Allegiant

by Sara Mack

  He steps forward and takes the oven mitt from me. “Thanks,” he says and fondly looks at the mitt. “When you’re a Guardian for 68 years you tend to forget a lot of human things.”

  I try not to look surprised. “Sixty-eight years?”

  “And 45 days,” he adds.

  I frown. “You hated it that much?”

  He gives me half a smile. “I didn’t use to.” He backs up a few steps and rests against the arm of my old loveseat. “But when certain things pass you by, things you were counting on…” he hesitates. “Let’s just say it’s easy to become disenchanted. Being bound for eternity starts to feel a little…claustrophobic.”

  I think I understand. Garrett’s love chose not to release him. “Who was she?” I quietly ask.

  Garrett pauses for a moment and then looks down, turning the oven mitt over in his hands. “She was my everything,” he says softly. “I didn’t think twice when I was offered the Choice.”

  “The choice to become a Guardian?”

  Garrett looks up and nods. “There was no way I could refuse the chance to stay in her life. Especially when I left the way I did.”

  My face fills with sympathy. “What was her name?”

  “Amelia,” he says, a small smile flickering across his lips.

  “She sounds beautiful.”

  Garrett breaks out into a grin, and his turquoise eyes seem to glow brighter. “Oh, she was,” he says and adjusts his weight on the arm rest as if physically energized by the memory of her. “And she knew it too.” He gestures for me to take a seat, and I do. I want to hear this story.

  “How’d you meet?” I ask.

  “On the street,” he laughs, remembering. “She was actually seeing my brother at the time, but I hadn’t met her yet. I was in town running some errands for my grandmother, walking down the sidewalk, and out of nowhere comes this feisty brunette.” He shakes his head. “She was headed right for me with this murderous expression. I had no idea who she was.”

  I imagine Garrett standing in a sea of people on a sidewalk and the crowd parting as Amelia strides toward him. I can see him glancing behind himself, perplexed, wondering who she’s headed for. The idea makes me smile.

  “She marched right up to my chest, pointed her tiny little finger in my face, and ripped right into me in front of everyone. She started accusing me of standing her up to go out with some other girl named Linda.” Garrett shrugs. “I didn’t even know a Linda!”

  I laugh.

  “Turns out she’d mistaken me for my brother, thought I was Jack,” he chuckles. “He did have quite a reputation with the girls.”

  “She thought you were your brother? You two were…?”

  “Twins,” Garrett says, finishing my sentence. “It caused us, well, me, quite a few problems in my time among the living.”

  I smile. “Then what happened?”

  “She came to her senses and decided I was the better of the two brothers,” he jokes. “We were together for almost two years. Lived and breathed one another.” He pauses. “Then Pearl Harbor was bombed, and Jack and I enlisted.”

  My face falls. “I’m sure she wasn’t too pleased with that.”

  “She wasn’t,” he says and stands, tossing the oven mitt onto the coffee table. “We fought about it. But it was the thing to do; patriotism was running wild and I was seventeen. The next thing I knew I was at Fort Bragg and then deployed.”

  My chest begins to ache as I stare at him. I’m certain I know how this story ends.

  “Before I left, I’d promised to marry her,” Garrett sighs. “But I didn’t have enough money for a ring…” he trails off, and his expression suddenly hardens. “It wouldn’t have mattered. Omaha Beach ended any real future for us.”

  Tears jump behind my eyes as I imagine how horrible that must that have been. “What about your brother?”

  Garrett gives me a distant look. “He died fighting right alongside me. We didn’t even make it halfway up the beach.” Suddenly, he smirks. “Over-achiever.”

  I don’t know if he’s talking to himself or to me.

  “He just had to be first, thought he could take out the Germans single-handedly.”

  I force a smile. “And you had to be by his side, right?”

  He focuses on my face. “Yeah, like an idiot, following my older brother.”

  “Older?”

  “By three whole minutes,” he smiles.

