I nodded and buried my face in his t-shirt, inhaling his scent deeply, and twisting his shirt in my hand. “I can’t wait to see you too. You will come and find me, won’t you?”
Alfie smirked. “South Carolina on the third, right? I have this cool, hot, rock chick who has given me backstage passes to see her band. You have no idea how relieved I was to get them, because I didn’t fancy giving the security guy a blow job to get backstage. Wonder if I’ll get lucky when I see her.” He chuckled and made me laugh softy.
He smiled down at me, and I’d been doing great up until that point. But the tears started flowing, and my heart was heavy at having to let him go, when we’d just found each other again.
Holly came in and interrupted our moment, so Alfie left before it became even more difficult. I tried to keep myself busy after he left. Thinking about not being able to share New Year’s Eve was hard, and knowing he’d be at a New Year’s Eve party without me was horrible.
Life wasn’t fair sometimes, but this had been my choice, to do my own thing, so I had to suck it up and get on with it.
Every time I had a lull in my schedule I thought about Alfie. I felt so miserable without him. I kept telling myself he’d had two other New Year’s Eves without me, and I had survived those. So I could do it again, because this time, I knew he was coming home to me. I was going to make sure we made it this time.
I practiced with the band for most of New Year’s Eve, and we went to D’mond for one last night of fun before the hard work started for our tour. I tried to enjoy myself, but the whole time my mind was on Alfie.
When the midnight celebrations started, I briefly hugged and kissed everyone around me before making my way outside to wait for Alfie’s call. I stood in the cold for half an hour, but there was nothing.
I checked my cell to make sure I had a signal, and I did. Wondering if he was having problems with his signal, I headed back inside. It was freezing cold, and I couldn’t help but feel pretty hurt and let down so soon into our relationship again.
Checking my phone for the tenth time, I sent him a text telling him I was at Louie’s but going home. I texted Jack next. I wanted to tell everyone else in the UK Happy New Year.
By the time I arrived home there was still nothing. I could just have called him, but I didn’t want to appear clingy. Worrying and wondering why he hadn’t done what he’d promised to was getting me nowhere.
Getting prepared for bed, I kept rushing back to my cell just in case there was a message from him. The more time that passed, the angrier I was becoming. It was almost three in the morning, and he hadn’t called or texted me. Grabbing my cell off of the counter, I sent him a text.
Pink Lady: Happy New Year x
I didn’t trust myself to send anything else. I was getting frustrated and didn’t want to say anything that would affect the next time we saw each other.
At almost four o’ clock, my cell rang. SEXPERT ID flashed on the screen. I was beyond pissed at him now, when I knew he was okay and was calling me. “Hey,” he cooed. Usually when Alfie said this, it made all negative thoughts about him disappear. Tonight it made me madder.
“Hey?” I had been out of my mind about what had stopped him from calling me for the past couple of hours and all I get is hey? “That’s it?”
He exhaled heavily. “Hey, I’m in love with you and I miss you like crazy?” Well, it was better but still didn’t make me less mad. “You said you would call me after midnight.”
He snickered down the line. “It is after midnight.” His voice sounded like he didn’t know there was a problem.
“Where have you been?” And there I was, sounding like a clingy girlfriend.
“Sorry, we got caught up with the meet and greet afterwards.”
I couldn’t help myself. “That would have been almost four hours ago now, Alfie.”
He exhaled heavily again. “Yeah, well they kind of hung around for New Year, since there was only about ten minutes left of the old year. Actually, Lily, it’s nearly one o’clock here. You forgot about the time difference; we haven’t been off stage for two hours yet.”
Feeling stupid, I smoothed things over, and we talked about when he thought he’d arrive in South Carolina. Alfie loved me. Trusting him was imperative if we were going to make it.
Dropping into bed, I didn’t even remember going to sleep, but my cell pulled me out of my slumber when Lennon called. We spent the day sorting out all the stuff for our tour with the technical guys.
I didn’t speak with Alfie again before we left for South Carolina, we didn’t have the same breaks in our schedules. When we arrived at the parking lot to pick up the bus for the tour, it was a turning point for us as a band.
Cody and Digs were the most overly excited about the whole deal. The bus seemed a bit like a UK trailer, but up-scale with padded leather seating in the dining table area, and a small kitchen area as we walked in the door.
Then there was a massive U-shaped seating area with a huge square black wooden coffee table in the center. Opposite the seating there was a sound system and a seventy inch satellite-ready TV affixed to the wall.
Past this, there was a smaller sectioned off gameroom with recliner chairs, again in leather. On the opposite side was a shower and toilet.
The bus was a double-decker and upstairs again, there was a small seating area, toilet with shower, and five sets of bunk beds, each with a curtain.
Keiron and his personal assistant, Jerry, would be traveling with us, and the rest of the support were traveling separately. I picked the set of bunk beds right at the end of the bus, because I felt this would give me the greatest privacy.
No one would have to walk past me. Lennon and Cody took the row next to mine. Digs and Shawn had the next. This left two rows, one for Keiron and Jerry, and one for the drivers.
