by Rose, Ashley
He just stared at the hat, shaking his head. "What did you learn about peer pressure? Just say no."
"I kind of like it," she said, touching the hat. "Karen said it's a nice way to dress up jeans, and it isn't overdone. Apparently now that I'm living in Manhattan I have to be fashionable," she said with a nod. "Karen bought one just like it."
Jess shook his head, a slight smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "I can't figure out if I'm more afraid for you, or more afraid of you."
She nodded thoughtfully. "I think a careful blend of both would be nice," she said with a nod.
"I can't believe you went to SoHo with Karen. If Karen would stay away from SoHo she wouldn't even need a job."
"It was less than $20," Janine said. "I wouldn't have spent too much money with the baby coming, but it seemed harmless enough. Of course, it's the most I've ever spent on a hat on my life, but it's also the first one I've ever bought in New York City. I think it's kind of cute, though."
"It's scary," he stated.
She smiled sweetly. "It was either this or a thong with Robert Pattinson's face on it."
He blinked. "I take that back, I love your scary hat."
She chuckled. "I thought you might feel that way." She turned toward the kitchen and motioned for him to follow. "I just finished dinner, so it's nice and hot."
"You didn't have to cook," he said, peeking into the kitchen nonetheless.
"I know, but I'm not going to be able to cook three days a work week, so I figured I could do it for you the other two."
"Very generous of you," he murmured, kissing her lightly on the cheek before going to the sink to wash his hands.
Janine got down two plates and held one out for him. "So, how was your day?"
He took the plate and frowned at the blue flower border. "When did I get plates with flowers on them?"
"I brought them from home." She went to another cupboard and got out two cups. "What do you want to drink?"
"We don't really have anything, do we?"
"We have a half gallon of milk and some Sprite."
"I'll take Sprite," he said.
They moved around the kitchen, filling their plates and getting drinks, then went in and sat down at the table.
There was a brief silence, so Janine tried again. "So, how was work?"
"Fine," he said with a nod, taking a bite of his food.
She nodded, pushing food around on her plate absentmindedly.
The silence only lasted for about a minute before Janine asked, "Where were you last night? I waited up for a while, but you didn't come home."
"I went out with a couple friends," he murmured vaguely.
She frowned slightly at the mashed potatoes on her plate. "Friends I've met already?"
He shook his head. "No."
Fishing for information was apparently not doing her any good, she decided. She just nodded and paid attention to her food, vowing that she would not appear insecure, nosy, possessive, or jealous. Completely unflappable, that was how she'd act. Absolutely.
Jess looked up with a raised eyebrow as Janine stabbed the chicken on her plate. "Your brother called," he informed her, changing the subject.
She looked up and her face eased into a smile. "John? What did he want?"
"Nothing specific," Jess said, shaking his head. "We were just talking. He asked if I knew anything about the rape that I hadn't told him."
Janine's eyes widened slightly. "What did you tell him?"
He shrugged. "That I don't know any more than you've told me."
She glanced down at her plate, one of her shoulders raising in a slight shrug. "Nothing more to tell."
"I don't think he's gonna let it go that easy," Jess observed.
Janine's brow furrowed. "Why?"
He shook his head. "Just doesn't seem like he's going to. Maybe you should talk to him."
"And say what? He hasn't even been asking me about it, so I don't know what he wants to know."
"I don't know," Jess said, shaking his head and taking a drink of his Sprite.
Conversation dropped again and both seemed content to eat their food in silence, lost in their own thoughts.
After dinner, when Jess had loaded the dishwasher and Janine had put the food away, Janine asked if he wanted to watch a movie. They hadn't watched a movie together in a while, and she thought they could probably use the together time. New relationship or not, they had already been moderately taxed and tested, and they needed some downtime to get back in tune with each other.
They put in The Breakfast Club. Claire was just arriving when Jess's phone rang.
Janine sighed and paused it while Jess went to get the phone. She watched him talk to the person for a minute then he came in and covered the phone, saying, "A few of my friends are going to the movies. Candace will be there but Chad and Karen won't. You want to go?"
Of course if she said no, that she would rather stay home, whoever it was on the phone would know she didn't want to hang out. She really had no choice but to say, "Sure."
He nodded and said, "Yeah, we'll go," into the phone.
Jannie sighed and stopped the movie, then she went over and popped the DVD out, putting it back in its case.
"I'll be back," she said, walking back to the bedroom to remove her hat and fix her hair.
Janine didn't know why these friends had bothered to invite her. After the introduction, they didn't speak a word to her. Janine thought maybe at least Candace would talk to her, but beyond saying hi, Candace had ignored her too. She found herself regretting the tiny pretend flirtation with Will. She had meant to make Jess a little bit irritated, not Candace, but it was Candace who would hardly speak to her.
In the movie, Janine sat between Jess and Candace. Jess casually draped an arm around her, which sort of appeased her. She smiled and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then turned her attention back to the screen.
After the movie, they walked around and the five friends talked while Janine listened and tried to think of something useful to say. Ed did finally direct a comment at Janine when he asked her if Jess was the one that knocked her up, but even then, Jess replied, so Janine still had nothing to say. After that, no one seemed to have any interest in her at all, so she turned her attention away from them so she could take in the sights.
