No More Horrible Dates

by Kate O'Keeffe

  “What can I say? It’s all part of my arsenal of charm,” he replies with a sardonic smirk.

  “You should pull that one out when you’re playing rugby. ‘This is not the ball you’re looking for.’” I laugh at my own joke.

  “Good plan, although I think there’s one issue with that. I’m not sure the guys I play against feel quite the same way about me as Miranda does.”

  “Oh, Nick. The light really catches your strong and manly jaw in this photo,” I say, fanning my face as I imitate her.

  He lets out a light laugh. “Anyway, I’m happy to help you out. You’re doing a whole lot more for me right now.”

  “Well, it’s working. Your Wild Boy of Rugby days are well and truly behind you.”

  “Not that I was much of a wild boy exactly.”

  “Oh, I think you were, if the photos are to be believed.”

  He studies me for a moment, his features tense before he replies, “Well, as you and I both know, photos can be deceiving.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Just…promise me you won’t go jumping to any conclusions about things you might see.”

  “Sure, I promise,” I reply lightly.

  “Be serious.”

  The mood in the room shifts from flirty fun to, well, I’m not sure what this is now. “What are you getting at? Are there some new photos of you out there I should know about?” Worry grips me as his lips form a thin line.

  He shakes his head. “No new photos. Just remember, I’ve got your back.”

  I smile at him in relief. He’s just being protective, that’s all. “Sure. I can remember that.”

  “Hey, I’ve got to go. Can we meet up later?” He stands up and offers me his hand. I take it in mine, and it feels almost as good as our kiss did a moment ago.

  “How about this Friday? Are you busy?”

  “Hey! I wanted to be the one to ask you out, not the other way around.”

  I’m grinning even harder now, that warmth seeping all the way down to my toes. “Well, I guess I beat you to it.”

  “I guess you did. And I would love to go out with you on Friday.”

  “It’s a date. There’s just one thing, though. I need you to meet me with my friends, Sophie and Darcy.”

  “I’ve already met them, remember? I was washing Bruno at your apartment, and Darcy lent me that super masculine shirt? Which I’ve still got, by the way. The guys say it brings out the color of my eyes.”

  I give a snort. “This is different. The three of us formed a dating pact a while back and vowed that we’d let each other meet the guys we want to date to ask them some questions.”

  “A dating pact. Seriously?” he says with a laugh.

  “Yes! It’s to help each other make sure the guys we’re dating are decent, and now that things have…changed between us—”

  “Because you need me to find your rubber duckie?” he asks.

  “Can you be serious for five seconds, please?”

  “My bad. Tell me more about this super serious and mature dating pact of yours.”

  “It might sound silly, but we formed the pact to help each other after we’d made really horrible dating choices. Sophie dated a guy who dumped her during the vows at a wedding, and I dated a guy who stole my shoes.”

  “What did he do with them?”

  “I do not want to know.” I shudder at the memory. “Do you think you could do it, even if it is just to indulge me?”

  “What does it involve?”

  “You’d meet with Darcy, Sophie, and me, and we’d vet you.”

  “Vet me? As in shine a bright light in my face and ask me what my intentions are toward you?”

  “A little less dramatic and definitely no bright lights. It would just be the three of us asking you some questions. Nothing too stressful.”

  “Wow, that sounds so fun. Sign me up right away.”

  “I know you’re being sarcastic, Nick, but it would mean a lot to me if you did it.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay you’ll allow my friends to ask you a few questions in a totally nonthreatening way?”

  “Yeah, why not? It could be fun.”

  “Well,” I reply, thinking of Sophie’s concerns that he’s still a party boy at heart, and Darcy’s track record of asking the tough questions, “it’ll be over before you know it, and then we can go out somewhere fun together.”

  “You know something? I’m so glad we’re in this thing together. You are so darn good for me, Erin Andrews.”

  I beam up at him, barely believing he feels the same way about me. “Oh, yeah? In what way?”

  He leans down and kisses me softly on the lips once more. “In pretty much every way I can imagine.”

