Surviving With Love

by Vickery, Rebecca J.

Lowering his mouth to hers, he tasted cookie and coffee on her tongue.

  Stacey reached behind him, set her cup on the end table then slid on top of him. Before long they were both naked and very excited.

  “Wait, sweetheart,” he breathed into her mouth as she moved against him. “We have to go in the bedroom.”

  “Please don’t stop, Cord,” she whispered back.

  “The protection is in there. I don’t want you to get pregnant,” he insisted as he pulled back and held her away.

  Stacey stared into his warm brown eyes with passion-glazed blue ones, “Would that be so bad?” She took his hand and placed it over her flat stomach. “To watch your child growing here? To have the family you’ve always wanted? I would love to carry your baby,” she realized how much she really wanted that as the words sprang from her lips.

  His fingers stroked and smoothed the soft skin. “Someday maybe, but right now I’m not ready to take that step. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready, Stacey.” He paused and cupped her face in his hands. “Do you still want me to make love to you even if I won’t give you a baby?” Cord looked deep into her eyes and waited for her answer.

  “Of course. Or better yet, teach me to make love to you.” She jumped up and tugged at him until he stood. “Why, McConnell,” she drew in a deep breath at the sight of him standing nude before her, “I do believe you’re excited at the idea.” Giggling delightedly, she led him into the bedroom and this time, she closed the door.

  * * * * *

  The next morning, Stacey called her parents and told them about shopping, the show, and the restaurant where they ate. They shared news from the lodge and told her they missed her, but were getting by without her.

  “How are Lucy and Sam, and things back home?” Cord wanted to know after she hung up.

  “Good. Things are hectic as usual for this time of year, but they’re handling it. Dad still has to find a new recreation coordinator and ski instructor, but he says it’s under control.” She frowned at the problem she unwittingly created for her father.

  “It will work out, sweetheart.” He put his arms around her. “You shouldn’t worry about it.”

  “But it’s my fault. I should have realized what was happening. Derek wanted the lodge and he was going to marry me to get it. Can you imagine what life would have been like if I had fallen for him? Everyone involved would have been miserable eventually.”

  “It didn’t happen. He’s gone now and your dad can take care of things.” Cord reassured her. He was learning that Stacey Parker took family and obligation very seriously.

  “I know. Dad’s taken care of the lodge and mom for years now.” Stacey laid her head on his chest and listened to the steady sound of his heart beating.

  “We should visit them pretty soon, I guess” Cord said into her hair.

  “I need to go back soon, anyway. I’m sure you’ll have to go on a job and I need to work, too. I have a week-long guide job the end of the month.”

  Cord’s stomach knotted painfully when he thought of her leaving. He pushed it away. “If we’re going shopping, we should get started. I like the idea of a quiet dinner and television this evening.”

  Stacey smiled and let him get away with changing the subject. Talking about leaving him was not exactly her favorite topic of conversation either. “Let me get my bag and I’m ready.” Her jeans, white tank top and red, white, and blue shirt would do for shopping. Her hair was pulled back into its usual curly ponytail and she added her white baseball cap and sunglasses as she checked herself in the mirror.

  The phone buzzed in the other room and she heard the low murmur of Cord’s voice when he answered. When she entered the living room, he was at the entrance accepting a long white box from Ben.

  Cord handed the package to her and watched her face light up. She quickly slid the ribbon off and exclaimed in delight at the beautiful white roses. Unable to leave without putting them in water, she kissed him several times before searching through the apartment for a vase, adding water, and finding the perfect spot for them.

  Finally, Cord got her out of the apartment. They caught a cab and headed for a popular electronics chain store that should have everything Cord needed to create an entertainment center. He chose a thirty-five-inch plasma set with all the extras, a DVD player guaranteed to practically program itself, and a stereo that promised to have the neighbors complaining about the noise. By the time he was finished in the movies and CD section of the store, he carried a basket full. He allowed Stacey to choose the entertainment cabinet to hold his new treasures.

