Allegiant

by Sara Mack

  Garrett looks over my head. “I don’t think we’ll be missed.”

  We head to the parking lot, and I concentrate on trying not to stumble. Now that I’m standing and moving, I realize I’m more drunk than I thought. My world is spinning; I want to get home as fast as possible. I walk as quickly as I dare in the direction of my car, not paying attention to my surroundings. A blaring horn and blinding headlights stop me dead in my tracks.

  Garrett grabs me by my shoulders and yanks me out of the way as a car passes inches from us. “Emma! God! You were almost hit!”

  I look at him stupidly as I try to regain my balance. “Sorry,” I mutter.

  Garrett helps me to my car and places me inside. I close my eyes and rest my head against the passenger side window the entire way home. Thankfully it’s a short distance because my stomach is very unhappy.

  When we get to the apartments, Garrett escorts me to my place. He helps me inside and starts to deposit me on the couch. The downward motion makes my insides churn.

  “No!” I choke out. “Bathroom!”

  He helps me to the bathroom where I dive to my knees in front of the toilet. I’m too sick to be embarrassed as he holds my hair while I retch. When my stomach stops convulsing, I lean over and rest my head against the cool porcelain of the bathtub.

  “I’ll get you a glass of water,” he says and leaves the room.

  The longer I lie there with my eyes closed, the more the room feels like it’s standing still again. What a horrible day this has been. First Dane, then Rebecca. I almost get run over, and then I get sick in front of Garrett. I think about crawling into my bedroom on my hands and knees, so I can hide under the blankets on my bed.

  That’s when I hear the voices. It takes me a minute to focus, but I swear I can hear two people talking. I open my eyes and tentatively sit forward. I push myself to stand using the toilet for balance, and hear someone angrily say, “Where have you been?” I make it to the bathroom doorway and peer around the corner.

  “Where have I been? Where were you tonight? She managed to get herself stupid drunk and was almost hit by a car!”

  “I’ve been trying to do what you told me to,” James seethes.

  “I didn’t tell you to get her killed!” Garrett fires back.

  I blink my eyes. James is in my living room.

  And he’s arguing with my neighbor.

  Chapter 6

  James takes a step forward. “I felt the pull,” he snaps.

  “And you just ignored it?” Garrett asks, shocked.

  “No! It disappeared as quickly as it came!” He moves toward Garrett with his fists clenched. “Can you explain that to me? Can you explain why that keeps happening?” The two of them are nose to nose as James sneers, “Can you explain why nothing works the way you said it would?”

  Garrett doesn’t flinch under James’ icy stare. He crosses his arms. “I thought I’d trained you better than this.”

  “Better than what?” James steps away, frustrated. “From what I’ve been told, you barely trained me at all!”

  “Who have you been talking to?” Garrett asks, narrowing his eyes.

  James gives him a cold smile. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

  I’m mesmerized, clinging to the bathroom door jamb for support. My neighbor Garrett was James’ Guardian all along. All along.

  Garrett nods at James approvingly. “Your confidence has grown.”

  “Don’t try to flatter me,” James spits. “I’m not under your guidance anymore. I don’t need your approval. Not after what you’ve done.”

  Garrett tilts his head. “And just what have I done?”

  James’ eyes flash. “You disappeared. You assigned me and then you disappeared.”

  “You were ready.”

  “You know I wasn’t!” James growls. “You left Emma’s fate in the hands of a Guardian who can’t protect her!” He face hovers inches from Garrett’s. “And for that I will never forgive you.”

  Seconds pass and Garrett stares at James accusingly. “You still love her.”

  James sets his jaw. “I never stopped.”

  My breath catches. These months apart have been for nothing?

  “You have to get your feelings under control,” Garrett says.

  “You think I don’t know that?” James asks. “That lesson I did learn.”

  LB appears at my feet, meowing softly, as if asking what’s going on. I bend down carefully to pick her up before her mewling distracts them, but when I stand, I’m too late. Both James and Garrett have directed their attention toward me.