  I return his smile, but it quickly fades. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be.” He returns to sit on the couch. “I have a chance at another future now.”

  I nod and try to blink away the few tears that sit in my eyes. “Do you think you’ll always love her? Amelia?”

  “I know I will,” he says matter-of-factly. “She’ll always be a part of me. I watched over her until she passed. I witnessed her successes and her failures, her loves and her losses. Even at nearly eighty years old she still held my heart.” He sighs. “But she didn’t choose me. And now it’s time to live for myself.”

  I can sympathize with how he must feel, spending years waiting for your soul mate to join you only to be rejected in the end. Suddenly, understanding hits me like a ton of bricks. “That’s why, isn’t it?”

  “I’m sorry?”

  “That’s why you assigned me. To James. You didn’t want what happened to you to happen to him.”

  Garrett eyes me warily. “In part, yes.”

  Irritation starts to bubble in my chest. “I….You…” I try to sort out my thoughts. “Amelia didn’t choose you.”

  “Thanks for the reminder,” Garrett scoffs. He gives me a knowing look. “Just like you wouldn’t have chosen James.”

  My mouth falls open. “You don’t know that.”

  He tilts his head. “Don’t I?”

  “You have no idea what my choice would have been!” I stand and look down at him. “I’m not Amelia.”

  He stands to face me. “You forget that I’ve known you just as long as James has. I was there when you came into his life, and I was there when he left yours.” He pauses. “I know about Dane.”

  All of a sudden my face feels hot. Is there anyone on this planet who doesn’t know about my personal life? “Dane is irrelevant,” I say in frustration. “I’m talking about James and me. You’ve made things extremely hard on him; on us. He’s been beating himself up trying to stop loving me.”

  Garrett annoys me by crossing his arms and leaning into my personal space, as if he is a teacher about to scold a student who thinks she knows it all. “And have you ever considered that you are the one to free him of that?”

  I shoot him a befuddled look.

  “All a Guardian wants – needs – is for their Ward to be happy and safe. For their Ward to lead a life well-lived. Find it in yourself to move on, show him you can find happiness. The less emotional you are the easier his job will be.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t move on from James.”

  “Can’t you? Think about it,” he says. “Moving on will allow him to perform his duty and allow you to have a full life.”

  “You just want him to stop loving me, so he won’t draw attention to himself and your absence. I love him. I always will.”

  Garrett sighs. “And I’ll always love Amelia. Emma,” he shifts his tone and tenderly reaches out toward me, “seriously think about this. Don’t you want James to be happy too?”

  “Of course I want that.”

  “Look, if I were Amelia’s Guardian, I could have been as close to her as possible for the rest of her life. I could have been her best friend. Instead, I ended up as a boyfriend killed in a war, no longer needed, and pining away for her for eighty years. Trust me,” he says softly, “what I did was the best for both of you.”

  “I…it’s…” I scowl. “I don’t see it that way.”

  Garrett nods. “I think you will as time goes on.”

  I take a deep breath. I think it would be best if I left. I didn’t come here to listen to how grea
t it is that James is my Guardian and how much better it would be if I abandon him. Besides, what’s the point if James can be human again? I start to walk around Garrett.

  He reaches out and brushes my arm. “Hey. Don’t go. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “No, it’s okay. It’s just…a lot to take in.” I make it to the door.

  “Please don’t be angry,” Garrett says, following me.

  I need to get out of here. “I have some other things I have to do.” I nod toward the bags on the floor. “I hope you like your stuff.”

  He looks back at his care packages and then meets my eyes. “Thank you for thinking of me.”

  I try to smile and head out the door. “See you in Ethics?” I ask.

  “I’ll be sure to make it this week.”

  I nod and walk to my apartment without looking back.

  Chapter 11

  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  A chill rocks my body from my head to my toes. I’m freezing, yet sweaty, and covered by a winter blanket. James stares at me, worried, from the other end of the couch. “It’s probably a 24 hour thing,” I say and pull the blanket tighter around my neck. I must look like a turtle with just my head exposed.

