Spellcheck (The Kitchen Witch Book 7): Witch Cozy Mystery Series

by Morgana Best

  “Why was that?” I asked her.

  “Don’t you know anything?” she said, more as a question than an insult. “That’s how you get leeches off you. You either throw a handful of salt on them, or you light a match and hold it on the leech. Then they let go. Bam!” She clapped her hands together. “Haven’t you ever been bitten by leech?”

  I had to admit that I hadn’t.

  “It’s not nice, being bitten by a leech. Horrible things.”

  I wondered how to bring the subject back to Celia. “So you were friends with Celia when you were young and then you had a falling out later?” I sure hoped the question wouldn’t push her over the edge.

  Edith’s face went a strange shade of pale blue, so much so, that I feared she was going to have a stroke. “She stole my Frank from me. We were getting married. He’d even ordered all the timber for the house he was building for us. He’d paid for it and everything. Our wedding was only months away and then she stole him from me.”

  “How?” I was intrigued.

  “That’s a question that’s plagued me all these years,” Edith said sadly. “I can’t figure it out. I just can’t figure it out. Do you know, after all these years it still keeps me awake at night. I just can’t figure it out,” she said for the umpteenth time. “Still, men are weak. They’re only after one thing, aren’t they?” She slumped back in her chair, and for a minute I thought she had fallen asleep.

  Edith opened her eyes again and then looked around the room wildly. “Perhaps she blackmailed him,” she said after a moment. “Perhaps she knew something about him.”

  I wondered if that was a clue that would lead somewhere. “Did Celia blackmail people as a rule?”

  Edith reached back into the box and took out a cupcake. She ate it ever so slowly, while looking out the window. When she had finished, she pulled an embroidered white linen handkerchief from her pocket and dabbed at the corners of her mouth. I was about to repeat the question, when she answered. “Celia liked upsetting people. I don’t know if she ever blackmailed people for money, but she just enjoyed upsetting people.”

  “That’s terrible,” I said.

  Edith nodded weakly. “She was an evil person, evil. She was very clever, and she was always watching. She always knew everything about everyone. She pretended to be nice to people and then they’d confide in her, and then she used their secrets against them.” She stared out the window again for a time. “She just wanted to know everybody’s business and she always found out.”

  “Like who?” I said, trying not to sound too eager.

  “Like Jane,” Edith said. “She is one of the nicest nurses here. Celia found out she was having an affair with Dr Grant.”

  “How did she find out?” Thyme asked her. “Did Jane confide in her?”

  “Of course not,” Edith snapped. “It’s obvious to all of us that the two of them are having an affair. He’s married, you know, but we’ve never seen his wife. Still, he wears a wedding ring. They’re all over each other, those two.”

  “What, in front of you all?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Yes. Most people think we’re all silly fools who can’t see what’s going on right in front of our noses. Still, it’s none of my business and I think the others felt the same, apart from Celia. She spied on them at every opportunity and would even follow Jane around the rooms. Then she blackmailed Jane.”

  I was horrified. “For money?”

  Edith pursed her lips. “I don’t think so, or Celia would have bragged about it. She made Jane buy her brandy and chocolates. Jane was always giving her stuff. Celia said she’d call the doctor’s wife and tell her if she didn’t.”

  “But how would Celia get the doctor’s wife’s number?” Thyme asked her.

  “Celia knew her way around this place,” Edith said. “Make no mistake about that. She enjoyed seeing Jane upset. She enjoyed seeing anyone upset.”

  “Did she blackmail anyone else?” I asked her.

  Edith either didn’t hear my question, or was too busy concentrating on the matter of Jane. “You know, Celia told me she was going to tell Dr Grant’s wife anyway. She just liked seeing people suffer.”

  “But wouldn’t that make her supply of alcohol and chocolates dry up?” I asked her.

  Edith shrugged. “Maybe she was blackmailing somebody else.”

  “And was she?” I asked.

  Edith shrugged again. “I don’t know. She didn’t brag about it, though. Still, I’m sure there were things she was keeping even from me.”

