair, then flung himself down. “Nice,” he said, leaning back and making himself at home. Then suddenly he jumped up. “Oh sorry. Forgot how dirty I am. I came straight from work.”

  “You’re fine,” she said uncharacteristically, too weak to bother with protecting the chair. “I could use some company.”

  He glanced at her novel and sat more tentatively on the edge of the chair. “Wish you weren’t under the weather. I’m playing basketball later. Could use a fan.”

  She thought about his flamboyant dunks. “Yes, I suppose you could.”

  “Next time.” He took off his hat, set it on his lap. His wavy black hair stuck up in disarray, and she figured with her bed head, they made a pair of bookends about now. He fiddled with its brim. “We’re good. You and me. Right?”

  She gave him a wry smile. “I’m tolerating you pretty good, yeah.”

  He grinned. “Here it is, then. Mom wanted me to ask you if you’d like to clean for her.”

  Katy grew serious. “Yes, but …” Her voice softened. “As you know, watching Minnie is a full-time—”

  “She’d take Minnie with her. She knows Gram is a handful and thought that arrangement might work better. Mom could use the help.”

  “Of course, I’ll do it. I’m just relieved that Ann would still want me.”

  “She does.” He grinned. “So do I.”

  CHAPTER 29

  The elders of the Big Darby Conservative Mennonite Church came up with their revised head-covering ruling and took it to the congregation for a vote. The new decree stated that a woman should wear a head covering of an unpretentious style to public meetings of worship and prayer. It was approved. Outside of that, the wearing of the head covering was a personal matter for a woman. Or if married, between a couple.

  The new ordinance held no surprises, and neither did Katy’s interpretation of it. Since she’d became a Christian at church camp all those years earlier, prayer had become a natural habit for her whether it was congregational prayer, devotional prayers, or one-word prayers of praise or agony shot heavenward at various unplanned moments throughout the day. And she wasn’t going to be caught uncovered and unable to commune with God whenever she pleased or needed. The only time she removed her covering was when she showered or slept. She figured the water would be her covering in the shower, and her bedding would serve at night. She’d taken to heart her own mother’s advice on those two exceptions. As far as Katy was concerned, she was covered. The Lord knew her heart, and she was set on doing her part to please Him.

  After the official vote, she determined to put the painful issue out of her mind. She didn’t want to stir up coals of anger against her church family who had disappointed her by voting down her precious tradition. There was nothing left for her to do but tamp down her feelings. It was the nonresistant way, the Mennonite way.

  Even though Katy had initiated that moment when Lil quit wearing the covering around home, sometimes Lil’s uncovered head still shocked her and caused a niggling of anger to resurface. When that happened, Katy rehashed their conversation and forced herself to consider Lil’s point of view. She didn’t want her friend to wear it hypocritically. But as the days passed, Katy found it easier just to stuff her feelings.

  Even so, the first time she went to clean the Byler residence, she primed herself to be ready for the unexpected. If the female members of Jake’s family were bareheaded, she would simply disregard it. Jake had already explained how they felt about Minnie, and as for Ann, it wasn’t Katy’s place to fret about her decision. She needed to let it go so that it didn’t interfere with her fragile relationship with Jake. She determined to allow nothing to go wrong like it had the last time she’d watched Minnie. This day would be all about mending bridges and restoring relationships.

  It was a pleasant surprise then, when upon Katy’s arrival at the Bylers, both Ann and Minnie wore their head coverings.

  Ann acted first, hesitantly drawing Katy into a quick hug. “Thank you for coming. I’m happy we didn’t scare you away.”

  “I’m sorry it ended so badly, the other day. I guess I wasn’t prepared for”—she glanced over at Minnie, whose head was tilted, intently trying to follow their exchange.

  “Let’s just put it behind us.” Ann suggested. Then she brightly added, “Today Mom and I are going shopping at the discount mart and then meeting Erin for lunch at Der Dutchman.”

  Minnie spoke up, “I’m having raisin pie.”

  Katy smiled at the older woman’s enthusiasm.

  As they slipped into their coats, Ann cast Katy a final glance. “I feel guilty going off to have fun and leaving you to do my work.”

  “Don’t. You need to do something fun. I’m sure Minnie does, too.”

  Ann gave her a few quick instructions, and once they’d gone, Katy brought her own cleaning supplies in from the car. In most instances, she preferred her homemade mixtures to anything store-bought. She took a quick walk through the house before she decided where to start. The kitchen was all Ann, but as soon as she left that room, the house carried Jake’s presence. A pair of his jeans lay folded beside an armchair, waiting to be mended. She forced her mind away from his tight jeans and the man who wore them.