  Back at my desk, I let out a contented sigh as I settle into my chair. Margie gives me the thumbs up and I beam back at her. When Nick passes his vetting, which I know he will, he and I will be an official couple. Finally, finally, it’s my turn. And I know Nick is the man for me.

  Chapter 18

  The evening of Nick’s No More Bad Dates vetting arrives, and I’m surprisingly nervous. Not because I don’t think he’ll pass, of course. We’ve spent a lot of time together talking and sharing our lives, so I feel like I’ve already begun to get to know him. It’s not that. It’s just, well, each of the guys who have been through the No More Bad Dates Pact Vetting Process has either failed spectacularly with us uncovering some deeply off-putting aspect of them or passed and then fell spectacularly at the first hurdle. Really, our track record for the pact is far from stellar.

  I’m confident Nick will be the one who bucks the trend.

  Still, here we are, the three of us sitting at our usual table at Cozy Cottage Café’s Friday Night Jam. Tonight is Open Mic Night, which means anyone can get up on the tiny stage and perform a song. Darcy and I have dazzled the crowd with our ABBA tributes before, and it’s been so much fun. Not tonight. Tonight is all about Nick. No distractions.

  I glance at my watch for about the gazillionth time already. It’s still a full ten minutes before Nick’s due to arrive. Actually, now it’s nine minutes and fifty-three seconds, fifty-two, fifty-one… Yup, I need to find something else to focus on here.

  “I’ve got three glasses of the café’s finest champagne, girls,” Sophie announces as she places some full champagne flutes on the table.

  Darcy cocks an eyebrow. “Champagne? Really? Did you win the lottery or something, Soph?”

  Sophie grins at us as she takes her seat. “It’s probably more like cheap white wine someone blew bubbles in behind the counter, but we can pretend, right?”

  “Thanks, Sophe. I’m sure it’ll do the trick.” I lift the glass to my lips and take a sip and then another, hoping the bubbles will go at least some way to quell my vetting anxiety.

  “Don’t be nervous, babe. You know him a whole lot better than other guys we’ve vetted for each other. It’ll be fine,” Darcy says.

  “I know. He’s in the public eye, so he’s not likely to have a weird pastime no one knows about,” I reply.

  “Like stealing women’s shoes,” Darcy says, her eyes dancing.

  “OMG, I forgot about that guy,” Sophie says with a giggle.

  I throw my eyes skyward. “That was ages ago!”

  “Hey, at least he didn’t take you to his girlfriend’s funeral,” Darcy says.

  “At which you played a song about someone calling from the other side,” Sophie adds.

  Oh, they are so enjoying this.

  Before long, both my friends are snorting with laughter at my terrible dating record. And really, I cannot blame them. A guy who took me to his girlfriend’s wake and Ivan, whose past times included competitive mooing, herding ducks, and dating his cousin. And lest I forget the guy who stole my shoes to do who knows what with last year.

  It’s not exactly a list to go bragging about on Instagram, is it?

  “Thank you so much, ladies,” I say with more than a note of sarcasm in my v
oice.

  “We’re sorry.” Darcy wipes tears from her cheeks. “You’ve got to admit though, you sure can pick ’em.”

  “Do I need to remind you about your dating disasters before you got together with your boyfriends?” I say to them.

  Darcy shakes her head. “No way.”

  “Please don’t go there,” Sophie implores.

  “Let me see,” I begin, counting off my friends horrible dates on my fingers, “there was the guy who dumped you during Bailey’s wedding, Sophie, and there was the guy who thought it was okay to play with stuffed toys for you, Darcy, and then there was—”

  Darcy throws her hands in the air. “Okay! We’ve got it. Between the three of us, we’ve made some extremely poor dating choices.”

  “And strangely, a lot of them have had super weird past times,” Sophie adds.

  “Thank you,” I sniff, only half meaning it. We’ve all had to kiss some pretty horrible frogs to find our princes—and I only hope Nick is truly mine. My prince, that is, not another horrible frog. I’ve had enough of the frogs.

  Bailey arrives at our table. She’s got a clipboard in her hands, her habitual beautiful smile on her face. “Hey there, girls. Are you singing in the Open Mic Night tonight? I don’t have any of you on the list, and that’s not like you.”

