It's Yr Life
Page 9
But seriously, why don’t you get a job? Heaps of kids in L.A. have jobs. (None of my friends do ’cause all our parents are rich.) But you know what I mean. Then you’d be self-sufficient and you wouldn’t have to stay with the cast of Boogie Nights.
So I tried on my dress. It’s OK. It’s supposed to look elegant (that’s what the Barney’s saleswoman said) but it’s hard when you have a body shaped like a potato. Feel a bit dumb. Bit nervous. Feel a bit sick. He’s not going to expect me to put out, is he? Do guys always expect that? Shit. God, I’m not going to know what to do. OK, so I know this sounds really lame and weird and you’re going to think I’m a weirdo, but I’ve never kissed anyone. I totally don’t know how to do it. I’m not sure if I even want to do it. Most guys kind of make me feel sick. Pimples, bad breath and b.o. Uggh.
I don’t think I want to kiss Danny but I guess I kind of have to, right? ’Cause he asked me out? And if I don’t want to, how do I get out of kissing him? Is there a tactic? Shit. Feel like vomiting really bad now.
And you know what’s weird? Danny lives next door to us and he didn’t ask me out when I was at the house. He asked me out at my aunt’s place. Just turned up one day at the front door with two of his friends. How did he know where I was? The only person who knows where I am is Hailey. But he doesn’t know Hailey. Weird.
Anyway, gotta get ready.
Milla
PS I was thinking about my aunt being a lesbian (I did hear moans and YES it does make her a lesbian ’cause most women don’t get turned on by Jennifer Beals) and I wondered, how many people in the world are gay? I just googled and I couldn’t get a real statistic. But a few people agree it’s around 10% of the population and there are more and more gay people as the years go by. I guess they are feeling more comfortable to come out of the closet. Any gay kids at your school? There are two girls from the year above me that are gay. The teachers just think they’re ‘best friends’. So clueless.
PPS Feels good not to have anyone spying on me anymore. That Mexican guy must be pretty disappointed I moved. Sucked in.
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: going to do it
* * *
Sorry. Had to email you back straight away. Guess what? I just found out that my brother has already kissed girls. He’s four years younger than me! That is totally wrong. Now I feel like a complete loser. Now I’m definitely going to the dance with that guy just so I can say I’ve finally kissed someone.
I’m going. Even though I don’t want to. Even though I’m scared. Even though I don’t want to kiss him. I’m going. I’ve got my dumb dress on. My aunt’s bathroom mirror makes you look fat and half the girls in my year are anorexic and bulimic so I look extra-fat compared to them. I don’t care. I’m not starving myself just to look like one of the women on my dad’s TV shows. They’re all anorexic too.
Maybe I’ll start up my own TV channel where only normal-sized people are allowed to appear. I’ll call it FAT TV. Why? ’Cause normal people look fat on TV and that’s the truth. Not one person on any of my dad’s shows is a normal weight. Well, except for some old guy who used to be on Star Trek. But he’s so famous they let him be normal. (AKA IN TV-LAND: FAT.)
TV and movies are socially manipulative. NO-ONE lives like that. No-one. It makes everyone feel inadequate. I’m not going to watch TV for six months and see if it makes me happier (and feel less fat … i.e. normal weight).
Doorbell. Danny is downstairs.
Wish me luck.
Milla
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: doorbell danny
* * *
he’s downstairs now? i didn’t know this dance gig was 2nite.
you’re probly suckin face with that dawg as i write. but if you’re not maybe don’t do it if u don’t like the guy. it seems like yr not that hot on him + it’s not like kissing someone changes yr life. u don’t want to get all, ‘my dad doesn’t love me so i better kiss some creepy dude with greasy hair + halitosis just 2 feel like someone cares.’ and no u don’t have 2 put out just cos this knob asked u out. r u kidding? yr gonna put out just 2 be polite? man there r a lotta guys out there wishing there were more ‘polite’ girls in the world.
i cut some of my freegan doco together 2day. kind of starts out informative but i can feel the horror/whodunnit thread starting to creep in.
