by TJWEST
I could barely function at work because he was always on my mind; I checked my phone every few minutes just to see if Quinn left me a message. I was becoming obsessed, which was so unlike me, but I was in love, and the man I loved was unreachable.
Hurt turned into anger by the third day. He said he would keep in touch, but hadn’t. Doesn’t he realize what he’s doing? He didn’t just leave me behind, he left my son. I knew I shouldn’t have let them get close. Joey was already asking me when Quinn will be coming over to play video games. How many times can I tell Joey, “Quinn is out of town on business.” How long will that go on?
Red has been taking care of Joey for me since he’s been on spring break this week. I was ready to leave Quinn’s office and pick up Joey, when Peta stormed in.
“So what’s the story, boss?” Peta asks, as she sits on the edge of the desk.
“Please, do not call me that.” I chuckle.
“So, no Quinn yet?”
“I can’t do this anymore, Peta.” I sigh out of frustration and sit down at the desk chair. “Three days of no contact, whatsoever. I have to find out where he is.”
“Are you thinking of going to Nevada?”
“Yeah, I am, actually.”
“You think that’s a good idea? Is he worth it?”
I snap my head up. “Yes, he is, Peta.” I rudely glare.
“Okay!” She holds up her hands in defense. “Okay, I get it, but is hunting him down the right thing to do? I don’t want you to get hurt by him, Sandy.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, but I’m in love with him, and I don’t know what else to do.” I lean over the desk and bury my face into my hands. I look up and ask, “What would you do?”
“Oh no. You’re barking up the wrong tree, my friend.” Peta chuckled. “You know I don’t do well in that department.” She jumps off the desk. “I’ve had so many failed relationships I could write my own, ‘What not to do’ relationship novel.” Before she walked out the office she says, “Just be careful, alright? If he hurts you in any way I won’t hesitate to kick him in the nuts. I’ve taken lots of kick boxing, if you remember.” She pulls me into a hug and leaves.
I sit back and think about my hunting Quinn down and have second thoughts about the whole idea. I can’t just up and leave Joey. What kind of mother does that? No, I have to stay put and spend the rest of the week with him. I’ll take tomorrow off and do something fun with him. He deserves a day with me. I sure as hell need it is as well.
My phone vibrates as I get ready to turn on my car. It’s from Quinn. “almost home. i miss ya shorty X.
I stare at the text. I’m not sure what to feel; relief? Thrilled? Insanely pissed? I have a lot of emotions going through my heart right now and it’s all so very confusing. I love him, but I hate him. I’m missing him so much, but I also want to kill him for making me this way. I don’t do the insecure thing - Ever! I don’t like how it affects my head. Ugh, he’s so frustrating! He says he misses me. Great way to show it - Asshole.
*****
I pull up to Reds house and see Quinn and Joey running around. They’re throwing a football to one another. Football? Joey has never been interested in the sport. Then again, he’s never had a male companion, other than Red, to throw a ball around with.
God he looks friggin’ sexy. Tight black jeans, with tight black shirt, with his amazing muscles
protruding. Does this man have any external flaws? Why must I get so hot and heavy for him when I’m down right pissed off! I just can’t help it. He makes me feel things that turn me upside down and inside out. Okay, i’ve got to get out of the car. Joey sees me.
“Mom! Quinn is back! Quinn is back!” He says excitedly, jumping up and down.
I see Quinn flipping the ball up and down, staring at me. I give my son a big hug and walk slowly toward him. I don’t give him a hug, or say hi, I don’t do anything, but stand in front of him, staring back. He’s still flipping that damn ball - it’s driving me crazy. He has a smug look on his face that I want to slap off. Not a bad idea, I think to myself.
“Joey, go inside, get something to eat. I want to talk with Quinn.” He does what I tell him and runs inside. From the corner of my eye I see Red peeking through his window. Good. Let him watch.
Once I know Joey’s out of earshot, I look deeply into Quinn’s eyes and smack him across the face. I may be short and he may be tall, but my anger takes over any size. Quinn’s face barely turned from my hand, but he looked stunned.
