The Prince of Neither Here Nor There mp-1

by Sean Cullen

  Brendan was as shocked as everyone else, but he felt something stirring inside him. He had never seen Mr. Greenleaf before, but he couldn’t help feeling that he recognized him from somewhere. What the teacher said resonated within him. He couldn’t help himself. He raised his hand. Mr. Greenleaf pointed at him and Brendan blurted, “How did you do that? With the chalk and the bird. How did you do it?”

  Mr. Greenleaf looked up from the book. He fixed Brendan with his gaze and his mouth quirked into a sly, not unfriendly grin. “The world is full of surprises, Brendan. Things are not always what they seem. People are not always what they seem. The trick is to be open to seeing what is really there.” He winked.

  Brendan sat with his mouth hanging open, unable to respond.

  Mr. Greenleaf snapped the book shut and tossed it onto the desktop with a thud. “Valences! Who can tell me what they are?”

  Belinda’s hand shot up immediately. The class commenced but Brendan hardly noticed. He was feeling strangely dizzy. The substitute teacher had made him feel disoriented and he couldn’t concentrate.

  “Wake up!”

  “Huh!?” Brendan blinked.

  “Class is over,” Dmitri said. “Time to go. Didn’t you hear the bell?”

  Brendan sighed with relief. He was more than happy to get out of that classroom.

  ^27 While a nice sentiment, this statement is not true. There are many boring subjects. I would list them but then you would be bored.

  ^28 A perma-frown is a facial feature that displays permanent disappointment and disdain that many persons develop in conjunction with their jobs. Usually it is manifested as a deep furrow between the eyebrows and perpetual turndown at the corners of the mouth. There are rumours of a special plastic surgery facility that specializes in providing management officials with the perma-frown but these rumours are unsubstantiated.

  ^29 A black hole is not really a hole at all. It is a superdense sphere of matter that is the result of a star imploding. Gravity is so strong on the surface of the sphere that even light can be sucked into it. More tests will be required before it is known if disapproval would suffer the same fate.

  ^30 Baleful is a word meaning evil or full of suffering. Not to be confused with baleful in the sense that “the barn is baleful,” that is to say full of hay bales. I doubt you would confuse the two as someone’s eyes could hardly shoot out bales of hay, but still… it doesn’t pay to overestimate the intelligence of one’s audience.

  OPINIONS

  Brendan stood up and followed the flow of students out the door and into the crowded hall. He cast a glance back at Mr. Greenleaf, expecting the man to be watching him, but the substitute was leaning on his desk chatting with a gaggle of girls. Even Belinda, usually terminally shy outside of academic situations, was standing with the others, albeit at the back of the group. The gawky girl was obviously quite smitten with the new teacher just like every other female.

  Well, not exactly every other female. Kim slammed her chemistry book into her knapsack and stomped out of the room without a backward glance. “Let’s get outta here,” she grumbled as she walked past Brendan. Dmitri and Brendan shared a bewildered look, waited for Harold to catch up, and then followed Kim out the front door.

  They caught up to her at the bike racks where she was tying her bag to her scooter with a bungee cord.

  “What’s your problem?” Brendan demanded.

  “I haven’t got a problem,” Kim snapped. Seeing the look on Brendan’s face, she sighed. “Don’t like that guy, that’s all. He bugs me. Don’t know why.”

  Brendan got the feeling she wasn’t telling the whole story, but he didn’t press her. “Who wants to go to Papa Ceo’s for a slice?”

  The suggestion was met with immediate approval from Dmitri and Kim, but Harold’s face fell. “I’m not supposed to eat things outside of mealtimes.”

  Brendan sympathized. His own mum would flip if she found out he’d been eating pizza before dinner. She railed at him about eating greasy food making his acne worse. How could it be any worse?

  “You don’t have to eat anything,” Brendan insisted. “You can just have a diet pop… or a salad or something.”

  Harold thought about it for a moment then nodded. Brendan was relieved. He didn’t care about the pizza, really. He just wanted to hear what the others had thought about the new teacher and his incredible chalk trick.

