but they don’t.
raj is in a little room with a young cop who’s filling out a form. fingers r nowhere 2 be seen. raj looks shocked 2 see me and i think a bit annoyed. but the cop doesn’t bat a lid and just keeps fillin in his form.
i start saying hi and i’m about to tell them that i came 2 fess up but raj cuts me off.
he says that he’s just been telling the cop how he found some fingers in a dumpster last night but it was after the cop shop closed so he froze them and brought them in first thing this morning.
i just stand there not saying anything. i’m thinking … do i tell raj he doesn’t have 2 do this 4 me and then tell the truth or do i go along with it cos raj might get in deep 4 lying 2 a cop. and it crosses my mind again that maybe raj did it or that he’s trying 2 get fiona (that’s deepspace’s real name) off or something.
but the look on raj’s face tells me 2 shut up. he didn’t pull a face or anything but i know him so well he only had to think it and i understood what he was saying.
then the cop asks raj to sign the form and we all get up.
as the cop is showing us out he says 2 me ‘did u come 2 tell us something mate?’
this is my chance. i think about it again – about telling him everything. and i almost don’t. but then i think about how many times u told me 2 tell the police or the hospital or someone. and i think again about that scene from yr dad’s show with the bozo cops and the hooker and the mainframe and i figure what i did wasn’t as bad as that. and i remember how u stood up + told someone about yr dad being violent even though u knew it was gonna make things worse 4 a while.
so i tell him. the whole thing. it’s pretty gnarly + he calls another older cop in. they can’t believe i went back 4 the fingers and that i had those things in a drawer + that i was tryin 2 pull off some kinda (who’s that chick teen detective?) move. but they’re kind of all right about it 2. i feel like they sort of understand what it’s like 2 be a teenager. and an idiot.
so they fingerprint me and after a couple of hrs they let us go + tell us they might need 2 ask us more questions. they want 2 speak 2 lauren and deepspace. + we might need 2 go 2 court once they find out where the fingers came from.
raj + i walk out into the sunshine.
raj says happy birthday + tells me i did a good thing but i feel like he didn’t really mean it.
when we were riding home i asked raj how he found the fingers + he sort of stuttered then he said something that made me think it was something 2 do with my birthday. he’d made something last nite + went to put it in the freezer and it wouldn’t fit cos of all the ice and stuff so he reached in2 the back + there they were. so i asked him why he didn’t wake me + he said he knew from what i’d said the other nite that i must’ve gone back 4 them and he just wanted 2 end it. so he got up early when he usually goes fishing and took em 2 the cops himself.
which is good of him. but kind of odd too. whaddyou reckon? wouldn’t he @ least have asked me? and wouldn’t he want me 2 take responsibility for my own actions? he’s always on about that.
he’s callin out 2 me now. goin 4 a surf.
being 16 is weird. can’t really recommend it.
write me back. i want 2 hear from u. come 2 australia and i’ll teach u 2 surf.
tell me what’s up wit yr bro + dad + mum + everything.
sim
ps here’s a pic of the sheep in the yard @ the cop shop. took it on my vidcam. maybe google earth byron bay police station + c if u can c the sheep.
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: v relieved
* * *
Sim, I totally thought your first paragraph was the truth. I guess I wasn’t reading it properly. Probably ’cause I’ve been waiting up all night to get your reply and my brain is mush. But I totally freaked out. I couldn’t believe you’d be dumb enough to confess to something you never did. I was so relieved when I worked out you were just kidding around.
But that is COOL. You must feel so much better. I felt better even though it has made things harder. There’s something about telling the truth that makes you feel lighter. More real and good. I don’t know, I know it sounds corny but it’s true.
I don’t get why there is a sheep at the cops. What is that about? In Australia, do you have sniffer sheep? Guard sheep? In my country, we use dogs for those jobs. Guess things are tougher in Byron than I thought. Police sheep is a new one for me. I might add that to my AUSTRALIAN FACT FILE.