We had two drivers and a lot of miles to cover. They would swap out after a week and two new ones would come in for safety reasons.
As the only girl living in such close proximity to the guys, Lennon was overly protective, and I knew without a doubt that whatever happened during the tour, I could rely on all my bandmates.
Lennon delegated me the bed above mine as well. “Lily has more shit and high heels than anyone else, so she needs the space, and Alfie can stay there when he comes to see her,” he informed the others in the band.
We settled and looked around, before going back downstairs to see Keiron and Jerry coming on board. Jerry handed us some packets with important information. It was mainly numbers we needed and were advised to key them into our phones.
We got passes as well. We might have been recognizable to our fans, but some of the security would still have difficulty separating us from the fans and groupies.
It was 4pm, and we were headed for South Carolina, and hopefully tonight we’d spend the night in a hotel. Apart from this one, we only have three nights in a hotel for the next three weeks.
I tried to call Alfie and left a voicemail; he was traveling home from L.A. I really just wanted to call to hear his voice on the voicemail
I had to focus on the band now. Although Alfie and I were going to do everything possible to be together now, I had a responsibility to the guys in the band. Lennon nudged me. “Lily, we’re on tour!” I giggled at his playfulness and smiled. The tour had to be a success, especially for these four fantastic men that have brought me this far.
Chapter 24 – On tour
We arrived at the hotel around midnight and tried to get some sleep. I was too excited, though, and as this was another pivotal moment in my life, my mind went over everything that had happened to me since coming to Florida.
There were some tough times in the past, especially with how I dealt with finding my sexual identity, and I made a few pretty stupid decisions, even the one including Alfie.
Accepting that a lot of what happened helped me to
grow, I still felt that I should have been able to say no. I often reflect on why I was so weak willed back then and think it might have been because I had no one around that truly knew me. No one I completely trusted, like Jack, who I could have talked to at the time.
The strength I’ve gained as a person has made me more confident and assertive, which has made my decision making much clearer. I did the things I wanted to do, not because of pressure from other people.
Alfie has been a constant thorn in all of my planning. He’s been the curveball I just never saw coming. I never expected to fall in love with anyone for a while, and I didn’t know how powerful or debilitating loving someone was until I loved him.
Sometimes I wondered if he hadn’t told me not to fall in love with him, if I would have. Then again, I’d be lying to myself. Falling in love with Alfie was a foregone conclusion for me from that first kiss.
After breakfast we headed over to the venue in Columbia and did our sound checks, then ran through a few of the numbers in full, just to hear the acoustics as a band.
I was nervous. Those excited, ‘on the brink,’ feelings I felt yesterday were now replaced by the nervous feelings I felt whenever I sat in the dentist’s chair. I now had a bad case of nerves.
The venue in South Carolina was one of the biggest we were performing at, holding five thousand people. Panic threatened to grip me when I thought about walking out there and seeing only like three people in one row and five in another.
I envisioned someone handing flyers out stating, ‘free concert,’ telling anyone in the street to come and fill up some of the seats, just so that it wouldn’t look so empty.
It wasn’t a sell- out, but it wasn’t empty either. Keiron reckoned there were almost four thousand tickets sold already. Stupid, really, but I was focusing on the thousand that hadn’t, which was still a lot of space to fill. I calculated twenty percent unsold.
Keiron explained the ticket sales were going well for the other venues, and we were sold out in all but five states. “Extremely promising,” for a band such as ours, with the little exposure we’d had so far.
By the time we were going on stage I thought I was going to puke. I couldn’t eat again today. My choice of outfit was meant to make me seem super confident and sexy, just in case I needed that distraction on stage if my playing sucked.
Lennon looked incredible, the image consultant had dressed him in black leather pants and a fitted white t-shirt, with a leather sleeveless vest over it and biker boots. She had told him not to shave, so he had that sexy stubble thing going, and they had kohl on his eyes and put product in his hair.
It was the hottest I’d ever seen Lennon look. I’d always thought that Lennon was a very hot, if not an understated guy, but the way they had tweaked him, he was going to have some serious female fans when they saw him.
Cody was his usual cocky self, and I had to admit he had every right to be. He looked stunningly attractive in blue jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a red button-down suit vest, the back of which was red satin. His hair had been growing longer, and it suited him.
Digs was left kind of grungy, in jeans and a red biker t-shirt. Actually, since I’ve known Digs, when I got past all the ink, he was a pretty good-looking guy. I think I was just intimidated by all the tattoos on my first impression.
I didn’t really think anyone had to do anything in particular to Digs’ appearance. With such an individual look, it would have been kind of stupid to try to enhance what was already unique.
Shawn’s look was the other pleasant surprise for me. His hair was a buzz cut, but he’d had XrAid shaved into the buzz and dyed black, white, and silver like our logo. It was very cute.
Like Digs, Shawn didn’t need to wear anything except short pants and a vest top. Watching him go out to work on his drum kit was like watching a track athletic training. He was so fit with huge biceps. This was reflected in his ability to play complex percussions and maintain the strength to do it at the same time for hours on end.
