Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?...

by K. L. Shandwick

  “What the hell happened to you?” I shook my head.

  “It was that piece of shit, Alfie, wasn’t it?”

  I tried to sound as unaffected as I could. “I’m okay, Digs, it was just something I had to do.” I gave him a small smile and tried to sound unaffected by what had just happened. “Digs really, it’s all good, we just cleared the air, that’s all.”

  His eyes searched my face for reassurance, and he must have convinced himself, because he nodded. “Want to go home soon?” I smiled grateful he wasn’t pushing me further.

  “Yeah, it’s been a big day and it’s caught up with me.” We left the party at two thirty in the morning and headed back to Lennon’s place.

  I flopped onto his queen bed in the spare room barely registering that my head was on the pillow and crashed immediately.

  Chapter 10 – Exposure

  When I woke during the night, there was someone lying beside me. I froze. His hand was draped over my hip all slack and relaxed, and from the faint snoring, he was sound asleep.

  I reached out and found the little switch on the wire of my bedside light. With a soft click, the room was bathed in lamp light. Cody lay beside me, unconscious, wearing a pair of Calvin Klein boxer briefs. Thankfully he was face down, so I only had his backside to deal with.

  “Cody what the fuck you doing in my bed?”

  Cody peered up at me with one eye. “Sorry, I crashed in Lennon’s room, and the dude got into bed. As if it wasn’t traumatic enough having a dude lying next to me, the guy sleeps like a fucking gymnast doing a floor routine. So…I kinda gave up that gig and came in here. I figured with you having the only other bed, you wouldn’t mind all that much, you being used to sleeping with Jack n’all. I just needed somewhere to lay my weary ass,” he mumbled.

  I exhaled loudly, trying to decide what I thought about Cody lying in the same bed as me. I definitely didn’t want any misconceptions about why he was there.

  “Hang on.” The mattress dipped under my weight, before I stood and walked to open the bedroom door. Then I got back into bed.

  “If you have to touch an ass in your sleep, make sure it’s your own, Cody. And if there is any snoring you’re on the tile floor with a blanket, got it?”

  Cody chuckled. “You needed to open the door to tell me that?”

  “Nope, I opened the door to prevent the others from thinking I was getting jiggy with you.” I smirked.

  It actually felt comforting to have someone lay next to me. I slept like a contented baby. When I woke up, I was the one spooning him with my hand cupping a pectoral muscle, and my body snuggled up tight to his ass.

  My eyes sprung open and as soon as I realized what I was doing, I jumped back like I’d been scalded. Cody’s body was shaking in silent laughter. “Been lying here wondering what your reaction was going to be when you woke up to what you were doing.”

  He looked over his shoulder, and the shock on my face made him crack up with laughter. “You left me lying like that? You fucking pervert,” I hissed.

  He smirked as his eyes crinkled up with humor. “Hey, less of that. I wasn’t the groper here, I was the one being groped, remember?”

  Lennon walked past the room and tracked back on his heels. “Shit. No fucking way, this isn’t happening.” He looked completely freaked out at seeing both of us in bed and stalked into the room. Cody looked at me and winked.

  “Lily was promised a threesome with Rick last night, and it didn’t pan out, she was a little…what was the word you used again, Lily?” He left the conversation hanging in the air, and I struggled with whether I should play along or tell Lennon the truth.

  Seeing Lennon’s devastated face, I decided to put him out of his misery. “It isn’t what it looks like Lennon.” He puffed his cheeks out, then let the breath he was holding hiss past his lips.

  “It never is,” he commented blandly.

  I grinned. “Seriously, Lennon? It’s your fault. You drove Cody into my bed.”

  I turned to Cody. “What was it you said, something like, Lennon sleeps like a gymnast doing a floor routine?”

  Lennon’s wide eyes flicked between the both of us, and I reassured him again. “We did sleep together, but that’s all we did.”

  Lennon smirked. “Gotcha! I had you going there, didn’t I honey?”

  He smirked again and turned to Cody. “Get the fuck out of her bed, Cody. Besides anyone fucks Lily… it’s me. Boss’s perks an’ all.” He winked, laughing loudly at his own joke, before walking away in the direction of the family room.

  We all spent the day lazing around and resting. I was reading on my kindle and listening to music when Luca called. He had just landed at Miami airport. It was a surprise; he’d come back a day early.

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about seeing him, especially after kissing Alfie and all the shit that happened between us at our launch party.

  I already knew that Luca could never make me feel the way that Alfie did, but he deserved the chance. It was early between us, and I had a lot of baggage.

  The problem was that I knew something now that I didn’t before, when I had started dating Luca. Alfie still loved me, and I still loved him. Love just wasn’t fair sometimes.

  I couldn’t let myself go backwards. Sometimes I used to get mad at myself and think, fuck the music. I loved Alfie. He was everything I wanted. Then I’d fool myself into thinking that I could live without making music, that listening to him and his band could be enough.

  Maybe I could write music for them, rather than playing it. If I were a music teacher or wasn’t successful with XrAid, what would I be doing with my life? Most musicians aren’t lucky enough to play for a living.