The teenage detective is Nancy Drew. Well, there are a few of them I guess, but she’s the famous one. They made a movie out of the books and Julia Roberts’ niece played the lead. Or are you talking about that old teen detective show, Veronica Mars?
Why do I know all this useless shit? That’s what happens when you live in Hollywood. You become a sponge for useless entertainment info. Nearly all my friends are actors. They audition for stuff all the time. Sage is an actress. She’s booked a few small parts on TV. She even told me the other day that she saw Danny, the guy who asked me out, on this new show called Hereditary Humor. Since he asked me out he’s never called. So why did he get my number when he came over to ask me out? That’s weird, right? Or is that what guys do?
Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m really glad you told the cops the truth. I was sure someone was going to blame it all on you, so now you’ve covered your ass (so no-one can pop a cap in it – you watch way too many U.S. movies).
Nothing happening here. Mom is staying in the room next to me (they let her out of the hospital) and she and my aunt keep fighting. (Hey, feels like home!) Bro has somehow got a massive stash of pot and is so stoned I can’t even talk to him. He went on some dumb rant before about how I’d be a slut to go to the dance. That only sluts go to dances. What the hell? Maybe he thinks I posed for those photos? Maybe that’s why he thinks I’m a slut.
Hailey has been really nice to me, which is weird. Like, she’s always been nice to me but lately she’s been really nice. I think it’s ’cause of Danny. When I told her he asked me out she went all weird. She asked me to ask him to get one of his friends to take her. But come on, I’m not going to ask him that! It’s all getting a bit too teen dramedy. I think she told some other girls at school. Several popular girls acknowledged that I exist this week.
Are people really that easily impressed? I wish I was surfing with you. Can everyone in Australia surf?
BTW, I’m still confused about the fingers. WHOSE FINGERS ARE THEY?!!!!! Don’t Raj and Deepspace want to know? Don’t you want to know?
I know this is a gross question, but could you see the bones in the middle of the fingers? I always wonder about that in movies when you see the bone sticking out of the fake hand. Can you really see bone?
Still, be safe. I wouldn’t trust Raj and Deepspace as far as I could throw them.
You never answered the question about what ‘further than I’ve ever gone before’ means.
Milla
PS Faked up a whole report on Australia for Bitch Mayo. It was genius and she still only gave me a B. NO teacher gives me Bs. That would be because I’m a straight-A student. Seems like Mayo hasn’t caught on. I HATE HER!!!
* * *
From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: sixteen
* * *
hey m.
it’s the night of my b’day. raj and deepspace cooked a feast and they’d made presents n stuff. it was almost like old times. and there was this crushed fruit icecream thing in the freezer as a cake. the bowl i saw this morning. hope they washed it out pretty good in there. the dessert was blood-red with dragonfruit + i had 2 try pretty hard not 2 feel like i was jawing on a frozen finger. i can still feel it sitting in my belly.
this guy i know bought me a couple of beers + i managed 2 convince raj 2 have 1. told him he wasn’t
strictly being unfreegan cos he didn’t buy em. then i said that it was important 2 me – part of me becoming a man + all that + i was pretty sure 1 beer wasn’t feeding the global consumer machine 2 much + what did it matter in the whole cosmicness of the universe?
he bought that line and we sat out the back + had our beers. can hear the ocean from out there when it’s quiet. lighthouse beam overhead through low cloud. he told me how he’d spent a night in a prison in indonesia once 4 being caught with alcohol in some area where it was banned. but he bribed the guard with the promise of beer and got out! that’s what i like about him. he’s so staunch on the whole moral crusade thing and changing the world but he’s got all this dark-horse stuff he’s done in his past. which kind of makes him even more of a suspect. but i’m over my teen spy phase. i don’t know he’s innocent any more than i did yesterday but what’s more likely – that members of my family are psychopathic finger-thieves or that i screwed up?
i d’know. maybe yr right.