  “Hi,” I say quietly. I feel embarrassed for eavesdropping. I make eye contact with James, and his face instantly softens, his eyes flooding with relief.

  Garrett glances between the two of us and sighs. He walks out of the living room and into the kitchen as I decide to leave the bathroom doorway. I hear the clink of glass and the sink faucet turn on as I walk toward James. I stop a few steps away from him, clutching LB. My pulse accelerates at the sight of him, his sandy brown hair falling haphazardly over his forehead, his clear blue eyes swimming in mine. His skin still carries a slight pallor, and he’s wearing the same jeans and polo shirt that he always does. Despite looking the same, he also looks different. He appears more solid to me, and I can’t help but notice that his shirt fits him more tightly across his chest.

  “Who’s this?” James asks softly, his eyes flicking to LB and then back to me.

  “You don’t know?” I ask, confused.

  He looks hurt and shakes his head. “I’ve stayed away.”

  Garrett returns to the living room, pulling my attention away from James. I turn toward him, and he holds out the glass of water he promised me. Allowing LB to jump from my arms, I reach for it, giving him a small smile of thanks.

  Just as I wrap my fingers around the glass, it’s knocked forcefully from my hand. I jump back in surprise as water flies everywhere, and the glass bounces off the carpet. I look at James, shocked by what he’s done, and he wears a murderous expression. He lunges at Garrett, grabs his shirt in his fists, and drags him across the room, slamming his back against the wall next to my television. The sound makes me cringe.

  “Why can she see you? How does she know you?” James demands through clenched teeth.

  I’ve never seen James act so violent. It scares me. I take a step back, my heart pounding. The only other time I’ve seen him fight was with Patrick, and even then he didn’t initiate it. His reaction was in self-defense.

  Instead of looking scared, Garrett looks impressed. “I see your skills have improved as well.”

  “Talk!” James shouts.

  “We’re neighbors,” Garrett says calmly. He looks unaffected by the body slam; his arms hang loosely by his sides.

  “What are you trying to pull?” James growls.

  “Nothing.”

  He pulls Garrett off the wall and then slams him back against it, making me flinch.

  “Calm down.” Garrett looks like a parent trying to wait out a two-year-old’s temper tantrum.

  James stares my neighbor in the eyes and then releases him, pushing off his chest roughly. He turns to me. “How do you know him?”

  “He moved in when I did,” I whisper.

  He turns back to Garrett. “This is where you’ve vanished to? To college? To her?”

  Garrett steps away from the wall. “I came here to keep tabs on you.”

  “Why?” James demands. “Why not stay in the Intermediate?”

  “I had to leave,” Garrett says, taking a step toward James. “Because of that I had to be near Emma. I knew if she was doing well, then you would be fulfilling your duty.”

  “And if she wasn’t?” James snaps.

  “Then I could step in if necessary.”

  I remember my lack of self-preservation in the parking lot as we left the bar. “Like tonight,” I say, without thinking.

  They both turn to me, reminded that I’m still in the room. Pain is wri
tten all over James’ face. He should have been the one to help guide my actions tonight, not Garrett.

  “This is why,” Garrett says. “This is why you have to get your emotions under control. You’re too angry; you’re trying too hard to let her go. You’ve all but abandoned her in your effort to stop loving her.” He crosses his arms. “You’ve stayed away when you need to be present.”

  “You knew this would be difficult for me,” James says, gritting his teeth. “I’m dealing with it the best way I know how.” He turns to face his mentor. “With no help from you.”

  Garrett gives James a stern look. “I trained you to the best of my ability. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I had to leave. If you had been fulfilling your duty to Emma, you would have known where to find me.”

  James’ eyes flash at the accusation of his poor guidance, and he clenches his hands into fists. “And now that I’ve found you? Now what?”

  His expression and his reaction frighten me, and I envision him punching Garrett…or worse. I take another step back and Garrett notices.

