Barri Bryan - Return to Paradise.html

by Return to Paradise (NCP) (lit)

"I can't marry you." Before he could answer, Kate darted from the car and toward the gate, her slight figure making strange shadows as she stepped through the bright beam of the car's headlights. She took her time opening the gate, then patiently stood, with her hand on the metal fastener, waiting for York to drive through.

  The heavy automobile shot through the gate like a speeding bullet, and came to a grinding halt on the other side.

  Kate got back into the car to face the inevitable. "I'm sorry," she whispered, as she fastened her seat belt.

  "Sorry?" York's voice was heavy with disbelief. "You led me on, Kate. Why?" He gunned the car and raced toward the house.

  "I didn't lead you on. You assumed too much." Her mouth pulled into a tight line. "I don't love you. I can't marry a man I don't love."

  He slowed the car to a stop. "You could learn to love me. I could teach you."

  That was an echo of what Jim had said to her that day in the barn. Should she try to explain that love was not a taught emotion? York would never understand, "You don't love me either."

  "I do. In my own way, I do." York ran his hand across the back of his neck. "Love does not comprise my entire existence, but you would occupy a very important place in my life."

  "I'm honored that you would ask, but the answer is no." She opened the car door. "Can we be friends?"

  His stiff reply gave lie to his condescending words. "If you wish. Goodnight, Kate."

  "Good-bye, York." Kate closed the door.

  As she pulled the screen door open, the car roared away in a cloud of dust and the smell of burning tires.

  Kate thought that having to open the gate to Paradise, drive through, then close it again, was good enough for the likes of York Taylor. Without turning on a light, she felt her way down the hall and into the welcome confines of her room.

  After undressing in the dark, Kate pulled her gown over her head, then lay down, too weary to think or feel. Holding onto the memory of Hank's arms around her, she fell asleep.

  "Kate?" Belle stood in the doorway, a cup of coffee in one hand, and a glass of orange juice in the other. "So you finally decided to open your eyes." She set the coffee on the night stand, and handed Kate the glass of orange juice. "It's about time."

  Kate propped a pillow behind her head. "Were you waiting for me to wake up?" She glanced at the clock. "It's nine o'clock in the morning."

  "I've been waiting for you to open your eyes." Belle sat on the edge of the bed. "I hope they are open now."

  "Mamma, it's too early in the morning for riddles." Kate sipped the orange juice. "So don't start."

  "You know what I mean, Kate. If you don't want to talk about it, I can respect that, but don't try to tell me you didn't give York the boot last night." That thought made Belle smile.

  "You're right, Mamma." Kate used the back of her hand to push her hair from her face. "How did you know?"

  "My lord, the way he roared out of here? He drove away like the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels." Belle pulled one foot up under her. "I knew then you must have told him to get lost."

  Kate set her glass on the night stand, and stared straight ahead. "He isn't very well equipped to handle rejection. He was angry."

  "York?" Belle raised an eyebrow in mock surprise. "That solid pillar of the community, was angry?" Belle leaned toward Kate. "You didn't do something foolish, did you?"

  "That depends on what you call foolish. If wounding York's pride is foolish, I was foolish. He asked me, no he assumed, that I was going to marry him. When I told him I had no intention of doing any such thing, he was more than a little upset. He'll recover. He has an enormous ego and no small amount of self-conceit."

  Belle slapped the bed with her open hand. "I knew sooner or later your eyes would be opened."

  "Oh, Mamma, you didn't think I'd get involved with York, did you?"

  "Knowing the way you feel about Hank, I didn't see how you could."

  Kate swallowed the tears that gathered in the back of her throat. "I can't get involved with Hank, either, Mamma."

  "You're already involved with Hank, Kate. You're in love with him. Do you want to talk about it?"

  Kate's chin lifted. Such a direct approach from Belle startled her. "No -- yes. Mamma, I'm too old to be this confused."

  Belle laid a gentle hand on her daughter's arm. "Katie, baby, confusion comes with maturity. Only the very young are sure of everything. Fortunately, the ability to solve problems seems to sharpen with age and experience."