  The conversation hadn’t upset Edith so far, so I thought I’d risk asking more. “Clearly there was no love lost between you and Celia, after she stole your Frank. Paul said that Celia insisted on being moved to this nursing home just so she could be near you.” I would have said more, but Edith interrupted me.

  “See! That’s what she was like. She loved seeing people suffer. It made her day. She wanted to move here, so she could gloat about Frank.” She lifted one feeble finger and pointed to a framed photograph by her bed. “That’s Frank, there. Would you get me the photo?”

  I walked over and picked up the photo and then handed it to Edith. She looked at it for a moment and then handed it back to me. The old black and white photo was of a tall, handsome man in a wide brimmed hat, leaning against a stockyard fence. A horse in a huge stock saddle was tied to the rails, and a keen-looking red kelpie stood beside his legs. “He was a very handsome man,” I said.

  Edith sniffled, and then dabbed at her eyes with her handkerchief. “That’s the only photo I have of him. Celia found the others and destroyed them.”

  Thyme and I gasped in unison. “She didn’t!” Thyme said in horror.

  Edith took a few moments to compose herself. “That’s the sort of person she was. I wanted her dead. I’m glad she’s dead. Do you think God will strike me down?”

  “No,” I said vehemently. Celia was clearly some sort of psychopath who enjoyed living off the distress of others.

  “Yes, she searched my room, looking for more photographs of him, but after she destroyed the first photograph, I asked one of the nurses to hide this for me.”

  I shook my head, horrified at what this poor woman had been through at Celia’s hands.

  There was a brief knock on the door, and then a nurse stuck her head around. “Edith, it’s time for your game of Scrabble.”

  Edith brightened up at once. “Well, enjoy your cupcakes,” I said.

  Edith thanked me. As Thyme and I walked back to the car, Thyme said, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

  “That Celia’s murderer will get off on the grounds of justifiable homicide?”

  Thyme shook her head. “That Jane had a motive for murder.”

  “But would someone really murder someone for that reason?” I asked her, keeping my voice down when we passed a group of residents. “Do you really think Jane murdered Celia so she wouldn’t tell the doctor’s wife about the two of them?”

  “It’s a possibility we can’t discount,” Thyme said. “And you saw how Jane simply couldn’t stand Celia. She saw Celia bullying all the other residents, too.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” I said. “But I like Jane. I don’t want to think of her as a murderer.”

  Chapter 16

  I was relieved to get home. It had been a hard day; in fact, it had been a hard week. I figured I’d have a nice long bubble bath, and make myself look presentable before everyone came over for dinner. We were ordering in pizzas.

  Willow and Hawthorn were sitting on the front steps, washing their paws. “Hello, have you guys come out here to greet me?”

  They completely ignored me. “Typical!” I said to them. I unlocked the front door and walked in. I put my car keys on the hall table and headed for my bedroom when I paused. What was that that was in the living room? I turned around and went back in. There, to my amazement, was a treadmill, and a large treadmill at that. The house was watching The Biggest Loser and the volume was high. “Could
you please turn that down?” I asked the house.

  The house obliged, although only turned the volume down to half. It was still too loud. “If you think I’m getting on that treadmill, then you have another think coming,” I informed the house. I just couldn’t believe it. The house was getting a little carried away. What if the house started watching The Walking Dead? I shuddered. I would have to buy a box set of something benign, like The Little House on the Prairie, or The Waltons.

  I headed for my bedroom, with the thought of a long, hot bath beckoning to me, when the living room door slammed shut. “Oh no you don’t!” I said to the house. “I am not getting on the treadmill!”

  I tried to turn the door handle, but the door wouldn’t budge. I crossed to the window and tried to open it. It, too, was stuck fast. “This is not funny!” I said loudly. That was when I noticed the set of bathroom scales on the floor. “Where did you even get this stuff?”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “You let me out of here right now, Grandmother! I have guests coming—I have to get everything ready.” I walked back to the door, but it was still shut. Clearly, we were at an impasse. “Okay, if I get on the treadmill for three minutes, will you open the door?” The house shuddered. “Okay, five minutes, but I refuse to run.”

