by TJWEST
“I’m not sure how to do that, Shorty. How to forgive myself.”
“You lost someone too; you lost your brother. Do you think he would have wanted you to punish yourself forever?”
He shook his head. “No. I don’t. He’d be pissed as hell, knocking me up on the side of my head, tellin’ me to snap out of the hole I dug myself into. He was always the forgiven’ sonofabitch.” Quinn chuckled.
I slightly smiled. “You see? It is possible to forgive, it just takes time.”
“Where the fuck did you come from?” He huskily asked.
He set his glass down, took me into his arms, devoured my lips, and made love to me.
This time, nice and slow.
A month passed by and things were going great with my new managers position. Yes, there have been some whispering from some of my co-workers about how I got the position, but I didn’t pay attention. I knew that I deserved it. It was great being able to set my own work schedule. I’ve been working most days now because of Joey. That way I can be there for him at night. I do miss the night time shifts just because of my customers and the music. Every so often I’ll schedule a night shift, but for now the days are what’s best.
I’ve let Quinn and Joey spend time together. He’ll come over to my apartment and watch movies or play video games with him. Watching them both getting to know one another has been such a wonderful thing. They are both so happy and really like each other. I haven’t allowed Quinn to stay the night, just yet. Hopefully that time will come. I have such strong feelings for him, but am afraid to acknowledge them. I believe he may feel the same.
We haven’t talked anymore about my parents, Joey’s dad, or Quinn’s brother since that night we were together. It was best to just leave things be for the time being. I’m hoping he can resolve things with Red someday. Quinn hasn’t talked about his mother either. I can tell she’s a sensitive subject so I don’t ask him about her. I do wonder if he knows where she’s at and if he’s ever tried to contact her? I highly doubt he’s done that, considering he’s been blaming himself all these years. To lose your brother and then your parents - it wasn’t fair.
Today, is finally the Saturday Vivian is moving. Quinn and I have taken the day off to help Vivian pack up the rest of her things for the moving guys. I’ve been in a sulking mood because the best woman I know is leaving. I’m going to miss her so much it hurts. Joey is very sad too. He cried a little last night when we were talking about her.
Vivian’s daughter, Beth, came down to help as well. She’s driving Vivian, and herself back to Oregon. Beth is the youngest of her siblings - she’s about my age I believe. She looks a lot like Viv; big blue eyes, long blonde hair, slim, and is a couple inches taller than me. I was glad to know she came to help her mother. Meeting her for the first time was really nice. She’s very sweet and adores her mother. She’s been trying to get Vivian to move up to Oregon for a few years now, but finally decided it was best since Beth is alone and needs her mom. I envy her. She’s so lucky to have someone like Viv as her mother. If only my mom loved me enough to do the same.
“Thank you so much, my dears, for helping me finish packing.” Vivian said as she gave us both a hug.
“Of course, Viv. It was our pleasure.” I hugged her back.
“Okay, mom, I think that was everything. I checked all the rooms to see if we missed anything, but it’s all clear.” Beth said.
“Good. That’s good. Yes, well I believe this is it then.” Viv said quietly.
“I guess so.” My eyes felt the pinch of tears forming.
Quinn fetched Joey to say goodbye. “My sweet, sweet Joey, be good for your mother and make me proud you hear me?” Vivian started to choke up.
“I will Miss Viv. I’ll miss you.” Joey had tears in his eyes. He didn’t hide them as they slid down his cheeks. She gave him one last hug and then came back to me.
“Oh gosh, Vivian, I love you and will miss you so much.” I pulled her towards me and hugged her tightly. I didn’t want to let go. “Thank you for being a part of our lives and helping me with everything. I’ll never forget it.” I whispered through my tears.
“I love you too, my sweet Sandy.” She looked up at Quinn and said, “Please take care of my girl for me.”
“Will do.” Vivian hugged Quinn. I couldn’t hear what she whispered to him, but he replied “Yes. I already do.” She patted his back.