  Kate studied the coffee in her half empty cup. "I don't think Hank will be back. He accused me of sleeping with Jim or York, or both. I didn't deny it." A tear splashed into the coffee. "He's still seeing Gina. Why should he be so angry with me for seeing other men?"

  "How do you know he's still seeing Gina?" Belle playfully slapped Kate's arm before she let her hands fall into her lap.

  "He was with her at the cattlemen's meeting." That memory made Kate wince.

  "And you were with York." Belle reminded Kate. "Does that mean you're sleeping with him?"

  "That's not all." Slowly, because speaking the words was so painful, Kate told her mother of the conversation she had heard Aunt Cat have over the telephone the day she had stopped to at Circle S to visit. Wiping at a stray tear, Kate concluded, "So now you know how I know."

  "You convicted the man without a hearing?" Belle's eyes flashed with condemnation. "That's circumstantial evidence."

  "Why wouldn't he prefer Gina? She's younger and prettier, and she is happy with a temporary arrangement."

  "Then you have nothing to worry about?" Belle moved around on the bed. "Give me one of those pillows, Kate"

  Kate pitched a pillow toward her mother. "What do you mean, I have nothing to worry about?"

  Belle adjusted the pillow behind her back. "That's better."

  "Mamma!"

  "If the arrangement is only temporary, you can wait around until it's over, then move in, if you aren't too old to be interested by then." Belle shifted her shoulders to fit the pillow. "And if the temporary doesn't become permanent, while you sit around and wait."

  A nameless fear grabbed Kate. "Hank doesn't believe in commitments, or making promises he won't keep. He wouldn't do that, would he?"

  "Do you want to take that chance?"

  The answer to that was easy, she didn't. "No." Kate paused, "But I don't want just an affair, either."

  "Sometimes when you can't have what you want, you take what you can get." Belle's grave face and somber tone told of her deep concern. "But you have to be willing to pay the price."

  "I don't know if I can survive another rejection."

  "I wish you could have known Grandma Donovan." Belle smoothed her hands over the legs of her jeans. "She could have told you about this woman she knew once."

  "Mamma, honestly," In her agitation, Kate forgot her own dilemma. "I'm baring my soul to you, and you want to talk about someone my great-grandmother knew a hundred years ago."

  Ignoring Kate's outburst, Belle went on. "It seems this woman was thrown from a horse. Then that nasty critter tried to step on her. She just missed getting trampled right into the ground."

  With a resigned sigh, Kate leaned back on her pillow. "So what, Mamma?"

  "So she never would ride a horse again. A lot of people tried to tell her that all horses weren't alike, but she wouldn't listen. Grandma Donovan said you always take the chance of being thrown when you ride a horse, but sometimes the ride is worth the spill." A slow smile replaced Kate's scowl. "I see what you mean, Mamma."

  "Well, it's about time." Standing, Belle gathered the glass and cup from Kate's night stand. "I'm going to the kitchen to make Cody an apple pie for lunch."

  Kate jumped from the bed, and began to push her legs into her jeans. "I'll help you. Then I think I'll ride over and visit Aunt Cat."

  The more Kate thought about riding to see Aunt Cat, the more the idea appealed to her. At the same time, nagging doubts assailed. What if Hank wasn't there? Wh
at if he refused to talk to her? Or worse yet, what if he had decided to make his arrangement with Gina permanent? That thought was more frightening than she cared to admit, even to herself.

  After lunch, Kate began to stack dishes. By now she was reduced to counting the minutes until she could saddle Ringo, and ride to Circle S.

  From the sink, Belle spoke over her shoulder. "Get out of here, Kate."

  "But Mamma..." Kate argued, reflexively.

  Cody laid his fork across his plate. "Go, Kate. I'll help your mamma with the dishes."

  That was all the encouragement Kate needed. She raced for the barn, and Ringo.

  The nearer she got to the Circle S ranch house, the more apprehensive Kate became. She leaned to whisper in Ringo's ear, "Maybe I should go home. What do you think?"

  Ringo's answer was a gentle toss of his head, and a quickened step.

  "You're right. I can't turn back now." Kate looked around her. What if someone heard her talking to a horse? Not a soul was in sight. She urged the horse on until he came to stop beside the watering trough. Relieved to see she was still very much alone, Kate dismounted, and tethered Ringo.

