Surviving With Love

by Vickery, Rebecca J.

  Morris usually didn’t work as much in the summers either, due to the influx of summer volunteers at the Idaho Search and Rescue Center. Summer was family time and important to all of them. They even talked of going to Disneyland this year.

  Then yesterday, even dense-headed Derek, who never noticed anyone else, asked if she knew what was wrong with Stacey. Deciding to find out what was going on Cathy cornered Stacey in Yvette’s office late in the afternoon. “Okay, Stacey. It’s time to come out with it. What’s going on?” Cathy believed in taking the bull by the horns.

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Stacey told her as she returned several files to the filing cabinet.

  “I’m not trying to pry, but I can tell something’s different. Derek even asked me what is wrong with you. You seem—I don’t know—sort of preoccupied. Not exactly depressed, but... Did something bad happen?” Cathy stopped talking for a minute and hurried over to hug Stacey’s shoulders. “You know you can tell me anything.”

  Stacey thought she had been doing a good job of going on as normal, but apparently not. “What makes you think there’s anything to tell?” She tried to shrug off her friend’s concern.

  “How long have we known each other? It’s sort of like when you knew Morris and I had our problems, even though I didn’t say anything. If it has to do with a case or something confidential, I’ll understand...”

  “No, nothing like that,” Stacey forced a laughed, then sighed deeply. “If you can take a break, let’s get some coffee and talk.”

  Downstairs in the kitchen, they poured coffee from the pot that was always on and took their cups to a corner table in the deserted dining room.

  Not quite sure how to start, Stacey took a sip of her coffee then blurted out, “I met a man, Cathy. Not just any man, but—THE man, I think.” Stacey stirred her coffee and her shoulders slumped.

  “Stacey, that’s great—isn’t it?” Cathy damped down her enthusiasm as she watched her friend.

  “It would be if he felt the same way. Or if he would give us a chance,” Stacey told her sadly.

  “How do you know he won’t?” Cathy wanted details. Oh, Lord, is he married?”

  “No, not married. And he was very honest about it. If I had been interested in a brief passionate fling, he was all for it, but...” Stacey left it at that.

  “So-o-o, the old afraid of commitment, not ready for responsibility deal, huh?” Cathy nodded her head knowingly. She put her hand out and patted Stacey’s. Then she asked quietly, “How do you know he’s THE one?”

  “When he kissed me, it was like I had never been kissed before. I never wanted him to stop.” Stacey’s eyes went dreamy and unfocused.

  Cathy chuckled a little, “That’s just plain old-fashioned lust.”

  “That’s not all, Cathy. I wish it were. I wanted to talk to him, to really talk. I told him things I never talk about and I cried—twice. I want to sit and look at him, watch him, just have him—near. I have this need deep inside I can’t explain. I don’t feel like I’m complete anymore. Without him, part of me is missing.” Stacey didn’t realize there were tears sliding down her cheeks until Cathy dabbed at them with a napkin. “See what he’s done to me.”

  “Oh my friend, you do have it bad, don’t you?” Cathy jumped out of her chair to hug Stacey. “You’ll just have to take the advice you gave me after Morris and I met. Give him some time and if he doesn’t call, then you call him.”

  “I don’t know Cathy,” Stacey shook her head. “He was very definite about things.”

  “So was Morris,” Cathy reminded. “Now we’re happily married with two kids, a house, and umpteen bills.” Cathy sat down in her chair and waited as Stacey pulled herself together.

  “Okay, next problem. How do I tell Derek? Everyone thinks we’re practically engaged, even dad. I want to stay friends, but it won’t ever go any further for me. I can’t even think of being with him now, and it’s not right to let him think otherwise. He’s a good employee and dad needs him. What if my ending things messes that up?”

  Cathy thought for a minute then recommended, “You should go somewhere private, around here, not a date. Maybe a walk or a ride, or just go see him in his office. Tell him what you just told me. If he gets upset, at least you won’t have to find a way home,” Cathy teased. “Be sure about this before you talk to him. You don’t want to burn any bridges,” her friend advised then glanced at her watch. “I have to get back to work. Yvette is watching the desk and I don’t want her yelling. If there’s anything I can do...”