  Then, in my more rational moments, I knew I just couldn’t do it. I’d end up jealous and angry at Alfie for not being able to do the one thing I knew for sure I was good at.

  Oh, but the way I craved him was like a drug. He was my addiction, and I was still learning to fight against it. Alfie and I had our chance together, and we blew it. Now, after the launch party, everything has changed.

  I really needed to let him go for good. Despite how I beat myself up about kissing Alfie, the last thing I would ever want was for his girl to suffer because we had been lusting after each other. Her life would be turned upside down, and I was not going to take responsibility for breaking them up.

  Luca drove directly to my apartment. And, as tentative as he had been up to that point, when he saw me he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. He stirred me more than any man since Alfie, and as desperately as I tried not to compare, I did anyway.

  The feelings I had weren’t nearly as intense as with Alfie, but his touch was experienced and sensual. I moaned, and he responded with a grunt, leaning back to look at me. “Ciao, la mia bella regazza,” he husked. (Hello my beautiful girl.)

  Smiling, he closed the distance between our lips again. His open hands splayed down the sides of my hips to my thighs and back, before wrapping tightly around my back, and pulling me closer.

  I found my hands pulling his shirt out of the back of his pants, and they began to roam over his strong back, but I was thinking about Alfie.

  Raking my nails down his beautiful smooth skin made Alfie groan, and I could feel goosebumps erupting where my hand trailed across his skin.

  He shivered and moaned loudly. “Oh, Damn,” he muttered as his thighs pressed into mine motioning me back against the wall.

  His hands came up to tangle in my hair as he deepened the kiss. I moaned loudly as his mouth swallowed the sound I made.

  Suddenly, I remembered who I was kissing and pushed him away from me. “Stop, too fast.” I stared at him breathlessly.

  Luca looked worried. “Lily. I don’t want to mess this up by pushing myself on you when you are not ready.” I smiled and said a silent prayer of thanks.

  “Luc
a, I’m not ready to have sex with you. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to touch you, or for you to touch me, but I need to slow it down.”

  He smiled affectionately at me, his eyes holding my gaze. “Good, because I don’t think I can ask my hands to restrain themselves much longer around you. You’re a very, very beautiful girl, but I’m trying to be patient.”

  I smiled. “You told me that already today.”

  He smirked. “I only speak the truth, oh, and Lily…from my perspective? You may touch me whenever you want.” He winked playfully.

  Luca drove me to his place, where he showered and changed after his travels. Afterwards, we went to dinner in a little Oceanside grill near his home.

  The food was amazing. It would have been a very romantic evening, actually, if I had been less preoccupied.

  The restaurant had a guy playing an acoustic set, and his choice of music was very easy listening until he sang a cover of The Wanted, ‘All Time Low.’ As the guy sang the words, it was as if he was daring me to ask myself the question, “How do I choose between my head and heart?”

  On the way to the restaurant I had spent time in the car talking about the previous night’s gig with Luca. I even tested him a little by telling him about Cody’s sleeping arrangements.

  Luca wasn’t put out by what had happened. “I’ve heard of a lot worse than two bandmates sleeping in the same bed.” He chuckled and told me some tales from his time promoting music tours for bands in Europe.

  The more we talked, the more I liked him. Luca had been in the music business and was still loosely connected, but not a musician. He got me, but without us having to think about spending years apart, like Alfie and I would have if I continued to make music.

  Luca and I walked the boardwalk after dinner, and he slung his arm over my shoulder. We strolled along the South beach, and although it felt balmy, there was a slight breeze. His thumb stroked up and down my upper arm absentmindedly as he talked.

  If I was going to do this with Luca, then he needed to know about my broken heart. It wouldn’t be fair for him to do this without knowing what had happened last night with Alfie.

  Knowing that I was taking a gamble by telling him, and that it could ruin my chance at happiness with him. However, honesty was important to me, especially after all the shit Alfie and I had gone through.

  I liked Luca too much to start getting into this with him without honesty. This was partly why Alfie and I could never have worked. Our whole beginning had started out with Alfie not being frank about his situation.

  Luca stood quietly, his face not giving away any feelings he may be having at what I was telling him about my altercation with Alfie last night.

  When I was finished I huffed out a ragged breath, trying to supress the emotions that recounting it had stirred inside me again.

  Luca tugged me into his chest and hugged me. “You told him you care about me. I can tell you mean that, Lily, by the way you’ve been honest with me. I don’t like that he kissed you, or that you kissed him back.” There was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stared into his hurt eyes, waiting for him to tell me I was too messed up. Hell, I might have agreed with him.

  Luca took my shoulders in his hands and pushed me away from him, his arms stretched straight, looking me right in the eye.

  “Thank you for your honesty, Lily. I’m glad you told me. I don’t want there to be any secrets or lies between us. A loving relationship is built on honesty, straight talking, and consideration for the other party involved. I’m sorry he hurt you, and I get that you still love him. I can hear it in your voice when you speak about him.”

  Smiling his slow, sexy smile. “I’m willing to try to help you heal and maybe one day your love for him will be replaced by your love for me. It is early in this relationship for you and me. I’m very happy with how we are. I’m kind of excited actually about what the future may hold for us. So, I’m willing to give us a shot if you are.”