“What the fuck, Shorty?” He groaned.
With my hands on my hips, looking straight up at him I yell, “Don’t Shorty me, Quinn! Do you have any idea what you put me through? Do you?!” I don’t let him get a word in. “Where the hell have you been? You haven’t called me in three days! Three days! Not once did you have the decency to pull out your cell to call me and tell me you’re okay! You left on a whim and didn’t even give a shit about how it would affect me and Joey. You’re such an ass, Quinn! Such an ass.” I turn away from him, walking to a bench that is near. I sit down, lean on my knees, and try my damndest not to cry.
Quinn sits besides me. He exhales and says, “I am so sorry, Shorty.”
“Are you Quinn? Really?” I clip at him. “I have never, in my life, felt so unlike myself. I’ve been this insecure little girl that has been doubting everything we’ve shared in the last few months. My phone has been stuck to the palm of my hand, wishing there was one little message letting me know that you were thinking of me. Thinking of Joey.” I sniff and wipe away a tear. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming back.”
I see him swipe his very thick, gorgeous hair, with his ever so masculine hand, away from his forehead. He then leans back against the bench; he turns his body toward mine and moves a strand of my hair away from my face. I want to slap his hand, but I don’t. The slightest touch always gets me.
“Please don’t cry. You have every right to be angry with me, but I don’t deserve your tears.”
“What?” I question him.
“You’re right. I’m an ass. I should have called, should have texted you back. I shouldn’t have left you wonderin’ when, or if, I was comin’ back. It kills me to see you cryin’ over me. You’re too good for me, Shorty. You deserve better.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you saying I deserve better, or I’m too good for you? What kind of shit talk is that?”
“It means I’m a dick. It means I don’t like seein’ you hurt over a dick like me. I screwed up, Shorty. I made a decision and didn’t talk to you about it first. I left you. I left Joey. I shouldnt’ have done that.”
I put my hands on his knees and squeezed them. His eyes closed from my touch. “No, you shouldn’t have made that choice without talking to me first, but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve me, Quinn. You’re not the only one who’s ever screwed things over.”
Quinn takes my hands into his oversized ones and rubs the back of them with his thumbs. His touch makes me shiver.
“I wasn’t thinkin’. Things back in Nevada got complicated and I had to make the rash movement to handle it. I’m not used to bringin’ my personal shit into someone else’s life. I didn’t want you involved.” He said quietly. Still rubbing my hands.
“But I want to be involved. That’s what being in a relationship is all about. Being honest with one another. Trusting one another. Not hiding their past, or their secrets. You need to start trusting me, and I need to start trusting you. If we don’t have trust, or honesty we have no business being together. It breaks my heart to even say that but it’s true.” I look down at our hands. His are so big they swallow mine up. I love it.
“Hell, Shorty, of course I trust you, and you can trust me -”
“Can I? Can I really trust you?” I say slowly.
“Yes. You have my word on that.”
“You left without telling me where, Quinn.”
“Yeah. That was fucked up, I’m sorry. But you have to understand, I didn’t mean to do
it to hurt you. I did it to protect you.”
I shook my head. “Protect me? Protect me from what?”
He squeezed his eyes shut and muttered, “Fuck.” Then he narrowed his eyes on me and said, “My ex-wife.”
Chapter 16
Quinn
I don’t know what I was thinkin’ not tellin’ her where I was headed. Most of all I regret not contacting her back. I’m the biggest ass of all asses. It all hit me, literally, after she slapped me; her wild, green eyes were full of hurt, anger, and bitter disappointment. I knew I had fucked up.
One thing though, I couldn’t let Carla get near Sandy. The minute I stepped foot onto my property all hell broke loose.
What the hell? Carla was sittin’ on my porch as I was pullin’ up to my driveway. I skidded my bike to a halt, took my helmet off and set it on the seat. I briskly walk up to her. She stands from her crouched position, wipes her hands on her tight black leggings and waits for me to approach.