  “I know, I’ll call. Thanks for listening.”

  “What are friends for? See you later,” Cathy said as she left.

  Stacey stayed a few more minutes and decided she felt a little better after talking to Cathy. Making a firm decision, she got up then went in search of Derek.

  Alone in his small office at the back of the lodge, he was surrounded by paperwork when she found him. “Hello, Derek,” Stacey greeted cautiously as she opened his door. “Have you got a minute?” She desperately wanted to get this over with.

  “Not really,” the tall, handsome blond answered with a welcoming smile. He tossed his pencil on the papers and indicated the chair in front of his desk. “I’m lining up some rafting trips, but I could use a break. What’s on your mind? Found some free time for us?”

  Stacey perched on the edge of the chair nervously twisting her fingers. “I’m afraid not. I really should have talked to you before now,” she started.

  “Why don’t we go out to dinner tonight and discuss whatever it is then? It would be fun to get away for the evening,” Derek interrupted smoothly. Everything about him was smooth. He was sleek and athletically built, his collar-length hair was never out of place, and his skin was tanned and baby-soft.

  “Derek, please listen. That’s what I came to talk about. I can’t see you anymore—not socially, anyway. I won’t ever feel the way about you that you obviously want me to. It’s not fair of me to let you think I might. I...”

  “Stacey, darling, what brought this on?” Derek got up and came around to lean a hip against the front of his desk. He took her hands. “I thought we were...”

  “Derek, please don’t make this more difficult. While I was away, I realized I wasn’t being fair to you. I really care for you as a friend, a dear friend and colleague, but it won’t ever be more than that for me. I’m not the right one for you,” Stacey finished and slowly withdrew her hands.

  “Who is he?” Derek folded his arms, his face hardened, and he glared at her.

  “It’s not that. Please just accept what I told you, Derek. Believe me, it’s for the best,” she stood and stepped toward the door.

  Derek straightened quickly and caught her arm. “Did you sleep with him? Did you give him what was rightfully mine?” he whispered hoarsely, tightening his grip on her upper arm.

  “I haven’t slept with anyone but if I did it’s not your concern,” Stacey kept her voice low but firm, “and nothing of mine belongs to you. It never has. I’m sorry if I hurt you or if you feel I misled you. It wasn’t my intention. I was—comfortable with our dating until I thought about where it was really going.” She jerked her arm loose then opened the door. “It wouldn’t work for either of us Derek, if we didn’t love each other. Please understand,” she pleaded softly.

  Closing the door ended another chapter in her life. There was a certain relief at doing the right thing, but she realized they couldn’t be friends as she hoped. Now what? Derek was normally comfortable, easy-going, and always around. Cord? Well he was a whole different problem. She might as well close the book on that chapter too, she decided.

  Glancing up from the reception desk as Stacey walked through, Cathy shook her head. That had not gone well. Cathy shrugged, knowing she couldn’t fix it and turned back to the reservations log. She was so looking forward to getting off at six. Morris and the twins were driving in to pick her up for three full days off. Sam and Lucy Parker did everything possible to see t
hat Cathy could work and have her children nearby. They were wonderful employers as well as friends. A small cabin, meals in the dining room, and someone to help with the kids were always available. Combined with a decent salary, the job was too good to give up in spite of the inconvenience of being away from home at least three nights a week. The ringing phone interrupted her thoughts and she reached to answer it.

  * * * * *

  The twins, Marcus and Marie jumped from the four-wheel-drive wagon to run into the lodge in search of their mom. Morris followed at a slower pace. When he entered the lobby, he was in time to see the twins mob Stacey. They covered her in kisses and she tickled them and kissed them back.

  Cathy was behind the front counter with a phone to her ear and waved when she saw him.

  Stacey managed to herd the twins over to the den-like portion of the lobby area as they told her all about school.

