Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller

by Demelza Carlton

  Part 52

  I saved the lingerie shopping for last. Nathan made appreciative noises when I showed him some of the clothes, but it was the sexier stuff I wanted him to see.

  I deliberately took him to the lingerie shop with notoriously bad service. The teenagers at the counter only served their friends and ignored everyone else. In the past, it had annoyed me beyond belief, but today their inattention was perfect.

  After several unsuccessful attempts to get their attention, Nathan agreed to help me fasten things. No matter how much he averted his eyes, I knew the mirrors would make sure he saw everything.

  The longing in his eyes as he stared at the red satin padded one made me smother a smile as I set it on the pile of items I wanted. He swallowed as if his mouth was dry for the black lace. I added that to the pile, too.

  He didn’t seem to like the patterned ones as much and one didn’t fit very well, either. A little bit too much padding, perhaps. He shuddered at the black and red one I thought quite pretty, but I set it aside. He seemed to grow more and more agitated as I switched to some plain satin ones and I opened my mouth to ask why

  Of course, that’s when the stupid shop assistant decided to try to be helpful. “Can I help you with anything?” she simpered, shoving the curtain open without caring whether I was naked or decent.

  I quickly slipped a sweet little chemise over my head.

  “Oh, thank God!” Nathan exclaimed. I could see his hands shaking, but his eyes were on her and not me.

  I glanced at the bulge in the front of his pants and tried to distract the shop assistant before she noticed, too. I handed her the pile of items Nathan had expressed his appreciation over and asked her to get me matching knickers for the lot. Nathan adjusted himself while her eyes were on me.

  “You look beautiful in that one,” he murmured, as soon as she was out of earshot.

  I tried not to cheer – no matter how much I wanted to – as I asked him to assist me back into my own clothes.

  Once dressed, I snatched up the chemise that Nathan had admired. I intended to wear it tonight – and see how long he could resist.

  Part 53

  Her – Tied – Alanna – Chris – Personal

  "My husband is weak. He wants you, but he hasn't given in to temptation yet."

  I blinked at the torch she shone into my eyes. I didn't uncurl from my foetal ball.

  I saw her lift her shoulders in a shrug. "He will. You look too much like me. He'll never dominate me, for he's too weak. Perhaps I should watch when he takes you." The torch played over my body. "So dirty, though." She shuddered.

  "So give me a shower and a change of clothes," I said hoarsely.

  "You won't live long enough to need one," she said softly. "It's only a matter of time. He killed the last one. The ASIO boy's twin. She fought too hard."

  Realisation hit – I knew who she meant. Found dead on a beach, bloodied and broken. The bloke who found her had talked to the news and he'd looked green.

  "Alanna," I blurted out. "He killed Alanna."

  She shrugged again. "Was that her name? I didn't care to find out. Like her, you won't last long."

  "I just have to last long enough to kill you," I rasped.

  "You won't get a chance. The one you call Chris – he'll kill you first. To save his family, he thinks." She laughed. "He can't save his family." She walked to the door. "It's not personal. He could have picked anyone. It didn't matter to me. It'll all be over soon."

  The hell it isn't personal. It is to me. This is my body they're hurting. It may not be personal to you yet, but I'll sure as hell make it personal when I kill you, bitch.

  Part 54

  "How many?" A pause. "I’ll take care of it. Let them in."

  My hand hovered over the just-pressed flush button when I heard Nathan’s low voice in the hallway. I froze, stunned, as the water swirled around the bowl.

  Nathan burst in on me, kicking the door shut behind him. I felt his whole body tense as it crushed me against the wall. His hand silenced the shocked scream that wanted to escape from my mouth. I swallowed it down. Fear had no place in my head when it was swiftly replaced with fury.

  You bastard. Tell me you didn’t just…

  He was breathing heavily, desperation in his expression.

  I gazed steadily back into his panicked eyes, trying to decide what my next action should be.

  Nathan carefully took his hand away from my mouth, his look apologetic.

  Oh no you don’t...The hell you're handing me over to them!