I used love how this woman dressed; her usual attire consists of tight leggings, short skirts, tall ass heels, and tops that don’t hide much. She loves to make a statement and knows she can get a good lay by wearing skanky clothes. I want to beat myself for ever thinkin’ she was sexy. Now I find her unclassy. Sandy has a done a number on me - because of her, I’ll never go back to skanks.
As I approach, she smooths out her long over-bleached blonde hair, swiping it from side to side, and takes off her sunglasses. My hands scrunch up into fists I’m so pissed, but her seein’ me this way will only feed her to manipulate me more. So I try to stay as cool as possible.
“You better have a good reason to be on my property, Carla.” I said low and angry.
She gives me a one sided smirk and turns her head ever so slightly for me to notice a shiner.
“Baby, don’t be that way. I’m only here because I knew you’d show up here first.”
“I want you gone.”
She chuckles. “Huh, I don’t think so. We have things to talk about, remember?”
“We can talk with our lawyers present.”
“Ah, that’s the thing, baby, I don’t really have a lawyer anymore. Can’t afford one.” She sulkily mentioned.
“You see, I knew you were playin’ games with me.”
“I ain’t playin’ games! I need money that I know you have!”
“Hell no.” I clipped at her. I walked past her toward my front door. I unlocked it and took a long look before I walked completely inside. Carla was right behind me. I wanted her gone, but I knew she wasn’t gonna leave.
The place was dark and smelled a bit musty from being closed up for so long. I quickly opened the living room curtains and cracked open the window. Everything seemed to be in order. Leavin’
Carla behind I checked the rest of the house. No disturbances from what I could tell. I came back to find Carla seated on my couch, applying coverup to her eye.
“Who gave you the shiner?” I asked, even though I didn’t give a shit. I don’t want to get near her so I stand on the other side of the coffee table. I cross my arms, and scowl at at her.
She snaps the coverup case and places it back into her purse. “Hmm. All of sudden you give a damn?”
“No, I don’t give a damn, but me being a man, I don’t like seein’ women get beat up, even if it is you.”
“Well if you really want to know, it was Jimmy.”
Just hearin’ his name makes my skin crawl. He’s the fucker who screwed Carla when we were married. I sighed and made my way to the kitchen. I needed a fuckin’ beer. I found a couple bottles in the fridge and popped one open. I came back to the living room and sat down in my black leather chair, across from the couch. I took a nice long swig of the brew. The taste was fuckin’ great.
Carla scoffed. “You not gonna offer me one?”
“What the fuck do you want, Carla? You didn’t come here to chat about good ole times, you came here to get money outta me. It’s not gonna happen. You find another pimp for your stash.” I stated, as I took another drink.
“I’m not here for drug money!”
I laughed without humor. “That’s a load of crap cuz that’s all you ever needed the money for. I spent plenty of my earnin’s for your habit. I’m not helpin’ anymore. You’ve got Jimmy for that.”
“Do you not see what Jimmy did to me, do ya?” She replied, pointing at her shiner. “I can’t go back to him! Not after this! And I can’t go back to the club either. I need the money to get outta town, Quinn.”
“You know, if only you told me this over the phone, I would have responded so much differently, don’t you think?”
“No. I don’t think you would have. You hate me for dicken with someone else.” She said quietly.
“Yeah. Got that right, babe, but you threatenin’ my Pops restaurant was fucked.”
“I didn’t have a choice, Quinn. I had to think of something to get you back here. Learnin’ about the joint made me rethink my options. I need money. And I know you got it.”
“I can’t help, Carla. I don’t trust you. I’m sure you have plenty of other men you can hook up with who will fall for your cryin’ game.”
Carla stood up in a flash and yelled, “You cold hearted sonofabitch! I meant somethin’ to you back in the day! I was the love of your life -”
I stood up and yelled back, cutting her off. “You were never the love of my life! You played your manipulated games with me and had me help you buy yourself coke! I watched you over and over again, tryin’ to kill yourself! And then, you screw me over with your dead beat boss who likes to beat women. You could never be the love of my life. I know what true love is. I have it. And she’s the best goddamn thing that has ever happened in my life. If it wasn’t for her I’d still be hookin’ up with whores like you!” Fuck! I didn’t mean to mention Sandy.