She loved New York City. The streets were dark, but she felt safe. Her thoughts drifted to her mother, so convinced the city was dangerous and scary. She hadn't talked to her mother recently. She decided she should probably give her a call and tell her that she got a job. She couldn't forget how awful it had felt when she'd left, and when Jess was ignoring her and she was feeling lonely, those thoughts always came back stronger.
Her hand went down to rest absently on her rounded stomach and her thoughts wandered to babies. Janine had to admit, she enjoyed thinking about her baby much more since she was living with Jess than she had when she was just visiting.
Still, she was unsettled by the fact that she didn't seem to feel their connection in recent days. Ever since that stupid party, nothing was the same. Before she lived with him, when she was just visiting, they seemed to get along better. They spent time together, they watched and mocked movies, they talked, they kissed. Then when they came back and made love so beautifully, she was sure that things would only get better. But now, with them sleeping with backs to each other one night and him not even bothering to come home the next night, they hadn't even had time to kiss, let alone do more than that. Although, honestly, since the last few days had been so awful she was sort of afraid if she tried to make a move toward him now that he would spurn her advances, and if he did it once she would never try again, so it would probably ruin their intimate relationship. Janine thought it was probably best not to chance it.
Maybe it was just an adjustment period. Everything had been screwed up since she met Will. Janine had been the one to let her pride get in the way that night, so she had decided to let Jess get his back by doing whatever it w
as he had done the following night. Now, she felt like they were even. Jess, on the other hand, still seemed like he was at a distance. She would just have to talk to him, she decided. She didn't want to. It felt awkward and she didn't know what to say, but she figured she would probably have to.
She would not ask him about the night he didn't come home. Part of her didn't even want to know. If Jess had wanted her to know where he had been, he would have told her.
Her thoughts went to John and she felt a pang of longing. She wanted to talk to her brother so much, but she couldn't. John was her best friend, but she could not talk to him about her issues with Jess. Janine wanted to make sure that she kept John's relationship with Jess separate from her relationship with Jess, as she knew John loved her too much to remain unbiased. But without John, her normal confidante, and Jess, the one she was having issues with, she had no one to talk to. Karen had offered to talk to her, but Karen was Jess's friend, and they were still new friends, so she didn't want to confide in her too soon.
She wanted her big brother. She wanted her room. She wanted to say good night to her mom before she went to bed. A small part of her even wanted Jess to be the crush she couldn't have again. When she couldn't have him it didn't matter who he went out with, it didn't matter if he came home, and she could talk to her brother without keeping anything from him.
By the time Jess finally said good-bye to his friends and they walked home, Janine was feeling extremely blue. It was already eleven, so she didn't want to call her mom that late, and if she called John he would be able to tell something was wrong. When they got back to the apartment, still without more than a couple of casual words between them, Janine just wanted to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over her head, and go to sleep. She didn't care about kissing or talking to Jess. She just wanted the day to be over, the thoughts to be gone from her head. Why did he have to give her so much quiet time to think? When she started thinking she had to stop ignoring, and then she got depressed. She was sure her pregnancy hormones weren't helping, only intensifying her loneliness.
Once home, Janine changed into her pajamas and Jess took off his jeans, changed shirts, and climbed in bed. He leaned over, gave her a chaste kiss and told her good night, then rolled over.
Her mood dropped even lower, but she just said good night to his back and rolled over herself, feeling uncomfortable and incredibly lonely. She was just about to pull the blanket over her head and force herself to go to sleep without dwelling on her feeling of loneliness when she felt the baby kick. A slow smile spread across her face and she touched her stomach. The baby kicked again. She felt it on her hand. She forced herself to blink away the burning behind her eyes, scolding herself that she had no reason to want to cry. She touched her stomach for another few seconds, then rolled off the bed and walked back out into the living room, grabbing the baby heart monitor and the earphones. She went back in and crawled in the bed, putting the headphones on her ears and turning on the monitor.
She listened to the monitor for several minutes, until her eyes started drifting closed, and she fell asleep to the sound of her baby's heart beating, reminding her that she wasn't alone.
Chapter Fourteen
The next day, Janine couldn't seem to get up the nerve to say anything about her problems with Jess. She didn't know what to say. There was really nothing specifically wrong that she could think of, it was more of a general feeling.
She had planned to say, "What's wrong with us?" but she always tried to go over the conversation to think of all her points, and the minute she said it she imagined him asking what exactly was wrong with them, and that was when she drew a blank. Everything, she wanted to say, but she couldn't, because it felt too scary to actually admit that there was a problem, a big problem, and she didn't know exactly what it was or how to fix it. It was even more terrifying to face the possibility that their whole relationship was a problem, and they were just realizing it.
Then she started thinking maybe the problem was with her. Maybe Jess didn't even think anything was wrong. What if she was the only one that felt like something was off? What did that mean? Did that mean there was nothing to fix, that she was just being weird?