  A black oriental style cabinet with small chrome fittings and areas of mother-of-pearl inlay in the doors caught her eye right away. It was expensive, but perfect for his living room. After signing the check, Cord arranged to have it all delivered and installed that afternoon. He called Stanley to tell him to accept delivery then they moved on to visit another small art dealer nearby.

  They searched through several stacks of paintings leaned against walls before Stacey found one she liked. The painting she chose to hang over the entertainment center was of a family of four having a picnic by a lake. Huge trees hung over the lake on one side and flowering blackberry bushes were on the other. In the foreground, wildflowers bloomed among the tall grass. A man stretched out on a plaid blanket while a woman in a long yellow summer dress and white wide-brimmed hat unpacked a basket. A small boy in knickers and cap and a young girl in a flowing pink sundress played near the blanket. Tall, snow-covered mountains were in the distance and the theme and colors would complement his redesigned living area.

  “You’re sure?” he asked.

  Stacey watched as he looked at the painting oddly. Cord’s jaw clenched and the smile left his eyes. “Not if you don’t like it. We should look for something else. Maybe a seascape,” she assured him wanting to see a smile back on his face.

  “No, it’s perfect. Just—it’s not what I would have picked out. It—bothers me, somehow,” Cord admitted slowly, still staring at the painting by a new artist.

  “Really, Cord, if you’d rather have...”

  “Stacey, this is the right one. I’ll find someone to help us.” Cord left her to find the shop owner and pay for the painting. They carried it with them after the dealer carefully wrapped it.

  On a small side street, Stacey insisted the driver pull over to a florist’s shop with a display of live plants hanging in the window. Having the cab to wait and over Cord’s continued protest, she returned quickly with two boxes of plants. Several large pots would be delivered to the apartment, but Stacey wanted to take these with them.

  Cord grinned as the doorman helped them get everything into the building. “She doesn’t do anything by halves, Wilkes.”

  “No sir, I can see that. She does seem to be an all or nothing type of lady,” Wilkes agreed with a broad smile.

  Cord’s mind jumped to her offer to have his child. No mention of marriage, no request for promises, just her desire to carry his baby. When she gave in physically, she also made an emotional and mental commitment. For her, it really was all or nothing.

  “Cord, are you ready to go up?” Stacey drew his attention back to where she stood holding a box of plants in her arms.

  “Yeah, I’m coming.” He picked up the painting and Ben carried the other box of plants.

  Stanley met them at the apartment door and took the second box of plants from the security guard.

  Stacey directed hanging the painting and scattered the potted plants throughout the rooms of the apartment. Stanley assisted her when Cord refused to help with the plants.

  The houseman was ecstatic over the additions to be looked after and oohed and aahed as they found a place for each one.

  “I have to check my messages. I’ll be out in a few minutes and we’ll leave.” Cord went into his office and closed the door.

  Stacey went into the bathroom to freshen up. Cord had promised they would take a long walk and eat lunch in the Park. She wasn’t sure what
she would do if he got called away on a job, but it would happen eventually. She couldn’t help thinking she might be giving up her long time vision of happy-ever-after for this man. But without Cord in her life would there be that possibility anyway? In her heart, mind, and soul she already belonged to him. There would never be anyone else. She decided to take what he offered for now and give back whatever he wanted from her, for however long it lasted. He had definitely already given her some very special moments to remember. She blushed hotly thinking about their time together.

  Gentle and demanding, passionate and solicitous, Cord loved her with his body so tenderly she knew he cared for her. Stacey also knew it would take time for him to love her in every way. Deciding once again not to worry about it and spoil their time together, she went back to the living room. She heard male voices coming from the kitchen.