  “Do you want me to get you something to eat?”

  Oh no. Food is the last thing I want right now. I shake my head, then look at him apologetically. “I’m sorry I ruined our day together.” James’ visits have been sporadic, and I was looking forward to spending some time with him.

  “Don’t worry about that.” He frowns. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

  I roll my eyes. “No, I’ve only felt sick since this morning.” Leave it to me to get some sort of flu at the beginning of October, before the really cold weather and typical flu season hits.

  James gets up and crouches in front of me, resting his hand against my forehead. It feels arctic. “Whoa. Even I can feel how hot you are.”

  I take the opportunity to be sarcastic. “I thought you already knew how hot I was?”

  He smirks. “Oh, I do. You look especially sexy wrapped in this cocoon.” He looks back at my half empty glass of water. “You probably need something like Gatorade. Do you want me to see if Garrett has any?”

  “Yeah, you probably should.” I haven’t had anything but water since I woke up this morning. I have absolutely no desire to eat or drink anything. I’m due for some more Motrin and washing it down with something other than water is probably a necessity by now.

  “Okay. I’ll be right back.” James fades from view, not even bothering to walk out or through the door. I lie on the couch and wait, shivering, while trying to pick up in the middle of an episode of My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. I can’t concentrate and end up just staring at the TV. I hate being sick. My eyelids start to feel heavy.

  Out of nowhere I hear James’ voice. “He doesn’t have any.”

  My eyes snap open.

  “But I sent him to the store for some.” He walks in front of me and sits on the edge of the couch again.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I say.

  “He said it’s not a problem.”

  I roll on to my back from my side and stretch. I toss the blanket off and start to get up for some more pills.

  “What are you doing?” James asks.

  “Getting some more medicine.” I slowly pull my legs over the side of the couch.

  “Let me get it,” he says and jumps up, taking my water glass with him. I gratefully lay back down. LB finds me and hops up, stepping on to my shoulder to put her little nose in my face. “Hey LB.” She rubs her head against my chin. “I love you, too,” I tell her.

  James returns from the bathroom. “Here.” He holds out two pills.

  I prop myself into a sitting position, which makes LB jump off the couch, and take the Motrin. He hands me the glass of water, and I swallow and smile. “I like it when you take care of me.”

  He sits on the edge of the coffee table. “I’m your Guardian. That’s my job.”

  His response bothers me, and I make a face. “I meant by choice not by force.”

  He regards me for a moment and his expression softens. “I’ll always take care of you, no matter what.” He takes the glass from my hands. “Maybe you should sleep some more.”

  I groan. I’ve been sleeping most of the day. I know I need it, but I’d rather stay awake while he’s here. Regardless, I scoot to lie down, and he tucks the blanket around my neck again. He kisses my forehead quickly and then sits at the other end of the couch. I make it to another commercial during My Fair Wedding and feel myself drifting off.

  “Can I change the channel?” he whispers.

  I nod into the pillow, which I moved from my bed to the couch this morning, and press myself against the cushions. Not that I would tell anyone, but I’m secretly grateful I haven’t yet been able to exchange Dane’s birthday present for my old loveseat. It’s definitely more comfortable, and it gives me another place to lie down instead of being trapped in my bed.

  I’m just on the edge of sleep when I hear another voice. At first I think it’s the television, until I hear James respond, “She’s not feeling well.”

  “Aww, poor thing. I don’t miss getting sick.”

  I pry my eyes open and squint. Meg is standing in front of James all tall, toned, and tan. She looks one hundred times healthier than me and she’s been dead for years. “Hey,” I croak and start to sit up.

  “Oh hun, don’t get up on account of me,” Meg says, sounding like a southern belle. She gestures for me to lie back down. “You look positively miserable.”

  I ignore her and adjust my back against the pillow. “What’s going on?” I ask cautiously. If Meg is visiting, something must have happened.