  She noticed a handmade magazine rack. In it was a Fine Homebuilding magazine. Her heart warmed to think of Jake’s love for building things. He was like her father in that regard. When Jake had brought their new chair to the doddy house, he’d ended up staying much longer than either of them had planned. In fact, he’d almost forgotten about playing basketball. They’d eaten chicken noodle soup, and he had even joined her in a game of Concentration, Jake denying he’d get sick. She wondered now if he had.

  He’d talked about his dreams of starting his own business and getting his general contractor license. He told her he was going to be a hands-on boss, doing some of the work himself. At least while he was young and able. He thought it would allow him to keep better tabs on the construction process and cut down on mistakes and wasted materials. This, in turn
, would allow the job to be more economical for him and the customer. It was his desire to put out a quality project. He thought that by hiring other Conservative men, who weren’t money greedy, they could build at a fair price. A quality house at a fair price. And when he got older, he wanted to design new homes. He’d explained about the software that helped with home design, and her distrust of computers had lessened one notch. She smiled, dusting the magazine and replacing it.

  After cleaning the bathroom and kitchen and then dusting and sweeping the downstairs, she moved into more dangerous territory, the upstairs bedrooms. Jake’s room wasn’t on the list, and she remembered him once teasing her that he wouldn’t want her cleaning his room, yet she felt drawn to it as powerfully as she was to the man himself.

  In all the times she’d been at his home, she’d never been inside his room. She ventured up now. She noticed a bathroom and another room with a closed door. Feeling the prickles of wrongdoing, she glanced over her shoulder then turned the knob. When would she ever get another opportunity to learn more about him? She pushed.

  Stepping into the room, she smiled and closed her eyes, letting the scent of sawdust and soap waft over her. After a moment of basking in his scent, she opened them and surveyed his domain. His bed was made, yet the blue-and-white quilt lay uneven and lumpy. Definitely could be a twin to Lil, she smirked.

  He had a desk beside the window. She moved to the blue-draped panes and peered down at the fields below. A crow flew down and landed on a furrow, poking at something with his beak. He looked in her direction and cawed.

  They were fields that Jake hadn’t wanted to farm, glad his brother Cal and his uncle had taken over that responsibility, yet this was the view that Jake had gazed upon ever since he’d been a little boy. She took it in now, the barren fields, the barn, the road. She imagined his truck leaving the drive, heading to—she broke off her thoughts because she didn’t want to remember his falling away. Not while they were mending their relationship.

  No, she didn’t want that. But what did she want? She wanted to trust him. To love him. To marry him and raise a family that never veered from God’s truth. That was what she wanted. She’d always wanted that since she could remember. But she’d been denying it for the past couple of years. She’d been denying her innermost longings. No wonder she’d been miserable.

  There were deeper facets to his personality now. She hoped with the new Jake her dreams could come true, after all. She wondered how many times he’d stared out this window, thinking about his dreams. Hadn’t Jake talked about new beginnings? And with God, all things were possible.

  The crow flew off, and she turned away from the window. Some rubber-banded blueprints were propped up beside his desk. She skimmed her palms over them. A laptop computer was open on his desk. His screensaver flashed galactic patterns, galaxies, and stars. It was beautiful. Another surprise. She hadn’t known he was interested in astronomy. Her curiosity suddenly piqued. What else didn’t she know about him?

  She glanced at the door, feeling a bit guilty for snooping, but crossed the room to his nightstand. Her breath caught. He had a Bible, one she recognized, and sitting on top of it was a framed picture of two girls. She froze. Then slowly, she picked up the photograph and looked closer at the two young women. Across the bottom of the picture was cursive writing:

  Love always. I’ll never forget those steamy, starry nights. Just Jessie

  Feeling hateful thoughts toward the girl with her arm around Jake’s sister, Erin, Katy stared long and hard at the woman who had caused her such grief. She resembled pictures she’d seen of fairies, petite, slender. Her hair was black with white-streaked bangs. It was short and spiked. Her eyes were bright blue and lined with black pencil. So different from Katy’s own dark ones. She wore bright lipstick. While Katy was plain and natural, this woman was worldly. Katy drew the photo closer, and her jaw fell open. She wore a nose ring. Katy’s eyes narrowed, taking in the tight jeans and slim, yet appealing silhouette. A black lacy tank top revealed a tattoo on her upper arm. The other arm was wrapped possessively around Erin. A wide belt emphasized her figure. Both girls were exhibiting a seductive pose.

  Katy felt stricken, as if she couldn’t breathe, would never breathe again. She felt as if Jake had taken a spike and driven it through her heart and all her will to live had poured out the open wound.

  She read the inscription again. Every word held intimate implications of what had passed between them. Romantic nights under the stars. Steamy even. She tried not to envision what those nights might have entailed. She couldn’t stand the thought of this stranger touching Jake, kissing him, embracing him. And Just Jessie. What did that mean? It insinuated a lot of time spent together, a relationship so cemented that it didn’t need further explanation.