Lennon didn’t give me shit about my outfit either. I had chosen to wear the same outfit as I did the very first time we ever performed. I used it at times when I wanted that little extra bit of confidence to go out there.
Once we were all ready, we were talking and psyching ourselves up, when there was a knock on the door. Keiron’s head peered in. “Someone to see you, Lily.”
Keiron extended the door open, and Alfie was standing there grinning widely, that sexy dimple of his showing. He was wearing dark denim jeans with the belt that had my favorite buckle, and his brown leather jacket; his hands were stuffed deep into his pockets.
Alfie took my breath away as usual, and my heart almost burst out of my chest. He always looked so stunning. It was hard for me not to pass out this time.
Next thing I knew, he was striding toward me, his hands appearing from his pockets. I was sitting at the dressing table, and he squatted down to my height. I smelled his scent as he disturbed the air beside me and inhaled deeply.
“Hey,” he cooed. He kissed my lips chastely, then scooped me out of the chair, sat down, and placed me back in his lap. I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, and my heartbeat was a little more under control, but the effect he had on me, just seeing him, was electric.
“Miss me?” he whispered, his hot breath tickled my neck. Jeez, if I thought I had butterflies before he turned up, there was a whole colony of them flooding my nervous system now.
All the anguish I had been fighting for the past few days about him being somewhere else without me dissolved and was replaced with a feeling of completeness, like he was the one thing that was missing in all of this.
His hand ran up my neck and into my hair. “C’mere,” he cooed as he wetted his lips. “I need to kiss you.” He bent his head to my forehead and husked, “Fuck, I missed you so much.”
I swear that I had some cavewoman tendencies right then, but I fought to stay in control. I let him give me a small kiss but pulled away after that, conscious there were four other horny guys in the room. I wasn’t about to give them a peep show.
I distracted him, because if I didn’t, I was going to have to change my panties. He had already turned me on just by touching my skin and that stupid, “Hey,” thing he does all the time. “So, Alfie, tell me, which was it, the backstage pass or the blowjob?”
Cody snickered and stared at Alfie. He didn’t know what the hell I was talking about, but he was not going anywhere until Alfie answered either. Alfie burst out laughing and raised an eyebrow at me.
“Hmm…did I tell you there are females on the security detail out there?”
I swatted his arm. “There is?”
Alfie then stood and wrapped his arms around me. “Who do you think frisks all the female fans?” He chuckled. “Trust me, seeing them and looking at you…backstage pass, no competition.” He winked. I smiled, it was a good answer.
We got the call and headed toward the stage. My nerves as I stood in the dark, waiting for the cue to take to the stage, were making me crazy. They were beginning to freak me out. Cody put his arm around me and began speaking softly into my ear.
I thought I heard Alfie growl, but Cody just raised his head slightly, before refocusing on me again. This was a routine that Cody did to help me take that first step out on stage. To be honest, I needed him more than I needed Alfie in that moment. This was strictly work and had nothing to do with anything else.
The anticipation of going out on stage, without the security of the small familiar venue and captive audience in the clubbers we had at Louie’s places, made me freak. This time we were facing people who had paid a lot of money to see us, and this raised the bar for their expectations of us.
Knowing this gave me a great sense of responsibility to ensure that they had a great time out there. Being in a rock band might seem glamorous, but in reality, everyone had to be pleased with you
r performance, both on stage and off.
I was a wreck when the emcee gave his greeting to the crowd and announced our imminent arrival on stage. The crowd roared and whistled their appreciation and then a hush fell over the auditorium as the lights dimmed and the stage went black. I glanced to the side and saw Alfie wink at me. “You’ll be fabulous,” he mouthed.
Cody laced his fingers in mine. “Come on, babe, show’em what you’ve got.” He pulled me by my hand and led me out to the front of the stage. Someone handed me my guitar, and I pulled the strap over my head.
I was still facing backwards when we were suddenly bathed in light, and we began the intro to our first song. Turning to the audience I heard the erupting screams of the fans and a sea of hands, raised above their heads clapping and cheering.
The noise level at a concert and the atmosphere were always a thrill to me, being on stage was so much more exciting than looking on, as I had when I saw Alfie play from the side of the stage that first time.
We gave our fans everything we had. Playing like our lives depended on their pleasure. Lennon was on fire with his solos, and Shawn was drenched in sweat by the time we finished. We must have been doing something right, because the fans demanded an encore.
When we came off stage, Alfie dipped his knees and grabbed me by my hips, lifting me so that I was looking down at him. “Fuck me. You were fucking awesome, baby,” he growled and buried his face in my neck, making me shiver with his sensual act.
Lennon was at my side when Alfie placed me back on the ground. I turned and hugged him tightly. “Good job, you were amazing, Lennon.” I smiled up at him, and he bent his head to kiss my forehead.
“Ditto.” He smirked.
Cody came up and lifted me off the ground and twirled me around, growling, “Damn, sexy girl. You were on fire out there.” He chuckled. Alfie chewed his lip watching Cody intensely. I hesitated about Cody’s behavior, but what the hell, he was only letting off some steam after the gig, and it actually felt good to get feedback from my bandmates.
Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... Page 20