Necessary Evil of Nathan Miller

by Demelza Carlton

  He shook his head, waving the paper away. "No. All of it belongs to you. I did the interview to help you. I don't need any payment for it. It doesn't matter how much it is – it'll never be enough to pay for your pain." He looked like it pained him to say it.

  Damn right. No amount of money can pay for pain. But it could help a tiny bit to take my mind off it…

  Part 77

  Ambulance – Shots – Road – Police – Blood – Nathan – Numb

  I pushed hard and sat up, sliding my numb legs to the end of the tiny ambulance stretcher, until they dangled out of the ambulance door.

  "What are you doing? You need to rest!" The paramedic raised his voice, laying his hands on my shoulders, trying to make me lie down again.

  I shook him off, shuddering at the touch of a stranger. Without him, I'd be surrounded by strangers again. Can’t...Won’t let them hurt me again.

  I shoved the blankets away from me and dropped from the end of the stretcher to the road. I wore nothing but the huge, bloodstained shirt, but I didn’t feel the cold now. My rage heated my blood to boiling in my chest. I couldn’t feel my feet or my legs – it felt like they’d fallen asleep. I wobbled a little, but I took a shuffling step, my toes curling and dragging on the road. And another step...

  I could see a police officer pushing him into the back of a police car.

  "NO!" I shouted. "Don’t take him away from me!" I reached for him, even though he was on the other side off the road from where I stood.

  Both he and the police officer heard and turned to look at me. There was a brief scuffle before Nathan pelted toward me.

  I managed two more shambling steps before the prone police officer started shouting at Nathan, telling him to stop or he’d shoot. Not to touch me, or he’d shoot.

  "NO!" I screamed out as I took one more step. This time I stumbled and fell to my knees.

  Nathan was there. He dropped into a crouch to help me back up to my feet. I wobbled a little again, as the officer fired.

  Part 78

  "This has got to be a joke." I threw the papers down on the table. "This isn’t what we agreed. There aren’t any conditions on it. And my new name? What in hell do you think you're doing?" I tried not to shout, but it came out louder than I'd intended. Fury does that to a girl.

  "I'm running an anti-terrorism unit is what I'm fucking doing. And if you think this is how the negotiation is going to go, you can fucking leave." Beneath his dark hair, his dark eyes flashed, his face heating up.

  I crossed my legs and sat up straighter in the visitor chair on the client's side of the desk. He hadn't even offered me a drink of water, the prick.

  "Well you're fucking incompetent, then." I smiled sweetly. "You sent an operative who's clearly suffering from insomnia and the worst case of post-traumatic stress I've ever seen into a dangerous undercover operation. And an innocent bystander gets beaten and raped almost to her death as a result."

  "You're not innocent. You killed two people," he spat. "First the bloke on the beach and then his wife."

  I'd love to chalk up a third right now.

  I shrugged. "In self-defence. They wouldn't have died if YOU hadn't let them hurt me in the first place."

  "Don't you pin Miller's incompetence on me…" he blustered.

  "He reports to you. You signed off on his fucking competence for the operation. How much training has he had?"

  He wouldn't meet my eyes.

  "How much?"

  "He's a contractor. He only needed a very basic orientation…" His voice was very quiet.

  I knew it!

  I shot to my feet. "You mean you sent an untrained civilian against the bastards who hurt me? And after he'd completely failed to stop my kidnapping, you assigned him to protect me? Where do you get off with this kind of incompetence? Seriously, if you're the best it has, ASIO is screwed. We should put up a sign – 'Terrorists welcome. Come rape our women and children and mess with the minds of our men.'"

  His breathing was heavy and his eyes were on the desk. "I can have you charged for terrorist activity and you'll never go home again."

  I snorted. "What will you charge me with? Calling you an incompetent wanker? I bet your staff do that on a daily basis."

  "You killed two terror suspects who were wanted for interrogation. They must have known something you didn't want ASIO to hear," he replied weakly.

