Forest of the Mind (The Book of Terwilliger 1)

by Michael Stiles

  “You said the Guru’s sick?”

  Doris spoke in a near-whisper. “It started a couple months ago, even before you met him, I think. He stopped sleeping at first. Must’ve been awake for ten days straight. He kept acting distracted, like he was deep in thought all the time. Then he got all jumpy. He’d turn his head like someone was calling him, and then he’d be startled and practically fall out of his chair.”

  “Maybe he’s seeing gnomes,” Ed whispered.

  “Gnomes? I don’t know. But the last few days he’s been sleeping most of the time. When he’s awake, he acts weird. He’s... angry.”

  “He seems to be angry a lot,” said Ed.

  “No, it’s not like him. And he’s been real paranoid lately. He always looks out the window, thinking somebody’s going to try and break in. We’ve all been pretty scared for him, everybody except Rat.”

  “Has anybody taken him to see a doctor?”

  Doris gave him a look. “Do we look like we’ve got money for medical bills? Anyway, the Guru doesn’t trust doctors.”

  “Trust them or not, if he needs help―”

  “If he needs help, he’ll be sure to let you know,” the Guru said loudly from the bedroom doorway. Ed and Doris both jumped.

  He certainly didn’t look sick. His dreadlocks were wilder than when Ed had met him, and his clothes were more wrinkled, but he still seemed as strong and sharp-eyed as before. His other bodyguard, the thin white one with the squinty look, stood behind him in the doorway. “I apologize if my friends treated you roughly,” the Guru said. “They only want to protect me. We’ve been watching for unwanted visitors these last few weeks.”

  “Are you expecting someone?” Ed asked. “In particular?”

  The Guru stared off at the ceiling for a long moment, then snapped back into focus. “Not just yet. But I think he’s almost ready. I post guards in case he’s early.”

  Ed nodded as if this made perfect sense. Then, to change the subject, he said, “Um—Guru...” He felt ridiculous addressing the man in that way. “I did what you asked, and it worked. The gnome is gone.”

  The Guru smiled a little bit. “What is it that you did?”

  “I—that is, I had help, but I’m off the heroin. I’m clean.”

  “And you think this has caused Nathaniel to leave you alone?”

  The tone of the question made Ed falter. “Well... yes. You said I had to quit the heroin to keep him out of my head―”

  “I never said that. He won’t leave you alone for long. If you haven’t heard from him, he’s probably just been busy.”

  “Busy?”

  “Is that what brought you here today? I’m sure you didn’t come here out of concern for me.”

  “What do you know about Orc and Urizen?”

  The question had a visible impact on the Guru. He closed his eyes for a moment, then motioned to his bodyguard. “Push me into the den, Geoffrey, will you? I need to talk to these two alone.” The squinty man rolled the wheelchair out into the hall and around the corner to the room where Ed had sat with Doris during the party. Ed and Doris followed. Then the bodyguard left the room, shutting the door behind him. The Guru wheeled himself to the wall opposite the door and turned the chair to face them. Ed and Doris sat next to each other on the floor.

  The Guru folded his hands on his lap and exhaled deeply. “So,” he said. “Nathaniel’s been telling you about Urizen.”

  “It was something my friend John said. He’s been hanging around with your pal Arthur. All he wanted to talk about was Orc and a revolution. And he shaved all his hair off,” he added, which somehow seemed to be the strangest part of the whole thing.

  “The True Judgment,” the Guru said. “That sounds like Arthur, all right. His followers call themselves the Society of the True Judgment. They follow the writings of a man named William Blake, who they say was a prophet. It sounds like your friend may have gotten himself in over his head.” The Guru stopped abruptly and turned his head a little to the side, as if listening to something. Doris watched him closely, ready to jump up to help him.

  Ed waited a moment before he spoke again. “My dad read a lot of Blake,” he said thoughtfully. “So this Society is a...” He hesitated to say the word for fear of striking a nerve. “It’s a cult, right?”

