Falling & Uprising

by Natalie Cammaratta

  I melt into him as we get back to the topic at hand. “The whole world was too perfect, and look how that turned out. I feel like I was a complete idiot to not have questioned all of it, so I’m scared to jump into this without questioning it. But I also don’t want to ruin things.”

  “Quite the paradox.”

  “Hasn’t all of this jaded you at all? Why haven’t you become cynical, knowing everything you know?”

  “I’m more of a pessimist now than I ever was before. But the Establishment having ulterior motives makes sense. I can’t think of any good reason you could possibly have to pretend to be interested in me. Even if it is hard to believe.”

  I blush much too often around him. “You’re right, there isn’t any reason for me to pretend, but there are plenty of reasons for me to be attracted to you.”

  “If you say so. And then I guess fearing the uprising is self-explanatory.”

  “Selfishly, I find myself dwelling on the fear of losing this,”— I squeeze his hands—“in the uprising.”

  He takes a deep breath and looks at our clasped hands. “You’ve already given me countless reasons to smash both vials. I can’t begin to tell you how much I hate the idea of forgetting the sight of you sleeping in my bed or how angry you were when I suggested we join your parents that night.” We both smile then, and he looks into my eyes. “Even in the worst-case scenario, we come out with some version of this. I’ll be right there with you to figure it all out.”

  “Knowing it would happen to you too is no better.” I shake my head. “I don’t want you to share my fate if I fall into trouble.”

  “Well, you’re stuck with me, so I’ll likely be there to fall with you anyway. And hey, think of it this way; if we effectively erase this relationship, we get to rediscover each other. That would be exciting. Like getting the experience of reading your favorite book for the first time again.”

  I smile as I lean in to speak against his lips. “Another first kiss?”

  He kisses me sweetly and then ruins the moment. “You mean as opposed to the one that was just to make your ex jealous?”

  I jerk back from him. “That was not our first kiss.”

  “Technically…”

  “Stop it! We’ll erase that right now and start over.” I hold up the emergency amnesia bag. “And anyway, I don’t think you want to claim that as our first kiss. You’re a much better kisser when you aren’t shell-shocked.”

  “Ouch.” His attempt to look hurt is spoiled by the laughter in his eyes. He enjoys our bantering as much as I do. He laughs as he stands up. “Let’s go get dinner.”

  “I’m not going anywhere with you.” I cross my arms and remain planted in place.

  “Really?”

  “When was our first kiss again?”

  He pulls me up by the hand and loops my arm around his neck. “Here at my apartment,”—he kisses my forehead—“after the symphony,”—kiss on my nose—“when we realized what a fortunate accident that whole rescue was.” His kiss on my lips warms me to my bones.

  Even if my anger was fabricated, it’s a little jarring how quickly he can turn that around. The fluttering in my stomach is both exhilarating and nerve-racking. The tune my fingers tap against the back of his neck is soothing and romantic.

  “Much better.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  BRAM

  Our cuffs’ lights are the only illumination in the otherwise impenetrable darkness of the tunnel. The beams are swallowed by the blackness before they can reach the end. Tori's and my footsteps echo against the walls making it sound like more than two of us are taking this little stroll from Marshal Headquarters to the train station.

  “Hey,”—I break the silence and test my volume here—“Sophos told me about your dad.”

  “What about him?” Her voice goes low-pitched. I may have brought up a topic she doesn’t want to discuss.

  “That he was the one who developed the vaccine for the extirpation drug. That he died trying to develop an antidote.”

  Not being able to see her face kills me. I’ve spent most of my time in the city observing conversations and reading facial expressions and body language. Now, it’s unsettling to have a conversation without any of that.

  “Yeah.” Tori is the only person who might be less talkative than I am. Being on the other side is strange.

  “My dad died when I was nine,” I say in an attempt to get her talking. “How old were you?”

  “Fifteen. Old enough for him to pass me his torch and send me off to continue on with this insane cause.”