We gave one final hug and watched Vivian and Beth get in the car and drive away. We all waved as they left the parking lot. Quinn had his arms on mine and Joey’s shoulders. Joey kept yelling, “Goodbye” really loud. Poor guy, he was so upset; this was the first time Joey had someone he loved deeply move away. I comforted him and let him cry it out on my shoulder. Eventually the crying subsided and we all went upstairs to relax.
Chapter 14
Quinn
“Let me stay with you tonight, Shorty.” I insisted after we settled back upstairs. Joey went to his room and watched videos on his netbook. He seemed to recover pretty quickly, but Sandy was still havin’ a hard time dealin’ with Vivian’s move.
“I don’t know, Quinn, I -” I interrupted her
“Babe, you need someone. Let that someone be me. I promised Vivian I would take care of you. You don’t want me goin’ back on my word now, do ya?”
We were on the couch, sitting close together, my arm draped along her shoulders, she looked at me and shook her head. “No.” She sniffed.
“Shorty.” I whispered and let her cry in my chest.
I didn’t like seein’ Sandy cry. I’ve never seen her do it before and it was somethin’ I didn’t enjoy. I just hoped I was enough for her to make things better. I never thought of myself as the comforting type, but with her, somethin’ had changed. I wanted to make her sadness disappear. I wanted to be there for Joey as well. In such a short amount of time I have been feelin’ like a part of their family.
All these new feelings crashed when my cell buzzed and found a text from Carla. Fuckin’ hell. What did she want this time? I have been tryin’ so hard to get that bitch to stay away from me but she keeps comin’ back. The night of mine and Sandy’s confessions she left a text sayin’ she needed to talk with me. Again, I ignored her, but I made the decision to deal with her tomorrow. She isn’t goin’ to stop unless I stop her myself. For now, Sandy needed me and Clara could take another back seat.
Later on in the evening Sandy explained to Joey why I was stayin’ the night. He seemed pretty cool with it. I was glad she agreed because I didn’t want to leave her. We settled in bed, curled up against one another. She didn’t think it was a good idea to have sex, which was a hard thing to pass up, but I would do anything to make her feel comfortable.
“Thank you for being here.” Sandy said.
I squeezed her softly and kissed the side of her neck. It took awhile to fall asleep. I kept thinkin’ about Carla's text and what she wanted. I wasn’t sure if I should tell Sandy or not. I didn’t want her anymore upset than she was, so I kept quiet. When the time was right I would tell her more about my past.
The next morning Sandy and I made plans to take Joey to the movies. I told her I would be back to pick them up, but first had to get home, shower and talk to Pop. I hated lying, but what I really needed to do was handle Carla.
When I got cleaned up and dressed I looked at my phone. I hesitated before I hit the call button. What the fuck was I doin'? I shouldn’t be doin’ this but how the hell can I get her off my back?
“Finally!” First word shouted from Carla. “What the fuck, Quinn? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for months! Where the hell are you?”
“Calm the fuck down, will ya?” It was hard to keep my cool with her. “Things are over, Carla, you know that.” I took a seat on my bed, and swiped a hand through my hair. Just the sound of her voice aggravates me.
“Hell no, baby, you still owe me money! Seems you had forgotten that little detail.”
Shit. I should have known it was about money
.
“I don’t owe you a damn thing since you’re the one who fucked another dick.” I growled.
She scoffed. “My lawyer says differently.”
“How many times have I told you, you fucked another man, so that means you don’t get shit!” This time I yelled.
She laughed into the phone. “Wherever the hell you are you come back to Nevada and straighten this out or I’ll be filing a suit on you. You hear me? Because I don’t think you want your past coming back to haunt you. That wouldn’t be good for your fathers business, now would it?” She threatened.
Bitch had her lawyer dig up my personal information, because I never told her anything about my family. I couldn’t let her ruin Reds.
I sighed and gritted my teeth. “Anything else?”
“Oh, there is always something else, sweetie. Always.” And she hangs up.
“Fuck.” I muttered. I felt like such a pussy letting her blackmail me. Dammit, I really hated myself for ever getting involved with her.