  I forced myself to relax in his grip, dropping my head and closing my eyes, from fierce to pitiful in a moment. I took a calculated risk, distracting him in the most underhanded way possible. "Nathan, please don’t hurt me," I begged him as desperately as I could manage.

  He was still for a moment, trying to shut out the memory I knew my words would inspire. His weight against me lessened and he made an effort to control his rapid breathing.

  "I’m not going to hurt you." His tone was calm and low, so reassuring he disarmed me completely.

  You’ve said that before, I thought uneasily. You've never hurt me. But they…

  The gentle kiss as his lips met mine shocked me.

  Nathan would never hurt me. Just like he wasn’t hurting me now...

  The memory came unbidden – forced kisses in the dark. One rough and unpleasant; one gentle and insistent. My lips parted and I responded...

  "Chris." I forced my eyes open as I spoke the name, not wanting to be in the dark with memories I didn’t trust. Remember?

  You bastard. How dare you. Never without my permission... I glared at him, trying to decide what to say first, as I shoved his shoulders away with both hands.

  He moved back, so only his hands touched me, still pinning me to the wall. "I’m sorry..." he started to say.

  I should have done this a long time ago.

  I was too close to kick him and in bare feet I’d only hurt my toes, but I could and did drive my knee up to where I could still cause considerable pain.

  He gasped as my knee connected, leaning over to move his most sensitive parts away from me, while putting more weight on pinning me to the wall. His forehead nearly rested on my shoulder.

  "You prick. You did that before and you hoped I wouldn’t remember." I tried to scare him into letting him go, but still he held me firmly. I pushed against him and tried to twist away, to no avail.

  His voice was wheezy and breathless, but still audible. "I need you to stay in here. The house is being watched and I need you to hide in here, where no one will guess you are." His weight on my shoulders intensified and my knees folded. He was ready for it, pushing me into the tight space between the toilet and the wall, as I sank to the floor.

  Hurt me and I’ll kill you. I glared up at him.

  But instead of approaching me, he turned to go. He’s serious, I realised.

  I found my voice. "You can’t leave me here alone – give me something to defend myself with, or stay here with me!" It was painful for me to admit, but that was the reason I hadn’t kneed him where it hurt before now.

  He knelt down on the floor in front of me. I must have hurt him, I realised. He has tears in his eyes. Good.

  His voice was low and painful. "I can’t. They’ve seen me come in here – and if I stay, this is the first place they’ll check, because they know I’ll be here. Then they’ll find you, too."

  Shit. Shouldn’t have hurt him. Not yet. I still need him. Hell, if he gets me through this alive, maybe I can even forgive him.

  I looked up at him. You really want my forgiveness? Fine. "Make sure you kill them all."

  He winked and nodded. Through the rapidly narrowing gap as he shut the door, I could see him adjusting himself, wincing.

  Maybe I’ll apologise for that, I thought. When it’s all over.

  Maybe.

  Part 55

  I watched the light from the frosted toilet window fade from orange to pink to darkness.<
br />
  Jammed between tiled wall and toilet bowl in the dark, I heard sounds that might have been gunshots, but they were muffled – sounding far away. My heart raced with fear and a sort of thrill that I’d felt before, but I’d forgotten.

  I realised that I wanted Nathan to be there with me – I didn’t want to cringe in a corner like a frightened rabbit. All someone had to do was open the door and I was a sitting duck – they couldn’t miss me. Nathan should have given me a weapon, not left me here alone, near helpless, confident I was so well hidden that they'd never find me. Fucking bastards. Leaving me in no state to fight. Hell, I wanted to fight, but I feared I hadn’t recovered enough to be any use. I’d distract Nathan from them if he had to focus on my fragility.

  He still should have left me a fucking weapon – one I didn't need much strength for. A small automatic pistol, perhaps…or was he just afraid I'd hold it to his head if he tried to kiss me again?

  I remembered the burn of his lips on mine. The unexpected, urgent kiss. When he knew what they'd done to me…The dark memory hovered in the back of my mind, the one that had yawned open like a chasm when I’d closed my eyes earlier, but I pushed it away. I didn’t want to give in to it. It'd come back in my nightmares soon enough.