  I smiled at him feeling relieved and placed my cheek on his chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady, beating in time with mine.

  Luca’s hand stroked my hair, and he tilted my chin with one hand and bent to take my lips with his. Giving me a slow, tender kiss. My hand slid under his loose fitting shirt and stroked the warm, silky skin on his back.

  I was wearing a cropped top, and he was already touching my flesh because his hand was resting on my waist.

  We headed back toward the restaurant and came across a bench that was set back near a shower area. Luca took my hand from under his shirt and clasped my fingers in his. He lifted it to his mouth and brushed his lips against it.

  I tilted my head, and his lips spread into a slow seductive smile. He pulled me over to straddle him, and we began making out. We briefly forgot where we were.

  I was surprised at myself, and he was definitely affecting my senses. I wondered if how Luca was making me feel was the same way Alfie had felt when he met Zoe. Pushing that particular thought aside, I allowed Luca to work his magic at turning me on in a way that I had long forgotten.

  I began grinding my heat against his. He was solid beneath the material. He grunted and groaned as we continued to turn each other on. The soft moans we made and the occasional rustle of material only heightened the passion between us.

  We were getting carried away. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed myself off of him. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

  “Venite qui e baciami,” he murmured pulling me toward him again. He said it with so much passion I melted.

  “Oh, God,” I groaned. Don’t talk to me in Italian.” His voice and the way he was looking at me was very seductive. “What did you say?”

  He smirked, but there was passion in his eyes. “Come here and kiss me.” I didn’t say anything else, just moved closer again, and stared into his hooded eyes. He pulled me closer and kissed me hard.

  When he broke the kiss, he began stroking my back, allowing his fingers to run up and down the ridges of my spine. “Your skin is incredible. I love the way you feel.”

  He drew in a sharp breath. I smiled against his neck and lifted my face to look at his eyes. They were incredible. The color of dark chocolate, set against the whitest background. They were framed by dark thick eye lashes, and his facial features were perfect.

  Luca was true to his word. We made out but, apart from his hand on my ass, it was me that almost lost control. He didn’t try to take things further.

  I was pleased, but frustrated at the same time. So goodness knows how he had been feeling about that. I stayed the night with him. We even slept in the same bed, but we didn’t take things any further.

  Chapter 11 – Mutual rewards

  When I woke, Luca was sleeping soundly beside me. His face was peaceful. He must have been exhausted after traveling yesterday, and I did briefly feel him get up in the night, probably out of sorts with the time difference between Europe and the East coast.

  Six hours was a big difference to deal with; I knew that from my experiences traveling back and forth. The fact that he was knocked out gave me a chance to study him as he slept.

  With his beautiful olive skin, Luca looked amazing and, from my memory of last night, felt every bit as good as it looked. He had flawless tones and although it was dark, the hair covering his arms and torso wasn’t excessive.

  He had some slight hair on his lower abs and a trail disappearing into his boxers. Other than that, he looked quite smooth everywhere apart from the shadow of growth on his chin.

  Luca facial hair was spikey toward the end of the night, last night, but damn if it didn’t make him even sexier to look at.

  Oh and his hands, God, his hands were incredible. Large and soft, not a hint of callouses; the pads were like silk, skimming across my skin.

  He rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes. “Were you staring at me?” His gruff morning voice with that
smooth- as- chocolate panty melting accent, added to his sex appeal.

  I snickered. “What? What’s funny?” he said with some humor in his croaky voice.

  “Just thinking how you could be a movie star with your great looks.”

  He chuckled. “Damn, maybe I should just move right on over to Hollywood, eh?”

  I grinned. “Don’t you dare.” His arm swept under my neck, and he pulled me close. “Hmm, showing signs of being clingy already, I may have to watch that.” He chuckled.

  He leaned in to kiss me, and I pressed my mouth closed. “I have morning breath,” I muttered through closed lips.

  “So do I and we both ate garlic last night. I don’t care. I’m not getting up to brush my teeth to kiss you, it would take too long. Besides after a few minutes I’ll have you forgetting all about that.” He smirked. His mouth crushed into mine, and he was right, I never noticed after a few seconds, I was too busy coping with my hormones and fighting the feelings of climbing inside him.

  Luca rolled away, his breath ragged. “Go shower, I’ll make some breakfast.” His voice was abrupt, but I knew he wasn’t mad. He just wanted to keep himself under control.

  I smiled. “I might just stay dirty today,” I teased, stretching out on the bed.

  “Move it, or you’ll be dirty in more ways than you can imagine, belladonna,” he scowled, but he was grinning. Luca shoved me to the edge of the bed. “I’m fighting for control here, so don’t push it.”

  We had spent over five weeks getting to know one another. I had slept in his bed, and he in mine, many times since that first night, but we still hadn’t gone past second base, and to be honest, it was killing both of us.

  I felt sure that Luca had to be taking care of himself in some way, from the amount of self- control he was demonstrating.

  Showered and dressed, we had breakfast before Luca dropped me off at home. He had business in Fort Lauderdale, and I was meeting with the girls at my apartment.