  Looking around at the changes as she waited for Cord, she felt they were definitely for the better. Knowing Cord would be more comfortable while he was here made her happy. The room looked inviting and more like a home instead of a stark, cold magazine layout. She tried to be careful not to make it too feminine or too much hers. The white, black, and teals worked well together. The ceramics provided a counterbalance for the sculptures and the plants added life and color. Some books for the coffee table, a whimsical lamp and antique ice bucket for the bar, and a large recliner or rocker and the room would be complete.

  Cord came in from the kitchen. “Ready?”

  “Yes,” she answered and knew right away something was wrong. The lines were back in his face and he wore his soldier look as she was coming to call it. “What happened?”

  “I have to leave early in the morning. A woman and her daughter have been taken hostage. Her husband needs me to get them out,” he explained quietly.

  “Where?” Stacey’s heart felt as if it dropped into her stomach. She had expected it but not this soon.

  “South America. The kidnappers are holding them to exchange for their brother who is in a Miami prison for drug-running.”

  “It sounds complicated. What can I do to help?” She offered immediately.

  “Spend the day with me. Sleep with me tonight. Then you can help me pack and see me off in the morning,” he drew her into his arms slowly and kissed her. “Are you hungry?” he asked between kisses.

  “No, not yet.”

  “Good. There’s something I want to show you in the bedroom,” he led her to his room. At the thought of leaving her, desire overcame him so swift and strong, he needed her now. He closed and locked the door behind them.

  * * * * *

  Very content and satisfied, Stacey lay draped across his chest. The more he made love to her, the more she desired him. She lazily stroked his chest as he breathed in the scent of her hair. There were questions hanging between them, but she didn’t want to bring them up.

  Finally, Cord asked, “Will you be here when I get back?” He leisurely rubbed the curve of her back just above her hips.

  “Do you want me to be here?” She turned the question back on him as she so often did.

  “Yes. I want you here. I may be gone from several days to a couple of weeks, but I want to be with you as soon as I can get back.”

  “I have to leave on the twenty-fourth. My group leaves on the twenty-sixth and I need a day to get things together. But I could stay until then.”

  “Can you cancel or get someone else to take the job?” It suddenly became imperative that he not let her leave. He felt he might never see her again.

  “I made promises. These people booked this trip when they were at the lodge in the winter. It wouldn’t be fair to them.”

  “Then, this trip is more important than being with me?” he asked in a tense, quiet voice.

  Stacey jerked up as what he said hit her the wrong way. “Don’t you dare do this to me, McConnell. No, the stupid job is not more important than you, but I don’t see you canceling your work to be with me. We each need to accept what the other does and work around it if we want to be together. I can’t be the only one willing to wait while you go off and do your job. There are times you have to be willing to wait for me too.” She slid to a sitting position on the side of the bed and took several deep breaths. After a minute, in a calmer tone, she added, “I love you, Cord. I hope I’ve shown you how much. I want to be with you more than you could ever know, but tell me this. If I give up my work for you and then you get tired of me, what will I have then?”

  Cord watched without a word as she grabbed up her clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. He heard the shower running. He realized what he asked of her was wrong. It wasn’t fair to ask her to stay while he worked, regardless of his personal fears. And he couldn’t ask her to give up her job. She was good at it and it was important to her, particularly the search and rescue part of it. He pulled on his jeans then lay back on the bed.

  She came out of the bathroom fully dressed and he immediately noticed her red-rimmed eyes. “Stacey, I’m sorry.” He got up and moved to stand in front of her. “It is selfish to want you to stay. I know how important your work is to you. I’ve gotten very attached to you, Parker. I want you with me and I want to know you’re safe and taken care of.”

  Sliding her arms around his waist, she looked up into his soft brown eyes, almost like a doe’s eyes when he wasn’t upset. “I know. Maybe at some point we’ll work things out and decide together that I won’t work for a while. You asked me to accept the here and now and I’m trying to do that, but you have to do it too. In the here and now, I’m a working girl. Now, I’m hungry, McConnell. Is there still time to eat in the Park?”