  Cathy finally put the phone down, picked up her purse and essentials bag, then came around the end of the counter to kiss her waiting husband. It was a long, lingering kiss and Morris looked at her with raised eyebrows and a twinkle in his eyes.

  “I missed you. Shall I cook or do we eat out?” Cathy asked as she pulled back and handed him her bag.

  “Let’s pick up some pizza for the twins, Chinese and rice wine for us, and go home,” he suggested.

  “And maybe get them to bed early? You are a dreamer, Mr. Haley, but we’ll give it a try.” They went over to gather their offspring and tell Stacey goodbye.

  After kissing her godchildren and hugging Morris and Cathy, Stacey took up her position behind the front desk. She would stay until eight when the outside line was put on an automated answering service for the night. The skeleton kitchen staff or security would answer any in-house calls until six the next morning. Most of the guests normally finished dinner by eight in the evening and were relaxing in their rooms, joining in organized activities, or gathering in the seating area of the lobby for conversation and drinks.

  In the winter, a fire burned in the huge stone fireplace to invite guests to linger with hot spiced cider or cocoa. In the summer, a specially designed fountain hid the fireplace and was surrounded with plants and flowers to create an equally inviting space for meeting and talking while having drinks, chilled wine, or iced coffee.

  Lucy, Sam, and often Stacey, took turns filling in when some of the staff took vacations, needed extra time off, were sick, or when there was a short space of time to fill that didn’t warrant hiring someone else. With some of the staff still taking vacations, Stacey stayed busy making beds, doing laundry, cooking, serving, and even cleaning rooms. One thing about it, she didn’t have time to worry over Cord.

  Stacey signed another couple up for a nature walk and thanked heaven that the vacations for the staff would be over soon. Glancing at her watch, she saw it was only fifteen minutes until she could switch the phones to the service and go help clear in the dining room. Her mom helped out in there all evening and was probably ready for a break. The phone rang again and she excused herself to the foursome looking at the horseback riding brochures to answer it.

  “Saddleback Mountain Lodge, may I help you?”

  “Yes. I need to speak with Stacey Parker,” said a deep male voice.

  “This is Stacey.”

  “The guide and tracker?” He seemed unsure he had the right person.

  “Yes. Can I help you?” She glanced at the foursome and was glad to see they didn’t require her immediate attention.

  “I believe so, Miss Parker. Something very important to me has been misplaced in the mountains. I need someone to lead a couple of us to it. When would you be available?”

  “Let’s start with who you are and what exactly you’re searching for, sir,” she responded. “Perhaps you could give me some details?

  “This is a very delicate matter. I would prefer to wait until we’re underway to provide all the details. Let’s just say money is not a problem and it would be very profitable for you to assist me. Now, when is the soonest you could start?”

  “Under the circumstances and with things so busy here, I think you should get someone else. I can recommend...”

  “No. It has to be you. You have to help me. I understood you were available for private jobs,” he interrupted, becoming loud and insistent.

  “I don’t think so, sir. I’m very busy right now.”

  “All right, Stacey. I’ll call again and we’ll see what you have to say then,” he sounded almost menacing then hung up.

  Stacey frowned at the phone and finally put it down. There were definitely some strange people in the world. The foursome decided to join the group riding on Thursday. After taking their information, advising them of what to wear, and making a note to add the charge to their bills, Stacey switched the phones. She put a stand-up sign on the counter reminding guests the desk would reopen at six a.m. and how to reach emergency assistance.

  Hurrying into the dining room, she saw her mom clearing tables. “I closed the front desk. Why don’t you grab a cup of coffee and put your feet up a few minutes while I work on this?” Stacey offered.

  “Bless you, child. My feet are forever in your debt,” her small, auburn-haired mother answered. Lucy headed for the kitchen and the bottomless coffeepot.

  Looking around the room with its cloth covered round tables, Stacey saw only a few stragglers finishing dinner. Thanks to her mom and the new server, well over half the tables were cleared and ready for breakfast settings. She worked steadily clearing away dishes, wiping tables and chairs, and putting out fresh linens. After a few minutes, her mother rejoined her and began setting up for breakfast while Ellen, the new server, finished up with the last two diners.