  I leaned over the desk so I could meet his eyes. "Yeah, they knew what it felt like to rape me while I was helpless to stop them. That's something no one wants to hear, unless you get off on that sort of thing."

  “You were part of Al Himar!” he insisted.

  I stopped dead. “Where did you hear that name?” That was what Laura had called Nathan. He's as crooked as they come. I wonder if it was just the sex or if she paid him in money, too? She can't have been that good in bed. It must have been a lot of money.

  His grin was fierce. “That’s the name of your terrorist group, isn’t it? I’m onto you, you little bitch!”

  I laughed. “No one calls a terrorist group Al Himar, least of all the people in it, unless they’re a bunch of asses. Don’t you have an Arabic translator? My Arabic’s bad, but even I know what that means!”

  He jumped to his feet. Now his face was red. "ASIO do NOT negotiate with terrorists! You can't blackmail me into a recording contract for you and your band! Public celebrity isn't part of witness protection! You'll go into witness protection quietly or I'll…"

  "You'll what?" I asked. "I like my life as it is. The people who hurt and hunted me are all dead. I'm not at risk any more. If you want me to go into hiding as a favour to you, then you'll deliver the modest conditions I asked for. And a couple more." No normal ASIO staff member would agree to this. If he does, he has a hell of a lot to hide. Like Laura.

  "What else do you want?" He looked ready to explode.

  "You're going to arrange a television appearance for my band. Then you'll see if anyone notices it's the same girl in my exclusive interview and the music performance. Hell, make sure the band appearance is the same day they air my interview. I bet no one notices." I kept my eyes on him.

  "You're not giving a television interview on a matter of national security! I won't let you, you little…"

  I cleared my throat. "Little tragic heroine, little rape victim, little innocent who suffered as a result of your incompetence? It's not only bought and paid for, it's done. And Nathan sat beside me, answering questions, too."

  "You little Arab bitch!"

  "My mother was Persian. You want to get racist about this? I’ll report you and get you dismissed. Maybe I should add that to what I tell the press. Racist ASIO staff, verbally abusing the tragic little heroine…" I watched the words sink in. "That's right."

  He swallowed, sitting down heavily. "So you gave a fucking television interview? And he did, too? What did you say?"

  "Nathan came out looking like a bigger hero than Superman. As for my interview questions…" I smiled. "I don't believe I have to tell you that."

  "Like hell you don't!" he exploded. He rose to his feet and leaned over like he was trying to intimidate me.

  Maybe before my abduction it might have worked. Somewhere along the line, my fear had died. Anger burned in its place. This bastard had sold both Nathan and I to Laura.

  I regarded him calmly. "That's right, I don't. I don't work for you. I don't have to keep anything confidential because all of your so-called terrorists are dead.” All but one, I thought but didn’t say. “So you can make a deal with me for whatever I'm willing to tell you and my silence after that or you can find out from the front cover of tomorrow's West, the same as everyone else."

  He thumped down in his chair, glowering as he picked up the pen. "Your…demands, then?"

  I ticked them off my fingers as I recited them. "First, the contract and television appearance. For the band, of course, not me as an individual. Medical school and a new name. And then there's the matter of Nathan Miller."

&nb
sp; "Nathan's our top undercover interrogator – he goes as deep as he needs to in order to get whatever we need. He's not going to take a bribe from you." He dismissed me with a flick of his fingers.

  I frowned. "He was damaged when you took him on and he's worse after working for you. What about counselling, helping him find another job? He shouldn't be working on this case or any case like it."

  "He took on the job knowing the risks. That's not my problem."

  I smiled. "Did he really know the risks? Did he know you'd order him to do whatever it took, including making him hurt another girl the same way they killed his sister?"

  His eyes held a touch of fear. "He knew when he took the job. He agreed to do anything he had to in order to save his sister. What are you complaining about? He got you out alive."

  My words came out bitter. "You know what he did. He was acting under your orders."