  “I don’t like that word. An abomination is what they are. A mockery of those of us who seek the truth about what’s out there beyond this”—the Guru slapped his wheelchair with one hand—“this confining existence. Arthur is... well, he cares about the wrong kinds of things. He used to be a part of that Process Church, run by a man named DeGrimston, but they didn’t want him; he was too—what’s the word?”

  “Deranged?”

  “Too unorthodox for them and they wouldn’t let him stay. The teachings of the Process are very specific. They believe that God is actually allied with both Satan and Lucifer.”

  “Satan and Lucifer?” said Ed. “I thought they were the same person.”

  “Who knows?” the Guru replied with a shrug. “DeGrimston thinks they’re not. Anyway, he and Arthur had a falling-out. Arthur had been reading a lot of William Blake, and one day, so he said, the prophet Ezekiel came to talk to him.”

  Doris seemed to be completely engrossed in the story. “Ezekiel, huh?”

  “Yes,” said the Guru. “Ezekiel. According to what I’ve heard—I wasn’t there, of course—the prophet told him that Arthur himself was the earthly form of Blake’s revolutionary spirit, Luvah. Luvah is also called―”

  “Orc,” said Ed.

  “You know Blake’s work?”

  “Ed has it on his coffee table,” Doris put in helpfully.

  “Yes,” the Guru said, “Orc is the name Blake gives to the fallen form of Luvah, the spirit of passion.”

  “And rebellion,” Ed added.

  “And rebellion,” the Guru agreed. “In Blake’s works, Urizen is tyrannical government and organized religion. Orc is youthful rebellion and passion. Orc struggles to overthrow the oppressive rule of Urizen to set the world free. Arthur decided, based on this vision he had, to gather up an army and overthrow the government.”

  “But when Orc wins,” Ed said, “he turns out to be as bad as Urizen was.”

  “Like Robespierre and the Reign of Terror,” said Doris.

  “Like who?”

  “The cycle keeps repeating,” said the Guru. “The new order overthrows the old, then becomes as bad as what it replaced. I don’t know if Arthur knows or cares about that. He sees only winning and losing.”

  “If he thinks he’s Orc,” said Ed, who had by no means accepted that any of this was literally true, “then who does he think Urizen is?”

  “I don’t know. He seems to think Urizen is alive and walking among us, but I don’t know if even Arthur has an idea who it is. The Society’s goal is to find Urizen and destroy him, setting up a new order with Arthur at its head.”

  “Would they really do it?” said Doris. “Go to war against the government? They have to know they’d all be thrown in jail, or...”

  “Two years ago, I would have said no. They were harmless, a fringe religious group teaching nonsense and performing secret rituals to try to locate a person who doesn’t exist. Now I’m not so sure.”

  “Two years ago,” said Ed. “What happened between then and now?”

  “Nathaniel happened. I should have known he’d be more than I could handle, but I thought I could settle his mind a bit and teach him some useful things. The problem was that Nathaniel was miles beyond the rest of my students. Beyond me, even. He was troubled by visions and dreams, but I wasn’t able to help him interpret them. He was experimenting with innate abilities that the rest of us could hardly understand.” He pointed a finger at Ed’s forehead. “Abilities like the one he uses to get inside your head.

  “After a time,” he continued, “Nathaniel realized I couldn’t teach him what he needed to know. He began to look for someone more to his liking.”

  “Art
hur,” said Doris.

  The Guru nodded once, slowly. “For all his outward brashness, Nathaniel was impressionable. It wasn’t long before Arthur had fully converted him. Nathaniel shared his visions with Arthur, and Arthur learned a great deal by interpreting them. But their friendship didn’t last long. You see, Arthur is a deeply jealous soul. He saw that Nathaniel might one day become powerful enough to supplant him as the head of his Society. So, once he decided he’d gained all the knowledge he needed from Nathaniel’s visions, Arthur betrayed him and caused him to be imprisoned. Although, as you have seen, a prison can’t keep Nathaniel from reaching out with his mind, if he finds a way to get his hooks into you.”

