Barri Bryan - Return to Paradise.html

by Return to Paradise (NCP) (lit)

  "Hank, Sweetheart, how are you?" Coming to stand behind Hank's chair, Gina looped her arms around his neck. "And Kate, how are you?"

  "I'm all right," Kate swallowed a hot bite of chili. Had Hank known Gina would be here? Probably so.

  Gina ruffled Hank's hair with the fingers of one well-manicured hand. "And how's the big macho man today?"

  "Knock it off." Hank caught Gina's hand and held it.

  "Let go." Gina pulled her hand free and sat down beside him. "Have you recovered, cowboy?" Doubling her fist, she gave him a playful punch on his shoulder.

  Hank's smile was wry. "I'll survive."

  Gina tugged at Hank's sleeve. "Dance with me, Hank."

  He sounded almost belligerent. "Why?"

  "Old time's sake?" Gina suggested, as she continued to tug at his sleeve.

  Hank stood to his feet. "One dance." Turning to Kate, he said, "I'll be right back."

  Gina held onto Hank as he led her toward the dance floor. Despite all her efforts to the contrary, Kate realized, with sudden clarity, that she had been spinning foolish dreams. Now regret moved in to replace those fading fancies. The neon lights above the bar danced in shimmering distortions, as she blinked her eyes to keep back the tears. She had often wondered how Hank would say goodbye. Now she knew.

  "Hey, pretty lady." The loud call from behind her, caused Kate to turn in her chair.

  The young man standing directly in back of her was vaguely familiar. He wore tight jeans and a plaid shirt. His blonde hair fell in waves around his shoulders. An expensive earring flashed in one ear. Boldly, he asked, "Remember me?"

  "Should I?" Kate narrowed her eyes and stared, trying to recall where she had seen this handsome young man before.

  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I met you in San Antonio, at the cattleman's big bash. I'm Beauguard Jackson."

  "Ah, yes." Remembering made Kate smile for the first time during this long afternoon. "I do remember you."

  Beau turned the chair beside Kate around, and straddled it, then rested his arms across the back, and hooked his boot heels in the side rounds. "Looks like you lost old Hank to that prissy Gina."

  His choice of word perfectly described what Kate felt. "It would seem so."

  Beau leaned toward Kate. "Maybe you'd like to dance with me."

  "I don't know..."

  Beau held up both hands. "Hey, I promise to behave."

  It seemed she had a choice, she could dance with Beau, or sit here and feel sorry for herself for the rest of the afternoon. "Why not?"

  As they walked toward the dance floor, Beau asked, "Hey do you and Hank have something going? I don't want him coming after me. He may be old, but he's one tough hombre."

  Kate put her arm around Beau's neck. "I think what we had going just went."

  Beau grinned and pulled Kate closer. "Some guys don't know when they're well off."

  The music slowed to a dance for lovers, as the twang of a steel guitar moaned in harmony with a crying violin.

  Kate fitted her body into Beau's tight embrace, and glided across the floor, concentrating to pace herself to the rhythm of his slow, steady steps.

  Bending his head, Beau whispered in Kate's ear. "If you ever get tired of that crusty old cowboy, I'm available."

  Kate was set to remind this brash young man, once again, that she was old enough to be his mother, when from the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Gina smiling up at Hank. She hooked her fingers in the back belt loop of Beau's jeans, and fluttered her eye lashes seductively. "Beau, darling, you did promise to behave."

  "Hey, lady when you look at me like that, I'm not sure I can keep that promise." He looked like a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, not too sure how far it was permissible to go, but not about to stop now. "Can I call you sometime real soon?"

  Before Kate could tell him she had no telephone, the music stopped, and Beau was guiding her off the dance floor and toward her table.

  As the crowd cleared, Kate found herself being hauled from Beau's side by a strong hand. Raising her eyes, she met, head on, Hank's furious stare. Through clenched teeth, he ground out, "Just what the hell do you think you are doing?"

  With a slap on Hank's back, Beau offered a good natured, "Hi, Hank."