  "That's bullshit! He was supposed to watch them kidnap you and take them into custody! Instead, he disappeared. When he turned up three weeks later, it was in a police report with your half-dead body. We had to cover up the mess from whatever he'd done while he was AWOL," he insisted.

  I shook my head. "Either he's obeying orders or he's a rogue. You can't have both. I was never the target – it was him they wanted. They set him up to take the blame for a hate crime – against a Persian girl. Me. He was always the target." I saw from the way his eyes flickered that he knew. "And you sent him to his death. Was he just bait to catch your suspects, or did they get to you and offer you something for him? They didn't want to kill him. They threatened his sister so he'd cooperate, but she was never really in any danger. They wanted to turn him into a racist rapist. Then they'd let him kill himself."

  "That's not…she didn't…that's bullshit!" he stammered. He knows she was in charge. Fuck – he really is one of Laura’s bastards. He sold Nathan to her. And me. He fucking sold us, like pieces of meat.

  "They didn't even know my name," I said softly. "Nathan wasn't supposed to survive, was he? You know, deliberately sending one of your staff to die can land you in jail, under the occupational health and safety laws. I'd say negligence doesn't cut it here – in your case, it'd be murder. But all that goes away if you give him an office job, far from here and this case, like he should have been in the first place. He's so damaged he can't see you're responsible for the mess in his head – but I can. He needs intensive therapy because he's not safe the way he is. You need to reassign him to some other government department where the most traumatic thing he has to deal with is a paper jam in the printer."

  I wanted to cross my fingers, knowing that his bigger crime was a matter of national security and nothing to do with safety laws at all. But I didn't dare say it. If he knew, he might risk killing me himself. I needed him angry enough not to think straight, but not angry enough to kill. A hell of a balance for a girl who struggled to walk straight.

  He stared at me. "I can't. With his successes on this case, his application for operative training has been approved. Full training and a five-year contract. A television interview will seal the deal – making him a public hero and our best interrogator. There'll be girls paying to get into his pants…and they'll tell him anything, just like you did."

  No! Not Nathan. He won't make it through training and more of this work – it'll kill him or drive him mad. What will happen to him without me? "Nathan's in more danger than I am – you know he is. This bunch might be dead, but whoever hired them might hire more. He's the one you should send into witness protection – to protect him. Nathan is part of the deal or I'll have none of it."

  "First you want your band and now you want to take Miller as your gigolo? Everyone knows you've been fucking him. No wonder he's the best undercover operative we have – he's been busy lubricating your cunt! Pumping you for information, the best way he knows how. He won't turn down the job he's always wanted just to keep fucking a damaged little slut like you. You can shove your deal where you let terrorists shove their…"

  I stood calmly, wanting to gut the man but restraining myself. "I think you should apologise for that, as a very small beginning. Suggesting I asked to be raped will sink your career like a bad radio DJ. Especially if I leave here and ring the press with the other half of my story. ASIO agents deliberately letting me get hurt so they can catch their suspects, active participants in the abuse, callous about my injuries…Whether I have or haven't engaged in sexual intercourse with Nathan is none of anyone's business, least of all yours. But I will tell you for free that I'll never sleep with a man who raped me, no matter what his reasons were. You should check out your surveillance people if they tell you otherwise."

  "You little bitch…"

  I inclined my head. "That's what the so-called terrorists called me and they died for it."

  "Are you threatening me?" he spat.

  I smiled again. "Finally, you understand. Yes. Prison, losing your job, possible terror charges…and death. These are all very real threats and I don't have to be alive to carry them out. I've made some very detailed accounts, entrusting them to people who will release them to the media if I meet with a mishap." I slapped a CD case on the desk. "This is what I'll be giving to the police tomorrow. It's what you've been trying to get Nathan to find out from me, though it's not a complete account by any means. You'll find the dates and requirements for the TV appearance and recording contract on there, too. You have until close of business tomorrow to let me know the details. Or you get to find out what rape's like in prison, because I remember everything that happened. Plenty more that's not on that CD. And if Nathan raped me on your orders, I’ll pay your cellmate to do the same to you ten times over for every time he did it to me.” I glared at him, praying he wouldn’t call my bluff. I knew Nathan had done no such thing, but I hoped Mott didn’t.