  Ed thought this over. “Does that mean that Nathaniel’s on our side, then? If Arthur betrayed him―”

  “No! Nathaniel is still committed to Arthur’s Society, even though they want no part of him. He wants to fight the war against Urizen every bit as much as Arthur does, probably more so. But he’ll do anything to hurt Arthur as long as it doesn’t conflict with that goal. For that reason, I think it may be possible to benefit while they fight each other. I think, Ed, that you should listen to what Nathaniel has to say to you.”

  Ed was already shaking his head stubbornly. “No.”

  “It may be the only way to help your friend John. Besides, Nathaniel has decided you’re someone worth talking to. You might learn something from him that will help you.”

  “I don’t want to do that. And anyway, I can’t. I told you; the gnome’s been gone since I went sober. It’s not coming back.”

  “He’ll return,” the Guru said, smiling sadly. “I can tell you with absolute certainty that he won’t leave you alone. It’s only a matter of time. He’s found a way into your head through this image of the gnome, and he’ll continue to use it until he gets what he wants out of you.”

  “What exactly does he want from me?”

  Without warning, the Guru twitched violently in his chair. A sound like a deep growl came from deep within his throat. Doris was on her feet in an instant, taking him by the shoulders and whispering into his ear. He continued to flail so wildly that Ed stood up as well, fearing that Doris would be hurt by his thrashing. But she kept speaking softly to him, holding his shoulders to keep him still. After a minute or two, he was calm again except for an occasional mild tremor. Ed eased himself back down onto the floor.

  “Ed,” the Guru rasped once he was able to speak again, “I’ve been meditating on this and reading everything I could find by Blake. I’m not convinced that Arthur’s teachings are accurate, but I’m increasingly certain there is something to what he says. Urizen is out there, and he’s seeking a path to power. Arthur and Nathaniel each want to be the one who brings him down, and as you’ve said, whichever one wins will be as terrible as the one they replace. A lot of people will die if Arthur succeeds in forming his army.” Another tremor shook him like an aftershock. “Doris,” he said, gripping the arms of his wheelchair tightly, “would you please put on some tea? My nerves are a mess.”

  “Yes, Guru. Darjeeling?”

  “Darjeeling would be wonderful.”

  Doris left the room, shutting the door behind her. Once she was gone, the Guru suddenly rolled his chair forward, stopping just in time to keep from running Ed right over. Ed, startled, began to scramble backwards, but stopped when the Guru leaned forward and took hold of his shoulder. The teacher’s gentle demeanor vanished in an instant.

  “She won’t be gone long” said the Guru. “Listen.”

  “I―”

  “Shut up. Arthur is attacking me right now. Trying to crush my mind. I can keep him from eavesdropping on what I say, but not for long. Are you listening?”

  Ed nodded, his mouth agape.

  “He doesn’t want me to influence you, that’s why he’s doing this to me. He wants you for himself. But Nathaniel got to you first, and he’s been keeping Arthur out of your head. So Arthur’s been coming after me.”

  “Why? Why should he care about me?”

  “Because you’re important. You’re a prophet.”

  Ed had to laugh at that.

  “Knock it off,” the Guru snapped. “If I say you are, then you are. That’s why I was looking for you, but Nathaniel found you before I could. While he was living here, most of what he said was nonsense. But not everything. According to him, every prophet is called to service at some time in his life. Usually during childhood; not always. Nathaniel believed there was a powerful prophet out there, foretold by Blake’s prophecies, who had missed his calling. He believed he would be able to identify this man just by looking at him.”

  “That’s ridiculous,” said Ed. “ I’m no Ezekiel.”

  “Prophets come in different forms. Blake wrote about the Biblical prophets, but he also considered Milton and Swedenborg to be prophets. He spoke with Milton in his visions. Blake himself had the gift, of course. There have been others since then, like Coleridge and Wordsworth, and their modern counterparts, Lennon and McCartney. A chain of great men, as long as history itself, always with new links being forged. And you. Nathaniel thinks you’re the most important one to come along in a long time.”

  “Really, I’m just me,” Ed protested. “I live in a dirty little apartment, and I hate my job, and my wife is dead...”

  “Prophets always have miserable lives,” the Guru said. “Even Jesus said so. When a prophet is called, the calling involves some catastrophe in his own life. Seeing death first-hand, or experiencing a terrible loss, is an essential part of that process. Only by knowing death can one understand life, and only those who truly understand both can share that understanding with the world.”