  "Get lost, Beau." Hank's fingers dug into Kate's arm as, with quick, decisive strides, he began to guide her toward the back entrance.

  "Hey, wait a minute." Beau grabbed Kate's other arm. "Go back to Gina. You may have seen Kate first, but you don't have a brand on her that I can see."

  Hank turned his stormy gaze on Beau. His look alone was enough to make Kate's blood run cold. "Are you looking for trouble, Sonny?"

  Beau dropped his hand from Kate's arm. "Kate said you two didn't have anything going."

  A chill moved up Kate's back bone. "I'll explain later, Beau. I need to talk to Hank first."

  Beau's bottom lip dropped into a pout. "I'll be waiting at the bar, pretty lady." Turning on his boot heel, he walked away.

  Hank pulled the door open, and shoved Kate through the opening. Once outside, he dropped his hand, and leaned against the building. "Are you looking for greener pastures, Kate?"

  Kate opened her mouth to give this arrogant man the dressing down of his life.

  "What did you expect when...?"

  "Stop it!" A white line circled Hank's taut mouth. "Don't do this Kate. Don't make me do something I will regret for the rest of my life. I've already had it up to here," with a rapid slashing motion, he drew one finger across his throat. "with you. How much do you think I can take?"

  "You've had it?" Her hurt grew to gigantic proportions. "You've done nothing but walk on my heart since the day I met you." Tears that had been so near the surface for months, broke through, and began to course down her flushed cheeks. "If you're unhappy with our arrangement, all you have to do, is say so."

  He stood erect, and narrowed his eyes. "I'm unhappy with this arrangement, damned unhappy."

  "We made an agreement in the beginning." Kate's chin lifted, belligerently. The moment that had shadowed her life for three months, had finally arrived. Hank wanted out.

  "I'm not the one who made the agreement, you are." Hank's hands clenched into fists.

  "You agreed with my agreement." She reminded him caustically.

  "I agreed because I knew if I didn't, you'd do then what you are trying to do now." Grabbing her arms, Hank shook her vigorously. "But I won't let you get away with it."

  Bystanders had begun to gather around the arguing couple. A buxom blonde shouted, "Give him hell, honey."

  Her tall, well-built escort snorted, "Show her who's boss, cowboy."

  Hank began to pull Kate toward his pickup. "Let's get out of here before we start a brawl."

  Kate didn't want their parting to be witnessed by a dozen staring strangers. "All right." She went with him toward the parking lot.

  "The motel?" Hank questioned, as he pushed through the small crowd that had gathered.

  The motel seemed as good a place as any to say their last good byes. She reached for the pickup door handle. "The motel is fine."

  They were inside the motel room before either of them spoke again. Kate dropped her overnight bag on the king sized bed, and sank down beside it. In a voice that quivered with emotion, she asked, "Can we get this over as soon as possible? I'm not terribly good at goodbyes."

  An unsteady chair stood in the corner. Hank sat down in with such force that the legs shook. "I can't, Kate. I know I agreed in the beginning, but I can't. You'll have to say it for both of us."

  "Say what?" she was genuinely confused by his bitter outburst.

  He ran a shaking hand through his silver hair. "Hell, maybe it's better this way. Goodbye, Kate. Now get your bag and let's get out of here before I do something I would live to regret."

  She had made herself so many promises about how she would make a clean break, and now she couldn't move a muscle to leave. The ache inside her was a t
errible weight that held her down and fastened her to the spot where she sat. "I'm sorry." Tears trickled down her cheeks. The agony inside her seemed to rise up and swallow every resolve she had ever made. "I'm so very, very, sorry."

  "Sorry?" A harsh note crept into his reply. "For what?"

  The raw pain in his voice cut through her like a knife. The last thing she had expected was that she could hurt him by setting him free. "Sorry I couldn't make it last."

  "Couldn't make it last?" Hank's hollow laugh echoed in her ears. "You never wanted it to last. All you ever wanted was an affair. And you told me so in no uncertain terms."

  Her anger at herself caused her to lash out at him. "If you didn't like what I suggested, why did you agree to it?"