whaddya mean go 2 a homeless shelter? it’s not like i can’t have other food if i want 2. they reckon it’s good 2 detox on one fruit for a couple of days every now and then. makes it simple 4 yr gut 2 get rid of all the other crap lurking down there. and what’s with the ‘cast of boogie nights’ crack? r u still saying i’m living in some kinda porn or prostitution ring? will u lay off on that? just cos i don’t have a stretch hummer, 300 pairs of shoes in the cupboard and staff on hand to wipe my ass doesn’t mean we’re all pimps + hookers. we’re not desperate. it’s called choice rather than just mindlessly devouring whatever’s served up 2 us no matter the cost 2 the world.
anyway, u piss me off when u act like we’re living like animals just cos i ate a few slices of watermelon. there’s a diff between being a freegan + being homeless or needing a soup kitchen. as if we’re gonna take food away from people who don’t have anything. anyway i feel like i’m tryin 2 prove this 2 myself. guess i don’t understand it either sometimes. it’s hard with all the pressure 2 buy + consume stuff + with everyone else round u doin it 2 just hold strong + stay simple.
i do have a job but it’s volunteer stuff mowing lawns and gardening. it’s called LETS (wiki it if u like) where people do stuff + earn points then u can spend those points with other folks in the system. an alternative currency. no sweat shops. nothing travelling from other side of the globe. no massive carbon footprint. what’re u doin 2 save the world, prom queen?
deepspace n lauren went 2 cops bout an hr ago 2 answer questions bout the nite we found the fingers. hope they’re ok. lozza’s officially ignoring me now. i feel like a bit of an idiot. like i made a big deal out of it + she’s like ‘whatever dude. next!’
i sat and watched her smoke a cigarette this morning. she sat on the front steps and she looked so calm. she’s usually kind of agitated but it was like she was meditating and she looked beautiful. then she spat into the garden which took the shine off it a little but i still can’t help liking her.
peace out. pic 4 u below from beach sarvo. it’s kind of how i feel at this moment.
let me know how the dance went with danners.
s.
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: I’m being a kid; you should try it sometime
* * *
Whoa. Someone’s sensitive. What am I doing to save the world? What is this prom queen doing to save the world … NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. Happy? But you know what? That’s ’cause it’s not my job. My job is to stay alive long enough to become an adult who can then do stuff to help the world. You’ve got it all mixed up. You’re supposed to be messing around and rebelling and instead you’re babysitting two hippie wannabes and trying to be the second coming of Jesus. Get over yourself.
You’re pissed off? I’m pissed off. How about that?
Milla
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: bad night?
* * *
guess it didn’t go so well with donny huh? what happened? he found out yr ready 2 retire + you’ve never held hands with a guy b4?
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
> Subject: figures
* * *
What? You’re a dick. I thought you were different to all the asshole guys I know, but guess not.
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: whatever
* * *
why is it ok 4 u to go mental @ me + call me the 2nd coming + say the people i live with r hippie wannabes but i make a crack about holding hands + suddenly i’m the dick?
go + buy another dress on daddy’s credit card. that’s what u do 2 feel good about yrself isn’t it?
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: leave me alone
* * *
* * *
PRODUCER GAINSBERG ATTACKS BOY
Article from: The Beverly Hills Leader
by Tyson Worsley
Did Michael Gainsberg need to do some ‘research’ for his latest cop drama,
Dirty Streets?
At approximately ten o’clock last night, Gainsberg busted into the Winter Dance at the Beverly Hills Ballroom. He allegedly attacked a teenage boy who was dancing with Gainsberg’s fifteen-year-old daughter.
Security guards detained the Emmy-award-winning producer until the Beverly Hills Police Department arrived.
Gainsberg spent less than two hours behind bars before he was bailed out by John Hartnett, lawyer-to-the-stars. It is unknown if the boy’s family will press charges.
* * *
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: uh-oh
* * *
hey
yr right. i am a dick.
i know i shld leave u alone but i don’t know if i can.
don’t be surprised if this isn’t the last u hear from me.
s.
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: lemme know
* * *
hey
can u e me back? just lemme know if things have settled down.
e me. please. things are getting weird here again. we need 2 talk. now.
s.
* * *
From: MJohnston [johnstonm@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: Urgent
* * *
Dear Milla
I have been given authority to contact you via email by your teacher, Mrs Mayo. I am writing in order to ask for your cooperation. It appears that your assignment partner, Sim, has been taken into custody for his involvement in a crime. He has deleted the emails that he has sent to you from his school email account but I am asking you to contact me if he has given you any information in regards to this situation.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience. As this is a legal matter, I would ask that you keep this in closest confidence.