y’know lauren wasn’t even @ dinner. haven’t seen her since our thing this morning. which is weird. why wouldn’t she come 2 dinner? and when i do see her how am i s’posed 2 act? i guess i shouldn’t open with ‘hey sis’. or try 2 comfort her with the fact that yr bro is packin snaps of yr bear cubs in his lunch box. (which reminds me, what happened with that? was it him or his friends or what? when is this dance? and ‘danny’? sounds like a stalker 2 me.)
hey i was thinking how cool a movie would be of our stories … all the crazy stuff going down. maybe milla gets brought over to australia 4 the finger court case. and sim ends up being framed 4 it but then just as he’s being led away milla busts out some cop show knowledge – maybe from a similar case in ep 14 of csi: kansas city. and she proves sim’s innocence. then sim + milla fall in love + end up in a hippie commune in the hills behind byron bay bringing up chooks and stuff. and one day when they’re forty and all fat and stuff vanessa cassidy shows up @ the commune + she’s like ninety like cher + she remembers milla from the rehab hospital. she wants to shoot her next music video @ our house which is like an amish barn or maybe mud bricks. all’s swell till day two of the shoot when vanessa falls in love with sim cos hes been kind enough 2 help empty her colostomy bag after every take. so milla takes off with one of cassidy’s roadies (named danny) but only once milla’s gone does sim realise how wrong it is living in a commune with an ex-reality tv/pop star with loose bowels. not sure how it ends. any ideas? maybe milla comes + rescues sim by chopping vanessa’s fingers off?
anyway i’m glad stuff’s kind of settled down 4 u. glad yr friend’s lookin out 4 u. i’ll totally teach u 2 surf if u can make it here.
c u.
sim
ps yeah, u cld see something shiny at the end of the fingers where the joint was hacked. stained reddy-brown with dry blood. thanks 4 reminding me. night.
* * *
From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: late. or early.
* * *
hey.
1 am. can’t sleep. keep thinkin about the stuff u said about the dudes in this house + not trusting em. lauren just got home, vomited in the bathroom, then went 2 her room.
and if u really wanna know ‘further than i’ve ever gone before’ is not very far. i figure u remember yr first time 4 yr whole life so i don’t want it 2 be with some rotter in the toilets @ the youth centre or on the sand dune with some random chick called tamara on holidays from dubbo. i’m not really saving myself. i just want it 2 be with someone who i @ least don’t find totally repuggies.
r u around? e me.
s.
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: they’re called BREASTS
* * *
Sim
Bear cubs? Oh my god. That is just wrong. Can you stop it? Please just call them breasts or I’m going to puke.
Oh, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Man, you Australians are tamer than I thought. You had one beer on the night of your birthday? That’s so funny. Here everyone gets totally annihilated on shots or tries to get blow or e. Not everyone, but nearly everyone (i.e. not me ’cause I’m a square). Guess it’s ’cause everyone in Hollywood has a lot more cash than where you are.
Yeah, I don’t want to have sex with some random either. And to be honest, the whole idea of it kind of makes me sick. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ever going to want to? Uggh. Gross. Sorry. Anyway, I hope your fooling around was fun.
(Was it? How did you know what to do?)
AND, most importantly, what the hell is going on with Lozza? She’s one sketchy skank if you ask me. She’s definitely pregnant with all that puking action.
I’m going to FedEx you a present. I think you’re going to like it. I’ll send it to your school address ’cause we’re not allowed to swap home addresses, right?
BTW, what the hell is a ‘rotter’ and ‘repuggies’? I think they’re my two new fave words.
Winter Dance tomorrow night. Feeling a bit nervous. Uggh, and I have to wear my new dress. Uggh. And heels. Uggh. Even worse. I’m totally going to look like an idiot.