  “Oh, we’re not here to sing,” Sophie says with a shake of her head. “We’re here to vet Erin’s date.”

  Bailey’s face lights up. “Oooh, that’s exciting, Erin! But aren’t you already dating Nick Zachary?”

  “Oh, she is, but we haven’t had the chance to get to know him yet. That’s all,” Sophie replies hurriedly, and I shoot her a grateful smile. The world thinks we’ve been together for some time now, after all.

  “Okay, it makes sense now,” Bailey replies.

  “What does?” I ask.

  “Your boyfriends are lurking around over there, trying not to be noticed,” Bailey says with a head bob toward the back of the café. “They asked me to put them at the most dimly lit table in the coffee house, which I thought was weird at the time. It makes perfect sense now.”

  “They’re here?” Darcy asks in surprise.

  My eyebrows ping up as I gawk at my friends. “You told them?”

  We all turn and spot Jason and Alex trying desperately to merge into the background and not look like they shouldn’t be here. They’re not doing a convincing job of it, either.

  “I told Jason, but he promised not to come. I’m going to have a word with them.” Her face like thunder, Sophie waves them over.

  “Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Bailey says, bowing out before the scolding. “Let me know if you change your mind on singing. We’re a little light on performers tonight.”

  As Bailey leaves, the guys arrive, their metaphorical tails well and truly stuck between their legs.

  Sophie glares at them, her arms crossed. “Explain yourselves, please.”

  “Oh, we were in the neighborhood, that’s all,” Alex replies. “Weren’t we, Jas?”

  “Yeah, that’s right. We were passing by and thought, hey, it’s Open Mic Night at Cozy Cottage. We like Open Mic Night, so we thought we’d drop in for a beer.”

  “A likely story,” Darcy says as she crosses her arms.

  “Hey! It’s totally plausible,” Jason protests.

  “And there are no other places that serve beer on a Friday night in the city, right?” Darcy asks.

  “Would you believe we came here to sing?” Alex says hopefully.

  “Honey, did you forget that you hate to sing and you’re terrible at it?” Darcy replies.

  “Oh, yeah. There is that,” he says with a grin aimed to melt his girlfriend’s heart, and it does just that.

  “You’re impossible.” Darcy gazes lovingly up at him.

  “That is my goal. It’s all part of my allure.” Alex leans down to plant a kiss on her lips. “Jas really wanted to see Nick again, and he promised we could go shoot some pool after. It’s good to see you.”

  “You, too,” Darcy coos.

  I raise my palms into the stop sign. “Okay, enough of this lovey-dovey stuff. We’ve got a job to do, and you guys are not invited.”

  “Why not?” Jason protests. “We can offer a guy’s perspective, remember?”

  “Jason, all you’ll offer is staring at one of your rugby idols with your mouth dropped open,” I quip. “And don’t pretend that’s not true.”

  “She’s got a point, babe,” Sophie says to him.

  “So, off you go, men. Shoo,” I say with a flick of my hand.

  “Can we come over to say hi to him once you’re done?” Jason asks as Alex gets the message and turns to leave.

  “We’ll let you know, honey,” Sophie says and reaches up to give him a quick kiss.

  With the guys skulking back to their corner, I glance at my watch. Nick is due to arrive anytime now. I sweep my eyes around the room. When I spot him standing in the doorway, searching the crowd for me, my belly does a flip.

  “He’s here,” I say breathlessly to my friends. I catch his attention with a wave and note with satisfaction the way his face creases up into a smile when his eyes land on me.

  A few short strides of those long, athletic legs of his, and he’s at our table. “Hey,” he says, a soft smile on his lips, his brown eyes warm as his gaze locks onto mine.

  My heart gives a little squeeze. “Hey, yourself,” I reply, a wobble in my voice giving away my nerves. I push myself out of my chair to greet him with a quick hug. As I pull away from him, I can feel my friends’ eyes on us, and I’m suddenly self-conscious. I drop my hands to my sides and say, “Do you, ah, want to sit down?”

  He turns to my friends and greets them.

  They smile and say hello, and I can tell they’re both a little star struck by the rugby royalty who just arrived at our table.