Meredith Johnston
Head Teacher, English Department
Byron Shire Progressive High School
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: MJohnston [johnstonm@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: sim
* * *
Dear Mrs Johnston
Thank you for contacting me. I wondered why Sim stopped emailing me. I figured something was up. But I can tell you right now that he didn’t do ANYTHING wrong, so you can let him go. He’s never mentioned anything about a crime to me and we are really close friends now. He’s a really good person and the cops have totally got it wrong.
Hope this helps, let me know what happens (ASAP ’cause I’m worried).
Sincerely
Milla
PS If this is Sim, I’ll kill you.
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: MJohnston [johnstonm@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: please respond
* * *
Dear Mrs Johnston
I have not heard back from you. I would like to know what is going on. I also want to say that you’d better have let Sim go by now ’cause he really hasn’t done anything wrong. If anything he’s been trying to help you guys. You’re focusing on the wrong person/people. Please email me back to let me know what is going on. Sim doesn’t have any family to help him so you can consider me his next of kin. I should be contacted in case of emergency. My family also has enough money to bail him out if that’s what is needed. My phone number is +1 310 888 98078.
Sincerely
Milla
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: MJohnston [johnstonm@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
CC: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: respond asap or else
* * *
Sim? Mrs Johnston? SOMEONE EMAIL ME BACK ASAP OR I’LL HAVE MY DAD’S ‘PEOPLE’ GET IN TOUCH WITH THE BYRON POLICE STATION.
Seriously.
Milla
* * *
From: MJohnston [johnstonm@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: RE: respond asap or else
* * *
Dear Milla
I appreciate your concern for your friend, but I ask for your patience in this matter. I am not in a position to inform you of any details relating to the case at this point, but I will be in touch once Sim has been formally charged or released. Please pass this information on to your father’s ‘people’.
Meredith Johnston
Head Teacher, English Department
Byron Shire Progressive High School
* * *
From: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
To: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
Subject: asshole
* * *
I just called Byron Shire Progressive High School. No Meredith Johnston even exists.
YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE SIM.
* * *
From: Sim [sim@byronshireprogressive.edu.au]
To: Milla Gainsberg [millag@beverlyglengirlshigh.net]
Subject: phil
* * *
uh-oh. will u just read on for 1 second and not go psycho? i have a reason …
when u stopped talking 2 me cos of the prom queen thing, i started 2 worry u might flip out + hand in all our emails about the fingers and evrything. so i wanted 2 check. that’s why i made up meredith johnston and set up the fake e address and stuff. if u were gonna spill the beans i figured i wanted u 2 spill em 2 me first … if u weren’t so trigger-happy on yr international-dialling finger that is. and u don’t have 2 tell me it’s stupid or ask why i didn’t trust u or any of that. it’s just something i did.
do i have issues with trust here? that’s what phil’d say wouldn’t he? (sorry 2 bring the good doctor into this again.)
dr phil: u cannot go thru life suspecting the worst of people!
sim: but –
phil: no buts. this displays a serious lack of faith in your friend milla here.
sim: i just –
phil: no justs. what’re u going to do to make it up to this girl who has enough problems of her own without u feeding her lies from the other side of the planet?
sim: well maybe i’ll –
phil: after the break, we welcome the drag queen who held up a quik-e-mart to pay for a $9000 set of heels. and oprah will be dropping by to give everybody in the audience a pair of those shoes. yep, you get a pair, you get a pair, you get a pair …
COMMERCIAL BREAK
anyway the thing is i like u even more now. u stuck up 4 me + i really can trust u as much
as i thought i cld b4 i did this thing. so in a weird way our friendship shld actually be stronger now than it was b4 the teacher email thing went down. yeah?
can u tell me about your dance + the article with yr dad? did he hurt this dude? have u seen yr old man since? r yr aunt + ma lookin after u or r they caught up in thr own stuff?
i don’t know what it is about u, but when u called me an a-hole i felt worse than i did when a girl dumped me last year. and i’d been with her for like 7 months.
i actually care about u. probly sounds weird after what i did and said but when someone attacks me i have this thing where i can’t back down. not v. freegan of me huh? btw i c myself more as the 2nd coming of buddha than jesus. but i gotta put on a few kilos. figure that’s easier than growing the beard.