  “We’ll have to work together,” Garrett says, his eyes leaving me and focusing on James. “To protect us both.” He pauses, giving James a hard stare, then sidesteps him and heads for the door.

  “Where are you going?” James asks in disbelief. “Don’t walk away from me! What do you mean to protect us both?”

  Garrett ignores him and continues toward the door. James lunges at him again, making me jump. He grabs the back of his shirt and forces him to turn around. I retreat further into the living room, away from them, as anxiety continues to creep up my spine.

  Garrett looks at James and utters one word. “Concentrate.”

  It takes a moment, but the angry expression on James’ face slowly changes into one of deep concern. His eyes flash to mine, and he releases Garrett. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes to me.

  I look between the two of them. “For what?”

  “I’ll let him explain it you,” Garrett says. He moves to open the door and steps outside. His eyes lock on James. “I’ll talk to you after you’ve calmed down.” He gives me a sympathetic look and closes the door behind him.

  James and I stand in silence as my heartbeat returns to its normal rhythm. His entire body relaxes, and he no longer appears upset or angry. He looks like my James. The one I love.

  “I’m sorry I scared you,” he says, his voice full of regret.

  “It’s okay.”

  He shakes his head. “It’s not.”

  Despite all that’s happened, my heart aches. The only thing I want to do is wrap myself around him. To tell him I love him and how much I’ve missed him. To keep him from leaving. “Can you stay?”

  He’s inches from me in two strides. “There’s no place I’d rather be.”

  The changes in James are amazing. Before he left, he was just starting to move light objects, like my hair. But when he lies down beside me tonight and wraps his arms around my waist, he physically pulls me back against his chest. I had assumed he was able to manipulate Garrett during their argument because they were both Guardians, but he can now move me. He stills feels cold, but his arms are somehow heavier. I try to lace my fingers through his without concentrating and end up with my hand in a fist. Although I still move through his body, the air that is him feels thicker, like I’m moving through water. There is no resistance to his form, yet I can feel more than just his temperature. I relax into him, glancing down in order to lace my fingers through his again, cupping my hand around the new feeling that is his skin.

  “What are you thinking?” he murmurs against my hair.

  “That I may have died and gone to heaven.”

  I can feel him tense up behind me, which is new as well. “That’s not funny.”

  I look at him over my shoulder. “It wasn’t meant to be.”

  He regards me seriously for a moment then his face relaxes a bit. I release his hands and shift myself to wrap my arms around his waist. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.”

  He holds me tighter.

  “What made you visit?” I ask.

  “I sensed danger around you,” he says. “Then it instantly disappeared. I needed to see that you were safe.”

  “I’m glad you came.”

  He leans his cheek against the top of my head. “Garrett’s right. I’ve been doing a terrible job.”

  “You haven’t,” I raise my face to look at him. “I’m still in one piece.”

  James stares at me and confesses. “I can feel you. I know things have been hard. Every time you feel a strong emotion, I feel the pull.”

  I frown. I’ve been upset a lot lately, but I’ve been happy too. Like on my birthday and this past afternoon.

  “I don’t need to manifest in order to guide you. But I am supposed to look in on you and see what’s needed. I haven’t even been doing that,” he sighs.

  “Why?” I search his face. “When I told you to stay away, I meant physically.”

  He presses his forehead to mine. “I’m trying to get over you. I told myself I would only check in or intervene if you were in danger. I thought it was the best way.”

  “And how’s that working out?” I ask wryly.

  He raises his head and gives me a crooked smile. “I think you know the answer to that.”

  My heart melts upon seeing that smile, and I have the overwhelming urge to kiss him. He can tell, and his smile fades into seriousness again. “It probably wouldn’t be a good idea.”

  I lean forward. “Does it really matter?”

  “Yes,” he says, but the word sounds stuck in his throat.

  The emotions surrounding his return overcome me, and I don’t care about any Guardian rules. The electricity running through me is tangible. He’s here. He’s really here. I press myself closer, my lips centimeters from his. “Are you going to stop me?” I whisper.