She felt like it would be opening Pandora's Box to say anything, so she continued to put it off, thinking maybe the problem would resolve itself. She loved Jess, and he said he loved her, so she insisted to herself that it would just have to work out. After all, she didn't have much of a choice. What would she even do if it didn't work itself out? She refused to think about it.
She had continued to ignore that there was any problem very nicely, but by Saturday, they still hadn't resolved anything. They were still stubbornly sleeping with their backs to each other and Janine was still unhappy about it. They made plans to go hang out with Chad and Karen. There was some sort of unspoken agreement that they couldn't just be in each other's company. They needed someone to distract them from the silence that always ensued when they were alone.
Janine helped Karen make dinner. Karen made hot dogs and Janine made macaroni salad, then started cutting up celery while Karen made dip.
"So, when are we having your baby shower?" Karen asked as they cleaned up after they ate.
Janine raised an eyebrow. "A baby shower? I didn't think I'd have one. I mean, I don't really have any friends that could make it from out of town, and you're my only friend in the city."
"Oh, pooh," she said, shaking her head. "You're having a baby shower and you'll have guests. Jess has female friends, and they will all come."
"Even Paula?"
Karen grinned. "Especially Paula, although I can't promise much of a gift. Do you think your brother would come?"
Janine nodded. "If he could. He would certainly moan and groan about it, but I could beg and plead and guilt him until he agreed."
"Just tell him some of the girls are hot, and he'll show."
Janine shook her head with a smile. "He's probably already dated them all."
"Oh, no, we did make some new friends here."
"It's hard to keep up with all of them," Janine said. "I'm not used to having that many friends. I have a few good friends, but that's it. Quality over quantity, I say."
Karen nodded. "A very nice system. We have a lot of associated friends, though. For instance, I had friends, Chad had friends, and when we became Karen and Chad we had to merge our friends together. Has Jess met any of your friends?"
Janine smiled. "Not since he was eighteen."
Karen smiled and went back to doing the dishes. "Where should we have the baby shower? I suppose it will depend on how many people we invite. Is your apartment bigger?" Before Janine could answer, she said, "Oh, wait. Todd has a bed in the living room, doesn't he? Why don't we have your baby shower here? I have a friend who works at a bakery and they make really delicious cake, so we'll get the cake there."
Janine started drying a plate with her towel, thinking of what it would be like to have a baby shower. "Are you sure?" she asked Karen.
"Absolutely. When should we have it, though? You're due in March, right? So maybe January? That would give us enough time to plan. Any ideas for food?"
Janine contemplated that for a moment, drying a couple more dishes. "Well, you know those little finger sandwiches?"
"Oh yeah," Karen said with a nod. "Those are adorable."
"We could make those, and you know how you use a cookie cutter to make shapes?"
Karen nodded.
"I have a little foot cookie cutter, and we could make the sandwiches like little baby footprints."
"Oh, that's a cute idea," Karen said, grinning. "Like when they stamp the little footprint in ink. I think we should do that. Great idea, Rosie."
Janine chuckled. "I thought Jess was Rosie."
"Yes, Rossini is too long for a nickname, so we shorten it to Rosie, but now you get to be Mrs. Rosie."
Janine's smile lessened by a small fraction, too small for Karen to notice. Chad walked into the kitchen, Jess right
behind him.
"Hey, babe, we're going to go out for a beer, okay?" Chad said.
Karen put a hand on her hip. "What are we, chopped liver?"
"No, you're both underage," he stated.
"Cradle robbers," Karen shot back.
Chad smiled and came over to kiss her. "We'll be back, okay?" he said, rubbing her shoulders. "I just got to talk to Rosie."
Karen half smiled and nodded, kissing him again. "Love you."
"Love you, too," he replied, letting her go and bending down to kiss Hope. "Daddy'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"
"Book?" she asked, smiling at him.
"Yes, then I'll read you a book," he said, ruffling her hair. "Bye, Janine," he said.
"Bye, Chad."
The guys walked out the door and Janine's smile melted. She glanced over at Karen, getting Hope a sippy cup of milk. She found herself ashamed that she had actually been jealous of the tender goodbye Chad gave Karen. Jess hadn't even bothered to say bye to her. He certainly hadn't kissed her and told her he loved her. She scolded herself, reminding herself that Jess wasn't one for soft, mushy words. That was one of the things she liked about him. When Larry had been great and mushy she had been disgusted, remembering how Jess could communicate without words. Only now he wasn't communicating with or without words.
"What's wrong?" Karen asked.
Janine pulled herself out of her thoughts and looked up with a forced smile. "Nothing."
"You look like you just lost your best friend," she stated.
Janine shook her head, putting her plate on the stack. "It's nothing."
"Mind sharing your nothing?"
Janine smiled at her.
"Spill, Janine dear," Karen said, putting the stack of plates in a cupboard and turning to face her, eyebrow raised in expectation.
Janine shook her head. "It's just that Jess and I are still fighting and I was taking a moment to feel sorry for myself. No big deal though. I'm better now," she said with a little smile.
Karen raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You're still fighting?"
"Not so much fighting, just having nothing to do with each other. We have become roommates, and not just any roommates, but roommates that don't like each other. I'm sure it will pass, though. It can't very well stay like this."