  "Fucking Miller…I knew he couldn't keep it in his pants." He swallowed and reached out for the CD. "No, wait! Honestly, I can do all of it, except for the bits involving Miller. He'd have to give up his whole career. That's not my call to make. And he'll never do it – not for you. He won't give up everything he's worked so hard for to spend all his life with you and a shrink."

  You don't know Nathan.

  I shook my head. "No deal."

  "If he raped you, why in hell would you let him anywhere near you?" he asked suddenly.

  I thought fast. "He did what he had to. No cruelty, no more pain than necessary. Always because of his orders. And the guilt of what he had to do on those orders eats him up inside, so he'd do anything for me to make up for it. Even kill for me." I gritted my teeth. "He knows he owes me. I want him to pay his debt. And just in case I'm wrong, I want to know where he is. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder, worrying where he might be." I held his gaze until he looked away.

  He swallowed a couple of times. When he did speak, he sounded desperate. "All your other conditions, fine, but all I can do is present your offer to Miller. Whether he agrees to counselling and taking an office job near you or the successful career he's earned is up to him."

  But I don't have to ask him to do that. You're going to give him the ultimatum, you prick. I wish I could see his face…

  I wet my lips. Slowly, I nodded. Nathan had a choice, after all, and forcing his boss to make my offer sounded like fun to me. Proper payback for being a prick. "Put it all in writing and I'll consider it." I stood up. "One thing, though. If Nathan's sister really was in danger, and you believed him when your top interrogator told you she was their next target, why didn't she have anyone guarding her? Why was I the one being babysat?" I didn't wait for an answer. Instead, I left, closing the door carefully behind me.

  The walls weren't thick enough to prevent me from hearing his final word on the matter.

  "FUUUUUUCK!"

  I smiled.

  I didn't think he'd keep his job long enough to follow through on all of it – but I was counting on the band arrangements and Nathan. After all, if he was stupid enough to leave evidence on
Nathan's phone, surely ASIO could find enough to arrest him.

  Navid drove me home from this meeting, too.

  "Making him angry will only mean trouble," he said as soon as the building was out of sight.

  I shrugged. "He called me a terrorist, an Arab bitch, a slut and damaged besides. He also suggested I'd invited rape. Before he accused me of being a member of a terrorist group called Al Himar."

  Navid laughed. “He called you Al Himar? What an ass. We really need to get a translator. Oh, I’m sorry. The rest isn’t funny, but that...” He collected himself. "For the rest, I'll report him. That's not acceptable. Don't give him any information – keep it to yourself until we get this sorted."

  "I already gave him a copy of everything I remembered – what Nathan's been trying to get out of me," I admitted.

  Navid shook his head. "You shouldn't have done that. Several records of interrogations have disappeared in this case – including ones on Laura, the woman who…"

  "Died," I supplied. "He knew things that he can only have heard from Laura. Someone needs to investigate him – I think he sold Nathan and I to her."

  He looked grim. "I've told you before – that's a very strong accusation to make."

  I glared at him. "Would you arrange a music recording contract and a TV appearance for someone you were forcing into witness protection?"

  He laughed. "Shit, no! That'd be stupid. What's the point of witness protection if you're not going to hide the witness? It'd be like telling the people that want to kill you exactly where to find you…" He stared at me, realisation hitting hard. "Keep copies of everything. Get Nathan to do the same."

  I took a deep breath. "I'll give Nathan a copy of everything I gave Mott, too. And other people have copies. Just in case. And then I'll go into witness protection and hope to hide." I paused, not wanting to consider that Mott was right about Nathan's feelings for me. "Is it true that Nathan's been offered full operative training and a five year contract? And he won't be able to contact me while he's working for ASIO?"