  Didn’t anyone think there should be an age requirement to throw us into a revolution? And without so much as a transition. One day the world is fine; the next, ‘Actually, it’s all a disaster, and we need your help to fix it.’ Nice knowing you, childhood.

  The beams of light reach a wall as we approach the end of the passageway. We pass through the station’s hallways bathed in its eerie red glow. Tori doesn’t appear to have been disturbed by our conversation, but then again, we all have our masks.

  She found the road-rail truck in the service station at Sophos’ request. “Do you know how to drive this thing?” I ask as we approach it.

  “I took it for a test drive to set charges a few miles up into the Leavenworth tunnel.”

  “We’re cutting Leavenworth off too?”

  “Have to give the Establishment something to worry about besides coming after us to take the islands back.”

  We climb in, and the key sits on the dashboard. Tori turns it in the ignition and starts it up. The Establishment keeps a few cars for official use. Tori can drive them, but those are nothing like this. In the city cars, the driver is there for show—the cars drive themselves. This thing is ancient. I’ve never heard a motor this loud, and an off-odor comes from the back end.

  “At least we’re being discreet.” It’s not loud enough for me to need to yell over the engine, but I do it anyway… for effect.

  Tori rolls her eyes as she inches the truck forward on the tracks. Parked trains sit in the main station as we pass by and find the track to Gladstone. I grip the door handle as the truck jostles, switching tracks. Once we lower down onto the track, it isn’t horrible. We pick up speed once we are in the tunnel to Gladstone, but this isn’t nearly as fast as the train and nowhere near as smooth.

  “This won’t be my preferred method of travel,” I say.

  “I don’t know. Controlling the vehicle myself is a little satisfying. And we can see more.”

  A joke about her enjoying control dances on my tongue, but I suppress it. “See more of what? We’re in a dark tunnel.”

  “I know, but you can’t see ahead of you on the train.”

  “Whatever you say. How long will it take us to get to Gladstone at this pace?”

  “Maybe fifteen minutes.”

  “All right.”

  “How is everything else going?” she asks.

  “I don’t know. Everything is in the hands of the tech kids, and none of us can speak to each other.”

  “No news from Serenity on it?”

  “They’ve gotten back into the train system. Maybe by Friday, there will be good news about the broadcasting system or the power grid.”

  “Here’s hoping.” We sit in silence for a while. “How far are we from Kaycie now?” she asks.

  I tap my cuff. “Eighteen miles.”

  “Only two miles from Gladstone. This will do.”

  She hands me two charges, and we climb out of the truck. We each stick one charge under the tracks as we planned, then one on each sidewall. Tori climbs onto the top of the truck to secure charges to the ceiling of the tunnel.

  When she jumps down, my hands fly to her waist to support her landing. “Some warning would be nice!”

  “I didn’t need help.” She looks up at me coyly, my hands still on her waist. “Settle down and keep up.” She turns, slipping out of my grasp, and strides back to the truck.

  The faint shad
ow of flirtation still lingers sometimes, but it’s lost on me. I don’t crave cuddles or anything, but there isn’t any warmth there. We don’t have any connection besides friendship. She’s too cold to be interested in anything else, and that’s fine.

  We continue on through the Gladstone station and veer left to continue toward Leavenworth. We get a couple of miles down that tunnel before setting charges in the same way.

  Back in the truck, I realize we have to go back the way we came now. “How do you turn this rust bucket around?”

  “This will be the fun part.” Her smile is too mischievous for this to be a good thing. She pulls a lever that lifts the truck. I lean my head out of the window to see that the rubber tires have descended, lifting the metal track-wheels up off the tracks. Tori proceeds to switch the truck between forward and reverse at least a dozen times to get us turned around, all the while bouncing over the tracks and thrashing us around in our seats.

  Finally, we face the right direction, and she lowers the truck back onto its track wheels. My hand is stiff from gripping the door.