  “I’ll go get a Coke first,” he replies. “Do you want anything?”

  “No alcohol, Nick?” Sophie enquires, and I shoot her a look.

  “Can’t. I’m training,” he replies with an easy smile. “So, you’re all good?”

  We tell him we’ve already got our drinks, and he makes his way to the counter.

  “See? He’s a changed man,” I say once he’s out of earshot.

  “No more drinking, no more partying, no more girls?” Sophie asks pointedly.

  “Nope. Just me.” A few moments later with Coke in hand, Nick arrives back at the table.

  Once we’re all settled, Sophie says, “Thanks for meeting with us, Nick. We know this might seem weird, but as Erin has explained to you, we’ve all agreed to vet one another’s dates.”

  “No problem.” He takes a sip of his Coke. “How does this thing work? Should I just come out with it and tell you that I’m crazy about Erin so you can give me your blessing?”

  I beam at him while trying to look cool and relaxed, like this isn’t the big deal it could very well be.

  “Oh, we have questions,” Darcy says as she flips open her notebook with the Labrador puppy on the cover. “Lots of questions.”

  “Oh,” he says, his brows raised as he looks at the handwritten list. “This is serious.”

  “Oh, yeah. Be afraid, Nick. Be very afraid,” Darcy teases.

  I give him a rub on his arm. “She’s only messing with you.”

  “Good, because this is beginning to feel like a scene from that movie Meet the Parents.”

  “Oh, the scene with Robert de Niro and the ancient polygraph machine?” Darcy says.

  “Great idea,” Sophie says.

  Darcy’s face lights up. “I know! Why hadn’t we thought about it before?”

  “Because we’re not ex-CIA and don’t have access to polygraph machines?” I reply. I take in the look on Nick’s face. “Don’t worry. There’s no polygraph machine.”

  I shoot my friends a look that says don’t spook the horses, or more specifically don’t freak Nick out so he runs away screaming, thank you very much.

&nbs
p; “Shall I kick things off?” Sophie asks, her phone in her hand.

  Nick eyes her phone and raises his eyebrows at me. “Sure.”

  “Okay. Our first question is this: how do you show a girl you’re dating that she’s special to you?” Sophie asks.

  “Oh, that’s easy. I send her flowers, heart-shaped chocolates, and dress up as a pink gorilla and embarrass her at her office.”

  “All of which you’ve already done, right?” Sophie says with a smile.

  “I think the gorilla was my favorite. I mean, who can resist a dancing pink primate? I knew I’d make her fall for me the moment I began to bust out my ape moves.” His eyes light on mine, and I smile at him. “There’s more in my arsenal of tricks, though.”

  “More than a gorilla suit in the office?” I ask with a joyful giggle.

  He nods. “Oh, yeah. I’m big on the wooing. That’s something you should know about me from the get-go.”

  “I’ll look forward to more wooing then.”

  We share a smile, and my nerves morph into happy, dancing miniature gorillas in my tummy.

  “What else do you do to show the girl you’re dating she’s special?” Sophie asks.

  “Well, I could tell you that, but then none of it would be a surprise for Ernie, would it?”

  Sophie’s eyebrows ping up to her hairline at the mention of my family-only nickname. “You call her Ernie?”

  “Only because she hates it,” he replies with a little smile in my direction.

  “Good to know,” Sophie replies. “I guess we don’t want to ruin any future surprises for Ernie here, so let’s move on to the next question.”

  “I’m up next.” Darcy runs her finger down her list until she finds what she’s looking for. “Tell us about trust.”

  “Well, it’s when someone tells you something and you believe it,” Nick says, a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

  “Ha ha, very funny,” Darcy replies with an attempt at a formal tone, but I know she thinks his response is as cute as all heck. Just like I do. “Seriously, Nick. Trusting guys is tough when there are so many jerks out there.”

  “I guess you’re asking me if I’m trustworthy. My answer is that that yes, I will do anything for the people that matter to me, and they can put their trust in me one hundred percent. But of course I’m going to say that, right? What kind of idiot would sit here with a girl’s friends and tell them he can’t be trusted?”