  A few minutes later, she stood outside the front door, fist poised to knock, as her heart rose and beat in her throat. Closing her eyes, she dropped her fist, and hit nothing at all.

  She opened her eyes to see Hank standing in front of her, holding onto the slightly opened door. "Kate?" His expression moved from puzzled to apprehensive. "Is something wrong? Belle? Cody? Are they all right?"

  Kate stepped back, and swallowed over the snag of fear in her throat. He had never looked more handsome, or more remote. "Nothing's wrong." She sounded like a petulant child. "I came to call on Aunt Cat. Is she home?"

  "She's here." Hank held the door open. "Do you want to come in?"

  "Thank you." Kate walked past him and crossed the foyer into the living room. "I hope I'm not intruding."

  "You scared me." Hank's hand reached to push back a lock of unruly hair. "I thought Belle or Cody might have had an accident, or one of them had been taken ill." With a wave of his hand, he invited, "Sit down."

  Kate eased down onto the edge of the overstuffed couch. "Where is Aunt Cat?"

  "You should think about getting a telephone."

  Kate remembered Jim trying to give her money so she could install a telephone, and for no reason she could explain, a nervous laugh rippled from her parted lips.

  Hank sat down across from her. "I'm not joking."

  "I know. But a telephone line to Paradise?" She shrugged. "It sounded funny." She bit her bottom lip, then apologized. "I'm sorry."

  The humor of her reply seemed to escape Hank. His face was a gloomy mask. "Aunt Cat's asleep. I'll wake her."

  Before he could move, Kate raised her hand. "No. Don't do that."

  "She won't mind." He was on his feet.

  "Please sit down." She could no longer put off saying what she had come to say."I didn't come to see Aunt Cat."

  Obviously puzzled, Hank sat back down. "Then why are you here?"

  Kate caught her bottom lip between her teeth. "I do want to see her, but..." Inhaling, Kate blurted out, "I came to talk to you."

  "Oh?" His bottom lip pushed forward. "Maybe you'd better explain."

  She took another deep breath. "That's what I'm trying to do."

  Hank could have made this embarrassing moment a little easier. He didn't. He glared, and waited, silent and unyielding.

  She had come this far. She had to follow through. "Well," Kate cleared her throat, glanced nervously around the room then let her eyes fall on her hands that were folded in her lap. "I reconsidered."

  "Reconsidered?" He raised a shaggy eyebrow. "Just what did you reconsider, Kate?"

  "A lot of things. I need to explain." Kate's backbone tingled with apprehension.

  "You have the floor." He crossed his legs and folded his arms. "So go ahead, explain."

  In the foyer, the grandfather clock struck twice. "I let you leave the house the other day believing an untruth."

  "You mean you lied?" One winged eyebrow went up.

  The nerve! She had come here willing to crawl, and he was accusing her of lying. "I did not lie!"

  Hank didn't intend to give an inch. "That's what you said."

  With great effort of will, she held onto her temper. "You are not exactly above reproach yourself, Mr. Sinclair. You accused me of sleeping with Jim." She blinked back tears. "And York."

  "You said Jim asked you to marry him." His mouth pulled into a grim line. "I thought if you got that close..."

  "Close?" her voice rose, then fell. "He did kiss me, that was all." She stopped, wondering why she had admitted that to Hank, of all people. "He wanted to say good bye."

  "And what does York want?" The thick fringe of Hank's stubby lashes fell to cover his eyes.

  "He wanted me to marry him." Her flat tone was without emotion.

  "Taylor asked you to marry him?" Hank's suspicious tone caused her to shiver.

  "He didn't ask me, he told me. He had the conceit to assume that I would fall into his arms and say yes."

  "What did you say, Kate?"

  She sat up and glared at him. "I said no."

  "Two out of three ain't bad." Hank drawled. His eyes locked into hers. " Just what do you want from me, Kate? What are you trying to tell me?"

  "That I've missed you, missed being with you." She couldn't believe she would ever be so bold. Hank would probably think she had no pride at all, and was completely without morals. Where he was concerned, both statements were true. "I'm not asking for promises or commitments, but I do like..." Her voice trailed away.