  They set off across Queen’s Park Crescent by the Royal Ontario Museum. The giant weird crystal perched on top of the limestone building looked like an alien spaceship. 31 Many people didn’t like the new crystal but Brendan thought it was kind of cool. He’d been inside the structure on the night of the opening and had wandered all over inside. His father was playing in a jazz quartet for one of the parties, so while his dad played, he explored. The odd angles of the ceilings and walls had been really neat.

  They turned away from the ROM and headed south to Hoskin Avenue. Brendan was about to broach the subject but Harold beat him to it.

  “What do you think of this Greenleaf guy?” Harold asked. As he walked along, he was sketching in his book with a pencil. He was always drawing and he was quite talented. In a few strokes, a hummingbird appeared on the blank page. Brendan marvelled anew at Harold’s gift. He wished he had some comparable talent. If he did, he certainly hadn’t discovered it yet.

  Kim grunted but didn’t say a word.

  “He certainly made chemistry more interesting,” Dmitri said. “He has a very interesting teaching style.”

  “Those tricks he pulled were amazing,” Brendan opined. “The chalk changing colour and the hummingbird? Cool.”

  “I’m sure he must have had the chalk up his sleeve,” Dmitri said, “Or in a false pocket in his vesk.”

  “Vest,” Brendan corrected. “Not vesk.”

  “Vest!” Dmitri repeated. “Right.”

  “And he totally shut down Chester, that’s for sure,” Harold said with a grin. He had flipped the page in the sketch pad and was feverishly carving a portrait of Mr. Greenleaf with a lump of charcoal on a fresh sheet of white. “I bet he’s a magician!” Harold offered, “and maybe he had an accident during a show. Like he accidentally sawed a woman in half for real. On stage. That would be wicked, right?”

  “I think that’s highly unlikely,” Dmitri commented.

  “Still, it’d be wicked, right? Am I right?”

  “Blah, blah, blah,” Kim suddenly cut in. “Who cares. He made a bird appear! Big deal. You guys act like he’s some kind of genius. Anybody can learn a magic trick. He buys a book at a joke shop and you guys think he’s Gandalf.”

  Brendan frowned. “Oh, yeah? Like you could do a magic trick.” It was a lame thing to say but he was just annoyed.

  She sneered and reached over her shoulder to grip the handle of her ever-present field hockey stick, jutting out of her knapsack. “Why don’t I put you to sleep with my magic wand.”

  “Ha-ha!” Brendan sneered back. “Do you want me to push that for a while?” He pointed at her scooter which she was currently guiding along, holding the handlebars. Her silver helmet dangled by its strap from the field hockey stick.

  Kim smiled. “Naw. Thanks. I can manage.”

  Brendan loved that scooter. It was a lustrous, lovingly restored Vespa in metallic candy-apple red with a black leather seat. He had begged Kim on a number of occasions to give him a ride, but she always said no. The insurance wouldn’t allow it. He envied her having such an amazing ride. Kim leaned her scooter against a telephone pole outside Papa Ceo’s Pizza and they joined the line for slices.

  Brendan marvelled that Kim never bothered to lock her scooter. “Aren’t you worried that someone’s gonna steal it?”

  Kim grinned wolfishly. “Who’d dare to steal from me?” Looking at that smile, Brendan decided he wouldn’t want to cross her.

  They got their slices and sat on the bench outside the window. Brendan bit into the hot, melting cheese and savoured the garlicky tomato sauce beneath. No
one did a better slice than Papa Ceo. Harold looked on with a woeful expression until Brendan inevitably said, “I can’t eat all mine. You want half, Harold?”

  Harold gladly accepted the half slice. It had become a ritual between them. Kim shook her head at Brendan.

  “You aren’t helping,” Kim scolded.

  “Aw, it’s only a half slice,” Brendan said, shrugging. “No harm done.”

  Dmitri was holding a veggie slice that was easily bigger than his whole head. Brendan had bought it for him. Dmitri’s family didn’t have a lot of money so Brendan spotted him a slice or a pop from time to time. He thought that the tutoring Dmitri gave him in science and mathematics was easily more valuable than a slice or two.