  There was no reaction from the house, so I walked over to the treadmill. I saw the house had placed my gym shoes on it. “I give up!” I snapped. I pulled them on and then set the timer on my iPad which I slid into one of the compartments in front of the treadmill. “I’m only doing five minutes, and at a walk, and that’s that.” I gripped the side of the treadmill in case the house got carried away.

  I turned the treadmill on, hoping that the house wouldn’t make it go faster. To my relief, I was able to set it at a walking pace. I soon realised how unfit I was. The five minutes seemed to stretch on forever. My iPhone pinged the alarm, and I turned it off. I turned off the treadmill, but it kept going. I pulled out the magnetic safety catch, but that didn’t help either. The treadmill just kept going.

  “A deal is a deal!” I said to the house. The house creaked, which sounded like a long groan, and the treadmill stopped. Right then, the door flung open. “Thank you,” I said. “Please find yourself something else to watch.”

  With that, I hurried to my bedroom as fast as I could, before the house changed its mind. I had no time to ponder on the strange matter of the treadmill, because everyone was expected soon. I ran the bath and poured in a copious measure of lavender bath salts. I threw in some salt and some Epsom salts as well, and then some powdered dill herb. I was accustomed to throwing in dill, because it was a protective measure against both love curses and financial curses.

  Soon I was luxuriating in the hot water. All the tension slowly left my neck and I let out a sigh of delight. I only hoped Camino didn’t insist we all wear onesies. I lay in the bath for ages, occasionally topping it up with hot water. Finally, I psyched myself up to get out of it. As I climbed out of the bath, I inadvertently splashed water on Willow and Hawthorn. They both hissed at me in disgust and hurried out of the room.

  I had only just had time to throw on some clothes when there was a knock at the door. I grabbed my iPhone and looked at the time. This was too early for the guests. I hoped it wasn’t the police here to arrest me. With my heart in my mouth, I hurried to the door, but to my great relief it was Alder.

  “I’m early,” he said.

  I stood back to let him in. “I can see that,” I said with a laugh. “But I’m not complaining.”

  Before I had a chance to say anything else, Alder pulled me into a long kiss. I linked my fingers around his neck and kissed him back, but we were forestalled by another knock on the door. I made a sad face and opened the door. It was Camino, standing there in a strange green onesie.

  “I saw Alder arrive, so I thought the party had started,” she said.

  I stared at her onesie, which was various shades of green, but appeared to have no obvious shape to it. “What does that onesie represent?” I asked her in confusion.

  “Oh, I’m a weed,” she said proudly.

  “A weed?” I echoed.

  Camino nodded. “Weeds get such bad press. I decided to make a weed onesie to honour weeds. Did you know, people only call plants ‘weeds’ when they don’t know what they’re used for? They could be very valuable plants, medicinal, even, but people call them weeds. It’s just not quite right, is it?”

  I didn’t know what to say, but realised I was standing there with my mouth open. Finally, I found my voice. “Did you say you made that yourself?”

  Camino nodded, pride evident on her face. “Yes, I’ve decided to make my own onesies now. It’s just so hard getting the onesies I want these days. The ones you can buy in the stores are all far too common.”

  I didn’t think the onesies I had seen Camino wearing before could be called common. In fact, they were anything but. I showed Camino and Alder into the living room. “You bought a treadmill?” Alder said in shock.

  I shook my head. “I have no idea where that treadmill came from. I came home this afternoon and found that treadmill, along with the scales here.” I pointed to the bathroom scales next to the treadmill. “It’s all quite ominous, you see. The house is binge watching The Biggest Loser.”

  Alder muffled a laugh. “And the house wants you to be a contestant on The Biggest Loser, no doubt.”

  I smiled ruefully. “I’m afraid so. The house made me walk on the treadmill for five minutes before she let me out of the room.”