  I pushed that thought away, too. Burning fury is better for a fight than fear for the future.

  Never hurt me again, I thought fiercely.

  If Nathan gave me a gun, I probably wouldn't shoot him. I felt like kicking him instead – far more satisfying. I flexed my foot, wondering at one of the few parts of my body without scars. My feet and my face. My face I knew why; my feet…perhaps none of them had a foot fetish. They were definitely fucked-up in their preferences otherwise – maybe feet were just too tame.

  I heard a faint sound and looked up. The door started to open – the handle turned and the door moved inward. I scanned the room, looking for anything I could use as a weapon. The toilet brush or the bottle of toilet cleaner? Laughter threatened to erupt, but I held it in. She didn’t seem to see me until the door was fully open, but by then she blocked the doorway. She was armed.

  "Hello." She was short, like me, with dark hair, dark eyes and a petite build. Very like me, but older. A face I hadn't forgotten. "Come on, get up. I’m taking you away from here."

  She was dressed in a dark vest and shirt with dark pants, far more practical than the new nightdress I wore. I should be wearing something like that. I just stared at her for a moment. I need to get up and get close to her, or I’ll never stand a chance. I might even have to kill her. Oh God, how? I've never killed anyone before.

  At least I had a tiny bit of time to find my courage and decide to do it, desperately hoping Nathan would come back in time to save me. Despite the impressive weapon, I knew she wasn’t going to shoot me yet. If she was, she’d have had me at hello.

  "I can’t get up by myself. I need help," I blurted out.

  “Where’s Al Himar when I need him? He liked being your nursemaid more than he liked fucking you.” She snorted.

  Realisation dawned. “You mean Nathan? You're calling Nathan Al Himar?” I forced myself to laugh. “The man you call an ass shot your husband stone dead. For me. And he’ll happily do the same to you.”

  "Bullshit.” Her eyes flickered, as if she didn’t know what to believe. She shook her head "He'll do what I tell him, as always. I might have him eat me out again, on the leather back seat of his lovely car, while your corpse is cooling in the boot."

  Again? Nathan slept with this bitch? How?

  She saw my confusion and smiled. "He may be a donkey, but his performance was quite impressive. Of course, you wouldn't know – he never tried to please you like he did me. He was trying to seduce me for information, so I really got him at his best."

  No. Nathan wouldn't sleep with her for information. He wouldn't…surely! She's full of shit, trying to shake me. He swore he'd protect me. He promised he wouldn't let her…

  “Come on." She leaned closer to me and held out a hand, the one without the gun. Not a little weapon like the one on the beach – something newer and bigger; the type you see on American action movies that spit out bullets far faster. She waved the gun toward the door and the hallway outside, telling me to go that way.

  I'm going to die. She's going to shoot me with that overpowered weapon while I have…shit. Damned if I'll go out cringing in a corner, though.

  I took her arm and stood up. We stood eye to eye for a second, though I was unsteady.

  She smiled. "The boys have missed you. And your pet donkey, the ASIO ass-boy you think will save you? He’ll kill you for me, to protect his family, even without orders from his boss. Who is quite an obedient bitch himself, as I recall. He's pulling the rest of his team out as I speak, so there won't be anyone to help you. Just the inconstant donkey. Maybe I'll let him fuck me one last time before I kill him, too."

  Doubt hit for the second time, harder than before. If his boss was implicated in this, too, I didn’t know what Nathan would do. What if she was right – and he'd choose her and his sister over me? Maybe he'd wanted the bitch all along.

  The bitch who’d hit me and pushed me into the car. The bitch who’d slashed my clothes and was back to do the same to me. I couldn't count on any help from Nathan or anyone else.

  Fuck you, Nathan, if you want her. I’d rather die than go back. What do I have to lose? If I’m going to hell, I’ll take you with me, bitch. You're going to pay for what you did to me.