  "Like what, Kate?" His eyes narrowed as he held her with that piercing stare.

  "You know what." She dropped her head as hot color crawled along her cheekbones. "I want you to take me back to the motel, or the line shack." The words had become little more than a whisper.

  "You want me to make love to you?" He was almost too casual.

  She raised her face and met his unflinching gaze. "Yes."

  "With no strings, and no commitments?" Hank frowned. "Aren't you afraid I might ask you to marry me?"

  She could never let him know how desperately she wished he would do just that. "No. I know you don't want to marry me, and I don't want to marry you." Her heart chanted, liar, liar. Swallowing, she plunged ahead. "I do want to be with you. However, there is one stipulation." She sounded as if she were ironing out the details of a business arrangement.

  "I thought you said no strings." He unfolded his arms and frowned.

  "It's not a string, it's a stipulation."

  "Do you want to explain the difference?"

  She wasn't sure she knew the difference. "No, do you want to hear my stipulation?"

  "Shoot, Kate." One corner of his mouth pulled down in a lopsided grimace. "I'm ready to hear your obtuse explanation.

  Now he was being insulting. She would get around to telling him what she thought about that later. "So long as we are together, you sleep with me, and no one else, not even Gina."

  If it had been anyone but Hank, she would have thought he was shocked by her bold proposal. He blinked as his Adams's apple moved up and down, like an elevator. "You want us to have an affair?"

  "I thought we already were."

  He smiled, a crooked, enigmatic contortion that was almost another grimace. "I suppose we are. You want my word that I will limit my amorous escapades?"

  Kate felt a shudder of humiliation. "Yes."

  "That's a strange kind of fidelity." He sounded hurt.

  She wondered if he were, then discarded that idea. He was probably relieved that she wasn't asking for some kind of permanent commitment. "Do you want to?"

  "You do make heavy demands." Irony edged his voice.

  Her eyes, huge in her pale face, stared up at him from under the fringe of her heavy lashes. "Is it too much to ask?"

  "For how long?" Hank was looking as if she had belted him in th
e mid section.

  "For as long as it lasts. When one of us wants out, all we have to do is say so."

  He snapped his fingers. "Just like that, huh?"

  "I don't know how it's done. I've never had an affair before. Is there some procedure to follow?" She was beginning to wonder if this had been such a good idea. "Do you want to give it a try?"

  "I'm being compromised." He was smiling, but he didn't look happy.

  "Don't be flip, just answer."

  He shrugged one muscular shoulder. "You're serious, aren't you?"

  "Will you give me an answer?" Tension tightened her voice.

  "Since I'm not into self denial, why not?"

  She let out a long sigh of relief. "I was afraid you might say no. Gina's so young and pretty."

  "You forget about Gina and I'll try to forget about Jim and York." He reached out one hand to her. "Agreed?"

  Wrapping her hands around his wrist, she smiled up at him. "Ringo is outside, saddled and waiting. Do you want to go to the line shack?" The touch of his hand on hers sent a bolt of desire jolting through her.

  He threw back his head and laughed, loud raucous sounds that were harsh to her ears. Between guffaws, he exclaimed, "Damned if I can figure you out."

  "You don't want to?" Uneasiness caused her to bite her lip and frown.

  "Want to?" Hank stood, and pulled her into his arms. "I ache to. The line shack is too far." He began to lead her toward the back of the house.

  Kate drew back. "But what about Aunt Cat? What will she think?"

  "What is this? Do I detect a touch of reticence?"

  "If she awoke and found me in your bed, what would she think?" A picture of Aunt Cat's patrician face rose in Kate's mind.

  "My God, woman, you are one bundle of contradictions." Hank's head wagged in disbelief. "You come into my home, and openly propose that we have an affair, you lay down the ground rules, blatantly suggest we get it on, and now you're concerned about what someone will think?"

  "A little." Her teeth were still worrying her bottom lip. "Aren't you?"

  He scooped her into his arms and tossed her over his shoulder, as if she were no more than a sack of potatoes. "You weigh about as much as a bag of cow feed."

  "Put me down!" She didn't really want him to do any such thing.