Carla narrowed her silent, but deadly eyes at me. They were menacing. “What the fuck did you just say? You’re in love with someone else?”
I exhaled and calmly replied, “Yeah.”
“Who the fuck is she?” Carla, seething.
I knew that look. I knew that tone in her voice. Carla is lethal when it comes to other women. Without answering I brush shoulders with her and walk into the kitchen. I place my beer in the recycle bin and grab another bottle from the fridge.
“I asked you who this bitch was!”
I could have killed her for calling Sandy a bitch, but I wasn’t goin’ let her know how much I despised it. I pop open my second beer while Carla was waitin’ for my answer. “None of your damn business.” I took another long swig of the beer. I crossed her path and went straight for the front door. Opening the screen door I said, “Get the hell out, Carla.”
Heels were clinkin’ on the hardwood floor as she huffed her way towards the couch. She picked up her purse, swung it over her shoulder, and stopped in front of me. “This ain’t over, Quinn.”
“No. You’re wrong. We’re done. I don’t wanna see or hear from you ever again, because believe me when I say, I will make your life a living hell. More so than it is right now.You got that?” I threatened.
“You haven’t seen the last of me, no matter what you say.” Carla hissed. She rushed out of my house, and quickly got in her car and squealed away.
I slammed my door and finished my beer. I had no idea where to go from here. I had to take a day to figure out what my next step would be and then I would head back to Sandy. Even though Carla took all the energy outta me, I decided to go through all the unpaid bills and make some local calls. After an hour of dealin’ with shit I went to the store and grabbed some stuff for dinner. I’m not much of a cook, but I made myself a decent meal and sat outside drinkin’ another beer, watchin’ the sunset.
Fuck, how I missed Sandy. How I already missed her boy. My family was back in San Diego and here I was sittin’ in the middle of nowhere and wantin’ to be with them. I missed the softness of her body, sweet smell of her hair, the taste of her mouth and the wetness in betwe
en her legs. I fuckin’ needed her like I needed to breathe.
“Wow.” Sandy said softly, after I explained the story between me and Carla. I was trying to figure out what she was thinkin’. Her eyes weren’t tellin’ me.
When I looked up at her, she was facing down at our hands. They were entwined like roots. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around her, but wasn’t sure if she’d allow that. Not after what I just told her.
“You’re killin’ me here, Shorty. Tell me what you’re thinkin’.” I begged her.
“I - I don’t know what to say. I mean, she sounds awful, Quinn. She sounds like she’s not going to give up without a fight -” I had to interrupt her.
“Shorty. No, no that isn’t gonna happen. She’s a junkie who was only lookin’ for dough so she could spend it on shit.”
“I believe that, Quinn, I do, it’s just…..” She shook her head and sighed. “Did you do drugs with her?”
“What?” I can’t believe she would even think I’d consider usin’, but it was a fair question. “Babe, no. Never touched the stuff. I’m ashamed at my past, Shorty. You gotta believe me.
Sandy untangled our fingers, and wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold. “Of course I believe you. I just have a bad feeling about all of this. I don’t know why, but I do.”
I put both hands on her upper arms and looked deep into her eyes. “Shorty, I promise you, nothin’ is gonna happen. Carla can’t hurt us.”
I wasn’t done convincing Sandy that Carla was no threat, but she immediately got distracted when Joey yelled from the front door. “Mom!”
She stood up and waved Joey over. “Over here, son.”
“Mr. Red wants to know if we’re staying for dinner?” Joey asked with hope in his eyes.
“Um, not tonight, Joey. I need to get home. It’s been a long day.”
Damn. I didn’t like the sound in her voice. She sounded defeated and there was nothin’ I wanted more than to take that sound away. I was hopin’ she’d re-consider dinner so we could talk more, but I knew she needed time away from me. That thought crushed me. It burned me to the core and I hated it.