I wasn’t sure how to get out of this mess, but I couldn’t let Sandy know. I texted her and said I had to cancel our plans because I had to leave town for a few days. My phone rang right after my text.
If Carla ever finds out about Sandy I’m afraid what she will do to her. Nothing stops her when she’s on a mission. I learned that pretty early on in our marriage. At the time I accepted her gritty flaws; she was wild, spontaneous, hard-edged, and had a temper that flared. You didn’t want to mess with her - she was a jealous bitch. Whoever came lookin’ my way she’d beat the shit out of them. I fuckin’ loved it, but when she chose to sleep with her boss I wanted nothin’ to do with her. Whatever distorted feelings I had for her went up in flames the moment I smelled sex and another mans cologne on her.
“Yeah.” I said to Sandy.
“Quinn? Really? You text me instead of calling about leaving town? What’s going on?” Sandy said, pissed off.
“Sorry, Shorty, I have no time to explain. I gotta go. I’ll be in touch.”
“What? Are you friggin; kidding me? After everything we’ve gone through? All the promises we have said to each other? We’ve had it so good lately, Quinn, don’t screw it up. Please be honest with me and tell me what’s going on.” She begged me.
I sighed. “Babe, I’m sorry. I gotta go.” I clipped at her.
“Wow. Yeah, well I’ve gotta go too. I have a little boy to take care of.” And she hangs up.
“Fuck, I’m such an ass.” I muttered to myself. I told her I’d take care of her and Joey and would never hurt them. I’d do anything to protect them so not tellin’ her my reasons was my way of protecting. I just hope to God she will forgive me one day.
I was packed within minutes. Pop was watchin’ some sports channel when I came out to tell him I was leaving.
“Pop.”
“What’s with the bag? Stayin’ the night at Sandy’s?”
“No. I’ve gotta leave town for a few days.”
“For what?”
“Not your concern. I just wanted to tell you to keep an eye out on Sandy and Joey for me.”
“Not my concern? What -” I cut him off
“Pop! I can’t tell you!
He got suspicious, and stood up. “What in Gods name are you doin, son? Are you skippin’ town on everything you’ve been buildin’ since you’ve been back? What about Sandy? And Joey!”
It was hard to look him in the eye. I was a guilty asshole. The thought of hurtin’ Sandy and Joey made me sick to my stomach.
“Sandy knows I’m leavin’ and no, I’m not skippin’ town. I have unfinished business to settle back in Nevada.”
“What kind of business?” Still sounding suspicious.
“Pop, like I said, I can’t tell you.”
He sighed. “Yeah. I’ll keep an eye on Sandy and Joey. I always do.”
Before I walked out the door I confess, “I’m in love with her, Pop.” And I left.
Chapter 15
Sandy
Thank goodness Joey was not affected too badly about Quinn bailing on us. It was me that was affected. I was hurt and very disappointed. I really thought Quinn and I were getting closer to the point where we were honest about everything. Him leaving town was so unexpected. I felt like this was the Quinn I had met in the beginning; he was so distant and secretive. I needed to know what happened. He said he would keep in touch, but did I believe him? I thought I trusted him, but now I have to question everything we have said to one another. Or was I being paranoid? Was I making a bigger deal about this than it really was? Ugh, I hated wondering. I hated feeling insecure.
I texted Quinn and asked him, “tell me this. r u coming back to us?” He didn’t respond. Something has happened. I could feel it. I was hoping I could get answers from Red. I know they weren’t on the best of terms, but I had to try anyways. After the movies Joey and I headed over to his house. Red was outside, mowing his lawn. He saw our car approach, cut off the mower, then wiped his brow, and walked toward us. Joey flew out of the car, gave Red a high five and ran around to the backyard.
“Hey, sweetheart. Glad to see you.”
“Can we talk?” I asked.
“Sure. Come on inside. You want somethin’ to drink? A soda perhaps?”
“No. I’m good, thanks.” We both head indoors.