  “I don’t like him,” Kim said suddenly. “If I were you guys, I’d keep away from him.” She said this to all of them but she looked at Brendan when she spoke. To accentuate her warning, she popped a giant jalapeno in her mouth and chewed. No matter how much junk food Kim ate, she always stayed lean.

  Harold shook his head, gazing enviously at her pizza. He had already inhaled his. “And it was pretty cool how he knew everybody’s names, like right away. That just proves he’s a magician. How else do you explain the bird?” Harold demanded.

  “Sleight of hand,” Dmitri mumbled, with his mouth full. “I’ve seen magic shows on TV. It’s all illusion.”

  “Looked pretty real to me,” Harold said. “Hey, Brendan? You all right?”

  Brendan had been sitting looking at a poster in the nearby bus shelter, his pizza drooping in his hand. “Hmm?”

  Harold waved a hand in front of Brendan’s face. “Earth calling Brendan!”

  Brendan raised his head and looked at his friends. “What?” he said dumbly.

  “Have you established a psychic link with the alien spaceship yet?” Harold asked sarcastically.

  “Very funny,” Brendan said. “I was just looking at that poster. You ever heard of her?”

  They all looked at the poster. In ornate Celtic script the title read “Deirdre D’Anaan: One Night Only at Convocation Hall.”

  “My mum’s going to that,” Harold said, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “She’s a folk singer or something.”

  “Pretty,” Dmitri said.

  Brendan stared at the picture of the woman. The entire poster was her face. She was beautiful but in a very intimidating way with piercing grey eyes and a haughty expression. Her hair spread out in a red, tangled mass about her head. The artist had manipulated the image so that her hair melded with a border of green vines and wildflowers. The eyes seemed to peer right into Brendan’s heart they were so alive.

  “That’s a cool picture,” he said and turned to look at Kim. She was sitting stock-still, her pizza forgotten. She stared at the poster with a fevered intensity bordering on fury.

  “Kim? Are you all right?”

  Kim blinked. She realized they were all staring at her. “Huh? Yeah. I’m fine. Fine.”

  Dmitri tossed his napkin into the garbage bin and picked up his books. “I have to go. My mother gets worried if I don’t head straight home. Are you taking the subway, Harold?”

  Harold nodded.

  Brendan watched Kim as she stuffed the last piece of her pizza into her mouth. She was acting so weird today. He decided to push his luck. “That Mr. Greenleaf is pretty strange,” Brendan said. “I don’t know what to think of him. He’s kind of… spooky. Do you know him from somewhere, Kim?”

  Kim stopped in the act of putting on her silver helmet. “What do ya mean?”

  “It just looked like you knew him in class,” Brendan said.

  “Huh,” she jammed the helmet onto her head and did up the strap. “At my old school. He subbed there once. That’s all.” She fell silent, making it obvious she wasn’t going to elaborate.

  “I don’t know,” Harold said, gathering up his drawing materials and stuffing them into his knapsack. “Anything’s better than old Bowel-ly.”

  “Millionaire Bowel-ly,” Dmitri corrected. “He’s won the lottery now.”

  “That’s so amazing,” Brendan said. “Do you think it’s true?”

  Kim straddled her scooter. “I wouldn’t trust anything that guy said. You shouldn’t either.” She kicked the pedal and the engine roared to life. Without another word she sped off west along Harbord.

  They watched her go.

  “What’s up her butt?” Harold asked.

  “No idea,” Brendan said. “I think it’s something to do with the new substitute teacher.”

  “Greenleaf?” Dmitri said. “You think so?”

  “Yeah. I think he’s kind of odd, too. Don’t you?”

  “No weirder than any other teacher.” Harold shrugged. “Let’s go, D. See ya, Brendan.” He headed off north toward the subway station, pulling his sketchbook out as he went.

  Brendan frowned. “There’s something about him that’s… I don’t know. Familiar.”

  “You’ve met him before?” Dmitri asked.

  “That’s just the thing. I’m sure I haven’t but as soon as I saw him, I felt something. It’s like some part of me should know him or recognize who he is. Does that make any sense to you?”

