by Rose, Ashley
"This may come as a shock, Janine, but I don't give a damn what Jess likes, or what Jess wants. I want you to come home now. As soon as possible. I'm going to make some phone calls and you're going to pack your stuff."
"Mom, I can't leave without telling Jess!"
"I'll see what I can do about getting a flight this evening then."
"Mom, please. I'm eighteen. I want to be here."
"Yes, you're eighteen. And if you don't come home right now, I will never speak to you again. I'll text you your flight information, and I will pick you up at the airport tonight."
"Mom, wait," she said, but it was too late. She put the phone down and covered her face with her hands. "No, no, no."
Janine stood up and started pacing. What could she do? Nothing.
She sighed and sat back down. She needed to think.
***
Jess turned his key in the lock and opened the door. He glanced around for Janine, but didn't see her. He shoved his key in his pocket and walked into the kitchen. Nothing on the stove. Good.
"Hey, Janie," he called, "you didn't start cooking yet, did you?"
"No," she said, her voice almost too quiet to hear.
"Good," he said, walking out of the kitchen toward the hall. "I thought we could go out tonight. A few of my friends are going out to eat, and they asked if I wanted to bring you so they could meet you." He smiled as he walked into the bedroom. "They seem to find it greatly amusing that—" He stopped talking and frowned, staring at the bag she was filling with her clothes. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
"Packing," she said.
"I noticed that much. Why?"
She sighed quietly and turned around. "I'm going home."
He nodded. "Very funny, Janine."
"I'm not joking," she said regretfully.
"What do you mean you're going home? You're leaving me?" he asked in disbelief.
She sighed, turning around to fold a sweater. "I'm not leaving you, Jess. I'm just leaving. I'm going back home."
"For how long?" he asked.
"For...good, I guess."
"For good?" he exclaimed. "What the hell, Janine? I thought you were staying here."
"My mom wants me to come home, Jess. She's my mom. She said she would never speak to me again if I don't come home now. I have to go."
"You told her?"
"Yes, and she wants me to come home."
"Doesn't the father get some kind of opinion in this?"
She sighed. "You don't have to be the father anymore. I'm going to tell my mom the truth when I get home, and I'm going to tell John, and I will explain why you stepped in, so he won't be mad at you. You get your life back."
"Beautiful," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. "So you're going to martyr yourself again, is that it? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to dodge the blame?"
"Just stop, Jess. This is not about me, and I'm not trying to martyr myself, as you seem to think."
"Yeah, and I'm not trying to get out of being the father, as you seem to think. You think you're doing me some big favor by leaving, is that it? You think you can leave and feel better?"
"Stop attacking me, Jess. This is not about you. I'm just...going. I can't do anything about it. My hands are tied."
"Your hands are not tied. Dammit, Janine, you're pregnant, you're as much an adult as you'll ever be. Make the decision for yourself. Your mother isn't pregnant."
"I know, but I don't want to do this without her."
"Well, what about what I want? I'm still in the role of father, and as the father I feel like I should have some rights here."
"Jess, just stop fighting me, please. I've spent most of the day fighting with myself, and my mother and...I'm just tired of fighting."
"So you're giving up."
Janine shrugged and wiped away a tear.
"Are you coming back?"
She averted her gaze and shook her head as she threw something else in her bag.
"That's mine," he informed her.
She blinked at the rolled up Tool T-shirt. "Oh." She took it back out and folded it, putting it down on the bed.
"Are you going to answer me, or are you just going to ignore the question?"
"No, Jess, I'm probably not coming back," she admitted quietly.
He scoffed, turning away from her. "Of all the gin joints in all the world," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes and shaking his head in disbelief.
"I'm sorry, Jess. I don't feel good about this."
"You shouldn't," he replied.
"Please don't be angry," she said.
"Don't even ask me that."
"I can tell you're mad, and I'm sorry, but I can't...I can't...I'm being pulled in too many different directions. I can't please everyone."
"Stop trying," he said. "Do you really want to leave?"
"Of course I don't," she said.
A little bit of his anger melted away and walked up behind her, turning her around. "Then don't go."
It broke her heart to have to deny him, especially with that look on his face. She shook her head, averting her gaze. "My mom already bought the ticket."
"I'll pay her back."
"Please stop," she said, willing herself not to start crying. "Please. I have to go. And I can't leave...with—" She shook her head. "I have to go, Jess."
His jaw tightened and he looked at the wall to keep calm. "When?"
"What?"
"When are you supposed to go?"
"I have to be at the airport be seven."
His eyebrows went up. "Tonight?"
She nodded. "She wants me there immediately."
He let go of her and walked away, then turned around in the hallway and came back toward her.
She bit her lip and decided not to say anything, because he looked very angry, and she turned around to finish throwing her stuff in the bag. "Excuse me," she said quietly, walking out of the room.