  She turned the despicable photograph around. Nothing was written on the back. But he kept her picture on his nightstand, on top of his Bible of all places. He probably read his Bible every night, and first he picked up the photo and looked at her. The last image he saw before he closed his eyes at night.

  Jake’s betrayal fell over her afresh. Darker than anything she’d ever experienced because this time there was no window left for renewed trust. No chance of making things right. No hope. He cared about this awful woman. He’d lied. He would never change. There was no future with him. And she would never be able to love anyone else. All these truths swept over her like a storm with no warning and no escape. She thought she would die. Or worse, she might live.

  CHAPTER 30

  Katy drove blindly, the tears streaming down her face, her car headed for the Rosedale Bible College. She had to find Megan. She couldn’t face Lil yet. She had to do something to make the pain go away.

  At the college, Katy hurried straight to Megan’s room. The door was unlocked, but the room was empty. Katy let herself in. Impatiently, she studied the posters on the wall. The one over Megan’s twin bed had bare hands stretched up, most likely toward God. It read: He is able. Swiping her cheeks, she wished it were that simple. She climbed into Megan’s bed and curled up in a ball. Nothing was simple any longer.

  “Katy? Katy!”

  Katy felt something shaking her shoulder. Slowly she came out of her stupor, feeling as if she’d slept for one hundred years, but when she took in her surroundings, her memory returned along with her sense of Jake’s betrayal. She met Megan’s gaze. “It’s over.”

  Megan plunked on the edge of the bed. “What? Did something happen at the doddy house?”

  “No.” Her voice trembled. “It’s Jake.”

  “What happened?”

  “He loves Jessie.”

  Megan’s usually serene face furrowed around her blond brow. “Who’s that?” Then before Katy could reply, Megan’s eyes narrowed. “That girl from OSU?”

  “Yes.”

  Megan looked aghast. “He told you that?”

  “No. But he has her photo on his nightstand. On top of his Bible.”

  “I don’t believe it. Wait a minute. Why were you in his room?”

  Katy knew that Megan was only questioning her so that she would know how to help. “I was cleaning their house. And it’s true. Jessie has her arm around Erin, like she’s wiggled her way right into the family. Don’t you see? He keeps her picture on his nightstand. He has feelings for her. Yet he had the nerve to tell me he loves me. He’s such a rat, chasing me and acting like it’s me he wants.”

  Megan sat in quiet thoughtfulness. Then she asked, “You love him, don’t you?”

  Katy nodded and looked at the floor.

  Megan stood. She began to pace. “Then you’re going to talk to him about this. And you’re going to ask him why he has Jessie’s picture on his nightstand. Maybe there’s some simple explanation. The last time you guys broke up, you never talked it out. It tore you up afterward. You have to confront him and listen to his explanation.”

  “So he can squirm out of it?” Katy demanded angrily.

  “Something’s not right ab
out this. I feel like you’re missing some of the pertinent facts.”

  “Believe me, I discovered more than I wanted. Now her picture is etched in my memory. Tramp.” Katy clenched her jaw and gripped the bed covering, allowing her jealousy to consume her.

  Megan pulled up a chair and sat facing Katy. “Just because she’s an outsider doesn’t make her promiscuous.”

  Katy’s mouth flew open. She’d thought of all people, Megan would understand. “You didn’t see her.”

  Megan leaned forward, imploring, “But you can’t just accuse him and ruin your relationship without knowing for sure that he loves her. Sometimes things just aren’t the way they look.”

  “Yeah? Well, it’s too late for that.” Katy felt her face heat. “I left him a note.”

  Megan moaned. “You didn’t.”

  Katy stared at the green comforter. “I was so angry that he betrayed me again. He told me he didn’t like her that way.”

  Megan patted Katy’s knee. “But there has to be an explanation. You said Erin was in the photo. You want me to tell you what I honestly think?”

  Looking up into Megan’s gaze, Katy replied, “Of course. That’s why I’m here.”

  Megan’s pink cheeks indicated that she knew Katy came because she needed a caring shoulder more than someone who would lecture her, yet she was going to do it anyway. “I think you’ve never forgiven him. That you’ll never be able to move forward in your relationship until you quit judging him for what he’s done in the past. You live in fear because you can’t control the situation, and you don’t want to get hurt.”

  “Of course I don’t want to get hurt!” Katy cried in her own defense.

  “It’s not your job to control everything. It’s God’s.”

  Katy trembled with resentment. “That’s a terrible thing to say. Especially when I’m hurting.”

  “But it’s the truth. You don’t trust God in this.”

  Katy stood and moved away. “Maybe.”

  Megan followed her. “There’s something else.”