  Dmitri looked at Brendan and said finally, “Uh-uh.”

  Brendan’s shoulders sagged. “Me neither. Ow.” His hand gripped his chest.

  “What’s wrong?” Dmitri asked.

  “Nothing,” Brendan tugged the collar of his T-shirt down to expose the left side of his chest. “I’ve had this scar since I was a baby and it’s been bugging me today.” The scar was red and inflamed. Brendan raked his fingernails across it.

  Dmitri pulled Brendan’s hand away. “You’ll only make it worse. ‘Scratch today and cry tomorrow,’ as my babka would say.” The smaller boy was always quoting his ancient Polish grandmother. “That’s worrying. You should get it looked at. It could be skin cancer. Moles can turn into-”

  Brendan pulled his shirt back over the mark. “Never mind. Let’s just forget it. See you tomorrow.”

  “Later on,” called Dmitri, jogging to catch up with Harold.

  “Just ‘later,’ Dmitri!” Brendan called at his friend’s back. “Later!”

  He watched them go, then turned to look at the ad again. Those eyes. He scanned the poster and saw that the concert was tomorrow night. He studied Deirdre D’Anaan’s face. Like his weird feeling about Greenleaf, he felt he recognized this woman from somewhere. Maybe he’d seen her on TV or something. The memory was just on the tip of his brain. Annoying, he thought. Maybe my dad has one of her albums or something.

  He decided to let it go for now. He popped the last piece of crust into his mouth and tossed his napkin in the litter bin. He started walking home.

  ^31 The Michael Lee-Chin Crystal was opened to the public on June 3, 2007. The abstract crystal structure perches on the front of the original stone building and was met with mixed reactions by the public. There were many other suggestions for a structure to embellish the front of the museum: a giant pyramid, an enormous leather hat, and a massive blob of real mashed potatoes. Fortunately, the crystal was chosen over the mashed potatoes because of the ongoing cost of adding fresh butter to the structure every morning.

  HOME

  He walked along the sweeping turn that was Spadina Circle, where Spadina Avenue split in two to accommodate an old brick building and joined up again for the plunge into Chinatown. He was trying to enjoy the last semi-warm day of autumn. On his right was Lord Lansdowne Public School, an unlovely box with a concrete playground.

  Why do they pave playgrounds? he wondered for the thousandth time. What’s fun about falling and scraping the skin off your palms? Brendan had done that too many times to count.

  The one thing that redeemed the building was the huge black stone that sat in front of the school by the sidewalk. He always reached out over the fence and brushed his hand across its rough surface for luck.

  He picked up his pace and turned the corner as a streetcar rattled and shrieked
along the track heading south. He found himself in front of the Scott Mission. This close to dinnertime there was a lineup of people who lived hard on the street. They were all waiting for the hot meal the mission offered every day. He always felt bad for these people. His father always gave them money if they asked for it, which annoyed his mother.

  “You shouldn’t give them money,” she would say. “They’ll just spend it on drink.”

  “Or food,” his father would answer.

  “I’m not just trying to be mean,” she would counter. “I think you should give to a charity that can help them get off the street.”

  They would argue back and forth. Brendan couldn’t tell which was the right way to be. Walking down the line of dirty, haggard faces, he always felt slightly guilty that he had a nice home and could buy some pizza while these people had nowhere and nothing to look forward to.

  He passed the mission and found himself in front of the Silver Dollar, a seedy little bar that often pumped out loud music.

  Brendan smiled and waved when he saw the old guy sitting on an overturned milk carton.

  “Hey there, Finbar,” Brendan said with a wave. “Didn’t see you for a couple of days. I was worried.”

  “Hallo, Prince Breandan,” said the man, who was wearing a heavy woollen overcoat in spite of the mild weather. He waved back with one large, gnarled hand. He was usually here near the Silver Dollar drinking a cup of tea from a thermos. “I was a little under the weather. Right as rain today, though! Lovely day, in’t it?”

  “Yeah!” Brendan waved back.

  Brendan stopped and reached into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a packet of shortbread cookies he’d stuck there that morning when leaving the house. “Biscuits?”