“The weather is mighty fine today. Glad to see the rain eased up this week.” Red mentioned as we walked into the kitchen. “Have a seat.”
We both sat down at the dining table. “Red, you must know why I’m here.”
He nodded his head, then took a drink of his water. “Yeah. I do.”
“Do you know what’s going on? Did Quinn give you any indication why he left so abruptly?”
“I wish I had better news for ya, Sandy, but I don’t. He doesn’t confide in me. We don’t exactly have heart to heart moments anymore - we haven’t for a long time.”
“Because of what happened to Jake, right?” I asked.
He exhaled. “Haven’t talked about him for years.”
“Do you still blame Quinn?”
Reds eyes shot up at me. He looked shocked, angry.
“Is that what he told ya?”
I nod yes.
“Dammit. I never blamed my boy. Never.” He pounds his fist into the table, which made me flinch. “Yes, I had a hard time dealin’ with Jake’s death and distanced myself from everyone, but never did I blame Quinn. It was an accident. A terrible accident. His mother, on the other hand, felt differently. I can’t speak for her so I’ll just leave her out of this. But I will say that she was weak; frail. Even before Jake’s death. This just pushed her over the edge. Quinn blamed himself, darlin’, and went down the wrong path. He chose to stay far away as possible from me. I did what any father would do when things got tough. I tried to help him but I couldn’t stand seein’ him ruin his life anymore so I had to turn away. Had to let him clean up his own shit.”
“Is that why I never knew about Quinn? About your sons?”
“Yeah. To me, Quinn was as good as dead. He should have been, considering what he went through. What he did with himself.”
His confession was so hard to take in. I could still see the pain in his eyes when he talked about the past - just like Quinn.
“Red, I wish there was something I could do to help. Seeing both of you, in pain, after all these years is heartbreaking.” I quietly said.
He moved to a chair closer to mine. “Sweetheart, you’ve been helpin’. You have brought love back into my sons life. You’ve brought happiness that he deserves. I’ve been waitin’ a long, long time for this. That’s why I told him to get his ass back here.”
I was confused. “What do you mean by that?”
“My plan, all along, was for you two to meet up. To fall in love. I wasn’t really plannin’ on retiring. It was all a setup for Quinn. I wanted him to find love. I wanted you to be loved, and for Joey to have a father. I knew in my heart you both would be good for one another. That’s how
much I love Quinn. How much you and Joey mean to me. You’re like family.”
I gasped. “Seriously?” I whispered. “How would you even know we’d get involved?”
“Because I know my son. It’s that simple. And knowin’ you, darlin’, you wouldn’t take his shit. I knew you’d eventually get to him. I just knew.”
We sat in silence for a minute or so. I was trying to reel my brain around the idea that Red knew Quinn and I would find one another.
“I don’t know what to say, Red.”
“Do you love my son, Sandy?” He asked unexpectedly.
“I - I want to believe I do, but I’ve never been in love before.”
“Darlin’, I can see how you are with him. How you see him when he’s with Joey. There is no doubt in my mind, that you love m - my boy.” Red choked. His eyes filled with tears. I put my hands on top of his. I felt his love for his son. It was real, it was strong. My eyes watered up. I couldn’t deny anything. It was true - I was in love with Quinn.
“I do love him.” I whispered.
Red didn’t have to say anything. He already knew.
“He went back to Nevada. Said he had unfinished business. Not sure what about.”
“Do you think he’ll come back?”
“Yes.”
“You seem sure about that.”
“Cuz, I am, sweetheart. I am.”
Telling Red I loved Quinn was a strange feeling. I never admitted those feelings to myself until that very moment. For the first time in my life I truly loved a man. I wasn’t sure where to go from here because the man I loved was not around.
I was so worried about Quinn. I wanted to know if he was okay, but he still hadn’t texted me back. Two days went by and still no response. Why would he jump up and leave without seeing me first? It hurt to know that he couldn’t confide in me if something was bothering him. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he left that morning. Unless something happened when he got home and he couldn’t say goodbye? If only I knew what the unfinished business thing was.