  James gives me a reassuring glance. “I forgot I was supposed to meet with someone today. No big deal.” He turns his attention to Meg. “Tell Jack I’ll get with him later.”

  “Not an option,” a man says, appearing on the other side of the room.

  My mouth falls open in surprise as I take in Garrett’s brother. He is absolutely identical to Garrett; the only difference is that he has brown eyes instead of turquoise. He’s dressed in army fatigues, and the last name Abernathy is printed across the left side of his chest.

  James stands to face him. “There’s nothing to discuss.”

  “Doesn’t matter.” Jack crosses his arms and approaches the two Guardians. “We have a schedule. We stick to it.” He speaks in a clipped tone, obviously irate.

  I notice Meg roll her eyes.

  James sighs and tosses the television remote on the coffee table. “Fine. I officially have nothing to report to you. Satisfied?”

  Jack’s brown eyes flit to me and then back to James. His expression hardens making me think I shouldn’t be here, even if this is my apartment.

  “This is where you spend your time?” he asks, seemingly irritated.

  James gives him a sideways glance. “You know I’m Emma’s Guardian.”

  Jack scowls. “That doesn’t give you free license. You know the rules.”

  Obviously, Jack does not approve of James spending time with me. Or is he alluding to the fact that he still loves me? My hands start to feel clammy.

  James stands taller. “I don’t answer to you.”

  Jack takes another step and clenches his teeth. “I don’t want this mission compromised.”

  “And just how is it being compromised?”

  Jack’s eyes dart to me again. He stares at me with contempt as he clenches his jaw. Inwardly, I cringe. What have I ever done to this man?

  “Look at me,” James says roughly, feeling my anxiety.

  Jack focuses on James. “Keep it in check, Davis,” he threatens. He takes a step back and then fades as quickly as he appeared.

  Meg lets out a low whistle as James turns to me. “Well, that was fun.”

  “Not really,” I say as I adjust my features to look less worried. “I take it he doesn’t like me?�
�

  “More like he doesn’t like love,” Meg says with a hint of a smile.

  “Jack’s wound pretty tight,” James says and then glances at Meg. “Maybe tighter than usual?”

  Meg’s golden brown shoulders rise and fall with a shrug.

  “You,” James says as he walks toward me, reaching out to feel my forehead again, “are still really hot.”

  Meg giggles.

  I can’t help myself, and I shoot her an annoyed look. Is she laughing at the irony in that statement? I normally don’t look this terrible. Wait. The last time she saw me I was in sweats and a t-shirt. I sigh.

  “Lie down and let the medicine work,” James says.

  “Yes, sir,” I say sardonically. “You know, I’d be asleep by now if your friends would stop dropping by.” Whoops. That came out a little harsher than I intended.

  James pauses, puzzled by my uncharacteristically bitter tone.

  “I’m sorry,” I say quickly and give them both a remorseful glance with my haggard green eyes. “I’m just tired and I feel gross and Jack was angry…”

  “It’s all right, hun,” Meg says and steps beside James, so they’re both hovering over me. “I’d be ornery too, if I were you.” She flashes her perfect, dazzling smile.

  Man, she’s irritating me today. It must be the flu. I shift myself to lie down as James tucks the blanket around me again. “I’m sorry,” I mouth. He smiles.

  When he stands, Meg turns to him. “So, when will you be back?” she asks.

  “Depends. I want to make sure Emma is feeling better before I go.”

  Meg glances from James to me. “Do you mind if I stay? My Ward’s been pretty easy going and I haven’t watched TV in years.” She looks excited, like she’s just been told fairies exist.

  “Um…” I really want to tell her no.

  “We’ll be really quiet,” she nods innocently, “and I’ll get you whatever you need.”

  What I need is time with James, I think. But then, what are we really going to do anyway? I’ll be sleeping while he watches me. How exciting for him. “Sure,” I concede. “Whatever you want.”