  “I certainly hope she doesn’t start on me,” Camino said in alarm. “And I knew that the house could make rooms appear and disappear, but a treadmill? That’s really strange.”

  “You’re telling me!” I said with feeling.

  Camino looked out the window. “The others are here,” she said.

  I went to the door and opened it, and stood there until Ruprecht, Mint, and Thyme walked along the pathway to the door. “Alder and Camino are here already,” I told them.

  All three of them gasped when they saw the treadmill. “You didn’t tell me you bought a treadmill!” Thyme said in an accusing tone.

  I sighed. “I didn’t buy a treadmill. The house mysteriously put it here and she’s trying to torture me with it. I was just telling the others. She made me walk on it for five minutes before she let me out of the room.”

  The others seemed to find it all too funny. “You won’t find it so funny when she makes you go on it,” I said, and they stopped laughing instantly.

  Ruprecht clapped his hands. “Let’s all order pizza and get this party on the road.”

  We had a general discussion as to which pizzas we wanted, and then I ordered online. “I haven’t had a chance to tell anyone what Thyme and I found out from Edith this afternoon,” I said.

  Ruprecht looked up. “Did you get some good information?”

  I bit my lip. “I don’t know if it’s too useful, but Edith said that Celia liked to threaten people and blackmail them.”

  “Tell them the good bit,” Thyme said. “Edith said that Celia was blackmailing Jane, making Jane bring her stuff like brandy and chocolates. She said Jane was having an affair with one of the married doctors.”

  “And she also said that Celia was going to tell the doctor’s wife soon,” I added.

  “That certainly does give Jane a motive,” Ruprecht said.

  I stopped Hawthorn scratching the side of a chair. “Surely not enough for her to murder Celia over?”

  “In all my time as a private detective, I’ve heard of people murdered for less motive,” Alder said.

  “I have some other news,” Thyme said shyly. When she didn’t speak again for a few moments, I prompted her. “What is it?”

  Thyme looked down at Hawthorn, and stroked his coat. “I just happened to run into Constable Dawson this afternoon, and he told me that these new detectives are useless.”

  “He didn’t say they’re going to try to pin the murder on me?” I said
in alarm.

  Thyme frowned. “He said they’re in a hurry to pin it on the first likely person they can. He said they’re both annoyed at being here and want to get back to Sydney.”

  I was annoyed. “But can they do that?”

  Silence fell over the group for a few moments. I jumped when my phone vibrated. I looked at the screen. “That’s the text from the pizza place. They’ll be here in fifteen minutes.”

  “I think we should investigate Jane, to see if she really is having an affair with the doctor,” Camino said. “If she is, then we can look at her more closely as a suspect.”

  “But surely Edith wasn’t mistaken about Jane supplying Celia with alcohol and chocolates,” I said. “I saw Celia drinking from a hip flask. Someone was supplying her with alcohol, and I doubt it was Paul.”

  Ruprecht stroked his chin. “We have to be as careful as we can in this investigation and not jump to any conclusions. I think we do need to see whether Jane and the doctor are actually having an affair. That certainly is worth investigating.”

  “But how can we find out if she’s having an affair?” I asked him. “Do you think we should follow her? She might be only seeing the doctor at Happy Valley Gardens, and not outside there. We can’t really hang around the nursing home all the time hoping to catch a glimpse of them together.”

  Ruprecht nodded. “True. Did you find out the doctor’s name?”

  “Dr Grant.” I fetched my iPad from the coffee table. “I’ll see if I can find out where he lives.”

  “And find out where Jane lives, too,” Alder said.

  The pizzas arrived before I found out where either of them lived. In fact, I didn’t think their addresses were online. “Amelia, eat some pizza and don’t worry about that now,” Alder said. “It’s not good to skip meals and you’ve been working so hard lately.”

  I smiled at his concern, and selected a piece of pizza. It sure tasted good. Ruprecht suddenly pulled a face, and Camino jumped up and thumped him on the back hard. “Why did you do that?” Ruprecht said in amazement.

  “I thought you were choking,” she said.