  “No.”

  I practically attack him. His arms tighten around me as we kiss; his lips just as eager as mine. Kissing him is easier with his new form; I don’t have to concentrate nearly as much. I feel his hold shift as he grasps my waist with one hand and runs the other up into my hair. I wrap my fingers around what I think is his neck, to pull him closer to me. I open my eyes for a brief second to see that I’ve managed to grab his shoulder instead. After a few breathless minutes, his mouth leaves mine, and I silently pray that it will reappear somewhere else on my skin. It doesn’t.

  I open my eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “This isn’t helping.”

  “So?”

  “Emma,” he groans and releases me, rolling on to his back.

  “What?” I lean over him.

  “Nothing has changed.” He looks at me. “The rules haven’t changed.”

  “I can’t help it,” I confess. “I love you.”

  He looks at me, defeated, and a soft expression takes over his features. “And I still love you.”

  I move to kiss him again, but he stops me by gently pressing his hand against my shoulder. “We shouldn’t.”

  I know what he says is true, but it hurts to hear. In all the time we’ve been together, he has never stopped me from kissing him. My bruised ego speaks for me. “Why? If Garrett is here with us now, who’s going to tell?”

  He stares at me for a moment, his bright blue eyes clouding over to a stormy gray. He releases my shoulder, shifts his gaze, and trails his fingers lightly down my arm. My pulse accelerates.

  “That’s not helping,” I say quietly.

  His stormy eyes refocus on mine. He reaches around my neck with his free hand, pulls me toward him, and kisses me softly. His lips leave mine to find the corner of my mouth, my jaw, my throat, and then my collarbone. He moves forward to wrap a cold hand around my arm as he presses me on to my back, leaving a trail of gentle, urgent kisses along the opposite side of my neck. His hand brushes down my side and wraps around my waist as our lips meet again. He presses the length of his body against mine, and my insides nearly c
ombust. I’ve missed him so much.

  Suddenly, he disappears. “Damn it!” I hear him curse.

  I look over to see him lying beside me, the heels of his palms pressed against his brow. “Even if Garrett didn’t say anything,” he says, “sooner or later The Allegiant would find out.”

  “The Allegiant?” I ask, trying to breathe normally.

  He sets his hands on his stomach and stares at the ceiling. “They watch over the Guardians. They maintain order and balance. They make sure we’re fulfilling our duty.” He turns to me. “They will find out.”

  I turn on my side to face him. “Maybe we could talk to Garrett and see how much time we have.” I know I’m grasping at straws, but I want to keep him and what we have as long as I can.

  He gives me a skeptical stare. “Aren’t you freaked out yet?”

  “About what?”

  “Garrett is my mentor. A Guardian. You’re okay with that?”

  “I didn’t realize he was a Guardian. I thought he was human.”

  “What made you think he was human?”

  I sit up. “Why would your Garrett be my neighbor? He has Ethics with me; he tutors me in Stats. He cooks. He eats and sleeps. He wanted my old couch.”

  James looks more confused now than ever. “How much time have you spent with him?”

  “Quite a bit,” I admit. “He’s my only friend here.”

  James sits up to face me. “Emma,” he says seriously, “Guardians don’t eat or sleep.”

  “I know that.”

  “You’re sure you saw him do those things?”

  “Well, I haven’t seen him sleep, but he has a bed. A mattress. And he made us lunch and ate it right in front of me. He had a few beers at the bar tonight, too.”

  James looks frustrated as he contemplates what I’ve said. It makes me worry. I shouldn’t have brought up Garrett. His mood makes me want to march next door immediately and demand answers. Come to think of it, I should be pretty pissed at Garrett for assigning me to James, then disappearing on him and lying to me.

  Just then, LB jumps up on the bed deciding to grace us with her presence. “Where have you been?” I ask her as she steps on my leg. I grab her and present her to James. “This is LB. Little Booger,” I clarify. “LB, James.”