  Ed was shaking his head. “I don’t understand anything.”

  “Your parents died when you were young, didn’t they?”

  “Car accident. I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

  “Were you supposed to be with them?”

  “They were going into the city for the day,” Ed said. “I was supposed to be in the car, yeah. But I didn’t want to go, I was mad at them about something, and my uncle said I could stay with him instead. So I stayed at his place that weekend. I was ten.”

  “And they never came back.”

  Ed didn’t reply. The image of the police car in the driveway was stuck forever in his mind, with its horrible flashing red light. Ed had peeked through the curtains to watch the officer walking up the driveway, a look of dread upon the man’s face. Ed had known from that grim expression that something awful had happened.

  “If I’m right,” the Guru said, pulling Ed back to the present, “you were meant to be in that crash. Not to die, but to witness your parents’ death. To experience loss and see their souls being taken away. But that didn’t happen. You missed something that you were supposed to see, and your life has been on the wrong track since then. Your gifts never came to light.”

  “I don’t have any gifts,” Ed muttered.

  “Do you ever have vivid dreams?”

  An image of dead Indians flashed into Ed’s mind. “Yes.”

  “What have you dreamed about?”

  “A boy. In a dark city next to the water. He’s in trouble.”

  The Guru gazed at him steadily. “Was Nathaniel in this dream?”

  “He said I have to find the city and help the boy. He said the boy is supposed to fight Urizen.”

  Wheeling his chair over to the window, the Guru looked out at the rising full moon. “If Urizen is starting to assert his power, then he will go after the prophets first. They’re a threat to him.” He turned his chair around to face Ed. “You need to find that boy.”

  This was all preposterous. Ed couldn’t believe any of it. But his sense of skepticism, quite healthy until recently, was not protesting quite as much as it would have a few months ago.

  The Guru was rubbing his temples. “Arthur is positioning himself to be the most powerful cult leader in Los Angeles. He’s been quietly eliminating his competition for months
now. I’ll be next. Now that you’ve been found, he’ll want to either control you or kill you. He and Nathaniel have already started fighting each other for control of you. That gives you an advantage.”

  “How is that an advantage?”

  “Think about it. Nathaniel is protecting you from Arthur’s attacks, at least for now. He knows a lot of things that you need to know if you want to survive. I couldn’t teach you a tenth of what he can. You should let him in. Into your head.”

  Ed ran his hand through his hair. “Let him in? I want him out!”

  “I know you do. But Nathaniel is the only person who’s ever been able to stand up to Arthur. You have innate gifts that could rival Nathaniel’s, if you can figure out how to use them. If you are going to face Arthur, you will need to understand how Nathaniel managed to live in Arthur’s presence without losing his mind. Let him help you defeat Arthur, and then you can worry about Nathaniel.”

  “Even if I can do all that, it still leaves one big problem.”

  The Guru shrugged. “Urizen will have to be a problem for later. First thing’s first. If―”

  He stopped abruptly, twisting his mouth in a grimace. A look of intense effort came over his face, and beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. His hands gripped the arms of his wheelchair until the metal creaked with the stress.

  Ed put a hand on his arm. His skin was cold. “Guru?” he said. “Can you hear me?”

  The Guru stared at nothing. Slowly, he closed and opened his eyes. A smile crept onto his face. Then, fast as lightning, he reached out with both hands and grabbed Ed by the arms. His grip was incredibly strong. “Hah!” he cried. “I know this place!” He looked down at his amputated stumps, wiggled them, then looked around the room wildly before locking his gaze on Ed.

  Ed struggled unsuccessfully to free his arms. The Guru’s fingers were digging painfully into his skin.

  The Guru rolled his tongue around in his mouth as if testing it out. Then he smiled a smile that made Ed’s scalp turn cold. “He’s almost gone,” he said in a harsh whisper. “Is he telling you some nice stories?” Droplets of spittle sprayed Ed’s face and got in his eyes, but Ed found that he couldn’t look away from the man’s terrible, wide-eyed stare.