  I lifted my arm and the toilet brush with it to her face. She recoiled from the brown bristles, coated and dripping with blue toilet cleaner. Her mouth opened wide with horror. I smiled and shoved the foul thing down her throat. As she choked, I grabbed for the gun and I didn’t let go.

  She could have squeezed the trigger in surprise.

  But she didn't.

  Both of her hands were clamped around the handle of the toilet brush, trying to drag it out so she could breathe. I knew the cleaner would already be burning her insides. The bitch deserved it.

  I yanked the gun from her hands, shoving her against the wall tiles. I’m not sure she even saw it coming. I squeezed off one round into her face and I didn't stop until I'd run out. I had no bullets left and the bitch was missing a face.

  The shots echoed in my head, so loud I couldn't hear anything else. Her blood was everywhere – coating the tiled walls and the floor. The acrid smoke burned my throat and made it hard to breathe. I felt her body go limp and fall.

  Good.

  I pulled the blood-spattered satin chemise off, trying to wipe some of her blood off my face as I did so, and dropped it on the floor. Carefully, I edged her shirt and vest over what was left of her head and put them on. The vest seemed to be some kind of armour, its pockets loaded with extra ammunition. This'll be handy.

  I took her pants and put them on. Strapped to her ankle was a big, wicked-looking knife. I hesitated, before taking that, too. She won’t need it. Her shoes looked too big for me, so I left them. I dressed her in my ruined nightie, then pushed her over so she lay face-down on the floor. Maybe they’d think she was me and buy me some time. I picked up her gun, wiping some of the blood off it with the skirt of the nightie.

  Then I tried to heave open the door, but her feet were jammed up against it. I managed to push it open wide enough to squeeze out into the hallway, but the weight of her legs shut the door as soon as I was through.

  Oh well, it'll take them longer to find her and realise it’s not me, I thought.

  I looked around for somewhere to hide, ideally where I could make use of the gun. The laundry and bathroom were the nearest rooms, but they had no obvious hiding places. I wish I had the flexibility and strength to brace myself in the corner of a ceiling, like people do in movies, I thought as I looked up at the high ceilings. I looked at the dryer and the big gap between it and the ceiling. I’d be out of sight and I'd have a clear shot at anyone trying to get me down, I thought, if only I can get up there...

  For th
e first time, I blessed Jo's addiction to the shooting range. I'd handled a fair few pistols and I wasn't a bad shot. If only I weren't so out of practice…

  I stuck the gun and the knife up on the dryer, so I wouldn’t have any more accidents with either of them. Then I took a deep breath and started to haul myself up.

  By the time I’d climbed from the top of the washing machine to the top of the dryer, I figured everything hurt and I might have injured some muscles I didn’t know I had. I hope I get to rest up here a while before I need to climb down, I thought as I shoved a clip of bullets from my vest pocket into the gun. I fully intended to shoot first and say fuck you later.

  Part 56

  Tied – Help – Pills – Chris

  Perhaps I was so exhausted I fell asleep. Perhaps one of them knocked me unconscious. I went away to places in my head that were as far from the cold concrete as I could, so I don’t remember. All I remember is every one of them making a point of telling me his name was Chris, with not a single voice matching the one they called Chris.

  When I woke up, it was to something cold and wet touching my cheek, which now felt horribly bruised. The rest of my body felt worse – violated in every way. I'd force him to kill me before I let him rape me again.

  "What in hell are you doing this time?" I said tersely.

  "Shh," came Chris's whispered reply. "They won’t let me near you unless I…they want me to…..so keep it down, please, so they don’t hear us. I’m here to help you."

  "Find me a good pair of rusty garden shears…and untie me." I snapped back. "Help me and I'll let you keep all your bits intact. I'm going to fucking castrate the rest of them, so they'll never…"

  "I can’t untie you. They’d know I helped you. I brought you some food and drink….and something for the pain. Did they hurt you when they tied you up?"

  Of course they fucking hurt me, stupid. My face hurt too much to eat or even talk. I didn't want to think about the rest of me. I didn’t say anything else. He gave me some pills, holding the water to my lips as I drank. A nice pair of garden shears and they’d know I was there….and they won’t be doing it again, either.