He just stood there staring at the doorway until she came back in, then he watched her put her recipe box in the bag and zip it. His jaw tightened until it hurt, but he managed to speak civilly when he asked, "Do you need any money or anything?"
She shook her head. "No, I'm fine."
He nodded slightly. "Do you need anything else? Am I needed here?"
She frowned slightly. "Well, I...guess not. I mean, I'm packed and I'm going to take a cab, but...."
He nodded. "Have a safe flight."
She blinked in surprise and followed him, but he was walking faster and she got to the living room in time to see the door slam shut behind him.
She stared at the door in shock, half waiting for him to open it and come back in. He didn't. She stared at the door for five full minutes before she accepted that he wasn't walking back through it. He had left. She swallowed and sat down on the couch, and then she hid her face in her hands and started crying.
Janine waited until the last minute to leave, hoping Jess would return so they could part on better terms, but he didn't return and she finally had to leave or miss her flight.
When the plane landed and she got off, she didn't immediately go out to her family. She sat down in a waiting area and called Jess. She didn't get an answer. With a sigh, she hung up and went out to greet her family.
The reunion was not a happy one. Janine's mother stood stiffly and Janine looked sullen.
"How was the flight?" her mom asked.
"Fabulous," Janine said dryly.
Her mom's lips tightened. "I see Jess has worn off on you."
Janine didn't bother remarking. "Are we ready?"
Her mother looked at the bag she had carried on. "You don't have anything else?"
Janine shook her head.
Janine tried to call Jess again when she got home, but she still got no answer. It made her sad. Was he ignoring her calls on purpose? She texted him even though she knew he couldn't really text from his phone. She just wanted to talk to him. She wanted to make sure he was okay. She wa
nted to make sure his temper had cooled and he didn't hate her. She wanted to hear his voice. She missed him so much, and she hadn't been away from him any time at all. It made it so much worse that he was mad at her when she left.
At ten o'clock that night Janine was alone in her room and she called John.
"Hey, baby sister." He sounded surprised.
She half smiled. "Hey," she greeted.
"What's up, Janie?"
"Oh...nothing."
"You and Jess still being an old married couple?"
"No," she said, trying not to sound sad.
"What?" he asked, sounding slightly alarmed.
"Mom called this morning. I blurted everything out and she flew off the handle....she bought a plane ticket and...I'm home."
He sighed. "Oh, Janie, I'm so sorry."
She nodded, not trusting her voice to speak. "But…" she started, then stopped to clear her throat and stop her voice from shaking. "Jess wasn't home when Mom called, and when he got home I was packing, and I sprung it on him. He got really angry and told me not to go and...I went anyway. I didn't really even get to say good-bye, because he asked if I needed money or anything and I told him I didn't and he just left. I've been trying to call him, but he won't answer the phone. So I kind of thought maybe you could call him, and he'll pick up, and then you can text me and I'll know he's okay." She paused. "Could you do that for me?"
"Yeah. Sure. Give me a few minutes."
"Thank you," she said.
"No problem. Bye."
"Bye."
She hung up the phone and sat it on the bed, staring at it.
Ten minutes passed before it chimed.
John: He's fine.
Janine: Is he still mad? How is he?
John: Drunk off his ass.
Janine: What did he say?
John: Doesn't matter.
Janine: Mean stuff? He's mad at me?
John: Don't worry about it, Janie. He's a sloppy drunk.
Janine: Was he alone?
John: Todd was there.
Janine: Anyone else? A girl?
John: No, Janie. Todd, Jess, and beer. Lots of beer.
Janine: Should I call him?
John: No. Give him some time.
Janine: What if he never talks to me again?
John: He will. You did create a child together.
Janine: Yeah.
John: Chin up, baby sis.
Janine: Chin firmly pointed down.
John: How bout I come home this weekend to cheer you up?
Janine: Okay. Thanks, Johnny.
She put down the phone and sighed, resting her head back against her headboard and closing her eyes. Three deep breaths later, she burst into tears.
***
The next morning, her mother started in on her.
"So, how exactly are you pregnant?" Janet asked, leaning against the counter and crossing her arms, staring at her daughter.
"I already told you," Janine said.
"Ah, right. Jess. He's supposed to be the father, right?"
"You find that so unbelievable?"
"No, I believe Jess would impregnate you, and I believe you would let him, so it isn't so unbelievable," Janet said. "However, it's when it supposedly happened that throws me."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, I remember when Jess was visiting John, because I always make a note of it when Jess is in town so I can keep an eye on where you are. I know you were here that day."
"And you went to the grocery store," Janine said.
"Yes, I did," Janet conceded. "But you were wearing, if I remember correctly, very frumpy pajamas, not a stitch of make-up, and your hair was a mess."
Janine swallowed, wondering exactly when her mother got to be so observant.