  Kissing her tenderly, he grinned, “I think so. The weirdoes don’t come out until dark. Go see if Stanley has the sandwiches ready while I get dressed, okay?”

  “Duh, as the twins would say. Since we were originally going to eat just after twelve and it’s past two, I would think they’re ready.”

  “Then go get them, woman, before I drag you back to bed and teach you who’s boss,” Cord growled threateningly. He needed to get back to an emotional level he could deal with. Lovingly playful should work.

  “I’ll go get the food if you promise to teach me that later,” she giggled and left the room.

  There were two men, several boxes, and all kinds of wire spread out in the living room as she passed through. They were busily setting up the entertainment equipment and routing wires through the back of the new cabinet. It looks good under the new painting. She carefully edged around their things scattered about and continued on to the kitchen.

  “Stanley, we’re ready to go. Where’s the food?” she couldn’t prevent a blush from staining her cheeks and hoped he wouldn’t mention how late they were.

  “Here, Miss Parker. I will plan on serving dinner late. Will that be acceptable?” Stanley handed her a basket and turned back to the dishwasher he was unloading.

  “I think so. Did Cord mention he’s leaving in the morning?”

  “Yes, Miss. He said I should come each day to take care of your meals and be sure you are fine.”

  “That won’t be necessary, Stanley. I think I’ll visit my parents while he’s gone. You will take care of the plants?”

  “Yes, Miss.” Stanley looked as if he would cry. “But I know he wishes you to stay.”

  “I know. He told me. But I prefer to go home and come back when he returns. I have things I need to do and my parents can use the help.” Stacey picked up the basket. “We should be back before long.”

  Cord showed her around Central Park and they ate their lunch under a large oak. They were both fairly quiet except for casual comments about their surroundings.

  “I think I’ll go home tomorrow. I know mom and dad could use my help. You could call me when you get back,” Stacey told him, as they walked a little later.

  “That’s probably a good idea, after all. I’d worry about you wandering around New York if I left you here alone,” Cord agreed.

  “I could manage
, but I’d rather take the time to visit my folks and maybe spend time with the twins if they’re back. Besides, at the lodge I can stay busy and the time will pass faster. Will you call as soon as you can, so I’ll know you’re safe?”

  They walked past the playground. “Stacey, do you intend to come back?” Cord asked as if the question were forcefully drawn from his mouth.

  “If you still want me, I’ll come as soon as I can,” she promised.

  “Are you afraid I won’t?” he couldn’t believe the thought even crossed her mind.

  “Of course I am. Once we’re apart you might discover you don’t need me anymore or you might meet someone else. I’m not experienced and I have a terrible temper. I don’t really fit in that well—here.” Stacey gestured around her and stopped walking as she listed her concerns.

  “That works both ways. You might decide you don’t really want me, Stacey. Or that you don’t want to deal with all of this,” Cord told her quietly.

  “You’re kidding, right? I want you so much I could die of it. I never want any other man to touch me again. When you call, I will come as soon as I can—probably for the rest of my life. I can’t see myself ever refusing a chance to be with you.”

  “I hesitate to bring this up, but you already have,” he quietly argued.

  “No, Cord, that’s not true. I refused the chance to stay with your apartment and Stanley. You won’t be there or this whole conversation would never have come up. Ask me to go to South America with you and see what happens,” she told him firmly and began walking once more.

  “Okay, I’ll give you that one and you know I can’t take you with me. It’s hard enough for me to get in and out safely.” Cord caught her arm, stopped her, and carried her small but capable hand to his lips. “I apologize, again. I don’t want to fight, especially not today. I’ll call you as soon as I can and we’ll see each other as soon as we can. We’ll make this work, somehow.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” she admitted. “I’ve been defensive and insecure and it’s not like me. I’m afraid of losing you, I guess and I don’t like the feeling.” She pressed his hand against the soft skin of her cheek.