  “There, that wasn’t so bad,” she says.

  “Sure, I can’t wait to do that again.” She shrugs and drives off. “Are you sure about the amount of explosives?”

  “If you mean, have I actually tried blowing up a tunnel, no. But the math works out. It should make a mess that will take some time to clean up before anyone gets through again, but not collapse the tunnel and the utility lines that run under it.”

  “All right.”

  We pass back through the Gladstone station and the Kaycie station to turn toward Blue Springs. Well, there’s no one waiting there for us, wondering where this truck is. I look around at this stupid old truck no one seems to care about. “We could send her to Lawson in this,” I mutter under my breath.

  “Who?”

  “I’m just thinking out loud. Sophos disapproved of hiding Serenity after she found herself under Kemp’s microscope, but we could send her ahead to Lawson in this. She could be hidden there easily enough.”

  “Isn’t it both her and Jase under scrutiny?”

  “Yeah, and Jase.”

  She twists her mouth to the side. “Why do you care?”

  “I’m the one who got her into it. I dragged her out, and now the Establishment suspects her.” She nods skeptically. “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  I look at her impatiently as she glances at me from the corner of her eye. That ‘nothing’ was loaded.

  “It’s just that we are all in danger,” she says, “and putting each other in more danger every time we do anything for this cause. You only seem concerned about her being at risk, which is understandable…”

  “Because it’s my fault.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  I glare out of my window for the rest of the drive. What is she implying? Okay, I know the answer, but where does she get off making assumptions like that? I glance down at my cuff and announce, “A little over two miles to Blue Springs.”

  We come to a stop a moment later and follow the same routine as before but in silence. After we’re done, we get back into the truck and pass through the Blue Springs station, where we turn toward Greenwood. We continue on in silence and turn toward Kaycie. A mile and a half later, we set the last charges.

  “I’m sorry I overstepped. It’s not my place,” Tori says as we get back in for the last time.

  “It’s also ridiculous.”

  “Is it, though? She’s very cute. I’m not saying this out of jealousy. You’re free to have feelings for anyone.”

  My hands clench into fists. Serenity was cute when she was a mindless Kaycian droid. That’s not what she is anymore. She’s liberated now and sacrificing her comforts in the name of what’s fair for everyone. She’s different now. She’s more.

  And getting upset over Tori calling her ‘cute’ proves the point. Damnit.

  I don’t look at her when I reply. “Does it matter?”

  “You tell me. But realize that she is a very different person than you are, and as I’ve mentioned before, this is a terrible time to grow attached to anyone.”

  “She’s Kaycian, just like you.”

  “Ha! You know she’s nothing like me. She is tucked so deeply in the upper echelon of society, she doesn’t even realize there are levels within it.”

  “She knows it now. And doesn’t she have more to lose then? By taking down the Establishment, she has further to fall, but she doesn’t care.”

  “Does she really know what her world will be like after all of this?”

  “Do any of us?” I tilt my head back to look toward the ceiling. I don’t want to fight with Tori.

  “I’m not trying to argue with you,” she says. “I’m just concerned. You’re getting distracted by worrying about her when there is the bigger picture to think of. Remember, the end goal isn’t to save one person, okay?”

  “I know what the goal is.”

  “Good.”

  We get the truck back into the station and leave it as we found it. Tori is going up to the street from here. Before I dive into the inky darkness of the passageway to Marshal Headquarters, she looks at me apologetically. “Don’t be angry with me.”

  “I’m not. I’ll see you soon. Be careful.”

  She slips out into the night, and I lean my head on the door for a moment, taking in the realization Tori forced me into. I shouldn’t care about Serenity. I didn’t think I did. Is this why I’ve felt less interest in Tori? Serenity is undoubtedly more apt for an emotional connection, but we’re friends. That’s all. Right?