  "Because I decided that having you for a little while was better than not having you at all. I knew you didn't want any kind of permanent arrangement." Hank began to pace the floor. "You had already refused two proposals of marriage. I knew you were running scared, so I tried to take it easy, not frighten you away. I thought with time and patience, I could change your mind. I guess I was wrong."

  The weight inside Kate's chest lifted a little. Dared she believe that Hank was saying what he seemed to be saying? "I thought you didn't want a permanent relationship. That's what you said."

  "When did I say that?" The old harshness was back.

  "In the line shack the day you propositioned me for the first time. And I knew you were having an affair with Gina."

  Scowling, he replied, "My affair with Gina was little more than a convenience."

  "Then why did you keep seeing her after you and I...after we..." Agony tore at her. "Why did you Hank? I know you did."

  "You know I did what?" He scowled at her.

  In words that stumbled from her mouth, she told him of the telephone conversation she had overheard Aunt Cat have the day she had come to visit, as tears ran, unchecked, down her face.

  "Were you jealous, Kate?" He asked, incredulously.

  Why should she lie? "Yes. Something inside me died when I knew you were with Gina."

  Hank dropped into the rickety chair. "What kind of a man do you think I am?"

  "I'm not judging you. You warned me in advance."

  "Kate, look at me." Hank's eyes caught and held hers. "After you and I made love that day in the line shack, I didn't stay with Gina ever again. Kate, darling, that jaunt was a business trip."

  He had called her darling. Why would he do that if he didn't care a little? Slowly the words he spoke sank into Kate's troubled mind. "You didn't go from me to Gina?"

  "I went to a cattle auction in Karnes County. Gina works for the auction company. She called the day before to tell me about the sale, but I wasn't in a square mile of Gina the entire time I was gone."

  The agony of sorrow inside Kate reduced to a dull ache. "You weren't?"

  A self depreciating smile slashed Hank's face. "Even if I had wanted to, which I didn't, I don't think Gina would have let me into her bed after what happened the night of the Cattleman's dance in San Antonio."

  "What happened?" Kate wiped her sleeve across her face to clear her vision.

  "God, Kate do you know how near I came to punching York Taylor in the face that day I saw you going upstairs to his room with him?"

  "Is that what you think happened?"

  "Isn't it?" Hope laced through the dread in his reply.

  "No. It is not! I didn't go to his room. He walked me to the door of my room, but he didn't go inside."

  "He didn't?" Hank's tight face relaxed into a grin. "And you didn't?" "No. We didn't. She watched as delight expanded his grin to a wide smile. "Not then, not ever. I never slept with York."

  "You mean I put myself through all that torment for nothing?" Hank sighed with relief. "If you could only guess the hell I endured that weekend."

  "We went sight seeing," Kate admitted, a smile of her own blooming on her face. "We went to the Alamo." She sobered suddenly. "What did you and Gina do, Hank?"

  "I wanted to find Taylor, and beat the hell out of him, then make love to you until you forgot any other man ever existed."

  Shocked to realize he had such intense feeling for her, Kate whispered, "Why?"

  "Because by now I had come to terms with the sad knowledge that I was hopelessly in love with you, and that you didn't give a damn for me."

  "What did you say?" A strange mixture of pleasure and pain stirred in Kate's breast.

  "I said, you hot tempered little idiot, that I had discovered I was in love with you."

  After a stunned silence, all she could find to say was, "Oh, Hank."

  "I decided if you could make love to Taylor, I would get even by having a fast roll in the hay with Gina. I practically dragged her to her room."

  A new rush of tears flooded Kate's eyes. "Hank, how could you?"

  "That's just it, I couldn't." A self-effacing grin creased his rugged features. "I apologized to Gina. She had a good laugh, and told me I'd never be any good to another woman and suggested that if I was that far gone, I should go after you."

  Gina's remarks about the state of Hank's well-being began to take on meaning. "I thought you wanted her again. When she asked you to dance, and you agreed I wanted to die."

  "I had to get her away from you before she spilled her guts and told you what had happened. I knew she was dying to do just that."

  "Then why are you telling me now?"