Danny finally called and said he’s picking me up in a limo with a few of his friends and their dates. It’s like a stretch Hummer or something totally environmentally bad. I have a feeling you wouldn’t like Danny so much. But even though he’s probably a shallow, vain loser, going to the dance will be good for me. That’s what Mom would say. She’s always going on about how I don’t socialize like a normal teenager. Whatever that means. Maybe going to the dance will make her think I’ve become normal, finally.
Gotta go. Aunt is watching DVDs in bed. Think she might be a closet lesbian … I caught her staring at my chest the other day and now she’s watching The L Word again. I’m gonna go see if she’s doing anything sketchy under the covers. I’ll creep over to her room and stand by the door. If I hear any moans I’ll know what she’s up to and that she’s def a lesbian. Not that I care. I don’t. I just need to know the truth. Not knowing the truth has to be the worst state to be in, don’t you think?
Well, you know. You’re going through it right now. The truth will set us both free. I just know it.
Milla
PS Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I feel sick about my dad. He’s all alone in the house and none of us will talk to him. I feel really bad about that.
* * *
From: Sim [[email protected]]
To: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
Subject: stuff
* * *
hey mg
guess i shld step up my birthday partying action. a beer on the back steps ain’t zackly tearin’ the town up. maybe i’ll work on some friends first. but i’d probly rather hang with raj than most of the dudes in my year. least he’s done some stuff in his life. he’s a cool guy.
we’re talkin’ bout goin 2 mexico sometime and cruisin’ down thru south america. u ever been there? guess u must have, seeing it’s so close.
re what 2 do when you’re gettin busy with someone, i dunno. (r u thinkin of getting busy with donny @ the dance?) i think u just freestyle, like when yr writing these e’s. probly best not 2 plan 2 much. i asked raj about this once and his theory was that it was like art + that it’s only when u kinda forget yrself that u do good things. so i just let flow + c what happens + if u hear a moan u must be doing something right so u do more of it. believe me though. i’m no pro @ this so i’m probly totally wrong. lauren still hasn’t spoken 2 me so either i’m so good she’s embarrassed 2 speak in the presence of such a master. or i suck.
speaking of moans, was yr aunt strokin’ the cat under the doona? and does doing that mean she’s a lesbian? and does it matter? not 2 me but i don’t know whether she shld be checkin out her niece’s boobs. (i tried 2 say breasts th
en but i can’t do it. it’s against my religion.) anyway, is everyone in yr fam obsessed with those things? bro takin pics, aunt staring. they’re like the hottest things in l.a. right now.
a ‘rotter’ is a skank + ‘repuggies’ is repugnant. i’m australian. it’s part of our constitution 2 shorten as many words as poss and to add ‘o’ or ‘y’ 2 the end of every name – specially dudes. like out in the surf guys call me simmo. raj townsend would be townsy. there r guys bobbing round out there with names like wrighty, jonno, robbo, danno, jonesy, richo.
bet u can’t wait 2 come here now huh? girls mostly escape the o and y thing. you’ll be fine, gainsy. millo.
you’re gonna fedex me something? i’ve never been fedexed b4. bring it on. love prizes.
life’s a little bit normal here again. i think i’m in semi-retirement from dumpsta-diving though. we’ve only got watermelon + herbs in garden out back right now so all i’ve eaten today is melon. starting 2 get a headspin.
s.
ps maybe u need 2 answer 1 of yr old man’s calls n see what he has 2 say?
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [[email protected]]
To: Sim [[email protected]]
Subject: get a job?
* * *
Hey Sim
Present is on its way. It’s not a prize, it’s a present. Why do you think you won a prize?
Gainsy, huh? I kind of like that.
You’ve got to change your living situation. You can’t just eat watermelon. That’s going to give you stomach ulcers for sure. Isn’t there a soup kitchen or a homeless shelter that will give you dinner? And, on that note, why don’t you just go get a job, make some cashola and buy yourself a Happy Meal? (I’m joking, I would NEVER eat that fast food shit. Did you ever see that doco where the guy just eats fast food for a month, Super Size Me? That is INSANE. Check it out if you haven’t already. Totally gross.)
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