  As I pass through the darkness, I contemplate how I got to this point. Sure, Serenity doesn’t make me cringe anymore. Her spirit through this has been admirable, and yes, I’m worried about her now. How far have I swung from my initial dislike?

  I’m reminded of what I said to Sophos about my mom. No one risks everything for a person they admire. But was I willing to risk everything for Serenity? I don’t think so, but I don’t trust my subconscious much right now.

  I am scared of something happening to her, and fear is a distraction I don’t need right now. Not long ago, I thought Serenity would be the downfall of our entire uprising. She isn’t. But she might be mine.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  SERENITY

  Could it have been only months ago that I was suffering over having to lie to my loved ones while I became a spy during business hours? How quickly things can change. In a complete reversal, I now play the happy Kaycian during the day, and then I have Vogue and Jase to talk to about reality when I get out. I prefer this version.

  As Jase and I leave a restaurant at the plaza, he pulls me into a piano bar to get a nightcap. He holds the door for me, and I walk in to find it dark and empty. Purple light emanates from under the bar. Past the scattered cocktail tables and leather sofas, a grand piano basks in the beam of a spotlight. All is quiet and still.

  “I think they’re closed,” I say as Jase walks past me.

  “How unfortunate.”

  “Which means we should leave.”

  He turns to me and takes my hand. “But look at how sad the piano looks, all alone.”

  “Wow.” I squeeze his hand—hard. “Amazing how you remember everything, except that I don’t play in front of people.”

  “There aren’t any people. Just me.” He backs up, pulling me toward the piano. “And why is it that you don’t let anyone hear you play?”

  “When I wasn’t placed in the performing arts, I took that as my cue to let music be a private matter.”

  “But now you know placement is a sham.” This isn’t a subtle trap, but he is a bait I can’t resist.

  “Yes.”

  “I see. You want to keep your passion a secret because the Establishment told you that it wasn’t what you were supposed to do.”

  A laugh slips through my smile. “Are you using my rebellious nature to get something from me?”

  “Only if it works.” He shrugs. �
��Please?”

  “You too? Everyone has always wanted something from me.” That’s my best attempt at lightening the situation as my heartbeat picks up.

  “I just want you.” His hand slides up the back of my neck, and he pulls me in close. “This is part of you, and I want to know every part of you.”

  My stomach does flips that have nothing to do with my unease about playing in front of people. Jase’s adoration is overwhelming. So much for teasing my way out of this.

  I sit down on the bench. Jase takes a seat off to the side as I take a few deep breaths. My fingers tap together. I stretch them and give them a little wiggle. I can’t believe I’m doing this.

  There is a song I’ve had in my head lately. The slow first bars give me time to breathe and relax out my nerves. As it picks up, I get comfortable. For a moment, I forget I’m not alone. As the piece builds, my hands gliding across the keys, I go to the place inside myself where there is only the music and me. I had always thought there was only room for me here, but I bring Jase with me. I feel him here. It’s like we’ve run away together—escaped from the world hand in hand. The piano has always been an integral part of me, and sharing it with him is intimate in a way I couldn’t have expected. We agreed to take things slowly, and this was probably a terrible idea in that regard, but I can’t regret it. As I press the final keys, I think about the countless times I’ve played this song before, never realizing that Attraction was about him. I close my eyes and breathe in the silence.

  Jase appears next to me and kisses my hand. “That was beautiful. Thank you.”

  I turn to him slowly and bite my lip. “I feel like I just gave you a piece of my soul.”

  “I’ll protect it with my life.” His kiss is deep, gentle, and warm. I believe he’d protect every part of me.

  ***

  Outside of my metaphorical sanctuary and the vacant piano bar, I can’t shake off the intensity of the moment. People meander about the busy plaza like this is any other Monday night, but there is nothing ordinary about it for me. It’s ironic that after becoming jaded, suspicious, and guarded, I find myself giving unconditional trust like this. It should be terrifying, but it’s a relief to be known—understood. Still, my nerves tingle, making it impossible to relax.