  Coming across the small space that separated them, he knelt before her. "Because I don't want to lose you. If telling you what a fool I am will make you consider staying, even for one more day, I'm willing to admit to being a fool a thousand times over."

  His sudden meekness at once elated and confused her. "How long would you like me to stay, Hank?"

  He moved to sit beside her on the bed. "How long is forever?"

  "You want me forever?"

  "Nope."

  "I see." Her heart sank.

  "No. You don't. I want you to be around until at least one day after forever, and longer than that, if possible."

  Hope bloomed inside her, like a flower unfolding in the sun. She wanted to believe him. Oh, how she wanted to believe him! But she had to be sure. "You mean 'till death do us part?"

  "I want my brand on you." He lifted her hand to his lips, and kissed the fluttering pulse that beat at her wrist. "If Beau Jackson ever touches you again, I'll break his arm. If he dances with you, I may break his neck."

  Incredulously, she asked, "You were jealous? Of Beau?"

  "Consumed with it. I felt a primitive urge to shove my fist into that pretty face, and mess it up beyond recognition."

  That blossoming hope began to grow inside Kate. Hank cared! He honestly cared for her! But there was one other giant hurdle, and she forced herself to face it, head on. "I know how you feel about children and a family. I come with all that extra baggage. What about Mamma and Cody, and Michael and Suzie?"

  "What makes you think I wouldn't love having a family?" Hank pulled her into a close embrace.

  She couldn't lie to him, or pretend any longer that she didn't know. Breaking the embrace, she moved to sit on the far end of the bed. "Hank you're a bachelor by choice." "Who told you that?"

  "York said..." With the speed of a bullet, the truth hit her. All she knew about Hank and Carol was what York had told her the night he brought her home from St. Agnes. York had deliberately tried to make her doubt Hank. Fool that she was, she had let it color her opinion of Hank's every action.

  A sudden scowl clouded Hank's forehead. "Spit it out, Kate."

  "York told me about you and Carol."

  "What did he tell you, Kate?" Hank stood to his feet, and glared down at her.

  "That she was carrying your child, and you abandoned her, refused to marry her..." Kate's voice faded on a gasp.

  "You can believe that of me?" He sat back down on the bed, and stared at her.

  She looked full into his face. "I didn't." Her eyes filled with tears. "Never completely, a
nyway. Now I realize York didn't just color the truth, he lied." She ran her tongue across her dry lips. "Can you forgive me for ever having doubted you?"

  Hank didn't answer, just sat stiff and unmoving, as tears sprang to his eyes, and ran down his weather-beaten cheeks.

  Moving very near him, Kate put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. "I love you," she whispered against the rough finish if his shirt. "I think I'll die if you can't forgive me."

  Still there was no answer, as stiff and unyielding, he stared down at her.

  A hideous fear grabbed her. What if he couldn't forgive her? "Please," she begged, "Please forgive me. I thought you just wanted sex with me I was afraid to let you know how much I love you."

  A shudder ran the length of his entire body, as he pulled her into an embrace that threatened to squeeze the breath from her body. "Say it again, Katie, say it again. Tell me you love me again."

  Her face was pressed into the front of his shirt until her voice was little more than a muffled rumble. "I love you."

  He released her slowly. "Enough to marry me?"

  It was the one request she had never expected to hear. A smile of pure happiness irradiated her face. "If you want to marry a soon-to-be-grandmother."

  "I want to marry you, Kate. I love you."

  She put her arms around him, and held him close. "Can we be married under the oak trees in the back yard?"

  "I don't care where, but it has to be soon." He kissed her with fierce gentleness. "Very, very soon."

  "Can we invite my children?" Her hands worked at pulling the front of his shirt open.

  "Do you think they would come? They may resent me." Hank was occupied with unfastening Kate's blouse. "Would that make a difference to you?"

  "Some, but not enough to stop me from marrying you." After some consideration, she added, "You are the center of my existence, They can share my life and accept you, or go their way."

  "You mean that, don't you?" With somber intensity, he added, "Do you know how jealous I have been of those children? They seemed to occupy first place in your heart."