"I'm not an idiot, Janine. You would never let Jess see you like that, especially not for the first time in years. And you looked the exact same way when I got home. If you had seen Jess pull in, you would have darted in the other room and pulled one of your fashion miracles where you go from frumpy to fashion model in less than two minutes. But you didn't." She paused and smiled a little. "So now you can tell me who the father really is."
"How do you remember all that?" Janine asked.
"I trust you in many things, Janine, but Jess is not one of them. I have never carried any illusions about you using your head when it comes to him. Anytime I know he's in the vicinity, I watch you, and when I got home and saw you in pajamas, I knew you hadn't seen him and you weren't going to. I always worried that you'd try to see him. I didn't count on you going there, of course, but..."
Janine reminded herself that she had been planning to tell the truth anyway, but she couldn't seem to do it. It was always easier when you were in your room, to think of what you wanted to say and how you wanted to say it, but when it came down to formulating the words and getting them out...well, that was another matter.
"So, who is it? Who do you even know that you're attracted to other than Jess?"
"No one," she said. Then she chickened out. "Look, I don't want to talk about this, okay? I'm pregnant. That's that. It doesn't matter who or when or why, because it doesn't change anything."
"It does to me." Janet sighed.
"I'm not talking about it right now," Janine said, shaking her head.
"Why not?"
Janine stood there, stubborn and silent.
"Fine. Let's talk about school."
"I'm not going," Janine said. "I need to get a job and make money, especially if I'm going to be a single parent."
Janet nodded. "I know. I've already signed you up for an online GED class for your senior year; that way you can work any hours you want and do your school around it."
Janine frowned slightly, then she nodded. "I guess that could work."
"You'll study on your own time and take the tests online."
She nodded. "Okay. I can do that."
Her mother nodded. "You can start applying for jobs today if you want."
Janine nodded. "I'll look at craigslist after I get out of the shower."
"This conversation is not over," Janet told her.
Janine pretended she didn't hear as she kept walking out of the room.
Chapter Eight
It was the middle of September when Janine finally got a message from Jess.
Unfortunately, due to her stupid job at the pizza place in her hometown, she'd had her phone off when he'd called. "Hey, Janine. It's Jess. I just wanted to...call and see how you were doing. I talked to John. He said you got a job." He sighed. "Anyway, I was just calling to see how you were. Bye."
She called him back immediately, but of course now he didn't answer. "Uh, hi, Jess. It's Janine. I was at work when you called, and I just got your message, so I thought I'd call you back. I'm doing fine. I hope you're doing fine." She grimaced at how stupid she sounded. "Um, okay, so...well, I was just calling you back. I can try back another time. Bye."
She hung up, and played his message back again. And again.
The next day, Janine's car broke down as she was going to work, so she had her mom take her. She said she would call her mom at the end of the day if she couldn't get a ride from someone, and then to make things even worse, she realized that she'd left her phone on the kitchen table at home. How could she be so stupid to forget her phone on the day that Jess should be calling her back? If she'd had her car, she would have made some excuse to run home for it, but as it was, she just spent the day staring at the clock, wondering if he'd called yet.
At the end of her shift, one of the guys she worked with offered her a ride home.
"So, what happened to your car?" Larry asked.
"Um, it wouldn't start?" she said with a smile. "My knowledge of cars does not surpass their color and where the gas tank is located."
He smiled. "Well, you know more than my mom then."
"My mom knows a lot about cars, but that's because she married a mechanic."
"My uncle's
a mechanic," he said with a nod. Then he looked both ways and turned. "Are you hungry?"
"After smelling pizza all day? Not really."
"You sure? We could grab a bite to eat before I drop you off."
She tilted her head to the side slightly, torn between her desperate desire to get back to her phone and being polite. "Make it ice cream and I'm in," she offered.
"Ice cream it is," Larry said with a nod. "So, how come your boyfriend couldn't give you a ride to work?"
"Oh. Well, probably because I don't have one, and the only one I would have lives in New York City. It would be quite a distance to travel just to give me a ride to work."
He raised an eyebrow. "New York City, huh?"
She nodded. "Have you been there?"
"We went there for a weekend once."
"I love it there," she said.
He half smiled. "Love it or him?"
She half smiled right back. "Probably a little bit of both."
He nodded. "I take it he's the father."
Her eyes widened slightly and her gaze went to her stomach. "Oh. Um, not really. He was willing to be, but...I left."
He glanced at her. "You're in love with him but you left him?"
She frowned slightly. "Well, it's...sort of complicated."
He shrugged. "I have no plans for the day."
"Like you want to hear my life story," she said, rolling her eyes slightly.
"I'm bored, nothing good on TV tonight."
She sighed. "Okay, but you asked for it."
Larry smiled. "Consider me warned."
"Well, I went to him before I told anyone I was pregnant, and he was going to tell everyone he was the father. Actually, he did. He told my brother, and then we just started telling people that. But it wasn't true, and I felt guilty, so that was a problem. I kept thinking he was just being nice."