  Together they made short work of the vacuuming and slipped out the back door of the kitchen. Ellen, the new server, waved and quickly headed off to the dorm-like cabin for the single female employees. All the paths were well lit at night and security made regular rounds to insure there were no problems on the grounds.

  As they walked to their log home behind the lodge, they discussed their day. Lucy told her about some of the new staff and that most of them seemed to be working out well.

  “Mom, can I ask you a personal question?” Stacey worked up the nerve to ask.

  “Sure honey. You know you can ask me anything,” Lucy slipped her arm around her daughter’s waist.

  “Did you know right away dad was the right one for you or did it take a while?”

  “Don’t tell your dad, but I knew the first time he kissed me. It wouldn’t have been right with anyone else after that,” Lucy answered, biting her tongue to keep from asking questions.

  “I was afraid of that.” Stacey stopped on the front porch. “What would you have done if you and dad hadn’t gotten together?”

  “That’s a tough one. I can’t imagine life without your father. If I had to answer though, I’d say that I probably would have eventually settled for someone else. I desperately wanted a family and in spite of what everyone says, you can love more than once. It wouldn’t be the same love I have for your father, and I don’t know if it would have been as fulfilling. I also think I would have exhausted every possible avenue before giving up on Sam. I’m really glad I never had to find out,” Lucy tried to be painfully honest. She sensed this was very important to her daughter.

  Stacey gave her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, mom.”

  “Well, you’re very welcome, honey. If you want to talk...” her mother left it at that. She hoped she showed her child enough love and support over the years that she knew she could come to her about anything.

  “I know, mom, and I will, eventually. I think I’m going on up to bed. Would you tell dad goodnight for me?”

  “Okay. I don’t think I’ll be far behind you. Sleep well,” they parted as they entered the house. Stacey went up the stairs and Lucy into the den where Sam was watching television.

  Perching on the arm of the large recliner, Lucy kissed her husba
nd. “Stacey said goodnight. She was tired and went straight up.”

  Sam pulled Lucy around onto his lap and told her, “I bet I know someone else who’s tired, too. Did you eat?”

  “Yes. Did you?” Lucy stifled a yawn.

  “Have you ever known me to go hungry, woman?”

  Lucy laughed. “Right. I forgot who I was talking to. Don’t forget you have early duty tomorrow.” She snuggled comfortably in his arms.

  “Where?”

  “The dining room,” she almost giggled at the pained look on his face.

  “Again? Remind me to cancel all the vacations next year,” he grumbled. He bent his head and kissed her. “How about a hot bath and bed, Mrs. Parker.”

  “Sounds like heaven,” Lucy sighed.

  Sam locked up as Lucy turned off the TV and the lights. They went upstairs hand in hand.

  CHAPTER 12

  Morris phoned early Wednesday demanding Stacey should be called to the phone.

  Yvette, the Public Relations Manager, left the front desk and located Stacey in the dining room helping with the breakfast crowd. “Morris wants you on the phone. He sounds in a snit about something. I told him you were busy and would call him back. Then he got rude,” Yvette Clark wasn’t fond of Morris. “I don’t appreciate being mistreated by your friends.”

  “He wouldn’t call unless it was important, Yvette,” Stacey reminded the tall, slim, well-dressed woman who could easily pass for a model. “I’ll get it in here, thanks.”

  She hurried to the kitchen phone as Yvette frowned and left.

  “Hi, Morris, what have we got?” Stacey assumed it was a rescue as she greeted him.

  “Stacey, it’s bad. Marcus is missing. Lucy dropped them at school like always at 8:15. The school called a short while ago to ask where he was. Marie told the teacher he was there. Lucy drove over and they searched the grounds and every class. No sign of Marcus. She called me here at the office and I was about to leave when some guy delivered a note. It just says, ‘Tell Stacey I’ll call her. She can’t say no.’ There’s no name or anything. Should I call the police? What does this have to do with Marcus? What is going on, Stacey?”